Snow Day

What a wonderful snowy day it has been!

I love the look and feel of snow on trees in winter...

... the quiet and stillness as the snow falls

The depth of deep and thick snow...

...except for the shoveling out part. :)

Thoughts on the CES - Consumer Electronics Show

For the last assignment of the class, we were invited to explore the Consumer Electronics Show. It was a little nostalgic to go the CES website and look at what’s going on this year. I lived in Las Vegas for several years and I went to a few of the conventions and usually left with a hypothetical shopping wish list that was way too long and too expensive. So I looked through the site and I will admit that I giggled as my shopping list was a lot lower. I live in a small building off the grid without running water and so thinking about air conditioners, cameras, phones and video gaming as potential purchases seemed a bit out of reality. I don’t think I would want most of them even if I did have the money. So I decided to look up Blackberry as that is the phone I used to use and I really do like using their products.

I looked at a few links and then I went to this one. http://www.cnet.com/news/blackberry-ceo-we-will-survive-as-a-company/

I was pleased to see that it looks like Blackberry will survive its financial crunch and I looked at other sites afterwards and saw a new blackberry that looks wonderful- I will admit that $599 is a little out of my price range though ;) It looked a lot easier to use and still has a keyboard which I am in love with- hence why I prefer Blackberrys over so many other phones. I thought the review was helpful, but also a sales pitch so it worked as I want one of the phones, but doesn’t tell me how much better or useful than the one I have.

When I went into the Smartphone category, I saw lots of links about using fingerprint technology and eyescanners and how some companies were really interested in the technology and other companies were interested but wanted to wait until the technology was more proven and less difficult or prone to problem- that seemed like a cautious and prudent idea. I also liked reading about the bigger phones and tablets and I found myself pretty interested in them as well. AS most tablets are touch screen but big enough so I feel like I can use them, one of the ‘phablets’ seemed like a potential idea for a large phone that I would like. I tend to not like to hold my phone up to my ear and use the speakerphone feature so that is nice as well. http://www.cnet.com/news/all-hail-the-phablet-jumbo-phones-finally-going-mainstream/

On a side note, I saw the link in the category car tech for ‘Doc Brown and his Delorean’ showing up CES 2014 and that was funny. http://www.cnet.com/pictures/doc-brown-appears-in-his-delorean-at-ces-2014/

I am interested to see what other people thought was interesting on the site, especially people who use technology more than me. I’m pretty curious to see what other people find and find interesting....

Day of the Turtle

Warning: One picture in this post contains adult content... well, maybe two depending on your idea of adult content. ;)

Sometimes human behavior can make me so sad and I despair over the future of our race. While I am grateful for free agency, I do sometimes wonder how people make decisions and why that are so clearly from almost anyone's perspective cruel and wrong. What helps when I am feeling that way is to see other human beings with compassion and we can work together to try and fix the things that other people do in their ignorance or even in maliciousness. So today gave me sorrow and comfort as well when I was headed to the craft store today.

It seemed like an ordinary Saturday a first. I started the day getting ready for a visit with my Bug and I worked on cleaning up and organizing and also getting things ready for tomorrow; trash to drop off, laundry to put in the car, books and stuff for Sister Robertson's book swap and loan at the church, etc... Bug and I enjoyed a great morning with reading and eating and talking and goofing off and when he left I put on my casual uniform and started driving up to Bangor. I wanted to head up early so that I could drop off some things at the Salvation Army thrift store and get a little lunch before heading into work. In Bucksport, I changed my plans....

While driving through I saw something in the road that didn't sit right with me. Not really sure how to explain it except it looked like flat road kill that was slowly moving. The movement was slow enough that my first thought was it was the wind on a breeze but a second later I recognized that it was an animal and I slowed down very quickly and pulled over. The car behind me recognized the problem quickly and mimicked me and so did the vehicle behind her. I started to open my door to get out and carefully remove the turtle from the middle of the road to the side when a car pulled out from behind us and sped up. I looked at the young man driving and watched as he spend up, aimed at the turtle and laughing hit it and passed us. The truck behind him saw me and quickly stopped. I held up my hand and when the driver nodded I walked in front of his vehicle, picked up the turtle with both hands and moved to the side of the road. The woman who had pulled over behind me got out of her vehicle and asked how she could help. My hands were started to become slick with the small amounts of blood leaking out of the turtle's sides and he was fighting me pretty strongly. But when I put him down he really struggled to hold himself together with a cracked shell – the hit wasn't perfectly dead on, but it caused enough damage nonetheless. I asked her to try and keep traffic moving and to keep both of us safe and I tried to figure out what to do. It took me only a few seconds to realize that I had nothing in my car that could work as bandages or dressings nor was I sure where the nearest vet that was open on a Saturday was. I yelled over to the woman and asked if she had a first aid kit in her car and she looked back over. In tears, she said she didn't have anything and asked me 'what can we do?'

At that moment I recognized the only dressing material that I had on hand, pulled my shirt over my head and wrapped the turtle snugly in it. In a few seconds I realized that my shirt was not a natural fiber and wasn't doing any good... so my garment top came off also and I re-wrapped the turtle- first in the garments and then in the shirt. It worked really well and a few seconds later I realized that the bleeding was under perfect control. It was at that moment that I recognized we had a visitor and looked up in time to see a police officer walk around my car and over to where I crouched- blood on my hands, chest and a little on my pants... and no shirt. I will admit my first thought was that I was in trouble. However, the officer was decent and quickly asked questions which the other bystander answered and as I stood up he asked for pictures and asked where I was headed- was I going to help or leave? I mentioned that the only place I could think that was open vet wise was the emergency clinic in Bangor and I thought I would take the turtle there. He quickly unwrapped the turtle and took pictures- I grabbed a few too and we rewrapped him and I got in my car. One last picture and I was on my way. The officer said he would get as much information as he could from the lady I left behind and said we would chat later. I drove in traffic as quickly as I dared. I called a friend to use the internet to look up symptoms of shock and called the emergency clinic which let me know that I was expected and gave me pretty decent directions. I arrived in Bangor in record time for me, and with only a slight hesitation got out of the vehicle in my state of undress and headed into the clinic.

Over the next few hours it was decided that even though it was a glancing blow, he needed to be put down. I had left my contact information and got to work only a little late- I was given a shirt to wear so I didn't have to figure out what I wasn't going to do at that point and simply wore it at work backwards so my vest would cover the words on the front and would fit the dress code. (That was a gift because I'm not sure how I would have purchased on without walking into a store in my lack of dress.) I spoke with the police officer later who thanked me and he told me that hitting turtles was against the law and said that the was working on locating the vehicle with the good description he had gotten from Darlene (the name of the other woman who stopped with me.) I thought it was a little excessive that there was a law on the books until I found out that people like to hit turtles on purpose because if you hit them right they make a great popping sound. (REALLY! AND THAT'S AWESOME HOW!?!?!?!?) Apparently the forest service gives citations for it regularly. I hung up the phone feeling many things and very few of them felt good.

A few days later and I feel more calm. I did the best I could and that's all I could do. A few people asked for a reference for the person who taught me first aid and I gave out my information because its what I teach now. I might even gain a little work from this experience. In the end, the poor guy died... not on accident or for food or anything noble.... but for sport. I have never been able to understand that viewpoint or way of thinking. It was sadistic and cruel and I am grateful that I do not recognize or no the person who did it because it makes it a little easier to turn it over to the Lord. People hit animals on accident all the time and all we can do is try not too and recognize that it will happen and do our best to prevent it. This was a senseless act and if the young man who did this even reads this, I pray that you will not laugh, but think about how that small choice you made effected so many. Not only did something die that didn't need to, but your actions caused sorrow in a few people and angry in several. Did that choice create so much happiness for you that it negates all the bad it did? I somehow doubt it.

So here I my wish for a small, beautiful animal who passed away a few days ago. Feel no more pain and return to the Father that sent you and loves you. Thank for you the opportunity you gave me to help you and to feel your spirit and peace. Thank you for the lessons your trial gave me. I hope that all is well.

2014 Poetry Corner # 6 - "Gratitude"

As I put pen to paper I reflect
on the blessings in my life

Food and shelter and a bed
to keep me warm at night

Cats aplenty and friends to love
and quiet time to pray

how grateful I am and how I wish
that all could say the same

Fear and Loathing… for “Four Friends”

So after missing a week of class, I arrived last week feeling shaky and tired but, with a drink and tissues in hand and a computer, pen and paper in front of me, I settled down ready for another provocative evening of film and thought. I cannot say that isn't what I got.... ;)

I cannot say that I liked the film “Four Friends” and I dearly wish that I could. At least I wish I could say something definitive about it.... whether I hated it or loved it or something. Instead I feel this mass of emotions that hours later I cannot seem to dispel. I feel twisted up and almost suffocated by the waves of them that flow over my thoughts and are buffeted by the winds of memory, hopes, dreams, and regret. Hours after I arrived home I found myself awake, restless and sweating... feeling the darkness close in as my eyes stared into the nothingness. Every attempt that I made to clear my mind was insufficient and only seemed to throw the distractions into sharper relief... causing even more agitation and restlessness in my heart. So, here I am, trying to empty the swirl of thought vomit in my brain onto the page in the hopes of some relief, some small amount of weariness to be allowed to enter my brain and slow it down enough for the oblivion of sleep to take over and allow the darkness to pull me into the deep. I was vaguely horrified by my reaction and to stay sitting and not to leave... to not walk out of the film and to go home... well, that was a serious amount of work. I am still not sure how I accomplished it.

Within the first few seconds of watching Georgia almost literally waltzed onto the screen, I felt feelings of deep loathing and disgust. She appeared to be a character/ person with traits that I dislike intensely. I felt she had self-confidence bordered on arrogance and an immaturity that frustrated me. I saw her as vain, overly flirtatious, manipulative and even a little benign. And as I watched I was torn between my feelings of dislike and a growing amount of dismay as I started to realize that I didn't like her not only for the 'legitimate' reasons, but I think I also didn't like her because I saw some 'parts' of her that I felt were mirror images of some of the things that I hate in myself. And so, as I sat there loathing her, I realized how much I really loath myself. How I want to be pretty and I'm not. How I want to be liked and to be wanted by the people that really matter to me... and I am not. And how I would love to be able to enjoy things more... and I can't. And I could see her confusion and her hopes and her dreams written all over every aspect of her being... and I could feel my confusion in my youth. I could feel the dreams that I had to be loved and to have a wonderful normal family and to be me... to be cared for as myself even though I am eccentric and I have too much energy and I speak without thinking and I also think a bit too much of myself. I worry about whether I am accomplishing enough and what other people think and all sorts of stuff! So watching Georgia and her behavior was a bit like watching a distorted image of myself and things I wished I was brave to do or feel comfortable doing... and feeling jealous. And feeling angry because I want so much and I can't have it whether I'm good or bad or anything. It's like nothing I do that's right and nice gives me anything positive at all... except the comfort I feel from doing it. And then I feel scared because I think that I am running from life too and I'm not sure that I feel like I want to find it but I don’t want to feel like I've wasted it either. In essence, Georgia is a spitfire... and I am conflicted about them.

Danilo was a very interesting mix of a person and I found myself drawn to him even as I was repulsed by Georgia. I thought I could feel his fear of her and any relationship with her but also his extreme hope and love towards the America that he saw and wanted to exist. He wants a better life than his father has and is frustrated that his father seems so unhappy and doesn't want to better things. As he says, “There is college...” and his father states, “Not for you. In America we work.” His father also says “I'm tired and I have to go to work – that is America.” I heard that line and I can't even express how often I have felt that way. I think I have just thought the ending slightly differently... In my mind, I think “I'm tired and I have to go to work – what else can I do. I'm an adult and I must eat or die.” This is a very different viewpoint than the romantic and fairly extreme viewpoint that Danilo carries in his heart. Danilo is also a bit too honest and speaks his mind and his heart to his detriment. His mouth is both a blessing and a curse as it brings him happiness and a lot of pain. His every word holds so much meaning – when he looked at his father and said ' Dada” … you could hear the hope and joy and 'feel' what that meant to him. That one word became a complex tapestry of images and emotion as we look at his young face.

His friend David was an interesting mix as well. He is overweight and seems to understand life a little more - “between chromosomes and tradition, what else can I do.” He is easy... easy going, easy to lead, easy to love, easy to leave.... easy to forget. And he seems to know this about himself. So he is quick to laugh and think good thoughts of others and worry... sometimes too much... most of the time not much. And Tom.... well, I didn't feel anything much about him at all. I do not feel like until the end of the film he fleshed out much as a character at all. He didn't seem like anything more than a colored shell until he came back from fighting in Vietnam. The funny thing is that I do not feel like he changed that much... but he did in the sense that he seemed more grounded and his character felt more real. I am not sure that I ever really liked him... but I didn't dislike him either. He just seemed like a decent boring guy by the end... isn't that how most of us turn out as adults. :)

And so the movie finally ended. I could still hear the scream of the saddened and distraught mother... who is no longer a mother... and the wife... who is no longer a wife... just a woman. “I don't really know what to do with that word.” Sadly, I am almost in the same situation and I do not know what to do either. I can still feel her loss and her grief and confusion and I can claim those emotions as my own. I hope that someday I will not understand her grief as well as I do now. And I hope I am not offensive if I admit that I never, ever want to watch this movie again. I want to let the images and emotions fade so that I can continue to heal from my past. I want to forget.

2013 Poetry Corner #5 - "The Boats in Sacrament"

To sit in Sacrament alone you feel adrift
A dingy in a sea of boats
families sitting, crowded and close
tightly moored in their pews
A glance around - you're all alone
in a sea of empty seats...
But then, a dream and soon you too
are surrounded by love and friends
What bliss and joy and peacefulness
and the world no longer seems bleak

A beautiful wish, a thought, a dream
and a need that is attainable
to serve, to lift, to hug another
is a challenge so easily served
So, brothers and sisters, my friends, my love
What have you done today?
Have you moored your yacht so closed and far
that others fear to join?
Stand up, reach out, a hand, a touch
and for just a moment in time
A boat and a dingy sit side by sit
picturesque, joined, and one.
A beacon for all to see
so that all may join, feel safe, secure
in the arms of our earthly community

Please try, please reach
please ask out loud
and pull us all together.
Let no one feel left out, alone
So all may feel at home.

2012 Poetry Corner #5 : Wishes, Dreams, and Prayer

A wish is but a dream
Given voice and breath
A dream is but a prayer
Given thought and space

So what is a prayer
Except simply pure love
The voice and yearning
Of our very souls...

The pleading of a child
To an adored parent
The struggle to bridge the gap


How do you reach across the void
The chasm of living silence
To bring your thoughts in line with God
To make your day complete




It is a struggle, so truly hard
To put my will aside
To recognize my lack of power
In the face of the divine

And yet the struggle becomes a breeze
When my heart is truly open
And I feel the spirit and the peace
The brightness of the mind

So I find my hope in wishes
And refuge in my dreams
Joy within my being
And awe in my solitude

It will be well….