Abuse in the Church

Abuse is never an easy subject to talk about let alone try to stop. At first it seems like a black and white issue because nobody likes abuse and everybody thinks it is unacceptable behavior. The problems come in the ways we try to recognize and deal with abuse. In a patriarchal society, most victims of abuse are women and children and many of these victims have to deal with unintentional additional trauma on top of the primary abuse such as not being believed, not getting support, difficulty healing from the trauma of the abuse, etc... Sometimes we as family, friends, and community members can make the problems worse for the victim. When we don't believe them, we tell them that their experience is not real and we do not trust them. When we don't support them, we make people feel like they need to stay in abusive relationships longer because they cannot leave them without our support. When people need to talk to heal and we do not listen and empathize, we make healing a much harder thing for victims to do. Recognizing and dealing with abuse is a very complex subject indeed.

Currently, the LDS church is trying to find a way to deal with the allegations of abuse that have recently hit the national media. So far, I admit I do not find comfort and empathy in the way that the institutional church have reacted to the situation. Even when an accuser is heard on tape admitting to the abuse, the institutional church has tried to victim shame, support laws that would make recordings like the one recently released illegal, and downplay the situation as much as possible. While this is a way that most of us collectively and individually may instinctively deal with abuse... I hold the church of my heart to a higher standard and I confess to disappointment at the responses given. One of the reasons that I am so disappointed is that I've heard stories like this from people both in person and online from friends, family, and acquaintances for years. It is so clear that abuse happens and as a church, we react poorly. Some bishops tell women to stay in abusive situations, tell them the abuse is their fault, and punish them for the sins of their partners. I know of rape victims who have been disfellowshipped because they are considered to have fault in their rape. I know women who have been cheated on by their spouse and their church leaders have made it very clear that if they leave their spouse, they (the victim) are the one in the wrong. I'm not writing this to complain about the institutional church because plenty of people are doing that already and I don't think it will be of any help. However, I am concerned about some of the ways that we as members personally are dealing with abuse. As individuals I think we can do a lot better to combat abuse and one of the things that will help that goal is discussion. There are few reasons that discussion can help and change the situation for the better.

1. Open discussion on such a contentious topic makes it clear that the topic is of import and vital. If we are unwilling to discuss abuse then we are sending an unintentional but clear message. That message is that abuse does not matter and is something that is so rare that it is not necessary to discuss. That in itself can make victims keep their silence and hide their problems because they worry about how they will be treated.... by us. By opening discussing a contentious topic and ways to recognize and disavow abuse we are making it clear that not only is the topic important, but we want to help victims and we want to create an environment where abuse is not tolerated. It is not enough to say abuse is not tolerated... we must create an environment where all members know that abuse is not acceptable and will not be tolerated no matter what.

2. With discussions open, we must as individual members make it clear that we personally do not accept abuse and are open and willing to help the victims of abuse. We need to be trustworthy and hold ourselves and those around us to those high standards. We cannot change those standards based on who the abuser or victim is... For instance, if the abuser is our best friend we cannot change our mind on what the standards are. The standards of zero tolerance for abuse must be enforced no matter how trustworthy and kind-hearted the abuser may be seen in our community. Should we do research to try and confirm abuse? Absolutely. But we need to start with belief, empathy, and love. We need to offer support and whatever we have to offer to help the victim get the support and resources they need to heal. We need to work to become true disciples of Christ.. to be there for people in these situations. We also need to recognize that it is not easy to prove abuse and we need to do our best for the victims whether abuse is clearly proven or not.

3. In our communities and our wards, we need to make it clear with lessons and through the hierarchy (bishops, stake presidents, etc) that abuse is unacceptable. Lessons discussing abuse, the trauma caused, and local resources to help victims are key to helping our church community acknowledge and learn to recognize abuse and how to help those suffering from it. Teaching empathy, understanding, and instilling a desire to help victims is so important. I feel quite safe in saying that there is at least one person in every single ward/ church community who is struggling with this problem and that person does not necessarily believe that they will get help or even be believed... and this is a serious problem. We cannot mourn with those who mourn and comfort them if we will not even give them the benefit of the doubt. When victims need recommendations for treatment, it is so important the bishops and other ecclesiastical leaders do not make recommendations that they are not able to professionally make. Recognizing where your experience and talents leave you weak is very important for our church leaders and referring victims to people with more experience, depth of understanding, and knowledge of abuse is key.

4. Lastly, we -both individually and collectively- as church members need to learn how to deal with contention and ineffective communication patterns. There's so many things that cause contention between church members: personal differences in opinion, lifestyle choices, differing understanding of doctrine and church policy... yet so many of us have never learned how to deal with contention. Many of us have learned to do anything to avoid contention which causes passive aggressive behavior, gossip, "tattling" to authority figures instead of appropriate first-hand discussion, shunning, etc... Contention is not always a negative and can be used by people to gain empathy and understanding for different people and different viewpoints. I state this knowing that I struggle with some of these same problems and I too do not always how to best deal with contention.

I saw an example of some of this failure online today. I saw one member try to have a discussion about abuse in the church and then the conversation was shut down as contentious. The conversation deteriorated further into anger, name calling, and 'tattling' in the hopes of negative consequences for one of the parties. There was only one thing that I am sure of that probably resulted from this conversation- anybody who read it who is currently being abused is not going to say a word or feel comfortable asking for help. She is going to stay silent and hidden because she can easily see the trouble she will open up for herself. This is not the way things should be in the church. And this is why open and deep discussion is so desperately needed.

If each of us could work together to make some of former changes in our lives, we can become the change that we seek. For instance, creating a strong network of support that will exist for all church members where there is no expectation that a perfect personal facade needs to be maintained, victims can comfortably turn to others for support and relief without fear of condemnation or negative judgment. That allows victims to feel strong enough to be able to speak up and get the help that they need. By committing ourselves to practice patience, empathy, understanding, and love in our relationships with others, we create a positive and nurturing environment for ourselves and others. When we help others by having empathy for them, we invite empathy towards our own frailties. We can also work to become better communicators and resist polarizing passive aggressive word choices in our conversations with others. We can become more involved in community resources for abuse victims so that we have a better knowledge base of how best to support and help abuse victims of all ages. We can be introspective and fight to eradicate the seeds of abuse within our own actions and lives.

As church members, we are asked to participate in making the world better. We must do all we can to prevent abuse and then do everything possible to assist and heal the victims of abuse that does occur. In addition we must school ourselves so that we do not commit abuse and create victims of our own. These suggestions require a great deal of energy, humility, and commitment so I recognize but my suggestions are hard. However, if we do not protect and help heal those of trauma and abuse in our own communities... How can we end the cycle of abuse for anyone?

President Gordon B Hinckley (1985) once stated - "There appears to be a plague of child abuse spreading across the world. Perhaps it is always been with us but has not received the attention it presently receives. I'm glad there is a hue and cry going up against this terrible evil, too much of which is found among our own." Even though two decades have gone by since this statement, abuse is still happening... too much of which is found among our own. For many of us, the church is a safe place and we do not believe these things happen in it. We believe that the gospel makes us different from other people outside of our faith who abuse others and that therefore we are protected from the horrors of abuse. As long as we continue to ignore abuse in our midst or make it impossible for abuse to be dealt with... the specter of abuse will always be waiting for when we turn on the light.

Habit Energy

If you are anything like me and have anxiety, sometimes I find myself doing things over and over for the comfort and the release from the anxiety that follows me everywhere. I clean, spend time on the treadmill, clean some more, homework, then clean some more... you can probably sense the pattern fairly quickly. I find the most relief when I am cleaning, on the treadmill or sleeping... and that's about it. Weekends are spent working on schoolwork or teaching classes and so I am sitting continuing to work on book analysis, lesson plans, and climate change discussions...... and I came upon this quote.

Trying to change our habits is hard...
Pick one thing to start...
Then do one more thing.

I have read this quote a few times in the last few weeks and I always find myself pondering it and really thinking about how I can apply in in my life. I have been trying to make small financial changes as well as conservation changes for the earth as well, but I would like to take this advice to try and change some of my personal compulsions.

When you read this quote, what comes immediately to your mind? What would you like to change? Where would you start?

Notice

I gave notice at work today. It felt very brave as I do not have another sure fire job lined up and in some ways quiting can be seen as a pretty stupid move without something else in the bag. I must confess the feeling of relief and peace I feel is pretty overwhelming. It's a mark of how bad things are when you tell your boss that you are leaving and his first words are "You can't do that - we love you! What did we do to you..." That is such an interesting way of responding- control, need, and then acknowledgment that the environment is so poor I must be leaving due to poor treatment. And he's not wrong... I am. It took a few hours to really sink in for him and at one point he asked if I was really serious I must be kidding (I'm not). In the end, I tentatively agreed to stay per diem for a few weeks and see how that goes, but I think my heart is already gone. I love Lily and Sara and Toni and Jane- I have some amazing co-workers- but the damaging culture is just too much. The peace I feel with making the decision even though this decision will create more trials for me is profound. I am so grateful for the ability and opportunity to kneel in prayer and discuss my concerns and to feel heard most of the time... even when I do not like the answers. I am not totally sure how I am going to move forward right now... or at least I haven't pinpointed a firm direction and focus. But I am content with my current choice so let's see where it leads me... and celebrate with french fries (doesn't everyone? :D )

On a silly note, I enjoyed my Valentine's day with my kitties very much and there was much love all around. There is much to be thankful for.

Thoughts on Photo Apps: ZCamera

The first photo application I tried was a simple program called Prisma. This week I tried a another program called ZCamera and it is a pretty similar program. I felt like it didn't have as many options as Prisma and gave you lots of more downloadable options for borders and changes but the program itself seemed very simplistic and it took a lot more effort and thought to create any image that looked interesting. Here is the picture I choose to play with:

Here are a few of the changes:

In the end, it felt like there were fewer options using this free app. Most of the things to click were offering other services or more things to add to the app itself. Didn't feel worth keeping and it was uninstalled within 24 hours of downloading. The one benefit I saw to it was that you could make a collage with up to nine pictures that you could use for a Christmas newsletter or just for fun. Here are two examples of collage templates you can use.

Otherwise, this application really didn't do anything for me. Have you tried it? What are your thoughts?

Thoughts on Photo Apps: Prisma

Lately I have been taking a little bit of time to look at different computer applications that let me modify pictures. I am taking a studio art class this semester and I think that helped spark my interest in looking at developing some art myself. Using an application to change the colors and textures of photos I have taken isn't a lot of work and lets me play with looks and colors I don't have the guts to try on my own with a pencil or brush in my hand.

This is a pretty simple and easy to use program. After you open up the program, you can simply upload a picture into it. There are almost forty titled boxes that you can click on to modify and change the image. I intentionally chose a picture with some different shades and textures to play with. Here is my original photo:

Here are five modified pictures using different 'lenses'

This was a fun start. I loved the way the program changed the way the fur and fine details on the ferret are accentuated and brought out with the different ways of shading. What are your thoughts? This is a free app so you can play with it without a lot of extra cost. Feel free to comment with your images if you would like. :)

Little Things

Isn't is interesting that it is the little things in life that really make this journey worthwhile? Each of us has different ideas of what a 'little thing' is in our lives, but each of us can find something we are grateful for. I found myself dwelling on the idea of little things today and how wonderful they make life... and also confound it. How many times have we found our focus moved to a little thing- a small fluid leak from our cars, a short temporary illness, a small want that isn't fulfilled- in such a way that we are unable to fully and clearly focus on the really big things in our life. Sometimes a little thing is vastly important or becomes so... and sometimes we find that it was truly something that we could have ignored and wasted too much of our limited time on. It really is the little things that can bind and bring us joy.

There is so much ugly in the world and my country right now with so much violence and anger... so much I can do so little about. So today my focus is rest, healing, my son and service.... with a small focus on petting cats... boy I love that!

What are some of the little things that you are focused on right now?

"The Poverty of Philosophy" by Immortal Technique : Lyrics and Critique

Today's song is titled "The Poverty of Philosophy" and was produced and released by Felipe Andres Coronel better known by his stage name Immortal Technique. This song is off the album titled "Revolutionary #1". These activist lyrics are challenging for some as they deal with poverty and race in America. I have a link to the song/video here and the lyrics are below.






The Poverty of Philosophy

Most of my Latino and black people who are struggling to get food, clothes and shelter in the hood are so concerned with that, that philosophising about freedom and socialist democracy is usually unfortunately beyond their rationale. They don't realize that America can't exist without separating them from their identity, because if we had some sense of who we really are, there's no way in hell we'd allow this country to push it's genocidal consensus on our homelands. This ignorance exists, but it can be destroyed.

Nigga talk about change and working within the system to achieve that. The problem with always being a conformist is that when you try to change the system from within, it's not you who changes the system; it's the system that will eventually change you. There is usually nothing wrong with compromise in a situation, but compromising yourself in a situation is another story completely, and I have seen this happen long enough in the few years that I've been alive to know that it's a serious problem. Latino America is a huge colony of countries whose presidents are cowards in the face of economic imperialism. You see, third world countries are rich places, abundant in resources, and many of these countries have the capacity to feed their starving people and the children we always see digging for food in trash on commercials. But plutocracies, in other words a government run by the rich such as this one and traditionally oppressive European states, force the third world into buying overpriced, unnecessary goods while exporting huge portions of their natural resources.

I'm quite sure that people will look upon my attitude and sentiments and look for hypocrisy and hatred in my words. My revolution is born out of love for my people, not hatred for others.

You see, most of Latinos are here because of the great inflation that was caused by American companies in Latin America. Aside from that, many are seeking a life away from the puppet democracies that were funded by the United States; places like El Salvador, Guatemala, Peru, Columbia, Nicaragua, Ecuador and Republica Dominicana, and not just Spanish-speaking countries either, but Haiti and Jamaica as well.

As different as we have been taught to look at each other by colonial society, we are in the same struggle and until we realize that, we'll be fighting for scraps from the table of a system that has kept us subservient instead of being self-determined. And that's why we have no control over when the embargo will stop in Cuba, or when the bombs will stop dropping in Vieques.

But you see, here in America the attitude that is fed to us is that outside of America there live lesser people. "Fuck them, let them fend for themselves." No, Fuck you, they are you. No matter how much you want to dye your hair blonde and put fake eyes in, or follow an anorexic standard of beauty, or no matter how many diamonds you buy from people who exploit your own brutally to get them, no matter what kind of car you drive or what kind of fancy clothes you put on, you will never be them. They're always gonna look at you as nothing but a little monkey. I'd rather be proud of what I am, rather than desperately trying to be something I'm really not, just to fit in. And whether we want to accept it or not, that's what this culture or lack of culture is feeding us.

I want a better life for my family and for my children, but it doesn't have to be at the expense of millions of lives in my homeland. We're given the idea that if we didn't have these people to exploit then America wouldn't be rich enough to let us have these little petty material things in our lives and basic standards of living. No, that's wrong. It's the business giants and the government officials who make all the real money. We have whatever they kick down to us. My enemy is not the average white man, it's not the kid down the block or the kids I see on the street; my enemy is the white man I don't see: the people in the white house, the corporate monopoly owners, fake liberal politicians those are my enemies. The generals of the armies that are mostly conservatives those are the real Mother-Fuckers that I need to bring it to, not the poor, broke country-ass soldier that's too stupid to know shit about the way things are set up.

In fact, I have more in common with most working and middle-class white people than I do with most rich black and Latino people. As much as racism bleeds America, we need to understand that classism is the real issue. Many of us are in the same boat and it's sinking, while these bougie Mother-Fuckers ride on a luxury liner, and as long as we keep fighting over kicking people out of the little boat we're all in, we're gonna miss an opportunity to gain a better standard of living as a whole.
In other words, I don't want to escape the plantation I want to come back, free all my people, hang the Mother-Fucker that kept me there and burn the house to the god damn ground. I want to take over the encomienda and give it back to the people who work the land.

You cannot change the past but you can make the future, and anyone who tells you different is a Fucking lethargic devil. I don't look at a few token Latinos and black people in the public eye as some type of achievement for my people as a whole. Most of those successful individuals are sell-outs and house Negros.
But, I don't consider brothers a sell-out if they move out of the ghetto. Poverty has nothing to do with our people. It's not in our culture to be poor. That's only been the last 500 years of our history; look at the last 2000 years of our existence and what we brought to the world in terms of science, mathematics, agriculture and forms of government. You know the idea of a confederation of provinces where one federal government controls the states? The Europeans who came to this country stole that idea from the Iroquois lead. The idea of impeaching a ruler comes from an Aztec tradition. That's why Montezuma was stoned to death by his own people 'cause he represented the agenda of white Spaniards once he was captured, not the Aztec people who would become Mexicans.

So in conclusion, I'm not gonna vote for anybody just 'cause they black or Latino they have to truly represent the community and represent what's good for all of us proletariat.

Porque sino entonces te mando por el carajo cabron gusano hijo de puta, seramos libre pronto, viva la revolucion, VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

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This song really tells a story... a visual song that covers many years of history and culture. The words of this song focus mainely on economic imperialism. I will admit that I do not really understand the term very well and will need to do some research to break it down. But what stands out to me from this song was the lines - "outside of America there live lesser people, "f*** them let them fend for themselves, f*** you they are you!" We human beings are entirely dependent on each other and what happens to each other whether we want to see it that way or not. All the resources we use in America that are the majority of the world's resources effect the individuals in other countries that may never see us or walk on our soil. They will fend for themselves as we also struggle to fend for ourselves and we are all dependent on this planet and each other... no matter how many ways and parts of culture that we use to blind ourselves to those facts. If you find yourself saying that it doesn't matter because it doesn't affect you.... I think that should be a wake up call to remind each of us that we need to change our thinking....

Thoughts?

Thoughts on the Documentary... "She's Beautiful When She's Angry"

I am so sorry that I could not find a link for this documentary about the women's right's movement in the 1960's - I did find a link for the trailer here. So I encourage you to find it either by renting it or purchasing it (You can always donate it to your local library it you do not want to keep it and it looks inexpensive to buy. Otherwise, here are some quotes from different people during the documentary that called to me and I have written some thoughts on them and the film. So here we go! :)

To start, I have a love/hate relationship with the emotion of anger. In many instances, even righteous /appropriate anger can be damaging and harmful for all parties involved. In my life, I have rarely been around anger that ends up being useful. Yet I also realize that some of the most meaningful changes in culture and society for all of us have happened because someone - usually several someones- became angry and work together to fight for change. I thought about anger and how so many women used it to make societal changes that have given me more choices/ opportunities in my life.

"To feel that you can have a power in a group to do something that you think needs to be done that you could never do on your own. I think it's what I'd been looking for my whole life" - Vivian Rothstein

I think that this may also be what I have been looking for as well. I want to help people and create positive change in my community but I feel like I am so insufficient on my own and I haven't really found a group to join that inspires the passion in my soul. So maybe I haven't looked hard enough... or maybe I am unclear about what my passion is? A good question...

"How would your life have been different if you had been a boy?... Everything was up for questioning..."

In many ways, I think my life would be similar if I have been a boy but there would be some pretty significant differences. My mother suffers from severe mental illness and hates women/girls/females so I would have had an upbringing more like my male siblings. I would have been much less likely to be severely punished for infractions, had more opportunities and encouragement in areas of interest and would also have been at the top of the list for extra's or wants. As a girl, I was forced to quit playing soccer in 5th grade and the emphasis in my life became focused on preparing for motherhood and homemaking as my only acceptable future choice. College was not only discouraged for me, but when my grandparents left me and my sister a college fund in their will, my parents removed the money and it was used for extras for the family, fun for my brothers and elective surgery for my mother. If I had been a boy I would have had a college fund and leeway as to my degree and could expect to get married and have a partner that would be supportive of what I needed and stay home with the kids. However, I do not think that much of my inner personality would be very different so I think I would still be the neurotic, silly goofball that I am now... I would however, still be playing soccer- I loved doing that! : )

"Problems that you felt were happening to you and you alone were probably your fault, but if its happening to other people then it's a social problem and not just a personal problem."

A really profound quote. What a neat way to think of and understand how much of 'you' is in the problem and how much is culture/society around you. I have spent some time in my life blaming myself for things that upon time and reflection can not honestly be laid at my door. (That said, I am responsible for many wrongs that are clearly mine and I still struggle with many of them.) This quote is the simpliest I have found to really focus and critically pick apart a situation or behavior to determine what aspects of it are caused by you or what is happening based on what you are or society norms, conventions or expectations.

"I was as good as they were and I am not who I sleep with" - Rita Mae Brown

I laughed out loud when I saw Rita Mae Brown in the film - talk about an interdisciplinary cross! I lived in Las Vegas for 13 years before I moved to Maine and I got to go to two different book signings for her books that she 'co-authors' with a cat called "Sneaky Pie" Brown. I love mystery stories- my favorite kind of fun fiction- and I adore cats and she has written at least 20 stories with Sneaky Pie. So I did a double take when I heard her voice and looked up and saw her laughing and chatting. Not only was her quote spot on - after all, no one should be labeled by our lovers - but I found myself laughing because she clearly has a background I knew nothing about and that seems awesome! I realized that I have always judged her on these mystery novels and understanding more of her personal history and struggle gives me a more nuanced few of her that reading her cozy cat novels never gave me. It was wonderful to see her in a totally different context.

The video also mentioned that this country almost had a national child care bill until Richard Nixon vetoed it. I felt quite a few emotions from hearing this. The first was disbelief that we could have come so close to something so wonderful and it yet it was easily scrapped and gone. I watch parents with disabled children who desperately need in-home help and they can't get it and when they can its not consistent as the workers do a hard job for so little pay. I know single mothers who pay a ton for child care so that they can work and so they stay stressed and poor and exhausted. I can't even imagine how much of a different country we would live in if we simply had that one thing.

Another interesting things was the discussion on involuntary sterilization and how it intersects with class and race. This is not a new subject - I wrote a paper on that subject a few semesters ago which you can read here, here and here. I did so much research for that paper and nothing I read about any of it mentioned Puerto Rico and forced sterilization/ eugenics at all in any of the books I used for resources. So I listened and thought about it and realized that as Puerto Rico is considered a territory where its residents do not have full constitutional rights, even these resources that are trying to show how class, racism and gender have hurt 'Americans' seem to have not noticed some of these "Americans" were left out... almost like the minorities in our territories have even less status than the minorities inland. A painful and disgusting acknowledgment.

The last thing about the video that really stuck out for me was a quote by Shirley Chisholm. I recognized her as the first African American women in Congress. Something I heard that she said before was that she had faced more discrimination "as a women than she had by being black". In this documentary she was quoted as saying "Racism and anti-feminism are two of the prime traditions of this country." I would suggest that racism and anti feminism are two of the prime traditions of almost every culture in the world.




Thoughts....

photos: https://loftcinema.com/film/shes-beautiful-when-shes-angry/, http://craftknife.blogspot.com/2009_07_01_archive.html, http://www.orderofbooks.com/authors/rita-mae-brown/, http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/27/how-are-you-celebrating-shirley-chisholm-day/?_r=0,

What in a Team Name? A Lot!

It is almost impossible to not know about the controversies over sports team names that are named after slurs or white shorthand for Native Americans as they are pretty consistently in the news. I haven’t owned a television for over ten years, but the controversies about these names is also in the newspapers, radio, etc… I have felt for many years that these names are wrong and offensive for several reasons. Those reasons can be slightly different depending on the particular ‘name’. Here are some of the names and my thoughts on them.

Redskins - This is a word that was used to describe the skin color of Native Americans and is widely considered to be a racial slur and studies show that to most likely be correct. Why it’s a slur – whether the word means the color of skin, a bloody scalp, or a description of the corpse with the scalp removed – seems clear. In 2014, Amanda Blackhorse, a Navajo activist stated: "The name itself actually dates back [to] the time when the Native American population was being exterminated, and bounty hunters were hired to kill Native American people... So, in order to show that they made their kill, they had to bring back a scalp or their skin." According to the Los Angeles Herald, different parts of the colonial government would pay up to 50 pounds for the scalps of Indian males over the age of twelve, 25 pounds for Indian women over the age of twelve, and twenty pounds for the scalps of children of either gender. The owners of the team named the “Washington Redskins” state that the team name is respectful and has been from its inception, however, it appears that is not necessarily true and is more of a myth that is clung to in the hopes that they will not feel forced to change the team name. In the end, many people see the word 'redskins' to be as rude and bigoted as the word 'nigger'... if we are unable to accept the use of that word because of its connotations, why would we be okay with this one?

Braves- One the face of it, this word seems respectful. It brings to mind an Indian warrior – a tall male, proud, and strong, etc... However, when I really thing about this I realize that I am seeing an image in my head that is part myth, part caricature. I am not seeing what that word really shows because I do not know the culture well enough to understand the full nuances of what the word really symbolizes. So what this term really suggests is what white people think of Indian culture which shows how not only how limited our understanding of their culture is, but how little we actually respect it as well. A whole intricate culture is not made to be simplified into a few actions of a mascot or boiled down to a single stereotype or image. So, in the end, this word really isn't nice or respectful either as many Native Americans have tried to express to us through speech and writings. Currently, the US has a major league baseball team named the Atlanta Braves and a few minor league affiliates with the same name.

There are other team names that are named after specific tribes (such as the Chicago Blackhawks and the Florida State Seminoles), stereotypes (Elora Mohawks) or simply as Indians (such as the Cleveland Indians) and they tend to be seen by native tribes as offensive, racist and derogatory. When I look at the issue in that light, I can't have any opinion but that the names need to be changed. First of all, while it might cost the teams money to change things, it would be a very great gesture which I believe would go a long way into helping to promote healing in the Native American community. I also think that would potentially bring in more revenue as another group of people who currently feel angry and alienated (and maybe even mocked) would potentially become customers when it feels more respectful and fun for them. Sports teams have been complaining over the last several years that they need to attract more customers- this seems like a good potential way to do it. It also seems like changing a name is really a small thing to do to help build bridges and create opportunities for community gathering and understanding. Just my thoughts....


pictures from:
http://www.redskins.com/, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlanta_Braves,

2014 Poetry Corner # 4 - "The Unexpected Change"

Relief, sweeping relief
the surprising news comes
My heart feels lighter, suspended
the fear is dissolving, the air more clear
Tears pour down with gratitude
Nothing has changed... just one small tweak
yet the whole world is righted
moving forward feels possible, even doable

Thank you, Father... thanks for hearing
the prayer I didn't dare dream … or whisper

A Little Bit on the New Place

So, I have finished moving into my new place! I am really excited about it for so many reasons and even though I still have some unpacking and arranging to do, I feel more comfortable than I have in a long time. It doesn't look like much- it's just a small cabin, yet its so much some comfortable and I feel more free than I did in my two bedroom apartment. It's funny how having less makes some things harder, but many important things easier.

I love having land to hang out on again. I have already started imagining and planning for a small garden in the spring and I am wondering if maybe having ducks would be a possibility again- not wondering too much because I will be working so much so I wouldn't be able to enjoy them or keep them safe. I have already tried to enjoy some time sitting outside looking at the stars – feels too cold to do for long right now- but I am looking forward to it in the spring evenings. I love having wood heat again... its a more comfortable heat and while I am still getting used to the rhythm of starting and keeping the stove lit and fired up again, its wonderful. It is so much more comforting and feels more right than a thermostat does. I have to pay attention to the weather, to how I feel, to the air around me... and as such I think I get a better appreciation of it.

I love the huge amount of windows- boy the cats do as well. When I am working outside, I will see them sitting on the sills enjoying the rays of sun that come through the pains. I love that it is within the living boundaries of the church I need to attend and so I no longer have to worry about difficulties there. I love the rustic look of the place itself and even some of the problems- I find myself thinking of ways to fix or modify them. I love the size of it and how it is pretty darn cozy. How many people live in places that they really feel are great places to live for all parts of them. I suspect that not many people do as otherwise, home décor wouldn't be such a popular thing as we try to turn our homes into things that we like to look at and let others look at instead of enjoying the place for the environment it provides. (I recognize that I have over simplified that idea.) It feels like a place to be happy and to grow in.

So here is a picture. Like I said, not fancy... but perfect all the same. :)

2013 Poetry Corner #6 - "To Be"

To dream is to stretch your soul
... to reach out of your reality to a new place
... to hope for future peace

To plan is to stretch your mind
... to focus on the changes that must be
... to hold onto a goal with purpose

To try is to acknowledge possibility
... of both failure and success
... to move onward anyway

To grow is to reach forth
... to know that to gain may cause pain
... that through adversity, we gain strength

To love is to believe
... to know that the Father loves us
... to have faith in ourselves
... to be

My Thoughts on our Military Entering Syria....

One of the classes that I am currently taking is called Human Rights Violation: Torture, Trauma and its Effects on Society. I took this class because I thought it might be really interesting to really learn about how challenging and how people are affected by this treatment or affected by and/or deal with witnessing it, etc... In my first reading this week, I found that two sentences really stuck out and I found myself reading the paragraph that they were 'embedded' in and ask your thoughts on them.

The first sentence is: “The US Declaration of Independence state that “all men are created with certain inalienable rights” and makes the case that a people can reject the authority of a government that violates those rights....”

The second phrase is: “Thus, a major focus of human rights law is not only to describe rights that are legally protected but also to prohibit actions by governments that violate such rights...”

So I was hoping for your thoughts on them. When I read these two sentences, the thoughts that came to mind were actually on Syria. I was against the Iraq War and going into Afghanistan, but I have shocked a few of my friends when my pacifist non-violent self admits that I feel we should go into Syria and help. I know that my opinion on both equations is the opposite of what statistics showed of public opinion in 2011 and today. Yet when I was reading these two lines, I realized that these are my thoughts on the issue stated more clearly than I knew how to express. In Iraq and Afghanistan, the need for military intervention was not clear and diplomacy and sanctions and other methods probably would

have brought these countries more in line with human rights and would have improved the lives of those living there. As those governments were only breaking these rights mainly legally (according to their laws), I don't feel like we were likely to change them... and it doesn't really appear that we have made any changes except for who is running the country. In many ways I believe we have left these countries worse off and more likely to have severe human rights abuses without recourse. The people of Syria have been trying to get more rights for over two years now and have been fighting their government with everything as they have 'rejected the authority of a government that violates' their rights. We have 'in theory' been trying diplomacy for two years as well without success. The Syrian government has now used a weapon that single-handed killed over a thousand people- many of whom couldn't have really been fighters or a threat to the government – I'm thinking of the children. So if we as a nation believe in the later quote above, should we not attempt more wholeheartedly to stop these prohibited actions...?

I guess I wonder what is our place in human rights and our responsibility.... my responsibility, my community's responsibility, my federal government's... and the world's. Some of these questions seem so easy to answer unless I think about them long enough. So what do you think your responsibility is towards Syria... or even in your own communities?

A Baby Step Forward

So… I have a new place to live! No more tents or cars or anything half baked. I have an actual apartment with a kitchen and *gasp* a bathroom too. : ) I am still moving in and will be for a few weeks, but I am slowly trying to figure out the new routine in my life. Some parts feel so strange and unreal. And I am very much on an emotional roller coaster. I suspect that will continue even as I finish moving the few belongings that I have left into the apartment.

There have been many blessings in this move. One is that I haven’t really had a way to cook really healthy food for a long time. Not having a set kitchen has made things pretty difficult. But I have a kitchen now and some friends have made sure that kitchen wise I am all set! I know have all the needed dishes and I have been spoiled with a hand blender as well as a few other appliances. I have bowls and pans and so now I need to change my old mindset…. as I can cook again! I have gotten in the habit of I can’t cook so why bother and I think that habit has taught me to skip meals like mad – gotta stop doing that too. Another blessing is the opportunity to be able to actually spend time with my cats. My ex is in a bit of a hurry for me to get on my way and so he has been very helpful in giving of his time, energy - and today his blood- to get my stray friends boxed and to the vet for neutering and then pills and flea treatments. They are comfortably resting in the ‘extra’ bedroom in my apartment. (I feel a little ‘wealthy’ and wasteful to have a room for my cats… doesn’t that sound so ridiculous. : ) They will have a bit of storage in their room for a while and as they seem to like using the storage as forts that seems very doable. I don’t have any furniture with the exception of two chairs and a book case, but that seems like a good start. A part of me is starting to feel excited about my new opportunities.

One hardship that I am trying to figure out is the idea of living alone. I have realized as I have thought about it over the last few days that I really have never lived alone. I am not sure that I even really know how to do so. I will hear noises in the night and sit up, confused and frightened… listening and then finally able to go back to sleep. I find myself trying to fill the quiet and even a little bored as I look around wondering what I should do next. (I think putting myself on a schedule will be a bit important to stop that… I don’t think that’s a good habit to start.) I can have horrible dreams- many of which I can’t really fathom how to interpret so I find them not only terrifying but confusing and perplexing as well. So I no longer have any one to disturb if I can’t sleep or I am struggling, but that seems to make the struggle seem more difficult as it becomes even more obvious that I am all alone. I have the freedom to do whatever I want and so, in theory, that should be a benefit. But I guess I haven’t really ever learned to be alone and so I feel it keenly sometimes and I find it very difficult to not just lay down and cry. I find myself starting at the fridge and feeling relief and a little joy that I have food and a fridge and then think… but why bother… no one to eat with. How ridiculous is that? I think in some ways I have become a fresh adult ready and moved out from the parent’s home… I need to learn all the things that I never learned and I need to develop the wish/need to care for myself again. Scheduling, coping, all that stuff.

But I have made a good step forward. I have a safe place to stay and even though I am not sure I want to plants any real ‘roots,’ I can rest and try to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I feel a little like my apartment- mostly empty but with good things and ready to accept them. Bug also enjoyed his visit today and I was able to really enjoy his company and we were both comfortable…. a wonderful experience. So I will see what I can do… and what other steps I can make…. : )

I'm Back... :D

Gosh, I've missed blogging. It's so funny, but I miss writing and I miss the satisfaction that I get out of it. I've also missed the brief snatches of conversation and new people that I have encountered in this process....

So I am going to make a very valiant effort to begin again. This seems like a good time as so many other parts of my life are changing and I am starting to focus in new directions and paths. A few paths that I have decided to take are roads that I have traveled before and I feel a small amount of refreshing joy to return to them. Some choices I have come to gradually as I rule out other paths that look so attractive but don't feel like a great choice right now. But rejoining my own tiny part of the blogger-sphere seems good right now.

So here I am... As I begin to write again and focus on topics that are prescient in my life or on subjects that give me joy or pause, I also make a request for my friends and readers. If you have a subject or a need that you wish to know more about but do not have to dig deeply into the large tomes of information, feel free to ask if it would be a topic that would interest me to research for you. I am hoping to find new and and wonderful things to write about. That sounds like a pleasure indeed. :)

Tzedakah... Artwork by Jessica Millis :)

I really wanted to take the time to introduce an amazing piece of art work from a friend of mine. She has entered a contest which allows public voting for the next few days. I am hopeful that you will like her submission and also be willing to vote for her. I have put her image below and it is beautiful! I have also posted her thoughts on her artwork which makes it even more special to me. Please take the time to look at the picture and read her thoughts.....



Please briefly describe your design:
This design incorporates a portrayal of the six days of creation within a contemporary context, expressing the power of compassion, unity and creativity in solving modern problems. The top portion portrays interconnecting human hands cradling the earth and strenghtening each other.
This tzedakah box will be made from ceramic clay, which is symbolically important, as clay comes from the earth. Each of the periods of creation will be painted in colorful glazes. The hands and the globe will be sculpted and cast in clay, forming a handle for the hexagonal lid. It will measure 11 inches tall, and 6 inches wide at the widest point.

How does your design reimagine the future of giving? How will your design spark a national conversation about the obligation to give, where to give, to whom and why?
The days of creation in my design each reflect a different way in which we can contribute to positive change through our daily actions. I believe we must use our own creativity to effect social and environmental change. We might ask ourselves, for example, "How have my actions today impacted the atmosphere, the land, the water, the plants and animals, and other human beings?", We may consider how we can give to others and to the earth. What we perceive to be insignificant acts are in fact intricately connected, affecting others in profound ways we may never fully know. My hope is that we will be inspired to give in a manner that will promote environmental sustainability, prosperity, and self-reliance. For example, donations that give even a relatively small amount of money to a small business or agricultural venture can have enormous positive impacts on individual lives. This is one creative approach to promoting self-sufficiency and environmental consciousness on a local level and in developing nations. It is sometimes by very small and simple means that great change can occur. I believe we need to begin to see more clearly the many ways in which we as human beings are connected both to each other and to our environment. Increased opportunities for travel, and modern technology, especially social media, have contributed to greater general awareness, but there still seems to be a spiritual disconnect. The interconnected hands in my design represent our link to each other and to our planet. It isn't simply about giving money to a cause, but rather about changing our perceptions of others, learning tolerance, patience, and simple kindness. It is about recognizing the impact of our actions. I believe as we go about our daily lives without judging others so harshly, constantly looking for the good in other people, opportunities to help will materialize in ways we may not expect. Some of those opportunities may involve a gift of money, but it may also be as simple as offering encouragement and hope to someone who is suffering. As we give to others, especially to people we may not necessarily like or relate to, we gain compassion and understanding, we become unified, and we begin to heal. The people we have helped may in turn choose to turn around and give to someone else. As this occurs, we can begin to recognize that we are all in this together, and we are not as different as we thought. I guess as a concept this is not complex, yet it seems so elusive to us at times. It just takes practice. As we begin to see “the big picture”, we can be creatively inspired and empowered to contribute to a chain of meaningful change.

So will you go to this site and vote? Her design is under the name Jessmillis. Please! Also leave any comments as I will make sure she gets them! :)

2012 Poetry Corner #2 : Freedom

There is a peace in being free
A stillness I have never known
The opportunity to be
Still, silent, aware





There is confusion in being free
So much I do know know
This isn't where I thought I'd be
Old, tired, alone







There is a grief in being free
My soul feels battered and bruised
But loss brings opportunity
Slow, sure, divine





There is a relief in being free
I can chose my own way
What I do is up to me
Whims, promptings, choice





There is stability in being free
For my schedule is almost my own
What the future holds, I cannot see
Change, clarity, being



So soon I will be free
And I will own what's left
May I move on and clearly see
Joy, possibility, love

Women and the French Revolution

While I have been studying the French Revolution over the last few weeks, I have discovered many things that I did not know about the beginnings and the development of the national government and the revolution itself. While I imagined it to be quite bloody and difficult, the study of it has been a bit of an eye opener and sometimes when I close my eyes now at night, I see blood pooling and running across cobblestones in my dreams. And of course, I see Sidney Carton being driven to the guillotine saying those famous words that many literates know... even if they have never read Charles Dickens. This week I tried to focus on the women in France at this time, their role in the revolution and some of their experiences.

The conditions of women did change from what they had been before the revolution. As could be expected, some changes were positive, some were negative, and some things didn't really change much at all for long periods of time. It must also be said that because the French revolution was actually a long time (a decade or more in fact) change was the word of the day... and so some changes would come and go based on the people in charge of the government at the time.

Politically, women received a mixed bag. For instance, women were excluded from politics during the French Revolution- at least in an active or electoral role. That didn't stop women from forming or joining political clubs in the early 1970's. One group formed in May 1973 was called the 'Society of Revolutionary Republican Women' and was led by Claire Lacombe. Women were involved in politics by speaking to the National Assembly (Etta Palm d'Aeldes in 1791), writing satires such as the 'Declaration of the Rights of Women' written by Olympe de Gouges, and in demonstrations where they demanded rights including the right to bear arms- a right only given to males at that time. Women's participation in clubs and demonstrations reached its peak in the spring and summer of 1793. By November 1793, the Montagnard Convention had banned all political activity by women and this closed most of the political clubs attended by women. One excuse that was used to keep women out of politics was the assassination of journalist Jean-Paul Marat at the hands of Charlotte Corday in July 1793- her assassination of this paranoid journalist turned martyr upon his death was used to point out women's emotions, lack of control, etc. (It didn't help that it was discovered that she was a virgin and her behavior could not be blamed on 'whoredoms' or wantonness.) Women who spoke out for more rights were considered to have spoke out against the revolution and were put to death by the guillotine. It must also be stated that women participated in many of the early and continuing demonstrations and violent uprisings- female participation helped to radicalize the revolution in 1789. In a twist, by 1794, women were prominent in protests that showed loyalty to traditional religious beliefs (the Catholic church) throughout the last years of the revolution.

When it came to giving more legal rights to women, it can be said that the revolution had a more positive effect. In an attempt to break up the power of the Catholic church, the French government (or really the National Assembly) took over registration of births, deaths and marriages. Divorce was also authorized and the new laws gave men and women equal rights to initiate a divorce and divorces could also be had on grounds as simple as mutual consent. Women were also granted the ability of equal inheritance in family law which was also an attempt to help make men and women more equal in standing.

Looking at the daily life of French women during this time, things were not really positive. The breakup of the convents abolished one large sphere that religious women had to live largely without male dominance. The removal of the privileges of the aristocrats/nobles virtually eliminated the wealthy female patronesses who had played a prominent role in French culture. And if you look at the huge numbers of convicted traitors, the numbers of women in violent insurrections, and the multitude of mass killings of suspected traitors... it is safe to assume that women died in very large numbers. In at least one large uprising (the September Massacres), it is documented that women were raped and killed. One reason I see it as safe to assume the large numbers of death of women is that France doesn't appear to have a huge problem with 'gender overpopulation' in the next few decades (at least as far as I have been able to research it. After WWII, I think France did have a gender overpopulation problem due too the number of men who died in the war...) Secret police could use almost anything you said or even your attitude against you and as many of them hung out eavesdropping in places such as bread lines, the vast majority of people in those lines would be women.... so they would be the ones accused and executed. Some sources suggest that republican troops killed civilians indiscriminately at times which would include women... and children.

In conclusion, women's lives changed in many ways during the revolution. Many of the changes, such as the Terror, were 'temporary' and didn't live on for long. Some changes, such as the new changes in family law, lived on with both positive and negative effects. In many respects women are able to be involved in new experiences, but they are also more likely to be punished for stepping out of their 'traditional sphere' then men... although many men were certainly punished! The revolution brought women the hope of more equality, more opportunities, but it also brought women as a whole into more danger, less security, and for some women, fewer opportunities than they had been accustomed to before the revolution. I think that some changes were not allowed to occur- such as voting rights- because women were still feared, still considered in some ways inferior and that was too radical a notion for the time.... after all, even many enlightenment thinkers didn't go that far. :)

How Well Do You Know Yourself?

In one of my classes, we were given this quiz from the book "True North". It was a really interesting quiz and the rules are that you take the quiz yourself... and then give a few copies to trusted friends or family and ask them to rate you. (Remember, you can't get angry at them if they don't answer the way you want to! This is to help you grow :) I have put the quiz here so that you may try it!


Rate yourself from 1 to 10 – with 10 being very, 5 being moderately and 1 being barely

How self confident are you?

How aware are you of your moods and emotions?

How effective are you in regulating your moods to minimize their impact on other people?

When confronted with situations that are displeasing to you, how well do you take the time to think clearly about them before responding or reacting?

When you receive critical feedback from others, how well are you able to take in the feedback and respond in a constructive manner without acting defensively?

How well do you understand the emotional makeup of others and their needs?

How sensitive are you in relating to other's needs and helping them?

How skillful are you in building lasting relationships?

How well do you network with others and create networks of people with common interests?

How effective are you in leading teams?

Do others follow your lead voluntarily?

How persuasive are you in convincing others of your mutual interests?

How do your answers compare to the answers from your family/friends? Is there something that you would change about yourself? What are your thoughts?

Some Thoughts Today...

On some days, the clear fact that I make mistakes feels horrible. It seems like I can't improve, that I cannot change. Sometimes I think I am getting better at something and then I realize that maybe I am not. How can you see change if it is small? Can change exist if you see it, but those closest to you do not?

I will be the first to admit that I do not like blame- even when I am at fault. I guess I do not feel that blame solves much and trying to work past the problem or mistake is best. I also think that blame hurts and not in a positive way; it doesn't make people feel sorry or repentant... but rather angry and defensive. I feel like I get a lot of blame in my life. Some of this blame comes from myself as I berate myself for my foolishness, etc... Wasn't it President Uchtdorf who joked that 'some people cannot get along with themselves?' :) But a lot of blame comes from others and it is starting to wear me down. I will make mistakes no matter how I try not to- and today I did make a pretty good one. I acknowledge it and want to try and put it right. But how can I if I am not given the information to do so... and all I hear is anger and blame and sarcastic thank you's? Do we all not fall short of perfection... and depend on the Atonement? My response in the past would probably have been to cry, do my best to make it right and move on. If I am not able to attempt to make it right, I feel stymied and I am moving into a new pattern of cry, withdraw, hide, and don't talk to anyone. The idea of trust and risk are even more painful and the vigor with which I would launch myself into he world is gone and I have no idea how to get it back... and even if I should.

Can I end this post with an apology? I know I am not perfect and I cannot be in this life. I know that there are so many things that are weaknesses for me and are very difficult. I apologize for anything that I have done in the past that has harmed you or caused you (the reader) to feel pain. If there is any way that I can make it right or attempt to do so, please let me know. Please do not let something I have done to you cause you to feel negatively towards myself or other aspects of your life. I will really try to do the same for you.

Sonia