The Day After Surgery

I've been laying in bed resting all day. The surgery on my ankle went pretty well and now I just have to rest and try to keep as pain free as possible. I have lots of company from the cats and my ex and Bug have been taking really good care of me. They've made me wonderful meals and they have cleaned the house.they have also done the things they've needed to do was just giving me the time to rest and just enjoy their company. I'm grateful for how well everything is going and I'm even grateful for the pain I feel now because I know that it will lessen. Hopefully this surgery will stabilize things up enough that I'll feel even less pain than I did before the surgery. That's the plan anyway.

So for the next two weeks I need to rest up in my splint and then I'll get to go for a recheck and we'll see what's going on then. I'm looking forward to it.

Gratitude - 2/3/19

I'm currently fighting a cold. It has left the fever behind but the mucus has settled into my chest. My body feels heavy and achy but not as weak as I would have thought it would be. So I don't like being sick, but I feel like I will recover quicker than normal... which is good as I am working six days this week.

1. I am thankful for fruit. I'm on a slightly restrictive diet and being able to eat fruit feels like I am being spoiled with dessert. So I am grateful for my dessert of peaches today. It was wonderful.

2. So thankful that the weather has warmed up a trifle. Going outside at thirty degrees feels much better than three degrees. I spent a little bit of time outside today because it was warmer and I am glad to have enjoyed a little bit of sun.

3. I am grateful for books to lose myself in when I am sick and need to rest.

4. I am super grateful for on-line church. I love listening to testimonies and the experiences of other people. Even when I don't understand or can't comprehend their experience I feel so edified listening to others and being able to share my own thoughts. I really appreciate inclusive areas when all can feel like they belong. Just feeling grateful for my Sabbath today.

5. I am grateful for Bug. I am blessed to have such an amazing son! He is going through another growth spurt again so I am watching him shoot up even taller and wondering when it will end. He is going to be a very tall man. I loved reading books with him today and enjoying videos too. It was a nice day.

6. It was wonderful for have such a nice lazy day. I really needed one.

Gratitude - 1/30/19

I've got a lot going on right now and my head is overfull. So I've been counting my blessings today.

1. I am grateful that I live in America. I am not happy about what is going on with our government and the serious cultural systemic problems, but I am relatively safe. I don't live in a country where I can easily be put into labor camps or hurt in other torturous ways - like North Korea or China. For that I am grateful.

2. I am grateful for amazing co-workers. I am grateful for my amazing job. I need more hours and I am going to have to figure that out but I have no complaints about the work environment and the fine people I work with. That makes me pretty content.

3. I have an amazing friend. My best friend is so supportive and cares so much that I want to try harder to be well in my life and to do better. Everyone needs that kind of friend in their life.

4. My ex and my son are pretty amazing. I am grateful for supporting family.

5. I am grateful for warm clothes and warmth in my home, It is really cold out there right now and I am able to be warm and out of it. Not everyone has that luxury.

6. I am grateful that I have my furry companions who take such good care of my mental health. I have no idea what I would be like without them.

7. While my ankle hurts, it is holding itself together. I can't complain about that.

What are you grateful for?

Gratitude - 12/29/18

It's so dark so early these days that it almost feels like I should be headed to bed at 6pm. It's only 5:30 right now and it feels like it's been dark for so long it feels like it's midnight. These are the days that it really is a struggle for me to be able to stay up and accomplish things and to try to keep a normal sleep schedule. Of course with my insomnia and other issues, a normal sleep schedule is pretty much out of the picture anyway. Doesn't mean that I shouldn't try though.

1. It's pretty cold these days. I am really grateful for a heater that has propane and a house that has electricity to help keep me warm. I try to keep them low to conserve on energy, but I'm very grateful to have them because I would be very cold without them.

2. My feet are always cold and so I always have socks on them. I am very grateful for warm soft socks that I can wear anytime I want. And I'm grateful for a quantity of socks that allows me to change my socks as often as I wish and still have plenty of socks to choose from. I am a bit of a Dobby.

3.I had some maple sugar candy today and that was wonderful. I really haven't had any before and it was sort of blissful to feel all the sugar melt all over my tongue. I do not eat sugar or candy very often because I worry about it health-wise, but it was nice to splurge today.

4. I'm so grateful to have some awesome history lectures to listen to. Right now I'm working my way through a Great Courses/ Teaching Company series entitled "The Peloponnesian War. The professor is excellent and I'm enjoying the lectures very much. It's nice to be reminded of some of the things that I learned a long time ago in class but to hear about the values and morals of different groups of people that have been gone for so long. We may have stolen some of our ideas of government from the Athenians, but we are just as different as we are similar today. Anyway, I'm really thankful to have the lecture to listen to and enjoy.

5. I enjoyed having Bug over last night and it's always a joy to wake up and hear him talking and waiting for me to wake up. Sometimes he seems to get up too early for me, but I'm still glad he comes over anyway.

6. I was pretty sad that the Turnstyle wasn't open today because I was looking forward to going back after a month away. But I managed to channel that energy into rearranging and working on cleaning a corner of my living room the desperately needed it and I am so glad that I got that done. While physically I hurt quite a bit I am so happy with the results.

7. Listening to Cyril purr is a beautiful sound indeed....

8. Ferrets are awesome!

Gratitude - 12/15/2018

It's been a busy couple of months. I've spent quite a bit of time with family, getting things started for surgery, working with my advocate for a meeting in March and looking for work. While I have been too busy to blog much, I wanted to sit down and share my gratitude for some blessings today.

1. I was able to sit down and pay bills. Very grateful that I had the resources to pay them.

2. Bug stayed over last night. I woke up early listening to him recite and feeling my body being squished up against Teddy and it was sweet. I am tired, but happy to have the time with Bug. Teddy is such a warm dog that he helps keep me warm too.

3. I have a great quilt. It is thick and warm and with a duvet cover it looks amazing. I love snuggling under the covers when it is cold because I feel warm and toasty.

4. I am grateful for my treadmill. I am able to walk at my own pace when I can and get some exercise in even when it is cold outside. Some days my knees and ankles won't take it, but on others I can just walk at my leisure while watching a TV program.

5. I am thankful for a freezer full of food. Can't be thankful enough that I have good food to eat. Not everyone does and I am thankful.

6. I love coloring books. I enjoy listening to books and coloring. I don't do it very often, but when I need to rest and can't be on my feet I enjoy it more than I would just watching television.

7. I love the Christmas tree. Bug decorated it himself this year and it is just gorgeous. I like taking a few minutes to just sit and look at it. It's a bit restful and wonderful to just enjoy and think.

8. I enjoyed reading on sharks over the last few days. They are one of my favorite species and I have had fun this evening studying and writing about them.

What are you thankful for today?

Fiddly Weekend

Since I had a specialized MRI on Friday that required an injection, I thought I should take this weekend off from volunteering at the Turnstyle. I usually love to do it as I love the socialization, but I wasn't sure I would feel up to it. So when I woke up Saturday morning so early from the wrong number, I realized

that I had made a really good choice to stay home. I felt like I shouldn't just sit around even though I did need rest so I spent Saturday doing small things that needed to be done, took little time, but would be easy to rest in between the tasks. It's funny that you never realize how many fiddly quick jobs you can stack up in a house and in the dooryard when you are focused on the big things. It's even time to start taking down some of the garden- last night was 39 degrees according to my thermometer. My Virginia creeper and the trees in the dooryard and nearby woods are just barely starting to turn red, but as the weather changes they will start to turn pretty quickly in the next week I suspect.

The things I accomplished are a bit to numerous to list because they were all tiny

things like washing mannequins and cabbage patch dolls for future CPR classes and moving the house plants back inside for the winter after a nice summer of sun. I also moved in two pepper plants to try and overwinter them- I have no idea if it will work but I might get lucky so why not? I also got the house ready for my day with the ex and Bug. I am so glad I had a day to just focus on rest and getting the little things accomplished. Its amazing how accomplished I felt even though not much was completed that was anything to brag about.

Today was a lovely day of rest and films and good food as every Sunday tends to be. I am grateful for the extra time with family and I have a few hours every morning to do Sabbath-y stuff before the full visit commences. We have a really good routine set up where we visit for breakfast and then they leave Teddy here and head off for a hike while I do my Sabbath celebrations and contemplation and then the rest of the day is ours. They always spend the night on Sundays and, as I sit here and type, I hear the sounds of cooking and boy laughter as Bug carefully takes apart his newest toy to see how it functions. I feel full and relatively warm (I haven't turned on the heat in the house yet so it is starting to get a little chilly inside in the evenings) and generally content. You can't ask for more in a weekend than that. I am very grateful.

Wrong Number

I got a phone call around 4:30 this morning. I woke up quickly feeling an almost immediate sense of panic- after all nobody calls at that time in the morning unless something is wrong- and breathlessly answered the phone. I feel extremely blessed today. Of all the things I quickly imagined getting a call from so early- Rob or Bug being severely ill, ditto with a beloved Aunt or Uncle, or random images of other terrifying possibilities. Instead I got a nice man asking for a gentleman that I didn't know. When I said he wasn't here I got an explanation that the caller was from security down at the lab (I'm guessing Jackson lab but it is only a guess.) We quickly figured out that he had transposed two numbers while dialing and he was quite apologetic. I must have been amusing myself because I know that my voice exuded gratitude and not annoyance as he might have expected. So I started this day grateful for the safety of family and friends and I carry that feeling as a talisman today as I go about doing errands and housework. While it is frustrating that I took a medication to sleep and finally was successful at sleeping past 4am... I find myself too thankful to get all worked up about it. I do wonder what was going on at the 'lab' though. Curiosity about that tinges the gratitude a tiny bit. :)

My Week

Its been a bit of a week. So much has happened that I feel differing quantities of happiness and sorrow and sometimes those emotions co-mingle and I just feel tired and ready to fall down and sleep. With so many things to think about, my brain is full so I thought I would empty some of my gratitude here.

I had to say goodbye to Flutterfly this week. The insulinoma had grown too strong for her increasingly frail body and as she started to struggle to a point where I didn't see any positives left, I sadly took her to be euthanized. This is happening more frequently as all of my ferrets but one are elderly and, in some ways, it can be argued that I am running a ferret nursing home. She was a good and kind ferret who gave me kisses everyday and was a pleasure to spend time with. She had her moments- all ferrets do- but I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to get to know her, to watch her play and sleep, and to just enjoy her company. She is very missed.

I am grateful for work and so thankful this week was pay week. I paid most of my bills and managed to pick up a few small CPR classes so that I am pretty much caught up on everything. I got to go hangout for a bit at a beautiful kid's summer camp and enjoy the view, the weather, and even a few great meals. That was a marvelous opportunity and I am so glad to have had it.

I went to the beach this week and spent two hours watching Brock swim and looking for shells and throwing sticks for Teddy. I haven't been to the ocean since the divorce and it was wonderful to go and just wade in it and enjoy the mixture of warmth and cool, the rocky ground and soft shells and even a few jellyfish. It was a wonderful time and I was able to come home and sleep for a few hours- the deepest and best sleep I managed to get all week.

I managed to make a new ferret friend this month who is sending me lots of stuff for my guys to not only make them more comfortable, but also make it easier for me to put off laundry. As I have to go to the laundromat to clean things, that is a blessing indeed.

Bug climbs Blue Hill mountain every week and I love to get the pictures of him up on the mountain. He really enjoys the walk/ climb and does most of it barefoot.

So lots of good, bad, sadness and more. Looking forward to the new week.

Sadness, Confusion, and Ice Cream for Breakfast

I have been feeling tired and worn down lately. Health problems and other issues have distracted me from many important things and blogging has fallen to the wayside during this time. I am going to try and do better with it, but I will admit I don't feel much enthusiasm about anything these days. I really wish that I didn't feel this way because I love to write. So I will endeavor to do better.

My grandfather passed away one year ago today. I feel a lot of conflicting emotions about it and it is still a tender spot. It feels so close in time to now that even my ex couldn't really comprehend this morning that it has been a full year- he was quite sure this event had happened more recently. So today has been filled with family, work, and dessert to help make the day more cheerful.

These pictures are a few days old, but I thought they would be fun to share today for a smile. Bug loves ice cream and his favorite currently is a cotton candy flavor- its blue and looks horrible but he is addicted. I was cooking breakfast the other day and he went and got a spoon out of the drawer and the ice cream from the freezer and sat down to eat it. When I noticed, I laughed and grabbed the phone to take a picture. Bug hates pictures so he immediately got up and tried to leave, but I still caught some of him in the picture.

The funny part is the spoon he was using. This picture gives a clearer view of the spoon he was using... which is supposed to be used to stir cocoa in mugs.

Happy Friday and love to all. :)

Today

I have a lot on my mind today. I had a wonderful day with Brock and some great food. I'm so grateful for the time that I have to spend with family and I loved listening to Brock tell me about the things that interest him. My heart is full of so many things and I don't know how to articulate very many of them nor should I share all of them. What I wouldn't give for a pensieve some days... to just siphon off the extra thoughts and emotions and to be able to look for the patterns and the understanding in them and I'm more detached and unbiased manner. I bet all of us could use that every once in awhile.

I had got to spend a little bit of time today going through paperwork and old school assignments and over the next few months I'm going to post a lot of that stuff here. Some of it is very scholarly stuff such as history essays, lesson plans, etc... some of it is thoughts on assignments and things that I read for classes... and some of it is just research and other information that I think I'd like to keep for future use and perusal. So this is your warning that I'm going to start posting a bunch of mismatched sort of stuff in the next few weeks. I really have taken so many varied classes over the years....

I got as much rest as I could today and I'm looking forward to work tomorrow. Here's to a peaceful evening with a few episodes of Mrs Brown's Boys.

Disposable Paperbacks

I don't head to the dump very often, but when I do I always have a good look at the 'free' room. I have found some wonderful things there, but I particularly enjoy the fact that I can get books there. Many of the books there are in bad condition and most are onces that do not interest me, but every so often I manage to find a few from favorite authors or books that look intriguing enough to peak my interest. I had a trunk full of recycling so when I clocked out from work and had a no show to my CPR class I headed up to drop it off. My trunk is empty and ready to fill up again at work tomorrow... and the free room was pretty generous today.

I have never heard of most of these books or authors,but they certainly look interesting. I even got an audiobook... I can never have enough audiobooks. I tend to call the books disposable because after I have finished with them I usually pass them on... unless they are so great that I decide to keep them. I even managed to find one for Bug.

I'm ending the day with some rest and family... what more can a girl ask for. :)

Gratitude - 3/4/18

Its been a busy few weeks and I have found myself interested in writing, but the thought slides to the back of my mind each time as I have found other distractions. Many of the distractions were minor and I have accomplished a lot of my list of backlogged items - CPR paperwork, housework, etc... but I had a few nice things happen over the last weeks and I was able to get through a few interviews as well as other needful appointments without too many problems. I get so much anxiety when appointments do not go as well as planed and it was a relief to find a way to fix some of the problems without the anxiety overwhelming me for days. Lots to be thankful for.

1. I am warm and dry. My rental home is small and with all my pets it is seriously full, but it is comfortable and I weathered the most recent wind storm and weather. The wind was strong enough that I needed to keep the house a little warmer, but I never lost power and my feline companions seemed comfortable even with the lower temps in the house.

2. I got a great meal of zucchini spaghetti and meatballs that my ex cooked up for Bug and I today and I watched the Muppet Movie with Bug while we ate. Just a nice snuggle with films and food. It was lovely. I am way too lazy to make my own meat balls and I must confess, Rob makes excellent ones.

3. I made a cake that was really good today. Making a good cake that is gluten free in NOT my strong suit and the recipe that a friend gave me was too awesome for words. It took the cake longer to cook than it did for all three of us to consume it. It was awesome.

4. I got to see an old episode of the "The Simpsons" and my mind smiled when I heard some of the fun phrases from my childhood- "Don't have a cow man!" and "Ow... quit it. Ow... quit it. Ow... quit it" While it was never my favorite show, hearing those phrases brought a smile to my face. I got to see the episode when they got their dog and remembering that they 'rescued' the dog made me smile too. It's been a long time since I have heard the bastardized versions of Jingle Bells and Rudolph the Reindeer that I used to sing. (Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you'll go down in history... like Attila the Hun.) I found myself smiling and singing along.

5. Cyril and Footie both went out of their way to ask for attention from me today. That isn't a common thing in my house and I loved it. They are shy spuds and I love the fact that they are slowly becoming more sociable.

6. I got a great shirt for the Turnstyle this week for work. You can never have too many awesome work shirts. It really changes the tone of my day if I feel like I look good at work. So I can't wait to show it off!

7. I got to chat with my nephews for a few minutes the last few Sunday evenings which is a great blessing. I have some amazing family and I love to speak to them. I hope to do it more in the future. :)

8. It's been a great Sabbath. I'm going to end the day with a friend helping to care for one of her pets and after my day with Bug, I feel content. Tomorrow work commences, but for tonight, I can still rest.

What are you grateful for today?

A Bug Day...

I spent most of the day with Bug today. We had a lovely time eating sausages (Bug's new favorite food) and winter slaw and Bug was very insistent on introducing me to the Shrek films. I sat through the first 'Shrek' and then 'Shrek Forever' and I did manage to survive the experience... which is good because he says he has two more to watch with me next time. I will confess I am a bit lost trying to figure out all the characters and how they matter in the story. I do like the cat though... oh course I love Puss In Boots.. I am so silly about cats.

I am a bit tired, but I am ready for my very busy week. I had running water today and I have a clean house with no dishes that need to be washed. I feel mostly recovered from my SVT last night and I am hopeful that I will sleep well tonight and have lots of energy to start the week. Here's to hoping ;)

The Accidental Adventures of Duck

In my household, we have certain chores set up on the days we spend together as family. Out of all the chores that we perform every weekend, Bug's favorite is cleaning out Duck's cage. Hands down, she has been the hamster that he has loved the most and wants to spoil. In fact, he sometimes brings fruit or veggies for her from the farm he works on and makes sure I have extra pieces of cloth for 'blankies.' He is very insistent on fancy food so that he can give her a huge amount of food and extra peanuts on the side- peanuts are her very favorite food. Within minutes of his arrival on Sundays, Bug is begging to clean her cage. So we settle on the living room floor with her cage between us and I clean the cage while he holds Duck. She is almost two years old so this ritual has played itself out well over 100 times as twice weekly we kneel on the floor with her cage between us and we clean but also play and hug her. Yes, she actually doesn't mind gentle hugs. She is just a good lady.

For the last few years I have reminded Bug that Duck's safety outside the cage when he is playing with her and I am cleaning her cage is his responsibility. It's a very important responsibility as Duck lives in a household of cats. Sometimes I have to remind Bug to be more careful, but usually he is very astute about the dangers and keeps her close and safe. Today, we finally had the problem we have been avoiding. It was partially Brock's fault as he allows Minion to get to close fairly often. Minion always seems so calm and laid back and shows no interest in what is happening during this process. So while I cleaned today, neither Bug nor I thought much of Minion coming over and plopping himself down on the ground near us. I was almost done cleaning when Bug decided to let Duck lean close to Minion so they could check each other out. Before I could reach out, Minion had moved so quickly that in less than a second and laid off, peacefully snoozing cat was on all fours with Duck hanging out of his mouth. Bug screeched and I had grabbed Minion by the scruff. Duck was squeaking and failing about and as I held tight to Minions scruff he dropped her the last few inches onto the floor. And before I could reach out with my other hand to pick her up, Rob was there and Minion was whisked away in a whirl of fur and growls. I quickly enfolded Duck in my hands and moved her back to her cage.

After a few hours of 'rest', I brought her back out of her cage for a thorough examination She appears to have no physical affects from her adventure and didn't seem really bothered by being removed from the cage again today... that seems either very kind of her or too trusting as we have broken that trust today. After a strong talking to and a new set of rules for continued play with Duck in the future, I think we are back on track for our ritual to continue. And yet, something has changed today that can't be ignored. While her cage has never been very interesting before to my feline companions, it clearly has become a new focal point.

All of us survived our adventures today and I am truly grateful. However, the feeling I felt when she was hanging from Minion's teeth is one that felt horrible. I felt fear and pain and as I look at her now in my hand I feel failure and regret. I slipped up and she could have been seriously hurt today. I don't think I'll lose the feelings of fear and the need for hyper-vigilance soon. (My brain keeps hearing the words of 'Mad Eye' Moody - you need to practice constant, unceasing vigilance.) As I said before, I have so much to be grateful for today.

Gratitude - 1/8/2018

1. I had another PT appointment today. I go to several appointments to try and fix one particular joint and then they move onto another one. Today's appointment was for my left ankle. Out of all my bothersome joints, the left ankle is the biggest problem. So today I got to sit down with Jacques and look at pictures of my ankle when I damaged it three years ago. Then we scanned through x-rays and notes and then we got to work. I am so grateful that I have health insurance that will cover the therapies I need to try and get my ligaments and tendons strong enough to hold the joints in. I am not sure what I would do without it.

2. I love Brock's hamster. She is named 'Duck' and she is just the sweetest, most kindly soul I have ever seen in a hamster. She reminds me of a hamster I had when Bug was born names Adonis. She takes good care of herself and won't over eat even though Bug WAY overfeeds her. She will sit in your hand and look into your eyes and I lose myself in their depths. Watching her is restful and peaceful. She is a very old lady at almost two years old, but I am grateful to have her in my life.

3. I am so grateful I got caught up on CPR paperwork. I have been avoiding that like the plague, but it's done and ready for the mail tomorrow! I will have more to do in a few days, but at least I am caught up now.

4. Several years ago, my Uncle Rick gave me a huge stack of DVD's. Once in a while I will open the package up and pop one in the player and either enjoy something I've seen before or discover something new that I probably would not have seen if he hadn't given me a copy. Tonight I enjoyed an oldie but goodie (My Cousin Vinny) and a new one (Lake Placid). I was able to do my paperwork, eat a decent dinner, and enjoy some really silly films at the same time.

5. As part of #4, I am grateful I do not live anywhere where I could go to a large and be eaten by a 28 foot long crocodile. Even if the film was set in Maine. :)

6. I have extra days at work this week and while my legs will whine, my bank account will smile.

7. My plants are still alive even though the winter is cold and they are by the windows... and even though my cats sit on them and squash them flat. The root systems should help keep them going until the summer comes so I can watch them bloom again. I love indoor plants for so many reasons, but one reason is that I love their resiliency.

8. I was able to take several bags of donations that I sorted out from volunteering on Saturday and take it to a cool place called the Community Closet. They were thrilled to get the clothing and I was glad someone wanted it.

9. I feel warm and have lots of warm clothing to hang out in at home. I have a roof over my head and good food to eat. My car keeps limping along and gets me to were I need to go. That's always a good start to every day.

What are you thankful for today?

Snow Day

Today was a day of fun and work. The work started at 7 am when I got dressed and headed outside to shovel the walk and get the car out of the drifts. I'm terrible at shoveling- my shoulders are torn up and my knees are a pain, but I turned on some music and got it done. I have developed a list of music that is my 'work/ exercise music and it made the shoveling feel less burdensome. Most of the songs on my list I have discovered either in classes or discussing totalitarian regimes so this is an odd list, but here was my working music this morning. If you do not understand the German language, you may struggle to understand the lyrics to about half of the following list.

Die Toten Hosen - Tage Wie Diese
- Traurig einen Sommer Lang
- Altes Fieber
- Zwei Drittel Liebe
- Reiß Dich los
- Alles hat seinen Grund

Bon Jovi - We Weren't Born to Follow

Green Day - Warning
- Boulevard of Broken Dreams
- American Idiot
- 21 Guns

The rest of the day was spent with Rob and Bug in Bangor doing a little bit of shopping and then back home to spent almost two hours on the phone with my ex health insurer. I head to sleep tired, but the day started with a loud scream of music and got my body moving fast enough to push past the joint pain that clings to my every movement like a sweater. So if you are interested, I linked a video to every song listed above. I highly recommend the full album by Die Toten Hosen titled Ballast der Republik- it's a lovely listen almost any time if you enjoy punk rock. I sometimes fall asleep listening to "Tage Wie Diese" and feel my lips miming the now familiar syllables as my consciousness fades away.

What music puts you in the mood or at least gives you the energy for significant physical labor? What do you listen to when shoveling snow?

Gratitude - 12/11/2017

1. I am so grateful for a working car. It may not look like much, but it gets me to where I need to go and that is a blessing.

2. I am grateful for the discovery of cooked turkey for cat food. Melrose is never full and the quantity of food that skinny cat can eat is phenomenal. Being able to fill a bowl with shreds of roast turkey has been a godsend the last week or so. I'm going to cook another one this weekend.

3. I am grateful for my toes. Lately, they have started to pull apart and pop right out of their sockets which has been very uncomfortable, but I can easily move them back into place each and every time. I don't have to see doctors or deal with much more than the discomfort of their movement and I can still stand and walk well. Toes are amazing little critters and I can't imagine how well I would stand without them no matter how hypermobile they are..

4. Somewhere in this world, someone is probably being chased by a lion or another animal that doesn't have benign intentions towards them. I am grateful that I am safe and warm at home and do not have to worry about my safety.

5. I am grateful for hugs.

6. I love my feline companions and cannot imagine a world without them. They truly enrich my life so many times a day that I could never keep count.

7. I am thankful for an amazing ex who made me leftovers for the beginning of this week so that i could focus on other things.

8. I feel a bit sad that Cuddles needed to be put to sleep this week, but I am so grateful for the time and love she gave me. An unexpected blessing when she cam into my life, but he is already missed. Bug is already trying to con me into getting another one to hug. Bug really loves hugs and so do I :)

9. I love CPR students who really want to learn and take joy in the learning. It make teaching a joyful and fulfilling process.

10. I am so happy that Remus is doing so, so well. He seems happy and doesn't seem to miss his tail at all. He is just settling in to feeling happy and healthy. That is a relief and joy to write. So...

11. I am grateful to amazing veterinarians so help try and make pets and furry companions live healthy, happy lives. I don't know what I would do without them in the background ready when I need them. Having a good relationship with a veterinarian is just as important to me as the relationship that I have with my own doctor so I am thankful that I have that... even if I use him way too much sometimes.

What are you thankful for today?

Gratitude- 12/4/2017

1. I love having the opportunity to volunteer in my community. I work alongside so many nice women with a multitude of life experiences and I love hearing about their lives and family.

2. I love my Bug. He is a mixture of wonderful and frustrating in a gorgeous teenage package. Watching him eat (and the quantity of it) reminds me of myself decades ago. It makes me smile.

3. I love my Nook. I got it for wicked cheap when I was in Utah visiting my grandfather for the last time and I love haven't a book to read anywhere that I go. It's so convenient to curl up with and gives me more options for reading.... with four huge bookshelves in my house I could use some more 'compact' storage. :)

4. I love having the opportunity to draw and goof off with pastels, pencils and trying to re-create the images that are the brainchild of other artists... so I can read about their motivations and try to learn to recreate their images. A challenging but fun process.

5. I love having my own Minion. His purr and weight are extremely comforting and he is simply a mellow soul and quite gorgeous.

6. I am grateful for my pile of blankets. It is a joy to be able to have enough blankets that if one gets dirty I can change it without having to plan a quick trip to the laundromat.

7. I am grateful for sister-in-laws. Some of the most powerful blessings and relationships in my life have come from these two women. I am more grateful to them for their care and friendship that I can express.

8. I am grateful for post it notes. They are extremely convenient as I wade through piles of paperwork and prepare different tasks simultaneously. They are a bit silly, but make planning ahead easier.

9. I am grateful for canned pears- they are so good and I can eat them all year including December in Maine. Enough said.

10. I am so thankful that Remus got his surgery today. That takes a load off of my mind and will make his life so much easier and pain free. Tail today... gone tomorrow.

What are you grateful for today?

Grief

Someone once told me that grief hurts so much because it is love that has nowhere to go. The love you have that you want to share is trapped inside you and escapes through your tears and the shaking that those tears create in the rest of your body. Most days I am doing well. I have so many wonderful things happening and I have so much to point to with gratitude and joy. But some days, I find it harder to focus on the good things. I found myself sitting with Bug today watching different pieces of the Harry Potter films and thinking about my grandparents. I thought of my grandmother laughing, serving turkey and gravy to everyone with a dishtowel tucked into her apron. I thought of the look she would get when she would look at me- like I was an amazing treasure in her eyes. I thought of my grandfather and how just a few months ago, I was able to sit next to his hospital bed and hold his hand. I could feel the warmth and strength in it... and also the fragility. When I left to return to Maine I cried, because I was worried it was the last time I would see him alive... and it was.

I have spent much of this evening thinking of both of my grandparents who I didn't get to spend enough of my time with and lost so much time with them that I dearly wish I could have now. So sometimes, I find myself sitting quietly in the dark with the tears running so quickly down my face that everything is a blur and my glasses are too coated to afford vision. And while I sit and pray and feel desperately alone in my grief, I hear the small soft sounds of cat paws. And within a few minutes I am no longer alone. I have Mina glued to my side like coconut oil and Minion's comforting weight upon my lap. I listen to Roccu sitting on the top of the couch behind me, purring fit to burst. And for that moment, the darkness seems to ease and I no longer feel alone. No, I didn't have enough time with my grandparents and I regret that very much. But I am also grateful because I was given more time with them than I might have gotten. Grief is a process and I know I will work through it, but for tonight it holds me in its grip and I will embrace it until I am able to feel the peace enter my heart again. I know I will see them both again someday, but for now that feels like 'some day' too long.

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight... Got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight - Barenaked Ladies

Self Reflection Collage

Here is two views of my finished product:

So here is a copy of my final art project. My silhouette is completed with more emphasis the disparate parts within the body- even though I think that most of the separation is really in my mind and attitude. My body has very little color because while I am not goth, I tend to where only dark colors no matter how often good friends have tried to get me to do otherwise. My hair is stringy and full of curls and craziness because that is the way my hair tends to be which is why it is always tied back and away from my face and skin- because my hair is so crazy I pretty much used gesture to create it while it is pretty obvious in other areas I was more careful with my line drawing. However, I feel more beautiful when it is down, hence, why I tried to leave it down in this work. My hands are folded to not only hold people and things back from me but to hold a book which is my favorite thing to do..... after cats. I am an animal fanatic and I have eight cats, five ferrets, and a hamster- all rescues with the exception of Desdemona the hamster. My son, cats, and reading are the highlights of my world... with an occasional eggnog for a treat. :)