Sadness, Confusion, and Ice Cream for Breakfast

I have been feeling tired and worn down lately. Health problems and other issues have distracted me from many important things and blogging has fallen to the wayside during this time. I am going to try and do better with it, but I will admit I don't feel much enthusiasm about anything these days. I really wish that I didn't feel this way because I love to write. So I will endeavor to do better.

My grandfather passed away one year ago today. I feel a lot of conflicting emotions about it and it is still a tender spot. It feels so close in time to now that even my ex couldn't really comprehend this morning that it has been a full year- he was quite sure this event had happened more recently. So today has been filled with family, work, and dessert to help make the day more cheerful.

These pictures are a few days old, but I thought they would be fun to share today for a smile. Bug loves ice cream and his favorite currently is a cotton candy flavor- its blue and looks horrible but he is addicted. I was cooking breakfast the other day and he went and got a spoon out of the drawer and the ice cream from the freezer and sat down to eat it. When I noticed, I laughed and grabbed the phone to take a picture. Bug hates pictures so he immediately got up and tried to leave, but I still caught some of him in the picture.

The funny part is the spoon he was using. This picture gives a clearer view of the spoon he was using... which is supposed to be used to stir cocoa in mugs.

Happy Friday and love to all. :)

Little Things

Isn't is interesting that it is the little things in life that really make this journey worthwhile? Each of us has different ideas of what a 'little thing' is in our lives, but each of us can find something we are grateful for. I found myself dwelling on the idea of little things today and how wonderful they make life... and also confound it. How many times have we found our focus moved to a little thing- a small fluid leak from our cars, a short temporary illness, a small want that isn't fulfilled- in such a way that we are unable to fully and clearly focus on the really big things in our life. Sometimes a little thing is vastly important or becomes so... and sometimes we find that it was truly something that we could have ignored and wasted too much of our limited time on. It really is the little things that can bind and bring us joy.

There is so much ugly in the world and my country right now with so much violence and anger... so much I can do so little about. So today my focus is rest, healing, my son and service.... with a small focus on petting cats... boy I love that!

What are some of the little things that you are focused on right now?

Manic...

I fond myself really struggling to sit in Sacrament meeting a few weeks ago and I tried to write down my thoughts in an attempt to acknowledge and understand them. I do not think I did find understanding after all, but I did manage to get through the meeting and as I read over my thoughts and words, I do have much to think about. I figured that I would share. Do any of my friends feel like this sometimes?

I think that I am a little manic today. Not really sure and until I understand myself better and my emotions/energy I probably will not be able to. I am not even convinced that I have used the word 'manic' correctly- I have no diagnosis or firm knowledge base in which I use it. It was the phrase that leaps to my mind as I sit in the pew trying to analyze this feeling in my body that is almost overwhelming and feels pretty urgent. I am sitting, but I feel my limbs twitch slightly... hopeful for movement. Even my foot, my injured foot wearing a ridiculous ugly boot- is trying to move, subtly flexing. If I am honest, I feel like jumping up from my pew and going home- not due to church, my testimony or even feelings of disobedience- but to cook and then to run. The urge to take off the boot, leap onto the treadmill and to run.... just run, listening to Rob Thomas's voice filling the air and just pushing my body until it can do no more. However, now is not the time... It is the time for Sacrament meeting... so I sit.

Interestingly, my mind is slower. Thoughts are not screaming and racing through it. It's almost like my brain feels the exuberance in the rest of my vessel and feels too tired to even contemplate using more energy on thought. The only thing I know is that I feel terribly exhausted and at the same time, terribly energized and like a rabbit feeling the watchful eyes of the hawk... ready to run, but not sure if it should nor where it would go. So I am still sitting and I find myself twitching and breathing quickly.... and trying to focus on not moving. (What kind of an example would I be for any of the adorable kids that I teach if I jump up and make a fuss in the meeting? What kind of example would I be to myself actually :) And so I am scribbling... trying to understand these strange feelings coursing through my muscles while my brain is trying to listen to the speakers themselves. And, funnily enough, the more I sit and write, the more I feel like I can actually hear what is being said... the more I can endure

And so the meeting ends... and I have many pages of doodles and this page of words. I made it! My feelings haven't changed, but I have made it. I managed to stay sitting and look attentive even as my body yearned for freedom. And now it can have it! Off to the nursery I go to jump and sing and play.... Hooray! :)

Highlights from my Summer

Boy, this has been a crazy year... for me at least. But even with the yuckiness and the trials that have caused me much distraction and grief, I have had some brief moments of awe and joy. I thought I would share a few and it comes as no surprise to me that most of these moments contained animals or nature in them. So here they are:

1. I got to spend a bit of time weeding this summer for some extra money. The time out in the sun was wonderful and I got to really see a few fun things. I got to see a monarch butterfly,







The longest worm ever!





Small juvenile foxes running along the road looking for food....











Frogs with amazing voices- loud and clear!












Large spiders just hanging out in midair....











Huge amounts of ants and pupae moving along the ground....












Tiny toads in the grass.










Newts hiding in the grass and the wet












And the smallest slug I have ever seen in my life!













A few things were really memorable and remind me why I live in a rural area. I saw:

a hidden duck nest















huge blossoming plants of daisies... they are my favorite flower!











Seals near the shore where I was working. They would come several morning in a row and just play in the surf and the shallows. It was beautiful and I am sorry that I wasn't able to get a picture except for the disturbance in the water after the seal have reentered the water.












The pasture that I have been trying to grow is doing very well... almost too well as the plants grow so quickly and thick that I do not keep up and I end up with grasses and flowers as tall if not taller than me.











I had some of the priesthood over to cut wood late this summer and it was such a blessing. It was also amazing to see how much wood so many of them would carry at once. It makes me smile. :)













Bug had a great summer. Our blackberry bushes were abundant and he enjoyed filling large containers of berries.
















Bug also experimented with making donuts and I was the happy recipient of his labors. He happily fed me donuts until I didn't feel like I could eat any more. It was wonderful!









How was your summer? Do you have an experience that was wonderful and inspiring that you would like to share? What blessings did you have?