Catch Up

Whew! Sometimes life just sneaks up on you. I feel like I will be coasting along pretty well for a bit and then the world tips slightly and everything slides to the side and falls down. Then I end up spending way too much time trying to pick everything back up and level up my life again. IT doesn't necessarily mean that everything is bad, just a jumble of positive and negative tumbled together that needs to be carefully winnowed out and restored to its appropriate place in my life. These times are hard but something I try to be thankful for. After all, these times help define our goals and then our lives. You never learn as much as you do when you are trying to evaluate what is important and necessary and what must be laid aside... no matter how important it still feels to you. The Buddhist principle of impermanence is a wonderful thing to learn even if it isn't a principle that is the slightest bit easy or comfortable... at least its not for me.

Overall, things are going OK. Finances are still pretty shaky and I am not fully stable as I would like to be in that regard. However, I have plenty to eat and my insurance is covering the majority of my medical bills- I can't fathom what I would do without insurance with my health problems. Just this month alone I have six appointment and 2 MRIs. My monthly doctor's visits would put me into bankruptcy if I didn't have insurance. Having Ehler's Danlos can be a bit of a trial sometimes and having insurance really is critical fro a decent quality of life. I am very grateful that I do have health insurance and wish that this country could get it together and provide single payer healthcare. No one should have to go without healthcare due to expense.

I am back to wearing a brace on my left ankle as it doesn't want to stay fully in its socket. The brace is controlling it well so I tend to have moments that I forget I am dealing with that problem. I have learned not to sit on it or to sit indian style- those are errors I will pay for fairly quickly both in inappropriate joint movement and pain. I also am trying to learn to pivot more slowly instead of quick turning 'jolts' to change direction.

MY car has been fixed and for the moment the fuzzy parts of the household are healthy. Watson passed away last weekend and that has been a sad experience- I still feel like I can see him lope along in my peripheral vision when I am moving throughout the house. However, everyone that was very ill has passed on at this point and I am hopeful for a period of time of good health for me and my fuzzy companions.

Sleep has improved a bit which is helpful. I would definitely prefer better sleep every day- the nightmares are not helpful most nights. However, they are improving or at least I'm having fewer of them... that's progress! Sometimes when I wake up from a nightmare, I hear the lyrics of a BareNaked Ladies song in my head:

I wake up scared. I wake up strange. Its the hair shirt I wear. This hair shirt is woven from your brown hair. This song is the cross that I bear... bear with me... bear with me... - "What a Good Boy"

Strange lyrics for strange dreams I guess...

I hate when I get so busy that I do not write. I really like writing. I should do it more.

Zombie Debt

There are many different ways to discuss and label debt- student, credit, medical, etc... One form of debt that isn't talked about much is Zombie debt. I ended up spending a few hours on the phone today between hospitals and insurances and have found myself the new and proud owner of medical debt... from 2015. So two months ago it didn't exist... and now it does. It certainly messes with your budget to have to reconfigure how you spend money based on information that you couldn't have had when you made it. Learning that more of these unknown expenses are probably headed my way as my health insurance *still* hasn't paid on these bills for the last two years doesn't really feel great. And while I thought about it and what choices I need to make, I thought about the term 'zombie debt' and how I originally had heard it. So here is a clip to the show "Last Week Tonight" discussing medical debt and debt buying organizations.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxUAntt1z2c

Paying off my 'new' medical debt won't be fun, but it could certainly be worse. I could have the experience of many of the people mentioned in this episode. I guess it might be a valuable thing for everyone to remember- even if you have insurance and they should pay the bill.... if they don't, you are still on the hook. There are no exceptions. Medical debt also is treated as bad debt by credit reporting companies even though people can not help becoming sick in the vast majority of cases. I wish I had fewer health problems and I confess... even though I have insurance now (and had at the time of my 'new' debt) my gut reaction is to stop going to the doctor because I have no idea if in two years I will have to pay for the visit, procedure, etc... I dearly hope for single payer/ universal healthcare for the next generation. It is needed for so many reasons.

Sigh... maybe someday.

Gratitude - 1/8/2018

1. I had another PT appointment today. I go to several appointments to try and fix one particular joint and then they move onto another one. Today's appointment was for my left ankle. Out of all my bothersome joints, the left ankle is the biggest problem. So today I got to sit down with Jacques and look at pictures of my ankle when I damaged it three years ago. Then we scanned through x-rays and notes and then we got to work. I am so grateful that I have health insurance that will cover the therapies I need to try and get my ligaments and tendons strong enough to hold the joints in. I am not sure what I would do without it.

2. I love Brock's hamster. She is named 'Duck' and she is just the sweetest, most kindly soul I have ever seen in a hamster. She reminds me of a hamster I had when Bug was born names Adonis. She takes good care of herself and won't over eat even though Bug WAY overfeeds her. She will sit in your hand and look into your eyes and I lose myself in their depths. Watching her is restful and peaceful. She is a very old lady at almost two years old, but I am grateful to have her in my life.

3. I am so grateful I got caught up on CPR paperwork. I have been avoiding that like the plague, but it's done and ready for the mail tomorrow! I will have more to do in a few days, but at least I am caught up now.

4. Several years ago, my Uncle Rick gave me a huge stack of DVD's. Once in a while I will open the package up and pop one in the player and either enjoy something I've seen before or discover something new that I probably would not have seen if he hadn't given me a copy. Tonight I enjoyed an oldie but goodie (My Cousin Vinny) and a new one (Lake Placid). I was able to do my paperwork, eat a decent dinner, and enjoy some really silly films at the same time.

5. As part of #4, I am grateful I do not live anywhere where I could go to a large and be eaten by a 28 foot long crocodile. Even if the film was set in Maine. :)

6. I have extra days at work this week and while my legs will whine, my bank account will smile.

7. My plants are still alive even though the winter is cold and they are by the windows... and even though my cats sit on them and squash them flat. The root systems should help keep them going until the summer comes so I can watch them bloom again. I love indoor plants for so many reasons, but one reason is that I love their resiliency.

8. I was able to take several bags of donations that I sorted out from volunteering on Saturday and take it to a cool place called the Community Closet. They were thrilled to get the clothing and I was glad someone wanted it.

9. I feel warm and have lots of warm clothing to hang out in at home. I have a roof over my head and good food to eat. My car keeps limping along and gets me to were I need to go. That's always a good start to every day.

What are you thankful for today?