Gratitude - 1/30/19

I've got a lot going on right now and my head is overfull. So I've been counting my blessings today.

1. I am grateful that I live in America. I am not happy about what is going on with our government and the serious cultural systemic problems, but I am relatively safe. I don't live in a country where I can easily be put into labor camps or hurt in other torturous ways - like North Korea or China. For that I am grateful.

2. I am grateful for amazing co-workers. I am grateful for my amazing job. I need more hours and I am going to have to figure that out but I have no complaints about the work environment and the fine people I work with. That makes me pretty content.

3. I have an amazing friend. My best friend is so supportive and cares so much that I want to try harder to be well in my life and to do better. Everyone needs that kind of friend in their life.

4. My ex and my son are pretty amazing. I am grateful for supporting family.

5. I am grateful for warm clothes and warmth in my home, It is really cold out there right now and I am able to be warm and out of it. Not everyone has that luxury.

6. I am grateful that I have my furry companions who take such good care of my mental health. I have no idea what I would be like without them.

7. While my ankle hurts, it is holding itself together. I can't complain about that.

What are you grateful for?

Busy Time

The last month or so has been very busy for me. On top of my usual responsibilities and life changes, one of my co-workers has been out with surgery and recovery time and I have been trying to take her place. I have known for a while that working full-time for me- at least in the jobs that I've had over the last few years - is no longer physically possible for me for long periods of time. This was a great experiment as I was able to sort of see how long I could work full time before my body complains too loudly. I discovered that I can't work too much without having significant health issues. I am very grateful that my coworker is back and my hours have been cut back down. As much as I need the money... I definitely don't need the physical pain that I was getting.

Since I've been so busy with work I really haven't accomplished very much else. I have some genealogy that I've been trying to work on and I have been very slow at accomplishing it. I've looked at a few online sources for doing college classes that I can get for free- I would like to take more classes but I'm not sure I want to go on to a graduate degree- and I haven't spent any time following up on those either. I've done the bare minimum on my housework and I'm grateful to have some time off to try to make my house cleaned up and enjoyable again.

I have quite a lot to be grateful for. I'm so thankful and thrilled to be able to spend some time with Katey this weekend. I'm grateful for the time to work on getting my body back to a more stable condition. I've had some time to catch up on housework and I have a fridge full of fresh food. I recently had some flooding in my house and I am fully caught up in getting that picked up, cleaned up, and getting everything back to normal. I have most of my garden pots and beds set up for the season and filled with dirt and compost... I'm almost ready to add seedlings. I have happy feline companions and the mice are hanging in there as well. I've had time to read some books and catch up on paperwork. I'm able to end this day resting on my couch enjoying a few episodes of "Red Dwarf." I have a cup of cinnamon tea and dried bananas to snack on. In essence, I have been better, but I'm doing well. I have a few BLS classes over the next few days, a day at the pharmacy, and family time this week. This is a week to rest in spare moments and get ready to get back to my normal priorities and work load next week. So I'll rest up and get ready for what the future holds. Let's see what happens next.

Notice

I gave notice at work today. It felt very brave as I do not have another sure fire job lined up and in some ways quiting can be seen as a pretty stupid move without something else in the bag. I must confess the feeling of relief and peace I feel is pretty overwhelming. It's a mark of how bad things are when you tell your boss that you are leaving and his first words are "You can't do that - we love you! What did we do to you..." That is such an interesting way of responding- control, need, and then acknowledgment that the environment is so poor I must be leaving due to poor treatment. And he's not wrong... I am. It took a few hours to really sink in for him and at one point he asked if I was really serious I must be kidding (I'm not). In the end, I tentatively agreed to stay per diem for a few weeks and see how that goes, but I think my heart is already gone. I love Lily and Sara and Toni and Jane- I have some amazing co-workers- but the damaging culture is just too much. The peace I feel with making the decision even though this decision will create more trials for me is profound. I am so grateful for the ability and opportunity to kneel in prayer and discuss my concerns and to feel heard most of the time... even when I do not like the answers. I am not totally sure how I am going to move forward right now... or at least I haven't pinpointed a firm direction and focus. But I am content with my current choice so let's see where it leads me... and celebrate with french fries (doesn't everyone? :D )

On a silly note, I enjoyed my Valentine's day with my kitties very much and there was much love all around. There is much to be thankful for.