Still Here...

Sorry my friends... I have let the last month slide away with so much on my mind and my plate. Court, family, struggle and all sorts of stuff as well as school. I will be back on track in he next few days. And here is a nice picture that made me smile... I am just finishing my medieval history class so it seemed a perfect way to end the class- with a smile and laugh. :)

Some Thoughts Today...

On some days, the clear fact that I make mistakes feels horrible. It seems like I can't improve, that I cannot change. Sometimes I think I am getting better at something and then I realize that maybe I am not. How can you see change if it is small? Can change exist if you see it, but those closest to you do not?

I will be the first to admit that I do not like blame- even when I am at fault. I guess I do not feel that blame solves much and trying to work past the problem or mistake is best. I also think that blame hurts and not in a positive way; it doesn't make people feel sorry or repentant... but rather angry and defensive. I feel like I get a lot of blame in my life. Some of this blame comes from myself as I berate myself for my foolishness, etc... Wasn't it President Uchtdorf who joked that 'some people cannot get along with themselves?' :) But a lot of blame comes from others and it is starting to wear me down. I will make mistakes no matter how I try not to- and today I did make a pretty good one. I acknowledge it and want to try and put it right. But how can I if I am not given the information to do so... and all I hear is anger and blame and sarcastic thank you's? Do we all not fall short of perfection... and depend on the Atonement? My response in the past would probably have been to cry, do my best to make it right and move on. If I am not able to attempt to make it right, I feel stymied and I am moving into a new pattern of cry, withdraw, hide, and don't talk to anyone. The idea of trust and risk are even more painful and the vigor with which I would launch myself into he world is gone and I have no idea how to get it back... and even if I should.

Can I end this post with an apology? I know I am not perfect and I cannot be in this life. I know that there are so many things that are weaknesses for me and are very difficult. I apologize for anything that I have done in the past that has harmed you or caused you (the reader) to feel pain. If there is any way that I can make it right or attempt to do so, please let me know. Please do not let something I have done to you cause you to feel negatively towards myself or other aspects of your life. I will really try to do the same for you.

Sonia

Different Visions of Perfection

"It all comes back to one...
For it is He and He alone...
Who has lived the only perfect life we've known" - Michael W. Smith

Perfection – a state of completeness and flawlessness
- 'a finishing' or to 'be finished'; complete
- which is so good nothing could be better
- which has attained its purpose

I have never understood the idea of perfection. Don't get me wrong- I understand the concept and what the word means and symbolizes. But really, what is perfection anyway? I wonder what answers we would get if we placed twenty people around a table and discussed it. I think that the first two minutes would be caught up in the definitions formerly stated... but what happens when you ask for examples? Would we get caught up in pointing at people and certain characteristics that we consider perfect? Or people that 'look' perfect and appear to have the perfect life to us? If we really tried to point at perfection and what is means to us, what would we point at? I wonder if many of us would end up pointing at Jesus and saying that's perfection.

That opens up questions for me though. I am not questioning whether Jesus is and was perfect. I have a strong testimony of my Savior. But I can easily open up the scriptures and find examples of behavior that I would consider imperfect in myself... in some ways I might even consider sinful. One example is anger. Just a random pulling of a few scriptures discussed that anger is a bad thing.

Proverbs 14:17 – He that is soon angry dealith foolishly....

Proverbs 27:4 – Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous.....

Genesis: 49:7 – Cursed be their anger, for it was fierce....

If you look at the words of the prophets and members of the priesthood who speak at conference or even in your local sacrament meeting, rarely can someone find a quote that anger can ever have a good purpose.... yet Jesus showed anger. So... when in anger OK? In perfection, showing anger is acceptable -so anger itself is not a sin.

So after thinking about this idea, what do you think? How do you feel about anger? Is anger a black and white idea in that it is either really bad or good... and how can you decide which forms of anger (or at least angry behavior) is truly acceptable and not sinful? ...And what other emotions and acts can be righteous and unrighteous in your opinion... depending on how they are done?