A Short Film Review - "Exit Through the Gift Shop"

Warning- this review is full of spoilers.....

I found myself baffled and perplexed by this documentary- a hard feat to accomplish as it is my favorite film genre. I sat and watched amazing street artists who stencil, paint, and glue their way into our visual culture and lives… and the man named Thierry Guetta who became obsessed with filming these artists in action and over time became their co-conspirator… and then drops the filming to become a street artist in his own right named Mr. Brain Wash… in some ways selling out the artists who taught and educated him on their craft and allowed him to film them because of their belief that he would help express the importance of their art and their passion… this was an interesting mind cluster of high proportions!

Thierry started filming those in his everyday world as a coping mechanism for loss and to record the movements of those around him so that they could “live forever in those moments.” Over time he started following and filming street artists beginning with ‘Invader’ and moving on through many artists to high profile street painters Shepard Fairey and Banksy. One of the important aspects of the filming of these artists and their work was his accidental documenting of a risky and short lived art form. As Banksy states, “Most art is made to last hundreds of years, but street art has a short life span… It needs to be documented.” This footage has given us the opportunity to see artwork that no longer exists and talk to some of the artists who create it and learn their motivations and desires that they put into their craft. We also see and feel some of the danger and risk of arrest that these artists accept to contribute their work to society as a whole- “I liked the danger… it made me feel good.” In a very real way, these artists create an art gallery outside in our everyday world.

Watching Thierry become an artist helped me to realize that I do ‘color’ my art with a perceived view of the artist and my understanding of their motivation/ passion. I didn’t find much of his work useful- it felt ridiculous and trendy. I didn’t really feel anything by minor interest, annoyance, or boredom looking at his copious quantity of work. I loved his motivation and success, but didn’t understand it or applaud it. I loved Banksy’s work and his desire to create but keep himself and his art anonymous from his ‘real world’ persona. I liked the way that street art “gained real power from perceived power” and how Thierry was able to help some of these artists see the reactions to their work from the public creating a true feedback loop.

Banksy said a few things that really hit home for me. One is that “there aren’t supposed to be rules.” The idea of creation is just that… taking old or miscellaneous things and remaking them into something new and different from the sum of its parts. Thinking about how making and following specific rules to mass create work a bit like a shoe factory didn’t feel right to me. Another statement was, “Maybe art is a bit of a joke…” and I think he is right. Creation of any kind creates emotion of some sort and humor/laughter should clearly be understood to be part of that creative ideal. Another way to put that is “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”- Tyler Glenn. However the most amazing thing that I took from Banksy was his realization that as Thierry had no clue how to make a movie, maybe he (Banksy) should try… and the result is this evocative documentary.

I love the way that each person’s art builds upon those who have come before them- how even an evocative picture of Barack Obama by a street artist has become such a cultural image recognized by so many. Yet most people probably have no idea how the image came about. I love the way that Banksy helped create this documentary even though he didn’t agree with all the ways that the art in it was defined. I loved learning and watching the different techniques used to create the art… even if that art may be covered over tomorrow. Lastly, I adored watching the teachers' semi dismay over the creations of their protégée… for this is a feeling that all teachers have at some point… for they must let the student learn the principles and then let them go to create their own path. A lesson for us all.

pictures from: http://www.banksyfilm.com/

“La Revolution Devore Ses Enfants” - The Revolution Devours Its Children

Living in the time and space of a revolution is always a dangerous business. There is the difficultly of picking the right side (which tends to be the winning side), surviving through the death, destruction, and mayhem... and of course figuring out all the new rules and changing your lifestyle and mindset to suit. However, some revolutions last over a period of time that allows the combination of anger, fear, desire for change, passion and blame to spiral into a level of violence, death, and fear that is more than the average war, revolt or revolution. I liken it to a small candle, beautiful and glowing in a light wind on a dry night... and then you throw a few gallons of gasoline on it- not a good idea! :) This was the path that the French Revolution took in the desire for 'Liberty, Equality, Fraternity.' The candle was lit and gasoline was poured on slowly until the inferno was difficult to control. I would like to analyze the process by which the French Revolution became so radical that, as the saying goes, it “devoured its own children.”

If the process of radicalization must be described in two words, it would be 'fear' and 'anger.' And this emotion touches over all aspects of the revolution causing more and more extreme reactions. While some historians have blamed Enlightenment writers (or 'radical critics' of society) for some of the more extreme behavior, modern historians see these works as only a small piece of the puzzle. Another piece of the puzzle is governmental censorship. In France, censorship was a bit more lenient than other countries and so many documents could be written that criticizes the government... as long as nothing was named and it was discussed as metaphor. This got the majority of French readers studying and discussing 'forbidden' topics which also helped radicalize the very thoughts in the heads of the populace. Paris and the country of France were really at the heart of Enlightenment thinking due to some basic differences between France and the other states of Europe- some differences include religious differences (France had more control over the Catholic Church in its borders than other countries which interesting enough caused only the most extreme and radical forms of Protestantism to come to France), class differences (France was more stratified in class than other European states and the stratification was beginning to weaken and crack), censorship, etc...


When the nobles pressed the king to call for the Estates General to assemble, about 1200 deputies arrived in Versailles for the event. Some of the deputies were already radical and were articulate on the wish for a huge transformation of public life. Deputies from the Third Estate were fearful that they would have no say due to the tradition rules of voting so all members of that caucus as well as a few members from the other estates joined together to stop any discussion unless the the voting rules were changed. Fear of the Third Estates actions by the monarchy and the nobles caused King Louis XVI to lock out the rebelling deputies. Anger at the king's response caused the outside deputies to get together and swear to not leave or be sent home until they had helped France get a new constitution. The delay in getting a new constitution and agreement at the National Assembly caused unrest and frustration in the rest of the country. This frustration bubbled up and with some unknown event, riots broke out and within a month or two, the famous 'storming of the Bastille' in Paris... and the revolution had begun! Riots and uprising in other cities forced local officials to follow the wishes of the rioters... not the king. Royal authority, once it began to dissolve, diminished quickly and the National Assembly held a special session to abolish feudalism and do away with all privileges from that institution. They also wrote the Declaration of the Rights of Man and Citizen and set up a constitutional monarchy. Violence would continue as the 'extremes' in the country continued to mistrust the other extremes- Catholics against Protestants, peasants against nobles, etc.... And as violence was 'accepted', it became acceptable. As with all boundaries in life, we as humans push those borders of acceptable behavior... and when a boundary falls, we are more likely to push against the next boundary if we do not acknowledge that a boundary has disappeared. And so, violence not only happened more often, but became more brutal and almost inhuman (the September massacres entered my mind as I thought about this.)

King Louis XVI tried to run with his family to another country to safety, but was unsuccessful. This action broke apart the constitutional monarchy and was the beginning of the end for the National Assembly. Election brought in more of the bourgeois members and fewer nobles and those new members were more likely to want more radical reforms. As more people started to feel that the revolution hadn't actually worked and started pro-royalists groups as well as counterrevolutionary agitation in public, both sides became more and more polarized. The Revolutionaries became fearful of the future of the revolution itself and moved more to the fringes. Unrest in the country stepped up, the National Assembly voted to declare war on Austria, and so any internal descent was now seen as treasonous. Emergency measures were set up, and a new form of government was born called the National Convention. The King was put on trial and the decision to execute him was made- by executing the king, the convention was making a clear statement to the opposition... there was no possibility of compromise. The Montagnards ruled in the Convention, Maximilian ruled the Montagnards and after the development of the Committee of Public Safety... the Reign of Terror had begun. The fear, passion, and anger that the revolutionaries in the National Convention felt towards anyone who might possibly be against the Revolution was focused and turned against the perceived enemies of the state. Anything, any disagreement or difference of opinion could be seen as treasonous... and it is now that the revolution began to 'devour its own children'

In the country, there were many counterrevolutionaries in different cities.... and many people who were tired of the violence, hungry and wanted things to go back to a better space. But at this point, the revolution had lost control. In the National Convention, the Montagnards led by Robespierre and another highly ranking member Georges-Jacques Danton had a difference of opinion. Danton was one of the original revolutionaries and was considered quite the hero, but he was too moderate in the end. He gave a speech in favor of ending the terror and restoring regular legal and civil procedures in January 1794. This disagreement cost Danton his life one month later and gave us the quote mentioned above: the full quote is “the Revolution may soon, like Saturn, devour its own children.” No one was safe once the revolution was out of control and Danton and many of his followers were only the first of the 'children' to be fed to le guillotine. Ironically, Maximilian Robespierre's death on the guillotine was one of the few things that ended the Terror... and help stabilized the revolution and its violence a little bit.

There are quite a few ironies that can be found in the study of the details of this long event. The largest irony is that this movement which was begun in the name of freedom and individual liberty caused so much death and destruction. Another irony is that Maximilian Robespierre, who was an intelligent, passionate advocate of human rights... could have become the main advocate of the Terror (which caused such a large amount of unnecessary bloodshed.) While some things did change for the better, this period of time was a time of fear, anger, terror, passion and bloodshed. Until the rise of Napoleon Bonaparte, it would continue.

Thoughts on Revolution, Potential Causes, and Revolt

I did quite a bit of reading on the causes or potential factors of building a revolution- I am currently studying the French Revolution that started in 1789. There are many different causes that can be pointed to in hindsight for a revolution and during my studies I have certainly found several potential factors- poverty, lack of prosperity or hope for the majority of French constituents, poor economy and lack of jobs, huge governmental debt, perception (or reality) of the government being weak, unable to lead or create positive change, and ignorance or indifference (or at least perceived ignorance or indifference) by the few who had the most ability to create change.  All of these could be considered primary factors in creating an environment that sparks a revolution- I think that the more of these factors you add, the more you can actually bet on the spark being lit by a 'small' act and the revolution is now fully operating, so to speak. During my studies, I tried to think of factors that would make me as a person be willing to join in an overthrow of my country's government. As I thought I decided that all of the answers that I gave above would (at least in my case) really be secondary factors- all of them are bad, but I do think that to actually join or start a revolution, I would have to have one other defining factor. I think I would need to have pretty much all of the above, but I also would need to feel that the safety of my family and community are not only at risk, but the idea of the status quo being just as dangerous and life threatening as a revolution might be would be the primary factor that would get me to be involved. I think I would have to feel passionately that all of us (friends, family, community) might be dead unless I did something.... and most of the above factors would have to be in effect for most of that to happen I suspect. The thought that frightens me the most about this line of thinking is that I think many countries, including our own are in this sort of 'swimming pool'- the factors above are all in place and the pool is full and glistening in front of us... we are simply waiting for the one thing/person that gets us all going off of the diving board. I really think that most people will not join a revolt or cause one that becomes a revolution unless you have many factors that they feel passionately about, no ability to see that they will be fixed in the future and the very real possibility of the problems getting so much worse. If you have been suffering for awhile, even a small suggestion of more suffering could really be a breaking point.

I think that these factors are the same reasons that will continue to push for revolutions now and in the future on our planet. I think that as long as people feel hope that things can become better, they can feel help and that they have a voice for facilitating change... then we can as a people will continue to suffer with the economy, shrinking public safety nets and community services, and other difficulties and will do so looking for the light at the end of the recession, etc... But suffering for long periods of time, feeling 'dull' and hopeless, and finding no ways to move forward and only despair and suffering can and will eventually cause people to strike out in their frustration, anger and desire for something else.  I think that is why revolutions tend to be so bloody- the negative emotions cause people to do things that they might never do in any other circumstances. And that is one reason that I dislike the idea of revolution so much. People kill children and people who do not agree with them to up hold their virtue - whether it is change, human rights, etc.... and their virtue becomes in some senses a demon; harming and killing everyone in its wake until the fire of their passion and virtue is put out, contained or destroyed. Many die who had no part in making the problem, many die who wanted to fix the problem, and many die who may not have even understood what the problem was. I will admit that I don't feel comfortable with revolution – even non violent revolution- simply because of the ferocious pace. I prefer change that comes gradually but sure and brings people happily or confusedly into the group... not by force, or other negative means.

Do you think that America has many of the factors that I described above? What are your thoughts on this issue? What would you need to have to get involved in a revolt/revolution?

'True North' and Beginning Introspection on Myself and Leadership

One of my classes this semester is on leadership... a quality that I clearly think that I lack. :) One of the first things we were asked to do was read about 'authentic' leadership and to look at the following questions to start assessing the leadership potential that each of us has. So I have posted the questions as well as my answers here. Please be kind. :)

1. What leaders, past or present, do you admire most? What is it about them that you admire? Which of these leader do you consider to be authentic leaders? What can you learn from their leadership?: After my readings and thoughts on the issue only a few names kept pushing their way to the front of my thoughts. These individuals are quite varied in background and I think a few I would be debated with by calling them 'leaders' in the sense that I have tended to see leaders as people that everybody knows or are famous or are rich and powerful. The individuals that I really feel stick out in my mind are: Martin Luther King Jr., King Benjamin (from the Book of Mormon), Anite Stratton, C.S. Lewis and Tamar (from Genesis in the Old Testament). The things that I admire most of about these 'leaders' in some way are very unique to each individual, but all of these people have a few traits in common. Every one of them has courage and was willing to work and risk a lot for the things that they believed in and they felt 'passionate' about. Each individual did their work and pursued their passions not only giving up other easier options, but drawing other people into their lives and their passions changing the world around them. I admire their courage and passion as well as strength and determination to move forward even if success doesn't seem possible and to continue to try. Every single one of these people are authentic leaders beyond doubt. I base this statement on what I believe an authentic leader to be; namely, an individual with a strong internal moral compass, good and passionate purpose, a strong character, true to their understanding of themselves and at all times working towards positive individual development and progression, and establishing and working toward positive and strong relationships with others that are solid, well grounded and strong as well. Each person not only took the time to question life and their assumptions, but to question how they made the assumptions in the first place. These leaders have taught me that the easy way is not always the right way, that I need to be true to myself and what I need but not selfish and clutching, to take risks and not hide in fear and anxiety, and to acknowledge my imperfections and to question myself, my motives and even my needs to determine what I really need and what is real knowledge and worth struggling for. I will give a brief synopsis of these leaders below for those who do not find these individuals familiar to them.

2. Thinking back over all the leadership experiences in your lifetime, which ones are you proudest of? : This is not an easy answer for me. I am not sure that I am proud of any experiences that I have had. I have personally felt that I shouldn't be a leader or be in any position of power over others. I make too many assumptions, I have difficulty with conflict and I have been told by a few people that my communication skills are quite poor and I misunderstand people and their motives frequently. Knowing these traits about myself makes me feel that I shouldn't ever be a leader in any capacity because I do not think that even with passion, strength of character, generosity and positive internal development and motivations, I can overcome my communication difficulties and my lack of full self awareness and discipline. So the list of leadership positions I have been in is small to non existent as I have worked hard to avoid them in my life. Through a few supervisory experiences that I have been given at times when I have been forced to be a very reluctant leader, I can't honestly say that I am proud of any leadership experience in full. I am only proud of aspects of what I accomplished- I don't honestly feel like I can be proud of the job I did as a whole. The aspects I am proud of are my capacity for generosity, my motivation for hard work, my creativity and ability to draw people outside of themselves and their comfort zones to think and ponder, and my attempts to lift the people in my group that I considered the most at risk in terms of health, self esteem, and life challenges. I am not proud of my poor communication, my fear of myself and conflict as well as my inability to stop or deflect negativity towards others, team divisions, or to stop deliberate sabotage- my response is to just sigh and feel annoyed and to to fix the problem indirectly... a response which rarely has worked for me I might add. (I will admit that I am only taking this class because it is mandatory for the honors program and then with the hope that I might learn a few things... it would never have been on my list without the motivation of the honor's program.)

3. Think about the basis for your leadership and the kind of leader you would like to be as you answer these questions: What qualities do I bring to leadership? What leadership qualities would I like to develop further? : I do have several good qualities that I think are important in the basic needs of people in responsible or leadership positions. I am generous, highly motivated and creative. I tend to be quite energetic and I am action oriented- I prefer to get something positive done then spend time just discussing it. I am passionate, loyal and am willing to struggle toward goals wholeheartedly. I easily trust and share with those whose values seem to mimic mine and I do work on being introspective and having consistent positive self development. But I think that is where the good and strong qualities end. If I had the opportunity I would love to have a few of my more negative qualities become either neutral or even positive characteristics. I would love to develop the capacity to truly understand people better during verbal and nonverbal communication and to find more positive ways to manage conflict. It would also be wonderful to understand how to work at keeping teams healthy and how to understand ways of helping when groups are not able to work together. At one point, I spent over five years working at changing the thoughts and behaviors of a faith community when it can to individuals with disabilities and I was only successful in allowing myself to be frustrated, semi-abused and pushed out. I also think that my fear of myself and misunderstanding only presses the likelihood of failure in my communication and success higher. If it was possible to develop better communication skills, more self awareness and understanding as well as self confidence and knowledge I am all for it!

4. Assess yourself against the five dimensions of an authentic leader: Do you understand your purpose? Do you understand your values? Do you lead with my heart? Do you establish connected relationships? Do you demonstrate self discipline? : The short answer is that yes would be the black and white answer to the question. But true assessment leaves quite a bit of gray area. I definitely lead with my heart. When I feel like I understand what is right and necessary I give it everything I have and sometimes more than I should or can afford. In some aspects I am pretty good at self discipline- as an individual with lots of food allergies, I have to be very disciplined to avoid getting sick through food as well as supplies for basic daily living such as soap and envelopes. But I am quite cowardly when it comes to conflict and that is a skill I am currently trying to develop instead of just avoiding it or ignoring it. Some forms of self discipline I am not really good at and they tend to be the ones that are harder to pin a clear negative consequence to. I understand my values and can clearly articulate them, but I am not always sure in some situations how the situations fit into my values code and only in hindsight do I sometimes see that I have not followed my values as strictly as I would have liked. I am able to develop connected relationships, but I am sometimes unsure of boundaries and over the last year, my ability to develop close connected relationships seems to have been severed... at least in the short term.

5. Do you feel that you are more effective as a leader when you are authentic, or does being authentic constrain your leadership effectiveness? : I am not sure how to answer this question honestly... as I do not feel that I have ever really been a truly effective leader. My instinctive answer is that I can only be an effective leader when I am being authentic and I think that must be the correct answer in life as well as class. Trying to be someone you are not or to espouse values that you do not feel are correct is difficult and does eventually do you in -sometimes literally if you are famous for your high values (William Bennett) or even famous period (Tiger Woods). I think that the answer might also depend on what your values actually are to determine effectiveness. Some well known business leaders chased the companies they led but walked away with millions of dollars and compensation- if they were trying to become rich at any cost they were quite effective, but not really as effective if they were trying to create a great, trustworthy and solid business/company. Whatever most people think of Bill Clinton, statistically a great majority see him as an effective leader even though the majority would also say his moral compass was out of whack. The opposite is true of George W. Bush. In some ways he does appear to easily fit the mold as an authentic leader... but the majority of people appear to see him as a failed leader overall.

6. Are you consciously developing your leadership abilities at this time? : The easy answer is not really. Right now all of my mental focus is glued onto working on my family relationships, finding stability in my life, working on my goals and developing a better understanding of myself. I think that only the last focus really cleanly fits into developing positive and effective abilities. However, this understanding I am attempting to develop is my focus to understand me and to help me find stability and a clear sense of purpose again in my life. Frankly, in many ways it is a selfish focus as I want this ability for 'me' first and only want the benefits of it as a secondary bonus.

My Leader Synopsis: Every one of these people that I discuss have changed the world for the better. I will admit that I thought of a lot more, but these are the ones that really 'stuck' when I was reading about the above assignment and the people that I think about recently when pondering positive changes in my life. All of these individuals have radically changed the world that I live in for the better.

1. Martin Luther King Jr – became the defacto leader of the civil rights movement in the United States. His passion, action, and work toward social welfare and racial equality in my country and its positive consequences cannot be adequately defined in only a small paragraph.






2. King Benjamin – is the story of the ruler/king of Zarahemla. He was a man who was passionate about his faith and his people and he worked tirelessly to support himself (unusual thing in a king) and to teach his people fidelity to God and service and kindness to themselves and others. He focuses on peace and good works and tried to teach everyone by his example and his work as well as by his words. His final speech to his people focus on gratitude, faith, service, and the obligations that everyone had to the fellow beings and to God. His speeches and works were quoted by other prophets and leaders for decades after his death according to written words and tradition.



3. Anite Stratton – is a wonderful woman who I am lucky enough to call friend. She is a woman devoted to helping children and other individuals who have severe life difficulties. She is currently the mother of eight children (maybe more at this time... I am not always up to date) many of whom have come through the foster system. She is patient, dedicated to helping others and her passion is focused not only on helping the 'ordinary' child, but also the child with severe difficulties. Her love and passion seem to have no bounds as she will work with anyone who wants to learn and will support anyone who is truly trying to better themselves.

4. C.S. Lewis – is a beloved author and Christian apologist. His passion for self introspection developed into a strong Christian faith during his college years and it infused all of his life and works until his death in 1963. He was a leader in literacy and in Christian thought as well as in quiet good works such as charitable donations. He did not allow an assumption brought to his attention to stand unless appropriately defended and worked tirelessly to convince others to look deeply, to challenge assumptions, to follow the Christian faith (he was generally positive to wards all faiths and didn't work to degrade any faith- however, he felt that Christianity was 'right'.) He didn't believe that certain genres of writing were 'lesser' and wrote for almost all genres... and in doing so reinvigorated and remade the way these genres were viewed and written (such as childrens literature.)

5. Tamar – is the story of a woman who lived during the time of the famous Joseph; ' Joseph and his Technicolor Dream-Coat'. She married the son of Judah (one of the elder brother's of said Joseph) named Er who died before they had conceived children. She was then married according to commandment and tradition to the next oldest son of Judah named Onan. However, Onan was unwilling to have children with Tamar and did his best to avoid doing so which according to tradition led to his death. At this point, Judah decides that Tamar is 'cursed' and so he lies to her- asking her to wait until his youngest son is old enough to marry her, but in actually never intends to have his son Shelah do so as is evidenced as the years go by without the marriage taking place. Tamar finds herself in a difficult situation as she sees no way to fulfill the promises that she has given to God to continue the hereditary line of Judah and also as a widow has no status and little honor. In short, she has no opportunity for future love or marriage, maternity, or even justice. Tamar understanding herself, her community and current family as well as having a passion and determination to follow through on her commitments develops a plan to fulfill her commitments and she waits for her father in law Judah at the side of a road when she knows he will be walking by. Wearing a veil, he does not recognize her and, mistaking her for a prostitute, propositions her and is accepted. She accepted his signet ring as a temporary payment and presents it to him in a few months when she is discovered to be pregnant. She bears twins and is later married to Judah according to some traditions. Her children become the forbears of other famous individuals.


(On an end note, I wonder what it says about me that most of the leaders I admire most are long dead....)

A Boost!

I got a heck of a compliment today from a college professor- she was already my very favorite, but this really, really made my day! So I thought I would share. Some parts of my life are having some serious challenges, but I am doing OK at school. :)

December 9, 2010
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing on behalf of Badgerdown who has been a student in my 400 level online Discovering and Interpreting Local History course this fall. Badgerdown is an excellent student. Her work is always of the highest quality and she contributes greatly to class discussion. Many times, she has started the discussion on the discussion board and her classmates respond very well to her comments. She is also very helpful and supportive of her classmates in adding her own insights to what they have said. She responded to her classmate’s posts immediately with student introductions which helped me to create a virtual classroom experience. I think that Badgerdown and her classmates have become well acquainted with one another even though they have never met one another. Badgerdown’s work ethic, attitude and passion for history helped to make this happen.

Badgerdown’s work has been thoughtful, analytical and well written. She is a motivated student who completes her work and is willing to interact with the professor on a regular basis. Even though Badgerdown and I have never met, we correspond several times a week. I believe that Badgerdown has added so much to this class based on her own family history research experience and I believe that she has taught me as much as I have taught her. When I ask her a question or a classmate asks her a question about her experiences, she is very willing to answer the question and there have been times when she has gone online and found information that she has then shared with the class; this was never a requirement of the class, but I appreciated her wanting to help and to answer questions.
I consider Badgerdown to be an excellent candidate for your honors program. If she were an UMPI student, I would encourage her to be in the UMPI honors program and I would encourage her to become a history major so that I could have her as a student in more of my classes. When my colleagues ask me if I miss classroom interaction by teaching online, I tell them no and I then give Sonia as an example of the caliber of student I have found through my online courses. I look forward to reading Badgerdown’s comments on discussion board and her papers because she is such a good student and she contributes so much to both her classmates and to me. I highly recommend Badgerdown to your program.
Sincerely,

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University of Maine at Presque Isle

This is one of the most positive letters I have ever received in the sense that I am painted in such a good light. That isn't something I have grown used to... but I think I would like to hear good thoughts like this more often. I am going to celebrate with a sushi dinner tonight and enjoy the confidence and sense of worth that I have built up this semester. :)