Gratitude - 2/3/19

I'm currently fighting a cold. It has left the fever behind but the mucus has settled into my chest. My body feels heavy and achy but not as weak as I would have thought it would be. So I don't like being sick, but I feel like I will recover quicker than normal... which is good as I am working six days this week.

1. I am thankful for fruit. I'm on a slightly restrictive diet and being able to eat fruit feels like I am being spoiled with dessert. So I am grateful for my dessert of peaches today. It was wonderful.

2. So thankful that the weather has warmed up a trifle. Going outside at thirty degrees feels much better than three degrees. I spent a little bit of time outside today because it was warmer and I am glad to have enjoyed a little bit of sun.

3. I am grateful for books to lose myself in when I am sick and need to rest.

4. I am super grateful for on-line church. I love listening to testimonies and the experiences of other people. Even when I don't understand or can't comprehend their experience I feel so edified listening to others and being able to share my own thoughts. I really appreciate inclusive areas when all can feel like they belong. Just feeling grateful for my Sabbath today.

5. I am grateful for Bug. I am blessed to have such an amazing son! He is going through another growth spurt again so I am watching him shoot up even taller and wondering when it will end. He is going to be a very tall man. I loved reading books with him today and enjoying videos too. It was a nice day.

6. It was wonderful for have such a nice lazy day. I really needed one.

Inspiration From A Wall

There is an amazing Cuban restaurant in Bangor that the ex introduced me too a little bit ago. They make great food and are really good about allergies so that people with allergies can eat there- it does help that most Cuban food doesn't use gluten or nuts. The best thing about the restaurant besides the food is their wall. You are encouraged to write on their wall with your thoughts or artistic pictures and I love waiting for my food and reading the submissions. Today two specific items drew my attention. I'm sure no one is shocked that one of the items I liked was a cat....

However, this one really hit me in the feels...

How many of us have felt ourselves 'grow' away from family or others? I suspect all of us... and what about family who have passed on? I saw this and thought of my grandparents and how they are no longer around to spend time with. I miss them so much right now... it feels a bit like a physical wound that will not heal and continues to fester over time. I think of old friends who I have loved and over time we have grown apart. For some, I haven't seen them since I moved to Maine. For others, they have walked away from the relationship due to circumstances in their own lives. As I read the words I found my heart filled with emotion and my eyes filled with tears. I wonder about the person who wrote these words on the wall and what was in their heart as they shared this small piece of their soul. Lots of thoughts today...

Things to Smile About

I'm trying to recover from a gluten exposure this week. I hate the way that my body feels as it tries to heal up because everything feels fragile and weak or doesn't work well. I lose most of my desire for food and have no desire to do anything but remain stationary. For the most part, the option of doing nothing really isn't a viable choice so I try to accomplish the minimum needed so that I am able to give my body the rest it needs to heal up. So today I did some needful errands and chores as well as paperwork and have tried to intersperse restful behavior throughout. Settling down to rest sometimes allows me to really look at some of my 'favorite' things and enjoy them for what they are... instead of just a quick glance as I head off or out to do something. Here are a few of them.

I got this really cool dragon from a Value Village in Seattle. I had been shopping with Shaneen and Katey and I can't remember who suggested that 'who doesn't need a cool dragon in the house'... but I decided I did. Bug loves it and considers it his and as it gets moved and carried around enough it is starting to break around the wings and ears. But I can't help but smile every time I look at it. Its a pretty cool piece of work and I wonder who made it and how they managed to let it go.

I love this vase. I'm not sure why specifically, but I love the way it looks and I always smile when I look at it. Daisies are my favorite flowers and they look great in it and each emphasizes the beauty of the other. I have no idea who made this vase, but it's pretty awesome.

I love houseplants. I got this one when someone left it in the free room at the transfer station and I happily scooped it up and brought it home. I got it last fall and it had a pink flower or two but almost no leaves. I tried to water it and coax it into growth and got absolutely nothing... just a few leaves that limped along on the stems throughout the winter. This summer I made sure the plant spent a lot of time outside and it developed lots of leaves and several flowers, but as fall came it still didn't have the 'hearty' look I had hoped for. So I have fussed and worried about it concerned that it might struggle to survive this winter as well. However, while the flowers are gone, all of the remaining leaves have stayed on. not only that, but soft slim tendrils are stretching up my wall to wrap around the curtain rod. Just seeing that brings a large smile to my face.It is still a bit 'awkward' in how is it growing and in appearance, but I see that as a metaphor for life and enjoy it anyway.

When Remus had his tail removed, the stump looked naked, tight, and weird. It looked a bit indecent and watching him 'wag' it was hilarious and appalling all at once. I remember telling Katey that I hoped he managed to get some of the hair to grow back onto it so that it was 'less' difficult to look at. Today, Remus sat by me hoping for as much attention as he could get and I got a really good close look at his stump... and it is beautiful. The hair has grown over it and the stitches are starting to fall out as everything heals. (Purple stitches on dark black skin looked a bit odd as well.) I am so glad that his tail matches the rest of him now and when he wags it the tail looks like a part of him instead of something stuck on with glue.

I found myself thinking of the film 'Picnic' today. I love the story and the images so I pulled it out today to watch. Its only about five minutes long and it is for children, but I love it and find it restful and fun to watch all the same. I just want to hug the little mouse when he finds and hugs his doll. It's a sweet peaceful film to enjoy.






These are the main things that brought some joy into my life today. I intend to spend what little of the day is left with a book by one of my favorite authors.(She must be a favorite- I've named a few cats after characters from her novels. Cyril is the most recent animal to share the name of the cat who annoys Racer in the police station although my Cyril is much more calm and docile than his namesake in the novels :) What did you enjoy today?

Picture Book Analysis- "When Sheep Cannot Sleep: The Counting Book"

This is a book analysis I completed for a class this semester. This is one of Bug's favorite books so I was pleased to have an excuse to read it some more. I hope you enjoy. :)

In their quest to create and motivate young readers, both authors and publishing houses try to create a work of literature that can stand on its own and that, due to design, storyline and subject matter, can turn more people into readers. Different authors and publishing groups may value different topics and book designs based on past sales or perceived enthusiasm for a topic. This paper attempts to analyze the book “When Sheep Cannot Sleep- The Counting Book” and discuss its distinct place in enjoyable literature for young children.

This beginning reader / picture book was written and illustrated by Satoshi Kitamura who lives in London, England as a Japanese expatriate. He is a prolific author who has won some awards for his varied works. “When Sheep Cannot Sleep” was nominated for a Mockingbird award and was awarded the New York Times Notable Book of the Year award in 1988. The distinctive designs that set the author apart from other illustrators and bold watercolor designs complement the simple storyline of a sheep named Woolly who finds himself unable to fall asleep and goes on an adventure instead. During his adventure he meets other animals and discovers lightning, an empty house, and things to do, draw, chase and eat. Finally he ends up in bed and falling asleep to his quiet thoughts and his images of counting the members of his family in his head.

The straightforwardly moving storyline keeps the book interesting for children ages three to eight years old. However, the author’s secondary purpose is to promote counting for the older preschool reader. They can not only follow the adventures of Woolly, but each page is also set up as a counting game. The reader can enjoy the story of Woolly trying to pick apples, having a conversation with squirrels about the apples, and then using a ladder to reach the apples, while also being able to count upward as the story progresses. His adventure moves from more squirrels than apples, more rungs on the ladder than squirrels and eventually to an empty house with a cozy bed just for him. At the end of the book, the author has made an index that tells the reader what images were meant to be counted in both visuals and words in a clear, easy to read format. By adding a second purpose to the book, the author has created a work that can be used for more than one age group. With bold colors but instructive illustrations that move the story line along, but also ask readers to pause and genuinely look at the pictures, this book invents more opportunities for the reader to interact with the story as they grow. The tension created between the detailed illustrations that ask readers to slow down and ‘look’ and the dialogue which suggests to the reader to speed up was perfect- by the time the reader is developmentally able to notice the tension between words and illustration, he or she is starting to interact by counting and the tension eases.

This book also capitalizes on a few characteristics common to many children’s books. Animals are something that children are highly motivated to learn about, so by creating a main character who is a sheep and several secondary characters that are also animals (squirrels, owls, bats, etc..) there is a strong impetus for the reader to continue on with the story. The illustrations are very colorful which draw the eye towards them and helps to create a sense of peace and lack of urgency in the reader, yet also enthusiasm to continue with the adventure. As a reader, we enjoy following in the path of this poor insomniac sheep because his adventures and environment are simply too interesting- in some ways we as readers no longer have any interest in sleeping either until, with luck, the story promotes in the reader the urge to tuck into bed like Woolly and start to count sheep themselves behind the dark of their own eye lids. The story flows from adventure to peaceful quiet and an urge to join our animal friends in blessed slumber. It also asks the reader to question some of the subtle details in the illustrations: Why are so many animals awake past their bedtime? Why are there so many doors in the house and why are all the doors in the home closed except for one? Why does Woolly feel comfortable entering what appears to be an empty, unknown house that he finds on his adventure and happily cooks some peas and tucks himself into bed? Why are we as readers comfortable with Woolly’s behavior in regards to the house and are not frightened? These questions are only able to be answered by the imagination of the reader.

There are a few themes that are covered in this particular text. The first and most obvious is the pattern of a child having a busy day and then following through the nightly bedtime rituals that put the child in bed and asleep. In some ways, this story reminds us of our lives; we get up, have an adventure, and finish the day in bed ready to begin again on the morrow. Another theme is the pattern of growth- as the story continues, more and more characters or things to count are added to the text, creating depth where there was simplicity. Counting and animals are also themes used in the text. The last theme that comes to mind that is expressed in this book is to simply enjoy the good aspects of life. Giving young children the ability to follow an animal in its evening rituals, to learn more about the world surrounding them, and to create early motivation toward understanding numbers and their uses in our lives is not something to be taken for granted. I highly recommend this particular picture book for any parent with young children for an enjoyable and comfortable read that also encourages fun and learning.



pictures from: http://us.macmillan.com/whensheepcannotsleep/satoshikitamura/9780374483593/, https://cuentoenlasnoches.blogspot.com/2015/03/fernando-furioso-hiawyn-oran-y-satoshi.html, http://us.macmillan.com/whensheepcannotsleep/satoshikitamura/9780374483593/, http://bokmal.com.ua/books/when-sheep-cannot-sleep-kitamura/

Today...

Things are going pretty well for me right now. I am so much to be grateful for and I love having the last few days of some rest with family. Bug is so tall and I enjoy spending my weekends with him laughing, cooking and just enjoying him grow. I'm looking forward... hoping for a much better year than the last for me and for so many others. Let's see what's in store for all of us. :)

Blessings....

As I was sitting this evening and thinking upon my challenges that seem to fill my thoughts lately, I decided to think of some blessings that I have instead. I suspect that I should have been able to think of many, many more than I did... but I'll share the ones that really stuck with me tonight.

1. I have the most wonderful son. There is so much I want for him and while I do not see him as much as often as I would like, but I can think about him and pray for him as often as I would like and that is a wonderful blessing too. :)

2. I received a wonderful blessing last Wednesday. That blessing and the words that I received as well as the thoughts were so uplifting-so great- that they have sustained me throughout the hours since. The brother who gave it to me probably can not have a full picture or depth of what he gave me. I am more grateful than I can say.

3. I have good friends... too many to list! Some that are on my mind today are Katey B., Sarah F., Becky K., Darla A., Linda R., and Kim B.. You all know who you are and how much I love you!

4. I have pets and companions ho show caring and appreciation for me... who seem to see my every need and my words as something worthy of note... I won't say that they always fulfill them, in fact, sometimes I think they laugh at me. But the best companion is a honest and loving one. :)




5. I have a job. I can work and earn money and learn and enjoy other people. It's wonderful!

6. I had cash this week for a few emergencies, lunch, a taxi, and medicine – a rare occurrence and a piece of luck that I would never have expected.

7. I can see the world around me- the shapes, people, and even most of the detail. I can see light and the trickle of the rain on the windshield of my car and sitting like fat, dewy tears on the mall blades of grass poking up from the moist ground.

8. I have the ability to chose to fast to try and gain inspiration or healing. Some people fast pretty consistently because they do not have food ...or at least not enough of it. The ability to do so... to chose to do so... and to pray, showing my willingness to sacrifice and my desire for inspiration is a blessing all on its own.

9. I live in a cute place surrounded by deer, squirrels, turkeys, and many other birds and amphibians. The opportunity to it and just watch... to focus on my small presence in this large world is beautiful and something I do not take for granted.





10. I have two unbroken feet- enough said. ;)

11. I can muster up so much courage when I need too... a skill I never knew I possessed early in life and have gained through the years of adversity and growth.

12. My ability to stretch and grow while not breaking is still functional inside me. I can sometimes find myself surprised by how much growth can hurt, but afterward I can feel the peace and stability that comes with the stretching and lengthening. This ability is a gift from Heavenly father that I am constantly reminded of. A conflicting and wonderful gift.

13. The blessing of a brief few moments of the day in which to listen to the silence.

14. For my very breath... as my chest rises and falls I do not tend to think of it and yet it goes on keeping me here and reminding me of my own mortality and the miracle of my existence.

What gifts and blessings are you thankful today? Will you share?

2014 Poetry Corner # 9 - "Love" (a haiku)

To find and keep love
takes effort, patience and more
yet nourishes souls

What Do You Think?

So I had a really quick question. I am making a list of ideas for future blog posts... fun things to research, etc..... I've actually thought of few off the top of my head over the last few days that interest me, but I thought I would hang the question out there for others to offer suggestions. Anything that you are interested in that any of you might like me to research just for you? A short, but sweet post.... please share your thoughts. :)

My Recent Confusion on Forgetting... :)

I was listening to a testimony in church almost two weeks ago and one phrase from a speaker has been rolling around in my head off and on. I thought it was an interesting perspective on things that we don't like that have happened to us.

“Sometimes events happen because there are reasons for them... and so we should not forget them.”

In the most recent conference talk titled “Look Ahead and Believe” by Elder Edward Dube, he tells a story about a conversation with his mother when he was younger. He was pleased and proud of how much work he had accomplished with his mother that day and wanted her to stop working to look. Her response was “Edward, never look back. Look ahead at what we still have to do.” A beautiful talk to listen too and I liked the thoughts he expressed. When I was listening to this testimony, this story came back to me as an interesting juxtaposition to the phrase that had just been uttered... and yet the more I have thought about it I feel like the phrases, while appearing to be opposites actually compliment each other.

All of us have had experiences that we have struggled with and tried to come to terms with in our lives. The number of people with PSTD around the globe is expanding as just a small example of those who are dealing with extraordinary circumstances and trauma and the challenges that they face from it. If there is anyone on this earth would has lead a challenge and struggle free life... I would like to chat with them because I just I can't fathom that they actually exist. :) So when I have had challenges and confusion and struggled to move forward and deal with the trial at hand, much of the advice that people have given me (and I have been taught through lessons and experience over the years) has been to ponder, pray and recognize that these trials and sorrows are for our good and for personal growth. And so as you move ahead in life, you should always look forward to where you are going and not dwell on the past. From some lessons and from things people have told me, they seem to be able to forget these trials in their present and so it's almost as if they have never happened. I will admit that I do not think that at least right now I am built that way. I try to forget and I try to forget but the bigger the impact it had on me, the less successful I seem to be. So I find myself remembering really bad things and situations that caused pain and remorse... sometimes through my own actions and sometimes for reasons that I can't find a way to blame myself for- I'm pretty good at blaming myself actually.

So when I heard that phrase … to suggest that we should not forget, I was momentarily frozen while my brain tried to process what that really meant. It seemed so different from many things I've heard... Yet as he continued to keep speaking, I found that my brain was no longer there. It was dicing and processing and taking apart every bit of this phrase and the story by Elder Dube and the confusion the thoughts were created. Like a strong tangle to two wires, both true and unbreakable, but impossible to separate. And over time, I think I finally really got it. When I stopped trying to separate the tangles of wire and tried to understand I recognized that in different working both men said the same thing. Events that happen in our lives do happen for reasons- whether through consequences of our own free agency or even because of someone else... or even because we need the trial to teach us, to strengthen us, and to mold our spirit into a more malleable shape for the Lord to refine. And there are reasons that we should never forget them. These experiences have developed the individual that exists today. The biases, perspectives and thoughts of the person exist and have been shaped by these struggles and their existence- to pretend or forget why the person is the way they are is to forget who the individual is. But to stand backwards, looking back in pleasure at what all we have accomplished over time and not focus on what needs to happen in the future is also not correct. Because if we allow ourselves to become stuck in past pain and sorrow, we force ourselves into a very difficult trap. We can no longer try to grow and move forward and are simply stuck.... trapped in a vortex of pain and misery that will seem never ending and will be never ending unless we can find a way forward.

This is why the balance is needed. We need to remember, to understand ourselves and our past, to see how we have become who we are today. Yet we need to be able to let go of the pain and the blame -whether towards others or ourselves- to move forward towards the joy and exaltation that we seek. A challenging balancing act to be sure... For those of you reading, what techniques have you used in your life that have been successful in helping maintain this even path forward? What hasn't worked for you? If you feel stuck and trapped, what things might you be able to do to move forward and release yourself from the painful snare you are in?

A Little Bit on the New Place

So, I have finished moving into my new place! I am really excited about it for so many reasons and even though I still have some unpacking and arranging to do, I feel more comfortable than I have in a long time. It doesn't look like much- it's just a small cabin, yet its so much some comfortable and I feel more free than I did in my two bedroom apartment. It's funny how having less makes some things harder, but many important things easier.

I love having land to hang out on again. I have already started imagining and planning for a small garden in the spring and I am wondering if maybe having ducks would be a possibility again- not wondering too much because I will be working so much so I wouldn't be able to enjoy them or keep them safe. I have already tried to enjoy some time sitting outside looking at the stars – feels too cold to do for long right now- but I am looking forward to it in the spring evenings. I love having wood heat again... its a more comfortable heat and while I am still getting used to the rhythm of starting and keeping the stove lit and fired up again, its wonderful. It is so much more comforting and feels more right than a thermostat does. I have to pay attention to the weather, to how I feel, to the air around me... and as such I think I get a better appreciation of it.

I love the huge amount of windows- boy the cats do as well. When I am working outside, I will see them sitting on the sills enjoying the rays of sun that come through the pains. I love that it is within the living boundaries of the church I need to attend and so I no longer have to worry about difficulties there. I love the rustic look of the place itself and even some of the problems- I find myself thinking of ways to fix or modify them. I love the size of it and how it is pretty darn cozy. How many people live in places that they really feel are great places to live for all parts of them. I suspect that not many people do as otherwise, home décor wouldn't be such a popular thing as we try to turn our homes into things that we like to look at and let others look at instead of enjoying the place for the environment it provides. (I recognize that I have over simplified that idea.) It feels like a place to be happy and to grow in.

So here is a picture. Like I said, not fancy... but perfect all the same. :)

2013 Poetry Corner #6 - "To Be"

To dream is to stretch your soul
... to reach out of your reality to a new place
... to hope for future peace

To plan is to stretch your mind
... to focus on the changes that must be
... to hold onto a goal with purpose

To try is to acknowledge possibility
... of both failure and success
... to move onward anyway

To grow is to reach forth
... to know that to gain may cause pain
... that through adversity, we gain strength

To love is to believe
... to know that the Father loves us
... to have faith in ourselves
... to be

2013 Poetry Corner # 1 : 'Anxiety'

Anxiety, anxiety.... my ever faithful chain
Always here around my heart
Can I still be sane?

Breathe in, breathe slow...
Slowly, thoughtful, timely
So that my soul can grow.

Fight it and sigh
For eventually you'll win
No need to ask why..

just continue to try.....

2012 Poetry Corner #1 : New Views

A heavy heart is quite a burden
More than a barrow of rocks
It does no good
Only extends the grief
And makes it hard to breathe









To lighten the burden is just as hard
The task is great and daunting
But good will come
The grief will end
And growth will begin again





So surely it's best to let it go
Even though both choices feel just as hard
For one will show
An ending sweet
The other- a grief observed....

2011 Poetry Corner # 3 : The Journey of Recovery

Why so many challenges
I think as I fall
The fall doesn't hurt
The impact breaks all

I struggle to stand
The earth starts to shift
My heart feels torn
My mind feels adrift

How to recover – I do not know
This massive pain
Will it help me grow?

As I recover and life goes on...
Will I feel safe?
Will I ever feel strong?

I will stand up and try to pray
To think nice thoughts throughout the day
And watch for the light that shows the way
To charity, to life, to love secure
All I need is to but endure.