Mormonism Tucked in Fiction

I'm currently wending my way through the novels of Reginald Hill with Andrew Danziel, Peter pascoe and Ellie Soper Pascoe. I love reading the adventures of the 'Fat Man' and the family of Pascoes that he interacts with. While reading through the series I noticed that he commented on Mormon culture a few times. I thought the quotes were interesting and they caused me to pause in reading. My relationship with Mormonism is complicated, but it is a part of me that I own and follow. So I am always surprised to 'meet' it in un-religious and popular texts. Here are my favorite quotes from his novels.

It was like the pope admitting some uncertainty about the position of the Mormons- Reginald Hill (Ruling Passion)

They also might have been gang leaders, astronauts, presidential aides or Mormon PR men, but they were unmistakably American. - Reginald Hill (April Shroud)

Here is one from another author I enjoy- Martha Grimes

Alert, Bass sat up. “Conditions?” Good Lord, conditions as in the inheritance is null and void if you divorce Helen, or become a Mormon, or sell this cottage, or refuse to keep Bolly on as a house boy? The list could go on and on.”- (The Way of All Fish)

NOw that I have completed the works of these authors (for the third or forth time) I am moving on to the non fiction works of Elaine Pagels. Her religious books are great and I'm ready to read some more serious stuff. I always turn to non- fiction in the spring as my thoughts move to more contemplation and my body yearns for warmth and time outside. The time change is this Sunday and the solstice happens soon after that on the 20th... so spring is coming at last. I can't wait!

1857 / 2001

Every once in a while, I find that I feel sort of uneasy about church history. It's the feeling that I see something that nobody else recognizes and the wall of silence that it seems to build up around me and others can be a bit uncomfortable. And on this day every year, so many American church members will fill their Facebook walls with images meant to instill patriotism and righteous anger. For some reason this year, it feels harder to watch in silence.

The build up to this day of remembrance of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2011 is pretty big every year. Whether you knew anyone who died in that attack or not, it was a powerful statement and injury on our consciousness. The understanding, motivations, deaths, heroes, and compassion that almost always arise in force during times of great trial was burned into us and whether we agreed with some of the motivating factors or not, we still thought about them, chewed on them, and swallowed the bitter pain of the waste and irrationality of it all.

This day is a tough day for many and an anniversary of trauma and pain. However, for me today is a day of pain not only for the events in 2011, but also the events of the same day in 1857 when the Mountain Meadows massacre was committed.

This date should be imprinted on the soul of every active Mormon member, not for the above mentioned event, but for a massacre perpetuated by our ancestors. This day should be remembered every year for so many reasons, but one of the most important reasons is that to be a member of the LDS church... to embrace the gospel and church history as a strong part of our faith and our testimonies... the stories that we tell ourselves about our faith that are positive, strengthening and heroic.... we cannot be true to ourselves as a religious community if we push our failures under the rug. Take a poll in every ward or branch you attend and you will find the majority of members have heard of the Hauns Mill massacre, but very few have heard of Mountain Meadows. The difference between the two is simple; Hauns Mill was a terrorist act towards members of the LDS faith by outsiders while Mountain Meadows was a terrorist act committed by Mormons towards others. It is one of our community's -and I say 'our' including myself- big embarrassments, an act in itself of terrorism, and an act that no matter how rationalized or justified... is a shame and a sore on the skin of the gospel and the church.

Some people believe that we should not talk of these things and there are many reasonable reasons to not speak. But in our silence, it can cause more difficulty for members and non members alike when they discover this information for themselves and then become part of the festering mass of confusion, anger, shame and betrayal that is found when attempting to reconcile this painful information with their positive experiences with their faith. Some argue that, like reparations for slavery, it is in the past and so it is no longer relevant. For those who say this, may I ask a question?  Look deep into your heart and your memory and think of the sins that you have 'quietly' repented of... or the sins that you have kept to yourself and have hidden from the light... Do you feel that they are now all better?  Do you feel that repentance absolves you of any responsibility to try and fix the harm you have inadvertently caused?  In my mind, repentance is much like a u-turn: when you realize that you are going the wrong way, you repent and turn around.... but that doesn't stop you from having to recover the ground you have traveled. True repentance is a journey, not a magic spell that will apparate you back to where you began when you lost your way. (Although living in the world of Harry Potter would make a few things a tiny bit easier- imagine your few second trip from Maine to Paris for a romantic dinner and then home for work the next day.  :)

While none of us living have primary responsibility for these crimes in the past, I firmly believe that we all have a responsibility to try and continue the process of healing- for the family members, for the ancestors on both sides of the tragedy, and for the continued healing of our present community. I hope that next year, maybe a few more people will remember this date for more than just the attack in New York. I hope that more people will pray and remember Mountain Meadows and that even good, kind and godly people can make a mistake in ignorance, anger and fear. Remember that all of us are capable of horrible things in the grip of many negative emotions such as anger and fear. May we spend the day in remembrance and good works. Today is an important day....

History of a Song: April - “He is Risen”

The beautiful words for this hymn were written by Cecil F. Alexander (1818-1895) and the music was written by Joachim Neander (1650-1680). The story of how these two pieces of art were combined to make the beautiful song we enjoy must be unique as the German musical composer and the Irish poet lived more than a century apart. Unable to uncover the details of the merging, I am sharing the biographies of the artists themselves :)

Cecil Francis Humphreys Alexander was born in Dublin in April 1818 to Major John Humphreys and his wife Elizabeth. Cecil Francis, who preferred to be called 'Franny, loved writing from her youngest years. At first, she hid her writing from everyone, but after a notebook of her writing was discovered by her father when she was nine, she shared her poetry every Sunday with her family with the encouragement of her father who would read it out loud to the group and it could be commented on. Franny was deeply religious and in October 1850, she married William Alexander in Strabane where he was an Anglican clergyman. During their marriage, both partners continued to write poetry and Franny also became involved in charity work, giving money to an institution to the 'Deaf and Dumb” that was founded in 1846. During her lifetime, she wrote almost 400 poems with many set to music and four which have made their way into the modern day LDS Church hymnals and Children's Songbook. Her music has also been published in the Church of Ireland hymnals and her book titled “Hymns for Little Children” has had over 69 editions printed of it. She passed away on October 12, 1895.

Joachim Neander was born in 1650 in Bremen to his father Johann Joachim Neader and his wife Catharina Knipping. He was the oldest of several children who ended up being a private tutor at his majority because he could not afford to continue to attend Bremen University after his father's death. In his twenties, he discovered theology and, while he continued for some time to tutor students as the rector of the Latin school of Dusseldorf, he began to write nature studies and hymns. He wrote over 60 hymns and is considered one of the outstanding hymn writers of the German Reformed church with his work published in many Lutheran hymnbooks and embraced by Methodists and Baptists as well in their hymnals. Most of his works have been translated into English and towards the end of his life he became a pastor for St Martin's church in Bremen. He died there of tuberculosis (possibly with complications of plague) on May 31, 1680. He also has the unique distinction of being the only hymn writer to have a valley and cave in Germany named after him as well as the fossil hominid that was found there. (Neanderthal man)


This song is still sung and performed by choirs and church congregations around the world. It has been performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir as well as some mainstream Christian music groups. This is my favorite Easter hymn and the holiday isn't the same without it. Do you sing this hymn in your congregation? What are your thoughts?


photos from : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cecil_Frances_Alexander, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joachim_Neander

The Identity Game

Have you ever played the Identity Wheel game? Here is a copy of the gameboard....

When you fill it out... what do you find? Here is what mine looks like:

My identity wheel doesn't really have much diversity in it at all. basically... it is a quick and easy people labeler. It took me about three minutes to fill out and I wasn't really surprised to say that it doesn't really tell anyone much about me that isn't already pretty obvious. I am a 41 year old, European ancestry white girl who considers herself to be heterosexual with some minor disabilities. I have had a multitude of low paying high responsibility jobs for most of my life in the medical field that have included working with adolescents in crisis and detox, emergency medicine and pharmaceutical distribution in both hospital and retail areas. I work 6 days a week almost all year to break $20,000 a year, am divorced with one child, and no military experience (had little interest and when recruited my physical stuff disqualified me.) I was born in Rhode Island, grew up in Colorado and Las Vegas and then moved to Maine 15 years ago and will probably stay here for the rest of my time here. I still have parents and family out west and I am trying to complete a college degree. I am a strong believing Mormon (LDS) with very unorthodox views so I do not fit in the orthodox church mold very well.

One thing that came to mind as I was filling this out was how simple it seemed to me and as I wrote down my sexual identity, gender, etc... I had an image of a teenager looking at the paper and hesitating.... Should they write down what they feel in their heart... or what other people would write down for them. In some ways this diversity wheel can also be used to obscure identity to try and fit in better in the society and culture you reside in. So while I found it pretty simple to fill out, I am also pretty comfortable with who I am at this stage of my life. For anyone who doesn't necessarily fit in the normative modes, each piece of the pie can come with hesitation and decision.

It also doesn't cover the aspects that make me who I am. My desires and dreams are no where and do not even leave any hints on this wheel and depending on when it is filled out, so much can change. I was married once and can get married again. I am interested in adoption so maybe I will add more children to my home... doubt it, but who knows. Even the boxes that seen clear such as religion do not tell how I interact with my religion and its teachings nor how other adherents around me change the religious experience for me. An interesting activity thought.

If you complete the activity for yourself, what does it tell you? Are you willing to share?

A Day of Remembrance

Every once in a while, I find that I find myself feeling sort of uneasy in church. The feeling that I know something that nobody else knows and the wall of silence that it seems to build up around me is a bit uncomfortable. Today was one of those days, but today instead of feeling silent I felt so disappointed and in a way let down. Rationally, I know that the disappointment was inevitable, but I felt it all the same.

The build up to the remembrance of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2011 was pretty big this year and rightly so. Whether you knew anyone who died in that attack or not, it was a powerful statement and injury on our consciousness. The understanding, motivations, deaths, heroes, and compassion that almost always arise in force during times of great trial was burned into us and whether we agreed with some of the motivating factors or not, we still thought about them, chewed on them, and swallowed the bitter pain of the waste and irrationality of it all.

So it was not a shock to me that our Sacrament meeting and lessons today focused so much on these horrible attacks. But I will admit that every year I am disappointed that the vast majority of Mormons now spend this day only in remembrance of this event. This date should be imprinted on the soul of every active Mormon member, not for the above mentioned event, but for a massacre perpetuated by our ancestors. This day should be remembered every year for so many reasons, but one of the most important reasons is that to be a member of this church... to embrace the gospel and many parts of our history as a standard and a part of our faith that is positive, strengthening and heroic.... we cannot be true to ourselves as a community if we push our failures under the rug. Take a poll in every ward or branch you attend and you will find the majority of members have heard of the Hauns Mill massacre, but very few have heard of Mountain Meadows. It is one of our community's -and I say 'our' including myself- big embarrassments, an act in itself of terrorism, and an act that no matter how rationalized or justified... is a shame and a sore on the covering of the gospel and the church.

Some people believe that we should not talk of these things and there are many reasonable reasons to not speak. But in our silence, it can cause more difficulty for members and non members alike when they discover the sore for themselves and become part of the festering mass of confusion, anger, shame and betrayal that is found underneath. Some argue that, like reparations for slavery, it is in the past and so it is no longer relevant. For those who say this, may I ask a question? Look deep into your heart and your memory and think of the sins that you have 'quietly' repented of... or the sins that you kept to yourself and have hidden from the light... Do you feel that they are now all better? Do you feel that repentance absolves you of any responsibility to try and fix the harm you have inadvertently caused? In my mind, repentance is much like a u-turn: when you realize that you are going the wrong way, you repent and turn around.... but that doesn't stop you from having to recover the ground you have traveled. True repentance is a journey, not a magic spell that will apparate you back to where you began when you lost your way. (Although living in the world of Harry Potter would make a few things a tiny bit easier- imagine your few second trip from Maine to Paris for a romantic dinner and then home for work the next day. :)

While none of us living have any responsibility for the crimes of the past, I firmly believe that we all have a responsibility to try and continue the process of healing- for the family members, for the ancestors on both sides of the tragedy, and for the continued healing of our present community. I hope that next year, maybe a few more people will remember this date for more than just the attack in New York. I hope that more people will pray and remember Mountain Meadows and that even good, kind and godly people can make a mistake in ignorance, anger and fear. Remember that all of us are capable of horrible things in the grip of many negative emotions such as anger and fear. May we spend the day in remembrance and good works. Today is an important day....

History of a Song: May - "Reverently and Meekly Now"

The words for this hymn were written by Joseph L. Townsend (1849-1942) and the music was written by Ebeneezer Beesley (1840-1906) The text for this hymn was written in 1891 and in 1986 the journal of the Hymn Society of America praised this hymn for its 'special poignancy'.

Joseph Townsend was born in Pennsylvania in 1849, but traveled a bit when he was younger and ended up growing up in Ohio, Kansas and Missouri. He attended the University of Missouri and later moved to Utah to try and improve his health and well being. In 1872, he converted the the LDS church and later served a mission for this church. He was a principal of Payson High school in Utah and taught at Brigham Young Academy in Provo. He has a total of ten hymns in the current LDS hymnal and he died in Payson Utah on April 1, 1942. His hymns and songs include 'Choose the Right' and his words and works have been quoted many times over the year by various general authorities including our current prophet Thomas S. Monson. Mr Townsend is also listed as one of the '75 Significant Mormon Poets' or 'Early Mormon Poets of Note'. (On a funny side note, I couldn't find a picture of this artist to display... but he does have his own Facebook page. :D )

Ebenezer Beesley was born in England in 1840. His family converted to the Mormon religion when he was quite young and he was baptized in September 1849. When he was an adult, he emigrated to Utah territory in the George Rowley handcart company with his family- they were in the eighth company and Mr Beesley was known to play his flute for the group when everyone was camped at night. They later moved to Salt Lake City and he served in many musical positions in his ward which included choir director and music director. Mr. Beesley was a contributor to the Juvenile Instructor magazine and was also one of the few who was appointed by the prophet John Taylor to oversee the publication of the first LDS hymnbook which included music- there is a picture online of the artist with this prophet that the LDS church has in its archives. In 1880, he became the director of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and was with the choir when they made their first trip to perform out of Salt Lake City. Eleven hymns in the current LDS hymnal contain music written by this author. He was known to play the violin and a picture of him and his violin was published in the book “The Mission”.

One unusual aspect of this song is that the lyrics speak from the Savior's point of view and not from a third person position. This aspect of the song helps to make the hymn more personal as we sing it and hear the pleading of our Savior in the words that we echo around us. Another aspect about this hymn that is not common in most hymns is that this particular song has whole verses that are song by only one gender. Whole verses and words attributed to the Savior are sung only by female voices. In that sense, this is one hymn that gives women in the LDS church a voice during Sacrament. All of the rest of the ordinance is presided over by priesthood holders alone... but in this hymn and a few others that are usually used for the sacrament portion of the meeting women have a part all their own that is important and beautiful in its own right. And if you think about it, this way of singing in church is not only unusual, but seems to be almost entirely restricted to sacrament hymns. In my mind, this gives women a power of their own to bless the sacrament in their own way in this important and necessary function of our meetings and our salvation. (That said, in many congregations, men do sing the female only parts making this thought sort of a mute point... and not all women are sopranos so it could be argued that even some women are left out of this 'blessing'. :)

This hymn is currently #185 in the LDS hymnal. It is a favorite of many members and has been performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir as well as numerous other artists. I researched this hymn because it is a favorite of my cousin Lance. What does this song mean to you? Please share.

I Can Not Celebrate Death.

I have felt a little conflicted over the 'good' news of the death of Osama Bin Laden a few days ago. News reports and videos show people celebrating and in a general state of happiness as well as the usual comments that 'he is in hell', etc... I will admit that my first emotion was simply sorrow and relief. I get the impression that these emotions are quite unusual in this circumstance. Yes, I was relieved that he can no longer do a lot of damage or some of the horrible things that he has done. But I was sad for a few reasons. First of all, I find it fairly hard to celebrate any death... In fact, is there ever any reason to celebrate death? Everyone of us is Heavenly Father's child and while we may not always agree with them or even intensely dislike what they do, they are still a child of the Father. The Father grieves for our actions and this man's actions just as we do. I guess I also see his death not as a just punishment for his actions, but as an 'easy way out' and a mistake.... for now he is a martyr. I am not a history expert, but I have certainly gotten the impression that making martyrs of people rarely hurts the individual's cause. As a Mormon, I am reminded quite often in church about the martyrdom of the prophet Joseph Smith and through readings it has become evident that his killers were attempting to end the existence of the 'Mormon' church... well, that didn't really work, did it? And Osama's death certainly seems like a good recruiting tool for his organization. Whereas putting him in prison would have stopped some of his work and brought him back in the eyes of many to the stature of a human being... which in the end is what he is. He is not a monster or a demon... he is a child of God.

I also feel for his family and his friends who are now grieving. Grief is grief, and for those who died on September 11, 2001 their families still grieve and many are consoled that their relatives were wonderful people. The friends and family of Bin Laden probably feel some conflict in their feelings. No matter how we feel about Osama Bin Laden actions, beliefs, etc... he truly lived his beliefs. How many of us truly live our beliefs... even when they are unpopular? In the end, his actions have caused the death of thousands... many who are not named when we look at the wars that have begun. And we have vowed to hunt him down and have done so and taken away his life. I guess I cannot help but think of the line that we tell our children when someone hurts them.

'Two wrongs don't make a right'

It seems too bad that we do not always follow our own advice. I truly hope that his death brings some peace and closure to other people, but I cannot feel joy or exhilaration at this event. It feels like a symptom of society's collective anger and not justice. It is simply another sad piece of the human tapestry that we weave.

Thoughts on Conversation and Healing...

When I was volunteering yesterday, I was given a blank diary from 2008 with beautiful pictures and quotes on different pages. I liked the pictures so I brought it home to glance through and a quote on one page really caught my eye. It is:

'One of the most valuable things we can do to heal one another is listen to each other's stories' – Rebecca Falls

I had three thoughts as I was reading and pondering this. The first was that it really is healing to be able to talk about what is on your mind- at least it is for me. When I do not talk about things it almost feels like bad thoughts are able to 'fester' and become an infection in my mind. And healing an 'infection' is a lot harder than trying to deal with the original thoughts. I can understand the need for secrets and for not discussing EVERYTHING on your mind, but I also think that many times, problems are more easily ironed out if the feelings and thoughts are discussed quickly. I think that having someone who cares for you and listens is great and does help in the healing process especially in very painful circumstances. I don't even think that they have to actually agree with you... to just be there and to care means so much.

Another thought was that some people do not feel comfortable listening or even being listened to except in rare circumstances. And other individuals have suggested that discussing a hurt can be not only complaining but harmful depending on the complaint. An example that I thought of was a discussion on Facebook where a friend discussed her hurt and anger at the treatment she had received by church members in her ward in Utah. Another person piped in and suggests that she was in the wrong to even suggest something bad happened at church because that makes the church look 'bad'. It was even suggested by someone that saying anything that can be construed as bad is 'anti- Mormon'... and so therefore this person is as well. In this case, an act of potential healing became another painful act which created more hurt, anger, and separation- even feelings of betrayal. Nobody, even the church defenders, were looked at in a positive light by the outsiders of the conversation that I heard from. And that feels fairly sad, because I have no doubt that everyone, including the original speaker, loves the Mormon church. But the conversation itself became another nail that could be used against the church instead of an opportunity for healing. While I agree that some people in some instances and due to our perception may discuss the same hurts more times than we think they should, I can see how that would happen if the individuals never felt listened to or had their feelings validated at any time in any conversation.

The last thing that I thought of was how polarized I feel our society is right now... and it feels like nobody wants to listen to anybody unless the individuals involved already agree on everything. I feel like the world is full of so much blame and anger and there is nothing that I can do. Yes, I can listen and I can pray and I can hope and show patience.... but I am just one. And it doesn't feel like it makes a difference at all. I go to the foodbank every week and I listen to those who are looking for work and have been for so long and have been unsuccessful for reasons they can do nothing about such as poor teeth, chaotic living arrangements, homelessness, disability, mental illness, no transportation, etc... These people are stuck in catch 22's and I cannot help them either. Heck, I didn't get the last job that I applied for and I am still looking. Last year, I joined a program to help my family become more stable, more financially independent and to get the help we need to move forward. The program is over and considered a success, with promises never fulfilled and our family even less together and stable than when we entered the program. We have no team, no help, less financial stability and our family is broken. We are more alone than we have ever been. And so many others are as well. In a world full of people, that doesn't really make sense to me at all. I want to help, but I am starting to think that my hands are not strong enough to even help/support me... let alone anyone else.

I really believe that being able to talk can really heal pain and sorrow (and anger) and can help people move forward. How can we draw a line so that people can talk without so much fear? The fear of judgment and being misunderstood looms large in many... including myself which is why I have learned to hold my tongue on so much. I am not sure that I am served in that regard as well. I do think that my soul is starting to fester which makes it even harder for me to feel comfortable around anyone. What can you do in your life to try and change this? What suggestions do you have to help other's feel comfortable talking with you? What would make it easier to talk to someone else when you need to spill? How would you support yourself if you needed some help for a while from someone outside your family- whether emotional, financial, etc...?

History of a Song: February - “Lord, I Would Follow Thee”

The lyrics of this song were written by Susan Evans McCloud. She was born in 1945 and currently lives in Provo, Utah. She is best known for her LDS novels/historical fiction as well as for this particular hymn (she has written two hymns total... and has written around 45 novels- averaging one a year over the last few decades.) It should be mentioned that her fictional works are slightly decisive in the sense that as an author, she tends to produce either praise or criticism- very little middle ground is found. You either like her work... or you do not. :) The story behind the development of this hymn is a pretty remarkable one... especially for a twelve measure hymn. The author was asked several times do write a hymn and would start and forget several times. Then on a Friday afternoon before a very busy family and conference weekend, she was asked to have it ready by Monday at 9am. She did and the hymn we are discussing is the result of that busy, hurried weekend.

The music for this piece was written by K. Newell Dayley. He was born in 1939 and is a prominent LDS composer and hymnwriter. He also taught music at Brigham Young University and retired completely from the institution in 9/2007. Among the music he has written is the music for the songs 'I Feel my Savior's Love' and he wrote both the words and music to 'Faith in Every Footstep'. The most common version of this song was arraigned by Craig Petrie. It has been sung in Mormon churches all across the world and has been described by some organizations as one of the most loved songs of the LDS church. It has been produced by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Michael R. Hicks, and a group called 'Hims 2' as well as others. And, as a small side note, this specific title of this hymn was also used for the inspiration for a painting exhibition by Carl Heinrich Bloc. Mr. Bloc was born in Copenhagen, Denmark in May 1834 and studied painting in Denmark and Italy after his original training to work at sea. His several painting exhibit/commission titled “Lord, I Would Follow Thee” is currently hanging in the Frederiksborg Palace Chapel in Denmark and many of the paintings are used by the LDS church in their 'gospel art picture kit' with permission from the palace chapel. Also, many of Mr. Bloc's paintings have copies hanging in LDS churches, temples, and magazines/publications throughout the world.

One aspect of this hymn that is unlike most other hymns is that the melody of the first two verses is reversed in the last verses which causes the same word choice to change meaning. In the first few verses, the expression of hope and desire are expressed and as you continue to sing the words, they become less of an expression of desire than that of commitment. This hymn is #220 of the current LDS hymnal.


Do you like this hymn...? Why or why not? What does this hymn remind you or... or help you to feel? And for those who are interested in the artist wait a few days and I will do a post on the artwork of Carl Heinrich Bloc.

The "Parent Interview" Project

For a project last semester, I interviewed some friends about their families and parenting style. I really appreciated their help and boy I learned alot! Here is the project in its entirety. :)

For the Parent Interview Project, I made a few assumptions based on what I thought you (the teacher) wanted and what I thought would help me to learn the most. One assumption that I made was that I should try and find 'different' people to interview- different in gender, backgrounds, life experience, number of kids, religion, and sexuality. Another assumption was that I should really take the time to develop three questions that I was genuinely curious in the answers, thought might be helpful for my situation at home, and would also be interesting for this paper and for reading. I have listed the questions farther down in my paper. The last assumption that I made was that as I chose so many different individuals, I would find that the families would have many differences, but also distinct similarities that could easily be 'teased' into looking at the whole group in a similar manner... that was not the case.

I sent out fourteen letters asking for responses and received five back fully filled in and ready for me to study. Out of the five, four are women and one is male. Three have been through at least one divorce and two are currently married to their first and only husband. All five individuals have children in numbers from one to eight, one adult is homosexual, two of these families have at least one child with a severe disability (autism or bi-polar disorder) and one family has an adult with PTSD. The families also live in different environments as the states that can be included are California, Nevada, Maine and Wisconsin- three families live in a semi-rural area and two live in urban areas. The religions that are involved in some of these families- whether through past involvement or current activity- are United Church of Church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon), deeply spiritual, and atheist (one member of this group is currently in college studying seminary and divinity). Also, at least three out of the five individuals appear to have grown up in dysfunctional households (one spent some time growing up in a cult, one with alcoholic parents, abuse, etc...) Lastly, one individual is currently single, three are married and one is living with her partner and her children.

When looking at the definition of family, there were many different responses, but a lot of overlapping when the answers were put side by side and compared. One individual describes their 'family' as a large group of related individuals which included younger brothers and their families, cousins and their families as well as other extended biological family ( one quote from the answer- “Curiously, it does not necessarily include my parents or my older brother.”). Two people spoke about family as a small group of people that love and support each other and has nothing to do with blood relationships or shared parentage. These individuals seemed to have a really open view of family in the sense that family can be flexible and made and broken and reformed – a “family of choice”. The last two adults had a more rigid view of family and for them, a family is a social unit connected by blood or marriage or a family is a unit created solely by God for the rearing of children and families that are bonded through marriage, His Gospel, Commandments, and Love. The last individual described a family as having a male and female at the head of the home with rigid gender roles and family assignments as quoted from the “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” as written and distributed by the Mormon church.

Definitions of effective parents and good parental behavior were described with different words by all five individuals, but when reading the responses I felt that all the answer really said the same thing:

1. “The object of parenting is not to raise a perfectly obedient child but rather a responsible and contributing member of society.” “Teach them to think and empathize and not to blindly model other's behavior.”

2. “A parent's job is to help their children become happy, fully developed people. Teaching children things they need to know and help them become independent and fully functional adults and able to make their own decisions.” Parenting behaviors: Setting limits; teaching; providing guidance; encouraging; seeking to understand the child's point of view; caring deeply; and loving unconditionally.

3. “Someone who is together, follows though on what they say and the rules of the home. Stick to your word and have structure in your home. Show unconditionally love and caring.”

4. “Someone who positively teaches a child how to be a functional member of society”

5. “A person who teaches a child empathy, consideration, caring and how to be a good decision maker- even if you do not like the decisions that they make. You raise them to think of themselves and those around them and how to accomplish their goals and fulfill their needs and love them.”

While there were a few statements edited due to lengths of answers, I kept the scope of the answers which show that with a few differences of ideas, the thoughts are the same: to raise happy, healthy people who think for themselves, have a positive outlook for themselves and others and are willing to help others. In a nutshell- to be productive and happy members of the world around them.

Answers about the necessary skills for communication really seemed to vary a great deal, although I think that the question itself may have been misunderstood or interpreted differently due to perception... and I must say that I love the idea of a communication answer being misunderstood! The irony is fairly laughable. One individual suggested an answer in a way that suggested to me that the question was interpreted the same way that I had interpreted it. They felt that openness and honesty were absolutely essential communication skills. Listening well and taking the time to make sure that you truly understood the other person's point of view and perspective -even if you didn't agree with it- is an essential skill for living in and around other people. Two people said that 'Honesty and love are key needs so that children feels secure and can rely and trust others'. Another focuses very 'literally' on the question - “Verbal and physical communication are absolutely essential- technology is not essential even if we and the media think that it is.”. And the last person talked about important times for family communication: 'Dinner is an important time to get together and talk as a family. You should also have one on one interviews with your children and they should learn manners and respecting others'.

The question about whether we are living in turbulent times was pretty illuminating to me and I think on of the most important questions asked. How 'turbulent times' was so defined by the individual sharing with me their thoughts expressed what those words meant to them personally. Some saw them through the lens of religion while another saw it through their lens of current political and economic hardship.

1. “I think a certain segment of every generation is prone to declaring themselves as living in turbulent times. My goal has always been to create a place of dependability and relative calm for my kids within the private functions of our family.”

2. “Yes. The protracted war and the economy have made this a very unsettled time. In a way, it may have brought families more together as they try and cope and support one another.”

3. “Yes. When family values are undermined by social acceptance of divorce, infidelity, violence, abuse, and other negative actions / emotions. These actions tear the underpinnings of the social unit and do not promote healthy conflict resolution and respect toward others. As a consequence the family unit is no longer stable.”

4. “Yes I do. Right now I think kids have it very hard. There are teens out there killing themselves because of being bullied. Kids are starting to have sex in middle school and that never happened when I went to school. The world is a lot different now and we need to raise our kids to be strong in the world because it is not easy.”

5. “Oh, yes. I think that all times have their 'turbulence' in them, but as a society we are angry, hateful, and fearful of all who are different. Since we all have differences, we are feeding off of each other and killing each other- or bullying and killing ourselves. I try to keep as much of it out of my home as I am able.”

It appears that a few interviewees stressed that keeping the 'turbulence' our of their homes was important as well as the idea that this particular 'time' may be turbulent... but other times were as well. One person saw the turbulence as an unwanted consequence towards harming families, while another thought that teaching the children to be strong would help them to deal with the turbulence (expressing the thought that this person does not believe the turbulence will not be going away soon.). And one person talked about how the turbulence could be used to strengthen families as they try and support each other through the 'storm'- really a great way to look at it I thought.

Everyone universally agreed that there were no “good ol' days” - one individual went so far as to say: “ The "good old days" are a fiction. In the past, there was incest, abuse, and child labor, etc... Women were controlled as objects and had few rights. The good old days never existed except in fictionalized memories”. If 'changes' were mentioned, they were mentioned as positives: women have more rights, no such thing as a woman's job or a man's job, women were controlled as objects- no more, and more along those lines. It was also almost universally agreed upon that families have always been complicated and have never been simple or truly “traditional”- families have always been complex depending on the society, that the size and shape of the family doesn't have anything to do with whether they are fully functional and healthy or dysfunctional, and good families are created and do not depend on gender or sexuality. One person thought about families and parents: “Are they making decisions that are in the best interests of the child/family or not? That is the only way to judge.” I think I agree with that statement.

The types or discussions that are held in the home/family varied in minutia- while the individual topics could vary and cover a wide swath (soccer, running, home renovation, animal husbandry, etc), the conversations themselves tend to focus on:

1. “But we talk about what might be going on at school or work, our plans for the future, and otherwise share interests in each others’ lives.”

2. “Activities we can do as a family.”

3. “Often we talk about my son's school and his future. As my son has matured, our discussions have become more wide ranging and adult-like in content.”

4. “We talk about everything and anything. We are a very open family. My kids are very young so things my husband and I don't talk about in front of the kids would be problems with other people but other than that just about everything.”

5. “Things we have in common, want to share, and what is happening in our lives, feelings, thoughts.”

While these answers are all different, they all have the theme of being together, loving each other and understanding and sharing with each other... which I think is a common theme for all humans in groups. We all need to feel like we belong and are appreciated and listened to.

When discussing the stresses involves in parenting and being a parent, I was a little surprised that while these individuals discussed different 'stressors', all the stressors ended up dividing neatly between emotional and physical stresses. However, even the physical stressors became emotional stressors if discussed long enough. Physical stressors discussed were the need to balance everything, to 'do everything', lack of sleep, and 'physically run down by the work involved'. Emotional stressors mentioned were the stress of watching a child struggle or have difficulties, trying to balance the needs of the children and the parent, the stress of watching children fight for their health when they are sick, and the difficulties of watching your children as they try and fail and not stepping in unless truly needed.

Family comparisons was funny... and very enlightening. I did feel like I learned a bit that was new about each person and family that I interviewed based on their responses to this question.

1. "I suppose one of those families of acrobats, where everyone is holding on to each other and balancing on each other and leaning out in different directions. There is a natural give and take, where we try to counter-balance each other and be each other’s safety net."

2. "In my home we are all experimental chefs: We work together and separately and come together often to see what we have created. Sometimes we are very congratulatory, sometimes we are mean and laugh too much, and sometimes we come together to commiserate over culinary experimental disaster. But we will continue to cook together, experiment together and help a cook who is tired of cooking."

3. "My family is like a small pack of wolves. We are independent and solitary, but we understand each other and come together when needed."

4. We don't compare ourselves. "We are a happy family."

5. "I don't really know. We have never compared our family to something. Maybe just a regular American family. We have our ups and downs but in the end we make it. "
There were some very pretty metaphors in there. I really liked the chef comparision- maybe because I love food, I am not the best cook, but I keep trying and sometimes I make something fabulous! (And sometimes....yuck!)

The last three questions are the ones that I needed to make up and ask. The questions that I devised are:

1. If you were able to change just two things about how your family works, what would they be? What would you prefer?

2. If you have been divorced before or are currently in a non traditional family, how has it changed your perspective of family? What changes do you see in how you view family from your childhood to now? Do you feel that your boundaries of what constitutes 'family' have changed over the years?

3. In what ways has your parenting style changed between your first child and your last? Between the 'newness' of first time parenting and now? Between family changes (death, divorce, etc)?

I chose these ideas from my heart and questions that I have been bouncing around in my head for a little bit now. So here are my responses.

The idea of changing something in your family was a pretty neat question. I realized as I interviewee people that this question could really help them to pinpoint something they wanted to change and work on it. If you never ask the question, it is very easy for someone to never try and make a change... because it never becomes very obvious that not only is change needed, but you can make it into smaller steps to work on and doesn't seem so challenging. Two quotes were really poignant to my mind.

1. “I wish there was less nagging involved in getting family members to take their turn at chores, and perhaps a little less questioning of decisions made by others. If I had to pick just one of these, it would be the first – I appreciate the intellectual skills of my family members, but sometimes I would love to skip a debate!”

2. “I would like my sons to really listen more and understand that if they listen to my guidance as their father they will do better in life and have less struggles. I would like to listen more deeply as a parent; to really seek to understand what my children are saying to me and why they think and feel the way they do about things.”

What I really liked about these quotes was that both of them were about communication. Both of these individuals are looking for better communication in their families and they recognize that there is a communication issue. Once it is recognized as a concern, making a plan to try and change it will be much easy. The last quote I am adding was a little sad for me to read.

1. I wish my husband didn't work as much. He works 60+ hours a week and so we don't see him as much as I hope. He will get home, eat dinner with us and we have 1-2 hour to spend time together before we put the boys down for bed. I wish my husband and I could have more time to go out together. We have date night once a week but it is usually at home doing something fun together like renting a movie, playing a game, making smoothies, ect. We can't afford to pay someone to watch our kids so we can go out and we wish we could.

This individual really seems to enjoy her family and wishes that she could have more time with her husband. More time and not less time. I can feel the caring and the wish for more of a physical presence in her home for her husband. I do hope that they will have it sometime!

For the question on divorce and changes in perspectives on family, I got some pretty amazing answers.

1. “I am a child of divorce who has been married for almost 23 years to my first (and last) husband. I feel very blessed and lucky to say that; each of my siblings has experienced at least one divorce, and I have seen the emotional toll taken. The most concerning part of fractured families is the lack of mutual respect often modeled by the parents (and clearly absorbed by the children). While my concept of family has enlarged over the years beyond the “one man, one woman, one marriage” nuclear family of the 60’s, I believe that the most important aspect of family is not gender or birth status but love.”

2. “I was from a broken home and grew up without a father and with an absentee mother, and was raised primarily by my grandmother. I have been divorced. I think that I have always viewed families more by the content of their actions than in a "traditional" way, and I think that this view has been strengthened over time.

3. “Divorce did not change my perspective of family, it reinforced what a functional family is. I.e. the divorce occurred because of dysfunctionality. As to the rest, I will say that I lived in a dysfunctional family growing up and knew that I wanted to create a healthy family. I have done this."

4. “I haven't been in that situation but my grandparents have. What i have observed from that is nothing i would ever want to experience. They have each been married 6-7 times and are in their late 50's. I see how it has effected my mom and wouldn't never like to be in that place. Her mom made her write nasty letters to her dad after the divorce and her and her dad still to this day don't talk. She has step sisters that don't like her. She feels like the outcast.” (sic)

5. Been there, done that...don't think it has changed my perspective except for cynicism. I am more careful now. (sic)

I am not sure that most of these answers actually answered my question, but I thought they were intriguing nonetheless.

The last question as changes in parenting style- I think the weakest question that I developed. However, one person's statement really stayed focus in my mind and is the one statement made throughout these interviews that I have found myself reflecting on quite a bit. It is :

1. “I now am more realistic about my children's potential, and my goals are to raise happy children that are self-sufficient and are the best people they can be. I want them to do whatever they want in life and am more accepting that their way is not my way. I think as you parent your second child, you become less stuck in what you want, and more open to what the child's unique personality and desires might be. Part of this may come from having experience with the first child, but part is from aging yourself. I know that I look at the world very differently at 49 than I did at 29. In a way, I think that I am more realistic, possibly more cynical, and that my expectations for my child, and also myself, have become grounded in reality more. Is that bad? Perhaps, but it is also comforting.”

Two individuals stated that their children came too close together to really be able to see a change in parenting style- one says that she has noticed that she is a lot more relaxed around other people's kids and helping now. One pointed out some physical changes like with her first she would carefully clean and sterilize binkies that fell on the floor- now she wipes them on her pants and pops them right back in! (I thought that was great and I laughed.)

So through this exercise, I think I have discovered quite a few things. While I already knew that people think differently from one another due to experience, etc... I have never taken an opportunity to really learn about these differences. I feel like I know so much about more not only about these individuals and their families, but how they think and view the world. I also found that I learned a little bit more about how I viewed families and the world around me as well. And I was able to open a door to a family member that I had been unsure how to approach due to family trauma and so I think that this assignment helped me to even increase my family a little bit. Thank you.

Overheard in Sacrament Meeting - 12/12/10

So this last Sunday I got to attend church in Washington state- Renton to be sort of precise. It was an awesome service... although I will admit that it was just awesome to be able to go to church! This last week, the topic was on the sacrament. And I learned a few things that I thought were neat as well as heard things that I knew...but it was nice to hear them again. Here are some highlights:

1. The sacrament is a reminder of a covenant that we make with the Lord.
2. Brigham Young was the first prophet to set it up so that 'children born under the covenant, but had not yet made the covenant' could take the sacrament.
3. The sacrament is a sign of the true love that Jesus has for all of us.
4. The sacrament is also a 'giving' ordinance, particularly for sinners... of which we all are. :)
5. Everything that is said, sung or performed in the sacrament meeting should contribute to the grandeur of this sacred service.
6. The scriptures say that we should think about the body. Why? It was given to each of us as a sacrifice. It was shown to us after his body was a perfected, glorified body still maintaining the scars from the crucifixion.
7. Sacrament and the ritual of sacrament are the most important reason to attend church- it is truly the main reason for attendance.
8. The words sacrament and sacrifice share the same root 'sacra' which means holy.

Taking the sacrament from as young as I can remember has always felt like a 'right' and it felt funny to realize that children were told at one time not to take the sacrament. I love the idea that Brigham Young (if he did- I am not sure why he changed the rule) realized or decided to use human habit to teach children. If, as a child, I was told that I couldn't take the sacrament and saw an adult who couldn't take it because they were 'bad', I think I might have decided that I was a bad child and that was why I couldn't take it. I also think that if might have taken at least a decade for me to figure out that particular idea was wrong... as I probably wouldn't have asked people at church, definitely wouldn't have asked my parents and assumed that was common knowledge and doctrine. (I do wonder how much stuff people commonly believe AND believe is common belief and/or correct doctrine that is more correctly labeled as false doctrine... a question I will never be able to answer in this life I am sure.)

The idea of teaching the meaning and ritual of the sacrament in small steps- first the habit of partaking of the sacrament, then teaching the knowledge of what is and what it means, and then the wish and genuine want of the blessings that come from being worthy for partaking of the sacrament and the ritual of 'renewal' every week. Taking a special time every week to remember what the meaning of the sacrament is and wondering how much suffering that Jesus Christ suffered specifically for me and attempt in take a special moment for repentance that is separate from daily prayer feels really appropriate and important. Nothing feels so humbling than imagining the suffering he had for me... and me alone.

In my mind, sacrament is the one action that we can do that makes us the most holy. We are forced to remove ourselves from our home and go join with other believers. To participate in a ritual that is older than ourselves... and is more than ourselves. A time of introspection and thankfulness. I really enjoyed this meeting.

History of a Song: December - “Far, Far Away on Judea's Plains”

Merry, Merry Christmas all! And a wonderful holiday season. What an amazing time of the year. No matter how busy you are, the thoughts of Christ seep into a Christian's head more often during this time of year. It is almost impossible to ignore what the holiday stands for... although retailers do try in the hopes of distracting us. : D

This hymn (lyrics and music) was written by John Menzies Macfarlane who was born on October 11, 1833 in Stirling, Scotland. When he was a young adult, he joined the Mormon church (1845) and he came to Cedar City, Utah (1853) and married Ann Chatterly (He later married two other women and between the three women he fathered 26 children.) In his adult life, he worked as a superintendent of schools, a district judge, a farmer, a postmaster, a surveyor and a builder. He was also instrumental in founding the academy that later became Dixie State college of Utah. He worked with church choirs in a few Mormon towns and he also wrote the loved song “Dearest Children, God is Near You”. It is believed that he wrote “Far, Far Away on Judea's Plains” in 1869. In 1885, he fled to Mexico to avoid prosecution for plural marriage and he did not return to Utah until 1892 where he returned for medical care which was unsuccessful. On a painful and horrifying note, several sources have placed John Macfarlane as one of the approximately 100 Iron County Militia men involved in the Mountain Meadows Massacre in September 1857.

This hymn has stretched and jumped far from Utah and most people are unaware of its Mormon -and therefore relatively recent -origins. Many assume that it is a much older hymn. It is still a Mormon hymn- it has been performed and published by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and by Nancy Hansen (also an LDS artist). Many people outside the church have not heard of the song, although it has been published by some other Christian artists.

Is this your favorite Christmas song? If not which song is? My son loves this song and it is by far his very favorite Christmas song which he loves to sing at the top of his lungs... and after several weeks of hearing it, I am glad when the season is over so we can 'put the song away' for a few months.

What would you do...? Thoughts on Tolerance and Sexuality

I wrote this post for my human sexuality class. I know that many people will have strong opinions about my thoughts. I am happy to have a honest and appropriate discussion with anyone who wishes- but please... keep it nice!

I have tried several times to think about how I would react if my child was a homosexual. I think that my reactions over time have changed a bit.  As I have grown older and seen more of the world (and been judged pretty poorly by some people for being who I am whether I am not following gender roles appropriately, etc...), I have tried to err more on the side of understanding and tolerance.  I have found too many times in my life that I have not understood or been intolerant in ways that have caused pain to others, pain and disappointment in myself, and really haven't found anything positive but maybe my own growth in knowledge and a determination to try and not make those mistakes again.  I am aware that my religion is not accepting of homosexuality and most of my extended family are not accepting as well. I am also aware that my religion is not only very intolerant about this issue, but has members that are extremely intolerant and hateful. Reminding myself that they are really confused and fearful individuals doesn't really help as I don't think any human being should have to deal with senseless hate.

What I do know is that I love my child and I cannot imagine anything he could do that would cause me to love him less. And so many of us as parents have read our young children the books about how much we love them and that can never change...no matter what they think or do. I think that some people can have conditional love for others that can actually be harmed by behavior... but I think that most people do not. I just can't imagine (at least for me) turning off my caring for my child because they are different. (In so many ways, aren't we all different?) So I like to think that I would be extremely tolerant and understanding and supportive. That said, it is really easy for me to say that in my position. My son is almost nine years old and developmentally delayed- the idea that I might need to actually practice what I am thinking is so far away... or at least it feels like it is. And I have been told that I am the most generous and tolerant person from some friends who have made it very clear that my behavior towards them is a rare gift for them... which doesn't make any sense to me as we are all people, right?

So, if my child did come up to me and told me that he was gay... I like to think that my first response would be to say 'that's wonderful'.  I don't think that it should really matter except how it matters to him.  I like to think that I could express my gratitude for the trust that my child was showing me and that I would be supportive and caring- just as supportive and caring as I have always been. I do think that maybe one thing that I need to think about... maybe instead of just making sure to keep highly hateful people away from my son, maybe I also need to make sure that he is able to see positive examples of homosexuals around him... so that no matter what sexuality he finds that he 'feels'... he will know that he is OK and cared for. I can't imagine loving him any less and I can't imagine not standing up for him and his choices in front of ignorant or hateful people. I also cannot imagine the sorrow that other parents feel when others hurt their children... or cause their children to harm themselves. I hope that my child feels that he can be who he is and that I can support him in that- no matter whether he is heterosexual or homosexual, whether he follows social gender roles or not, whether he is religious or not,... I hope that we all can.

I am not sure that any of us can know how we will react until we are faced with it.  But I think that thinking about how we would react is a great first step to understanding how we feel so we know how we are most likely to react and confront our confusion, fear, or ignorance head on... which I think would be great just to understand ourselves better... and being able to help our children and others is an added bonus!  :)

History, It's Importance, and Memory

This is just some homework that I did for my Local History Class, but I really liked the information I needed to get together for it and thought it was useful!

What is the Importance of Memory in History?:

Memory is so important to us as conscious beings for so many of the things we do in life as well as for developing an accurate or inaccurate impression of historical events. In our daily lives, we make decisions based on our past experiences- what to cook, read, and even the classes we picked to take this semester in school are based on our past experiences and what memories we have – “I have managed to complete four courses with my family situation with decent grades, I needed certain courses... which ones could I pick that I would like and find fun.... and here I am.”

Memory when recording history is important because it gives history a flow and an emotional meaning and knowledge that you just can not get from most basic historical documents. A piece of paper placed on the President's desk stating that unemployment rates are over fifty percent (like the Great Depression) will express facts- it is up to your brain to attempt to figure out what the facts mean...emotionally, physically, etc... Interviewing the people who lived through the Great Depression, how they managed to survive and what life was like to live in that time gives you a real picture of that time. The little things that the macro- documents might not think to tell you. /An example of that would be a story that my best friend told me. She was in her early teens during the Great Depression living on a farm in Maine. If someone came to the door and asked for food, her parents would give it to them no questions asked. One day when Sarah was alone a man came and tried to break into the house. He threatened her and her dog had to chase the man away. People didn't come to the door for food after that and she found out later that a pole by the road near their home had been marked with a special mark that warned people not to go there as they weren't friendly. She always felt bad about that because they were willing to give away food- that guy had just gone too far. The idea that 'tramps' or other transients marked the poles is something I would never have thought to look for and most documentation about the GD would not have listed it/

What are the Drawbacks of Memory?

That said, memory can also be a hindrance to the historian... or should be taken with a grain of salt without other corroborating evidence. Memory is faulty and is based upon our perceptions, biases viewpoints and even our biology. Unlike the Harry Potter books, memory is rarely so detailed and specific unless there was a large stressor involved... and the stressor itself is bound to change our perceptions of what is happening. Some things that can change memory are embarrassment, time lapsed between the events, emotional undercurrents, lack of understanding due to poor communication, age etc... So memory can help fill in gaps between documents and what is known, but it can also confuse the issue with irrelevant information. /An interesting study that was released a few years ago did a study of memory by interviewing thousands of people the day after the OJ Simpson trial verdict. They asked them where they were and what they had been doing when they heard the verdict and then a few years later asked them the same questions. Almost half had a completely different memory than the one they had given before and many were very insistent that their current memory was correct and the researches were probably wrong!/

What is the Importance of the Nearby Past?

Nearby history is important for two reasons. The first is that it affects us on a daily basis. What happens in the homes of my community affects me as surely as what happens in mine. And these dynamics will continue to change the experience of the individuals living around me (and me as well) and will affect our decisions which in turn, will affect the history of the community. Nearby history is also important because as I mentioned above, it really helps flesh out the macro image of a historical event and gives the larger picture more nuance, and more accuracy. And history can play a huge role in a person's life and current situation. A person who had bad parents may chose to not have children, or to have children but do counseling and classes to attempt to change patterns in their life, or may chose to do nothing and hope for the best. We are the living embodiment of our history which affects the way we think and what decisions we make. Even the large picture of history is something that affects all of us; climate change, GMO's, war, recession, etc... It may affect us in very different ways – some may choose to volunteer to non-profits in war zones while some may chose smaller ways to contribute such as recycling and trying to reuse items longer before replacing them- but these issues do affect us all.

What Role does History Play in our Lives Today?

By understanding our past, we are better able to understand our future. When we understand what motivated our parents, we understand better why they make the decisions they do. When we understand what motivates us, we can understand better how to accomplish our goals. And understanding what motivates others or why they make the decisions that they do helps us to accomplish our goals because we will be more successful in convincing others to help (or at least not hinder!) We evaluate our history when we teach our children and if we didn't like the way our parents did something, then we try to change it. When we see the struggles that others have made for advancement (ex. civil rights), we feel motivated and capable to continue the struggle which becomes our personal history and a piece of the larger framework. And some groups are defined by our history -whether we are aware of our history or not. As a practicing Mormon, I have found that many people in my church know very little of church history and find themselves shocked by non-members who know more about our history than they do and as a member we are judged- for good or ill- by what people perceive of that history. I am sure that other groups-religious or otherwise- have the same problem. Being ignorant of your history doesn't change it or how it might affect you and your current lifestyle, family, etc...

History of a Song: August - “As We Take the Sacrament”

This hymn is a common one that is sung during LDS sacrament services and is one of the few hymns that Mormons use that is truly ' a homegrown' product- both the lyrics and the music are written by practicing Mormons. This particular hymn is #169 in the 1985 English LDS Church Hymnal.

The lyrics to this song were written by Lee Tom Perry, who was born in 1951. He is the son of an high ranking LDS religious leader (L Tom Perry). When he was in his late teens, he served a two year LDS mission in Japan and later was an associate dean of the Marriott School of Management at Brigham Young University. He has worked in a variety of callings in the Mormon church including mission president in California and as a stake president. He is also considered an LDS academic who has written or co-authored a few books including “Righteous Influence: What Every Leader Should Know about Drawing on the Powers of Heaven”, “Real -Time Strategy:Improvising Team-Based Planning for a Fast -Changing World”, and “Offensive Strategy:Forging a New Competitiveness in the Fires of Head-To- Head Competition.” Some of his speeches while working at BYU were quite popular and can be found in a readable format online.

Daniel Lyman Carter wrote the music for this hymn and he was born in 1955. He is primarily a LDS composer/songwriter and has a few songs to his credit including the discussed one and “A Young Man Prepared”. He has received commissions from church leader to compose music for special celebrations such as the Sesquicentennial Celebration in 1997. he had contributed several compositions to Mormon church magazines and his works have been performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and other groups throughout the Mormon church. He has also contributed articles on music to church magazines and he also taught and spoke several times at regional LDS Church music workshops. He also started a Choral group that performed for around a decade throughout regional Mormon areas and which put out a CD titles “Come Unto Him – Music by Dan Carter”. He has over 350 pieces of music in print and he continues to write and compose as well as publish.

This song is rarely heard except for the sacrament portion of the LDS church meeting, but it is one of my favorites. I am sort of biased though because the whole sacrament portion of the meeting is the best time for me at church. A few minutes of quiet to just think and remember the savior when I am sitting up and sort of awake- that can't be beaten. So what do you think of this song... many people I know at church do not like it which is a shame (well, I think so : ) Does this song give you any particular emotions one way or another? What are your thoughts...?

Pioneer Day - July 24

On July 24th, Mormons celebrate Pioneer Day. It is an important holiday for my church as well celebrate and remember the sacrifices of the people who came before us. Those thousands of individuals and families who left their homes- whether from persecution in Missouri, Illinois, or their homes in other countries to join the saints in Salt Lake- with a dream and a purpose: to live and worship freely and without fear. (sounds a little like the beginning of the history of the United States, doesn't it?)

I was born into a Mormon family, grew up as a Mormon and pretty much always able to be surrounded by Mormons until I got married and moved to the East Coast. On the West Coast, Mormons celebrate by wearing lots of clothing and parading around in the heat and when the children complain, they are told that the pioneers suffered for days on end the same way and it isn't meant to be 'fun'- we are meant to remember. But what we are meant to remember seems to be foolish in some regards as I grow up. Suffering for a few hours like our ancestors seems to me to not teach us the lesson that is most appropriate. Yes, we learned that they suffered and times were tough. We learned that they were persecuted and treated poorly for what they believed and how they lived.

But these lessons will fade because they are not the most important lesson we should be teaching to ourselves and the next generation. Yes, we will still revere and respect our ancestors and enjoy the stories of them... but life as we age/grow will teach us suffering. We will learn that times now are tough- even if the some of the challenges we face are different. Some of us will learn that our ancestors were not perfect and some even persecuted other innocent people. Some will learn that we still do it in some places where more qualified non-members are not given jobs because they are given to less qualified 'faithful'. (If anyone wonders why there are very few people in Utah that have a neutral opinion of the Mormon church that one example might cue you in.) While the lessons that we should learn and teach our children are the lessons of strength and bravery in the face of the unknown.... the faith to follow your convictions and your heart no matter where it leads you... the confidence in each individuals great worth and the courage to fight and continue in the face of great doubt or even when you realize that you have no choice... but to continue in happiness and faith. That is the lesson that we should be teaching and we need to know for ourselves. It is not an easy or superficial lesson- but it is the most important lesson that we can learn in this life.... and as a Mormon I am grateful to have the ancestry to look back on to remember and ponder these lessons. As a historian and a human, I have thousands of years of collective history to look over and learn from... and almost all roads lead back to these basic lessons.

So many Mormons these days celebrate their pioneer heritage with a few hours of suffering or playacting and the rest of the year with conformity and silence. They do not voice their doubts, fears or concerns about the church or church culture for fear of dishonoring their family and their ancestors (and in turn, their sacrifice.) In my opinion, our ancestor's sacrifice is dishonored by ignoring their example. The lessons that they have given us- sealed by their sweat, toil, tears, songs, and their entire lives and how they lived them... we waste and disregard them by not living up to them. So this special day, this pioneer's day, take a moment to remember the real reason we should celebrate and feel grateful for our heritage. Not that they suffered and died... but that they gave us lessons, examples, and their dreams and hopes to live on in us. Please let us not fail them! Be a modern day pioneer. Do not meekly submit to authority- even to the authority of the church when our ancestors took over a year in travel and struggle and tears to follow their dream and their beliefs and to try and make the world a better place by defying authority. Before you accept doctrines and belief, pray and fast and get revelation that it is right to do so. For I believe, that is what your ancestors would have you do.

PS: I am aware that these thoughts will be offensive to some, but our ancestors defied authority so that they could also practice a form of marriage that is considered unacceptable to many today (including Mormons). Before you decide that you are sure that Heavenly Father hates homosexuals, their families, and their children and they should not have rights because the church tells use that homosexuality is wrong, please pray and do not take that answer solely for granted simply because the church says so. People around the world are dying because they feel unaccepted and Mormons are too. Equal rights is something our ancestors wanted -to be able to live by their beliefs. Joseph Smith said that we respect others beliefs. Please.... this is a matter of life and death. Please think on it... Please.

Family - The Ties that Bind... and Strangle... and Mangle.....

Over the last few days, I have been watching a family feud erupt slowly over a friend's Facebook page.   Before the disagreement came on to Facebook, it had apparently been waged for years through heated discussions and family debate and spiteful anger.  In the week leading up to this blowout a 'texting war' broke out with the members of one faction angrily berating and shaming members of the opposition through text.  One person finally simply lost her composure and her hurt, angry brain vomit was splashed across her Facebook wall to be seen and digested by her seventy- odd friends.  And this is where I and her other friends entered the picture.

As I read the 'writing on the wall', I felt so much sorrow.  She was vague about who was causing her the problems (family) and what the disagreement was about, but it was clear that she felt hurt, not valued or appreciated, and that she felt that she wasn't being listened to or heard.  Then the fun began....

A few family members struck back and it became apparent that the 'texting war' was very nasty.  So many rude comments and all by name.  So while she spared her family by being very vague, she was not spared at all.  Some of the comments were:

1. Just a note:  I thought J and D were divorced.  That means that J is not part of the family anymore. "If D and J are divorced that means she is not part of the family anymore.  She can be your friend, but she is not family.”

2. You are acting like such a baby

3. yeah, trashing your family is such an ADULT thing to do

4. What you think of us doesn't count - you're family!

5. you have to be so melodramatic

6. I love you , but I can't believe you are causing all this trouble and putting this on a public forum.

7. why can't you be more Christ-like?

8. I like how N is a part of the family...when noone including J and A and D have anything good to say about him besides he gives us things. ;-) Thank goodness E and I are not a part of the drama anymore (that's my gift for eternity)... Heavenly Father looks out for us! I hope you guys can work things out civilly though. Good luck. ... I'm sure something will work out though. I know you just needed to vent so I'm not going to get into this. You guys are fam and You guys know how to work things out. Good Luck!

9. I am adult enough to stand up for things I do.  Obviously she is not with her childishness!  So any day she'd like to hash it out...I'm more than willing!"

10. "Yeah...because J said nothing derogatory about me.  And she didn't drop J, D or A's name in it.  I've had a talk with all of them that took it offensive.  But we're all over it by just considering the source.

(I left all the misspelling and language and just removed names above)

While the comments mentioned above were pretty severe, the comment that popped up over and over like a theme was 'You are making the family look bad'.  Leaving aside the fact that these people's comments made them look bad all by themselves, what really bothered me was the idea that she 'should not' have talked about the family outside the family.  That bothers me a great deal.

Less than a few decades ago (and still probably pretty common today), kids were told to not talk about family stuff that would make the collective whole look bad.  So if you were abused or molested by a family member, you couldn't talk about it.  If you did, the concern was that the family would look bad and that would be your fault.  That kind of flawed logic (someone does something bad, you say so, the bad thing is now your fault) strikes against the grain to me for a few reasons.

The first reason is that I find it appalling that the 'world' and people outside the family are given more power in the family.  Heavenly Father gave us families so that we would have tight groups of people who care for each other and will protect each other from the dangers of the outside world.  The family unit itself seems to me to be the most important unit of all. Yes, some families are broken and need mending- mine certainly is. But if a family sacrifices the happiness and security of one family member for the least embarrassment for the rest of the group, I think that is just plain wrong.

Another reason is that forces family members who are hurt to suffer in silence. Who else can you talk to if not your family....? (Is that why there are so many counselors around... because so many people cannot talk to family? ) Some individuals cannot 'suffer' in silence without literally cracking up. So not only would their happiness and comfort be sacrificed by the family, but also their mental well being/sanity. That seems like an unacceptable cost.

Now, please do not think that I am suggesting that families should not have secrets from the outside world. Many things that happen in the family should stay in the family. I do advocate however, that some things- even petty things- should be taken outside of the family if necessary for reasonable reasons. Those will vary between individuals and families and what they feel comfortable with. However, once something is out of the family, it is 'out' and spending your resources and times insulting other family members and arguing about whether it should be out or not is pretty silly. It is also more likely to make the problem worse and harder to resolve due to bitterness, etc.... Compromise will also become so much more difficult. If someone is wrong, it is a lot easier for them to change their mind if they can do it without too much loss of 'face'.

This battle ended as most people would have predicted by some of the comments above. The owner of the Facebook page became even more frustrated and tired of the comments and removed all of her family from her friends list- about twenty names. Neither side has changed their mind and both sides seem angry and bitter. I do not foresee an end to this rift soon... but since this family is Mormon, when they all die, they will have to live together. Might be pretty tough if no one is talking to each other :D

So, I will continue to work on my family difficulties. I will try to remember the thoughts that I have outlined above as I continue to make my family whole and happy. This argument was so sad on so many levels. But the worse part about it was the subject.

The family was arguing about Christmas presents.

Prayer, Service and a U-Turn

Today, until just recently I was having a great day. I felt so peaceful and just... happy. I really couldn't find anything that seemed to break in and distress the 'groove' so to speak.... until this afternoon. I am disappointed that I can be so easily acted upon and I am really disappointed that I 'allow' myself to have negative reactions to things. Even when something isn't good and is negative, it doesn't mean that I need to dwell on it and it doesn't mean that I have to forget all the good that I am surrounded with. So why do I have such a hard time focusing on the positives?

Anyway, I decided to pick up my scriptures and do a 'random' reading. Yesterday at church, there was a great discussion by two members of the stake presidency on the importance of scripture reading. I have sat through MANY lessons on this topic throughout my life with small variations based on teaching skills and class interest and focus, but essentially they have been all the same. You must read your scriptures because:

1. It is a commandment and you will be held accountable.- Some teachers have suggested that you will be cursed for not reading, others have suggested that you will 'lose blessings' without appropriate scripture study, and others have gone to even more interesting lengths; one I remember in particular is John Bytheway who thought we 'might' have to confess to the actual prophets who wrote these books after we die that we didn't read them because … *** insert lame excuse here***.

2. If the scriptures are a gift given to us by a loving Heavenly Father to help guide us, give answers and advice, and offer comfort and hope... then how ungrateful are we if we allow this positive and loving gift to sit on the shelf collecting dust? I know of one member who was born in the church and while she has had periods of inactivity she has for the most part been a faithful attendee (she confessed to me several months ago that she has never read the Book of Mormon.) How many others of my faith fit in into this mold?

The phrase 'reading the scriptures' is one of the best generic answers for church. Any question asked with very few exceptions can be answered with it and it will be an unassailable answer. But while it is an 'easy answer', it tends to not be an easy thing to do. And the lesson on Sunday mentioned that when we pray, our answers from God are more likely to come from the scriptures than anything else. I have always thought that answers would come in many other ways as well as scriptures- instead I learned that if you do not read your scriptures, you are less likely to receive answers at all. The stake presidency also talked about how scripture study is uniting- that those who read the scriptures become bound closer to others, even if they are not reading them together. He said that scripture study helps you to interpret true miracles as well.

So today.... today, when I felt confused and sad, I picked up my scriptures and opened them randomly and landed on Alma chapter 34. These verses really pulled me and I read them over and over for almost a quarter of an hour.

17 Therefore may God grant unto you, my brethren, that ye may begin to exercise your faith unto repentance, that ye begin to call upon his holy name, that he would have mercy upon you;

18 Yea, cry unto him for mercy; for he is mighty to save.

19 Yea, humble yourselves, and continue in prayer unto him.

20 Cry unto him when ye are in your fields, yea, over all your flocks.

21 Cry unto him in your houses, yea, over all your household, both morning, mid–day, and evening.

22 Yea, cry unto him against the power of your enemies.

23 Yea, cry unto him against the devil, who is an enemy to all righteousness.

24 Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them.

25 Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase.

26 But this is not all; ye must pour out your souls in your closets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness.

27 Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.

28 And now behold, my beloved brethren, I say unto you, do not suppose that this is all; for after ye have done all these things, if ye turn away the needy, and the naked, and visit not the sick and afflicted, and impart of your substance, if ye have, to those who stand in need—I say unto you, if ye do not any of these things, behold, your prayer is vain, and availeth you nothing, and ye are as hypocrites who do deny the faith.

(Book of Mormon | Alma 34:17 - 28)

I realized that I have not prayed enough lately. I have cried (probably more than necessary I should think :) but I have closed myself off from many but I have also started in my pain to close myself off from my Father. Until that moment I hadn't really realized it. Lately, I have given a short prayer and immediately fallen into sleep. If I wake a few hours later, my brain simply continues a circular pattern of the same fairly horrible feelings and thoughts that have been running through my subconscious for a few months now... and the thoughts will continue for hours until exhausted I fall asleep again. In verses 27-28, Amulek (the speaker) reminds his audience that it is not enough to pray constantly about your welfare, but you must also pray for the welfare of others. I was struck suddenly by the idea that if I am not constantly working for my good but also the good of others, my prayers will be next to useless. I will be crying and begging just to hear the sound of my own voice. Sounds embarrassing and foolish.

So I think I have been doing things a little backwards lately. I have been volunteering and spending my free time working to help my family and others and exhausting myself so that I do not have time to think... no time to read scriptures... and no energy to pray. So I think I need to make a 180 degree change... and start praying more, reading more... and then volunteer and continue to do my work for my family and for others. This may help me find the path I have been looking for over the last few years.