Short glimpses into the life of a squirrel - 6/2/24

This has been a wonderful year for red squirrels. I have a few babies that have been coming to hang out with us and it is lovely! I have a bird feeder hanging up on the tree and as the birds drop the sunflower seeds the squirrels close in.

This little guy lets me get way too close. I love it because I can see the details of his body so much better when I'm closer. Just beautiful!

Here is one of the siblings chattering at me from the clothesline. This one is a little bit more fearful of me so it is constantly chattering at me in the hopes of that I will leave.

Looking forward to all of their little furry souls coming back tomorrow for a snack and some sun.

Remus

I can't believe it's been a year-and-a-half since I picked up Remus from the vet's office. The cat now known as Remus was a stray that had been hit by a car in Surry and brought to the local vet. He was in really big trouble and is lucky to be alive. Most cats who are hit by a car do not live to tell the tale. He is especially lucky that somebody noticed and stopped as the car that hit him did not. It was the car behind the car who hit him who stopped to help him. Instead of letting him go to the shelter to attempt to recover and be adopted he came to my house.

He has grown and healed over the last year or so. He is relatively healthy and happy now and gets along with all the other cats in the household. He likes to rest and play with a cat laser and loves catnip as well. He has problems with weight now as his metabolism isn't great from the accident. But he loves to snuggle and he stays very close to me when he can. I am also thankful for the few people who donated money to help with his vet bills when he was originally in need. Between a Good Samaritan fund and those donations from a Go Fund Me post I paid very little of his vet bills during this time. Those costs included his neuter and vaccinations and a tail amputation.

I am a lucky woman to have him in my life and I am grateful that I took the opportunity to say yes and bring him home.

Happy Easter

Today is a most unusual Easter for me. Usually I'm extremely thankful to have Easter as a day off of work. Usually it is a day to rest after I've worked so hard for weeks and weeks and weeks. Today I start Easter fairly well rested because I've been able to rest since my surgery and I haven't worked for days on end. I haven't taught CPR and I haven't gone to the pharmacy. I've just rested. My body feels it and I feel rested even though I'm not sleeping well. In fact, I'm looking forward to a day with family because I feel rested enough to enjoy it and enjoy their company. I have so much to be grateful for today. I'm grateful for my Savior and his sacrifices on my behalf. I'm grateful for my family and friends and their sacrifices for me too.I am grateful for so many blessings many of which I either do not remember or do not acknowledge. There is so much to be grateful for on this day. Happy Easter to all and may all have a beautiful day no matter what you're celebrating today.

Gratitude - 2/3/19

I'm currently fighting a cold. It has left the fever behind but the mucus has settled into my chest. My body feels heavy and achy but not as weak as I would have thought it would be. So I don't like being sick, but I feel like I will recover quicker than normal... which is good as I am working six days this week.

1. I am thankful for fruit. I'm on a slightly restrictive diet and being able to eat fruit feels like I am being spoiled with dessert. So I am grateful for my dessert of peaches today. It was wonderful.

2. So thankful that the weather has warmed up a trifle. Going outside at thirty degrees feels much better than three degrees. I spent a little bit of time outside today because it was warmer and I am glad to have enjoyed a little bit of sun.

3. I am grateful for books to lose myself in when I am sick and need to rest.

4. I am super grateful for on-line church. I love listening to testimonies and the experiences of other people. Even when I don't understand or can't comprehend their experience I feel so edified listening to others and being able to share my own thoughts. I really appreciate inclusive areas when all can feel like they belong. Just feeling grateful for my Sabbath today.

5. I am grateful for Bug. I am blessed to have such an amazing son! He is going through another growth spurt again so I am watching him shoot up even taller and wondering when it will end. He is going to be a very tall man. I loved reading books with him today and enjoying videos too. It was a nice day.

6. It was wonderful for have such a nice lazy day. I really needed one.

Gratitude - 1/30/19

I've got a lot going on right now and my head is overfull. So I've been counting my blessings today.

1. I am grateful that I live in America. I am not happy about what is going on with our government and the serious cultural systemic problems, but I am relatively safe. I don't live in a country where I can easily be put into labor camps or hurt in other torturous ways - like North Korea or China. For that I am grateful.

2. I am grateful for amazing co-workers. I am grateful for my amazing job. I need more hours and I am going to have to figure that out but I have no complaints about the work environment and the fine people I work with. That makes me pretty content.

3. I have an amazing friend. My best friend is so supportive and cares so much that I want to try harder to be well in my life and to do better. Everyone needs that kind of friend in their life.

4. My ex and my son are pretty amazing. I am grateful for supporting family.

5. I am grateful for warm clothes and warmth in my home, It is really cold out there right now and I am able to be warm and out of it. Not everyone has that luxury.

6. I am grateful that I have my furry companions who take such good care of my mental health. I have no idea what I would be like without them.

7. While my ankle hurts, it is holding itself together. I can't complain about that.

What are you grateful for?

Gratitude - 12/18/18

I am so grateful for a few things today.

I am really grateful for my sister in law today. She sent me a message letting me know how much she cares about me and that I have a heart of gold. That message really meant a lot to me and has helped me to smile over the week. It has also brought a thought to mind... what am I doing with that heart of gold? Am I helping others? How am I using that heart and generosity to help others? I am grateful to the joy and wonderment she brought into my life this week.

I love John Oliver. I learn so much from him and appreciate the research and work his team accomplishes to educate his viewers and it makes a difference in my life. One of my final school papers before I graduated was on sexual education - I got the idea for the paper and started my research using one of his episodes. (See link here) I have been able to rest some days this week and go over some of his older episodes and enjoy and relearn. I am glad to have the opportunity to re-watch them through Youtube and think over the information contained in them.

I got two Christmas cards today. One of them is from my brother and his family and the pictures and the joy contained in them are so obvious and wonderful. I put it on my fridge and I look at it every time I walk by. One of my nieces looks a lot like me and I look in awe of genetics and how genes can be turned on in different pieces of different families. Bug doesn't look much like me at all if I think about it. The other card is from a good friend who sent me the newest noise Christmas album that he put together with music from lots of groups. I can't wait to listen to it tomorrow when I'm trying to get a good walk in. I'm not going to do Christmas cards this year so I am very grateful for every card that I get. They give me a lot of joy.

I discovered a new author today- B.B. Haywood. I have started the author's first book ("Town in a Blueberry Jam") and I am enjoying it in my free time very much.


I had a gluten exposure recently and I have been fighting the pain and exhaustion that comes with it. It hasn't been that bad this time and I am so glad that I am spending less time just fighting my body to get it to move and do what needs to be done. I am thankful for my treadmill because I can walk slowly and intermittently in a warm place... Maine sure is cold right now. Being able to try and keep my health up in a warm safe place is not something I take for granted.

I am grateful for my very best friend. She keeps me sane, less lonely, thoughtful, and as self sufficient as I can be right now. She is supportive and I can't thank her enough.

I am grateful for my ex. He really does a lot of things for me and I appreciate it very much. I am very grateful.

What are you grateful for today?

Gratitude - 12/15/2018

It's been a busy couple of months. I've spent quite a bit of time with family, getting things started for surgery, working with my advocate for a meeting in March and looking for work. While I have been too busy to blog much, I wanted to sit down and share my gratitude for some blessings today.

1. I was able to sit down and pay bills. Very grateful that I had the resources to pay them.

2. Bug stayed over last night. I woke up early listening to him recite and feeling my body being squished up against Teddy and it was sweet. I am tired, but happy to have the time with Bug. Teddy is such a warm dog that he helps keep me warm too.

3. I have a great quilt. It is thick and warm and with a duvet cover it looks amazing. I love snuggling under the covers when it is cold because I feel warm and toasty.

4. I am grateful for my treadmill. I am able to walk at my own pace when I can and get some exercise in even when it is cold outside. Some days my knees and ankles won't take it, but on others I can just walk at my leisure while watching a TV program.

5. I am thankful for a freezer full of food. Can't be thankful enough that I have good food to eat. Not everyone does and I am thankful.

6. I love coloring books. I enjoy listening to books and coloring. I don't do it very often, but when I need to rest and can't be on my feet I enjoy it more than I would just watching television.

7. I love the Christmas tree. Bug decorated it himself this year and it is just gorgeous. I like taking a few minutes to just sit and look at it. It's a bit restful and wonderful to just enjoy and think.

8. I enjoyed reading on sharks over the last few days. They are one of my favorite species and I have had fun this evening studying and writing about them.

What are you thankful for today?

Fiddly Weekend

Since I had a specialized MRI on Friday that required an injection, I thought I should take this weekend off from volunteering at the Turnstyle. I usually love to do it as I love the socialization, but I wasn't sure I would feel up to it. So when I woke up Saturday morning so early from the wrong number, I realized

that I had made a really good choice to stay home. I felt like I shouldn't just sit around even though I did need rest so I spent Saturday doing small things that needed to be done, took little time, but would be easy to rest in between the tasks. It's funny that you never realize how many fiddly quick jobs you can stack up in a house and in the dooryard when you are focused on the big things. It's even time to start taking down some of the garden- last night was 39 degrees according to my thermometer. My Virginia creeper and the trees in the dooryard and nearby woods are just barely starting to turn red, but as the weather changes they will start to turn pretty quickly in the next week I suspect.

The things I accomplished are a bit to numerous to list because they were all tiny

things like washing mannequins and cabbage patch dolls for future CPR classes and moving the house plants back inside for the winter after a nice summer of sun. I also moved in two pepper plants to try and overwinter them- I have no idea if it will work but I might get lucky so why not? I also got the house ready for my day with the ex and Bug. I am so glad I had a day to just focus on rest and getting the little things accomplished. Its amazing how accomplished I felt even though not much was completed that was anything to brag about.

Today was a lovely day of rest and films and good food as every Sunday tends to be. I am grateful for the extra time with family and I have a few hours every morning to do Sabbath-y stuff before the full visit commences. We have a really good routine set up where we visit for breakfast and then they leave Teddy here and head off for a hike while I do my Sabbath celebrations and contemplation and then the rest of the day is ours. They always spend the night on Sundays and, as I sit here and type, I hear the sounds of cooking and boy laughter as Bug carefully takes apart his newest toy to see how it functions. I feel full and relatively warm (I haven't turned on the heat in the house yet so it is starting to get a little chilly inside in the evenings) and generally content. You can't ask for more in a weekend than that. I am very grateful.

Wrong Number

I got a phone call around 4:30 this morning. I woke up quickly feeling an almost immediate sense of panic- after all nobody calls at that time in the morning unless something is wrong- and breathlessly answered the phone. I feel extremely blessed today. Of all the things I quickly imagined getting a call from so early- Rob or Bug being severely ill, ditto with a beloved Aunt or Uncle, or random images of other terrifying possibilities. Instead I got a nice man asking for a gentleman that I didn't know. When I said he wasn't here I got an explanation that the caller was from security down at the lab (I'm guessing Jackson lab but it is only a guess.) We quickly figured out that he had transposed two numbers while dialing and he was quite apologetic. I must have been amusing myself because I know that my voice exuded gratitude and not annoyance as he might have expected. So I started this day grateful for the safety of family and friends and I carry that feeling as a talisman today as I go about doing errands and housework. While it is frustrating that I took a medication to sleep and finally was successful at sleeping past 4am... I find myself too thankful to get all worked up about it. I do wonder what was going on at the 'lab' though. Curiosity about that tinges the gratitude a tiny bit. :)

My Week

Its been a bit of a week. So much has happened that I feel differing quantities of happiness and sorrow and sometimes those emotions co-mingle and I just feel tired and ready to fall down and sleep. With so many things to think about, my brain is full so I thought I would empty some of my gratitude here.

I had to say goodbye to Flutterfly this week. The insulinoma had grown too strong for her increasingly frail body and as she started to struggle to a point where I didn't see any positives left, I sadly took her to be euthanized. This is happening more frequently as all of my ferrets but one are elderly and, in some ways, it can be argued that I am running a ferret nursing home. She was a good and kind ferret who gave me kisses everyday and was a pleasure to spend time with. She had her moments- all ferrets do- but I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to get to know her, to watch her play and sleep, and to just enjoy her company. She is very missed.

I am grateful for work and so thankful this week was pay week. I paid most of my bills and managed to pick up a few small CPR classes so that I am pretty much caught up on everything. I got to go hangout for a bit at a beautiful kid's summer camp and enjoy the view, the weather, and even a few great meals. That was a marvelous opportunity and I am so glad to have had it.

I went to the beach this week and spent two hours watching Brock swim and looking for shells and throwing sticks for Teddy. I haven't been to the ocean since the divorce and it was wonderful to go and just wade in it and enjoy the mixture of warmth and cool, the rocky ground and soft shells and even a few jellyfish. It was a wonderful time and I was able to come home and sleep for a few hours- the deepest and best sleep I managed to get all week.

I managed to make a new ferret friend this month who is sending me lots of stuff for my guys to not only make them more comfortable, but also make it easier for me to put off laundry. As I have to go to the laundromat to clean things, that is a blessing indeed.

Bug climbs Blue Hill mountain every week and I love to get the pictures of him up on the mountain. He really enjoys the walk/ climb and does most of it barefoot.

So lots of good, bad, sadness and more. Looking forward to the new week.

Sadness, Confusion, and Ice Cream for Breakfast

I have been feeling tired and worn down lately. Health problems and other issues have distracted me from many important things and blogging has fallen to the wayside during this time. I am going to try and do better with it, but I will admit I don't feel much enthusiasm about anything these days. I really wish that I didn't feel this way because I love to write. So I will endeavor to do better.

My grandfather passed away one year ago today. I feel a lot of conflicting emotions about it and it is still a tender spot. It feels so close in time to now that even my ex couldn't really comprehend this morning that it has been a full year- he was quite sure this event had happened more recently. So today has been filled with family, work, and dessert to help make the day more cheerful.

These pictures are a few days old, but I thought they would be fun to share today for a smile. Bug loves ice cream and his favorite currently is a cotton candy flavor- its blue and looks horrible but he is addicted. I was cooking breakfast the other day and he went and got a spoon out of the drawer and the ice cream from the freezer and sat down to eat it. When I noticed, I laughed and grabbed the phone to take a picture. Bug hates pictures so he immediately got up and tried to leave, but I still caught some of him in the picture.

The funny part is the spoon he was using. This picture gives a clearer view of the spoon he was using... which is supposed to be used to stir cocoa in mugs.

Happy Friday and love to all. :)

Busy Time

The last month or so has been very busy for me. On top of my usual responsibilities and life changes, one of my co-workers has been out with surgery and recovery time and I have been trying to take her place. I have known for a while that working full-time for me- at least in the jobs that I've had over the last few years - is no longer physically possible for me for long periods of time. This was a great experiment as I was able to sort of see how long I could work full time before my body complains too loudly. I discovered that I can't work too much without having significant health issues. I am very grateful that my coworker is back and my hours have been cut back down. As much as I need the money... I definitely don't need the physical pain that I was getting.

Since I've been so busy with work I really haven't accomplished very much else. I have some genealogy that I've been trying to work on and I have been very slow at accomplishing it. I've looked at a few online sources for doing college classes that I can get for free- I would like to take more classes but I'm not sure I want to go on to a graduate degree- and I haven't spent any time following up on those either. I've done the bare minimum on my housework and I'm grateful to have some time off to try to make my house cleaned up and enjoyable again.

I have quite a lot to be grateful for. I'm so thankful and thrilled to be able to spend some time with Katey this weekend. I'm grateful for the time to work on getting my body back to a more stable condition. I've had some time to catch up on housework and I have a fridge full of fresh food. I recently had some flooding in my house and I am fully caught up in getting that picked up, cleaned up, and getting everything back to normal. I have most of my garden pots and beds set up for the season and filled with dirt and compost... I'm almost ready to add seedlings. I have happy feline companions and the mice are hanging in there as well. I've had time to read some books and catch up on paperwork. I'm able to end this day resting on my couch enjoying a few episodes of "Red Dwarf." I have a cup of cinnamon tea and dried bananas to snack on. In essence, I have been better, but I'm doing well. I have a few BLS classes over the next few days, a day at the pharmacy, and family time this week. This is a week to rest in spare moments and get ready to get back to my normal priorities and work load next week. So I'll rest up and get ready for what the future holds. Let's see what happens next.

Today

I have a lot on my mind today. I had a wonderful day with Brock and some great food. I'm so grateful for the time that I have to spend with family and I loved listening to Brock tell me about the things that interest him. My heart is full of so many things and I don't know how to articulate very many of them nor should I share all of them. What I wouldn't give for a pensieve some days... to just siphon off the extra thoughts and emotions and to be able to look for the patterns and the understanding in them and I'm more detached and unbiased manner. I bet all of us could use that every once in awhile.

I had got to spend a little bit of time today going through paperwork and old school assignments and over the next few months I'm going to post a lot of that stuff here. Some of it is very scholarly stuff such as history essays, lesson plans, etc... some of it is thoughts on assignments and things that I read for classes... and some of it is just research and other information that I think I'd like to keep for future use and perusal. So this is your warning that I'm going to start posting a bunch of mismatched sort of stuff in the next few weeks. I really have taken so many varied classes over the years....

I got as much rest as I could today and I'm looking forward to work tomorrow. Here's to a peaceful evening with a few episodes of Mrs Brown's Boys.

Forced Rest

I'm a bit tired and wrung out today... a bone deep exhaustion that I am struggling to deal with. I need to rest this weekend so that I have the strength to work all next week and even the thought of moving my body right now seems so painful that I have been sitting and reading or watching films for the majority of the afternoon... except when I have napped. I worry that I am letting my friends and my co-workers down with my inability to continue to push myself in ways that I could in the past, but am unable to do now for long periods of time. I feel like I'm letting myself down too. This problem is something that I think I am going to learn to accept

it and stop being so hard on myself for it. I am trying to look at the positive side of the health problem; I have been able to take the time to read and watch some movies which I rarely have taken time to do in years. Some of the films that I have watched recently I have held onto for years to watch when I had the time. I am slowly winnowing through those piles of films including the massive collection that my Uncle Rick gave me years ago in a large stack. Because of that gift, I am enjoying films that I would never have gone out of my way to see if he hadn't given them to me. (Don't get me wrong- there are some serious duds in the collection, but I have found a few gems. And this package used to be full to the top... it was an amazing gift.)

So today and tomorrow I will rest and see what energy I can pull up out of the recesses of my muscles for the week and what will be will be. I am grateful for the day of rest that I have and a day to spend with family.

Disposable Paperbacks

I don't head to the dump very often, but when I do I always have a good look at the 'free' room. I have found some wonderful things there, but I particularly enjoy the fact that I can get books there. Many of the books there are in bad condition and most are onces that do not interest me, but every so often I manage to find a few from favorite authors or books that look intriguing enough to peak my interest. I had a trunk full of recycling so when I clocked out from work and had a no show to my CPR class I headed up to drop it off. My trunk is empty and ready to fill up again at work tomorrow... and the free room was pretty generous today.

I have never heard of most of these books or authors,but they certainly look interesting. I even got an audiobook... I can never have enough audiobooks. I tend to call the books disposable because after I have finished with them I usually pass them on... unless they are so great that I decide to keep them. I even managed to find one for Bug.

I'm ending the day with some rest and family... what more can a girl ask for. :)

Gratitude - 3/4/18

Its been a busy few weeks and I have found myself interested in writing, but the thought slides to the back of my mind each time as I have found other distractions. Many of the distractions were minor and I have accomplished a lot of my list of backlogged items - CPR paperwork, housework, etc... but I had a few nice things happen over the last weeks and I was able to get through a few interviews as well as other needful appointments without too many problems. I get so much anxiety when appointments do not go as well as planed and it was a relief to find a way to fix some of the problems without the anxiety overwhelming me for days. Lots to be thankful for.

1. I am warm and dry. My rental home is small and with all my pets it is seriously full, but it is comfortable and I weathered the most recent wind storm and weather. The wind was strong enough that I needed to keep the house a little warmer, but I never lost power and my feline companions seemed comfortable even with the lower temps in the house.

2. I got a great meal of zucchini spaghetti and meatballs that my ex cooked up for Bug and I today and I watched the Muppet Movie with Bug while we ate. Just a nice snuggle with films and food. It was lovely. I am way too lazy to make my own meat balls and I must confess, Rob makes excellent ones.

3. I made a cake that was really good today. Making a good cake that is gluten free in NOT my strong suit and the recipe that a friend gave me was too awesome for words. It took the cake longer to cook than it did for all three of us to consume it. It was awesome.

4. I got to see an old episode of the "The Simpsons" and my mind smiled when I heard some of the fun phrases from my childhood- "Don't have a cow man!" and "Ow... quit it. Ow... quit it. Ow... quit it" While it was never my favorite show, hearing those phrases brought a smile to my face. I got to see the episode when they got their dog and remembering that they 'rescued' the dog made me smile too. It's been a long time since I have heard the bastardized versions of Jingle Bells and Rudolph the Reindeer that I used to sing. (Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you'll go down in history... like Attila the Hun.) I found myself smiling and singing along.

5. Cyril and Footie both went out of their way to ask for attention from me today. That isn't a common thing in my house and I loved it. They are shy spuds and I love the fact that they are slowly becoming more sociable.

6. I got a great shirt for the Turnstyle this week for work. You can never have too many awesome work shirts. It really changes the tone of my day if I feel like I look good at work. So I can't wait to show it off!

7. I got to chat with my nephews for a few minutes the last few Sunday evenings which is a great blessing. I have some amazing family and I love to speak to them. I hope to do it more in the future. :)

8. It's been a great Sabbath. I'm going to end the day with a friend helping to care for one of her pets and after my day with Bug, I feel content. Tomorrow work commences, but for tonight, I can still rest.

What are you grateful for today?

Gratitude - 1/20/18

1. I volunteer every Saturday for about six hours at the local thrift shop. There is a large bin that is filled with bags of clothing to go through and every week, I struggle to get the bags as low as I can... to come back and do it again the next Saturday. Every time I make a dent- sometime quite a large one- but I rarely create enough of a dent to have it remain throughout the week. Today, alone with another volunteer, we emptied it. It was completely empty with no work to be done. That is an amazing feeling. It feels a bit odd to look at the work and realize that there is no more to be done. While there will be plenty more next week, it felt lovely to see that empty bin and recognize it for what it was- a job well done.

2. I hadn't been able to take the time around the holidays to watch all the Christmas movies that I had been hopeful to watch. I had a few new ones to watch and the one I was most hopeful to enjoy I had missed. Therefore, I thought it prudent to enjoy my spare time this evening to enjoy "A Christmas Carol" with Sir Patrick Stewart. It held all the promise I had hoped for and more. I haven't sat and 'just' watched a film in ages. It was wonderful. A few parts of it gave me cause to ponder, but one particular piece of a line caught my ear and has held it after I have turned off the film.

.... the torture of remorse... - Jacob Marley

Definitely something to think upon...

3. When I fed all my companions last night, I manged to get a picture of all of them together except Footie. It is a bit awe inspiring to see them all together and realize how many there are and how much 'mass' they seem to take up together. I am so blessed and so grateful for each and everyone of them. Like an attached parent, I can not imagine my world without each one of them and I am aware that the loss of even one would feel horrible. To watch them together is to smile and , when I tuck into bed at night, I never go alone. I awake in the morning hearing a quiet rumble of purrs and I feel content.

4. I was able to get an amazing deal on a 100% wool queen size blanket. The warmth I felt the few minutes I used it was wonderful and I am looking forward to using it all winter!

5. I found a really interesting pair of pants in my travels today. I recognized the seal before I read the words and as I looked at it, I thought of my Uncle Rick and I missed my family in Utah. I have some amazing relatives out west- in Utah, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Las Vegas_ and I do not see them as much as I would like. This symbol reminded me of my desire for good things for them, my love for them, and the hopes of a peaceful week for each of them.

A good evening to all. :)

Grief

Someone once told me that grief hurts so much because it is love that has nowhere to go. The love you have that you want to share is trapped inside you and escapes through your tears and the shaking that those tears create in the rest of your body. Most days I am doing well. I have so many wonderful things happening and I have so much to point to with gratitude and joy. But some days, I find it harder to focus on the good things. I found myself sitting with Bug today watching different pieces of the Harry Potter films and thinking about my grandparents. I thought of my grandmother laughing, serving turkey and gravy to everyone with a dishtowel tucked into her apron. I thought of the look she would get when she would look at me- like I was an amazing treasure in her eyes. I thought of my grandfather and how just a few months ago, I was able to sit next to his hospital bed and hold his hand. I could feel the warmth and strength in it... and also the fragility. When I left to return to Maine I cried, because I was worried it was the last time I would see him alive... and it was.

I have spent much of this evening thinking of both of my grandparents who I didn't get to spend enough of my time with and lost so much time with them that I dearly wish I could have now. So sometimes, I find myself sitting quietly in the dark with the tears running so quickly down my face that everything is a blur and my glasses are too coated to afford vision. And while I sit and pray and feel desperately alone in my grief, I hear the small soft sounds of cat paws. And within a few minutes I am no longer alone. I have Mina glued to my side like coconut oil and Minion's comforting weight upon my lap. I listen to Roccu sitting on the top of the couch behind me, purring fit to burst. And for that moment, the darkness seems to ease and I no longer feel alone. No, I didn't have enough time with my grandparents and I regret that very much. But I am also grateful because I was given more time with them than I might have gotten. Grief is a process and I know I will work through it, but for tonight it holds me in its grip and I will embrace it until I am able to feel the peace enter my heart again. I know I will see them both again someday, but for now that feels like 'some day' too long.

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight... Got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight - Barenaked Ladies

Melancholy

Today I feel very tired. I feel a bit burned out, exhausted, and just 'blah.' I enjoyed listening to some films tonight while making crayons for my son for his sleepover tomorrow. He has been so excited for me to make them so I am pretty pleased to be able to give him some tomorrow. I have been so busy with school and work and everything else that I haven't made any in months and it was wonderful to watch the wax melt and turn into pools of thick, lush liquid. When I poured it into the molds, I watched them fill up and thought about how they would look when they were done. And then I rested and here I sit, drinking chamomile tea and listening to the sounds of birds outside and purring from the cats sitting beside me inside. I am so tired and have so much to do... but I am thankful for an early night and peaceful thoughts. Even if the rest of my body is tired, I have so much to think about and be grateful for. I know that the exhaustion and the melancholy will pass... So for tonight, I have enough.

A Conversation that I never Thought I Would Have.....

Sometimes my son can make me laugh so hard. Boo is such an amazing person with such a creative mind! This conversation is definitely one I never expected to have.....

Me - 'Please stop- we need to be polite.'

Boo - 'Sigh...'

Me - 'Do you know what polite means?'

Boo - 'No touching other people's bums.'

I can't argue with that... ;)