Journey Forth #6 : The Accidental Relationship between Gluten and Casein

When I was first diagnosed with celiac disease and started to research the disorder but also the foods that were available, I ran across many people who started pushing me towards a gluten free-casein free diet not only for myself but for Bug as well- we both have the disease and I think he can thank my genes for that ;) I was skeptical and I am still a bit questioning about some theories behind the diet. This particular diet is recommended for many people with celiac disease and other food allergies and it has become one of the diets of choice for individuals with autism and other developmental disorders and is sometimes recommended for people with mental health disorders such as schizophrenia. So I'll cover the basics of both. (Can I stress that I am wading into territory that is not firmly entrenched in science or statistics yet.)

The basics of this diet are that the individual not only avoids gluten but also all foods that contain the dairy protein. Some need to do this due to a true allergy and some people report that they have reactions that are similar to gluten intolerance when consuming the dairy protein. This protein can be found in butter, cheese, cream and milk, as well as yogurt and countless other products including chocolate, lunch meat or other prepared meat products and other non-dairy products. Symptoms of a true milk allergy are very similar to gluten intolerance as well as wheat allergy and celiac disease so trying to separate out the allergies and sensitivities can be pretty rough and time consuming. The most common symptoms may include; multiple skin reactions, anaphylaxis, multiple digestive complaints (including diarrhea, vomiting, and pain), multiple reactions in the lungs (coughing, sneezing, shortness of breath or wheezing), migraines, irritability, hyperactivity and other personality changes, insomnia, fatigue, depression and anxiety... to start the list. ;) If the challenge of eliminating gluten from the diet seems to be formidable, adding the need for casein removal can make the challenge seem like a herculean task.

There are a few reasons put forward for the similarities in symptoms and the immune reactions in the body between ingestion of gluten and casein. All three have been and are currently under study by researchers.

Casein is one of the most common food allergies and some studies suggest that as much as thirty percent of the general population have elevated amounts of the antibodies in their blood.

Casein has a similar molecular structure to gluten and they both create similar metabolic byproducts from their breakdown and digestion.

The enzyme that is needed to digest dairy is found in the brush borders and the tips of the villi in the small intestine... which is the first area that is damaged in gluten consumption for those individuals who are susceptible. With the necessary enzymes being in low numbers or decimated, the digestive process fails until healing and enzyme re-population has commenced... in some cases, a year after a gluten exposure.

For many parents of children with mental health disorders or developmental delays such as autism, this diet is not seen as a “diet” per se, but as a necessity and way of life. The changes in both behavior as well as mentation have been pretty well documented in self reporting and other unofficial forums. From personal experience, I feel a lot more in 'control' of my mind when I haven't had gluten- celiac aside. These experiences as well as watching and learning from friends and parents who have navigated these particular waters, I have found a great deal of confirmation in my mind that there is a great deal of positive evidence for recommendation of this particular diet for people with specific diagnoses or conditions. So even as I stress that the scientific evidence isn't there yet, I feel like I would be remiss if I hadn’t taken the time to discuss it. Whether the problems are due to the body's confusion of the proteins, lack or appropriate digestive enzymes or even another allergy... the problems are very real and need to be dealt with by individual sufferers on a daily basis.

What are your thoughts? Do you personally have experiences with this diet and individuals who use it? Please share if you are willing to...! :)

Journey Forth #5 : Causes of Poorly Responsive Celiac Disease

For the majority of individuals with celiac disease on a strict gluten free diet, their intestines will, over time, heal and they will not feel pain or have to deal with many of the challenges that can be caused by the disorder. However, there is a small percentage of individuals with the disorder in whom the body and its ability to heal is either blunted or unable to function. This is sometimes known as poorly responsive celiac disease. There are a few situations that can continue to either cause the damage, keep the body from healing in a timely or appropriate matter, or even continuing some of the symptoms due to other physical malfunctions. The known reasons for these continued difficulties are:

1. Continuing gluten ingestion – In case many people haven't noticed, gluten seems to be in everything! So it can be very challenging to make sure that everything consumed is gluten free. To make that more challenging, affected individuals must be introspective and know themselves and their habits well. So, for those who wear lip gloss, lipstick, etc...that must also be gluten free. If you tend to suck on the ends of your hair... it might be a good idea to now what is in your shampoo. Eye drops and other medications can have systemic interactions and therefore can cause damage... even if it was just one drop into an eye. Hands contaminated with gluten and then used to chew nails, etc... can also cause a small exposure. And as mentioned in an earlier post, any exposure no matter how small is dangerous and can cause damage.

2. Refractory celiac disease (refractory sprue) – Approximately 5% of patients can end up with this diagnosis and it reflects the body's inability to heal from the damage caused by the past gluten ingestion. Any future exposure will continue to cause damage while past damage remains... leaving the individuals digestive system crippled and unable to perform its necessary duties with any efficiency at all. More energy is used to digest and important nutrients are less able to be digested even with the expense of the added energy. These individuals tend to struggle for the rest of their lives trying to improve their digestion and health and may take supplements and medicine to try and help the body not only digest but continue to function in a positive way by providing missing needed nutrients.

3. Pancreatic insufficiency - For some patients, their ability to appropriately digest food can be hampered due to the lack of needed enzymes.

4. Small intestinal bacterial overgrowth - This is actually a fairly common problem that can happen alongside the damage in the intestines, but doesn't necessarily repair itself when the intestinal walls themselves are starting to recover. In this instance, the bacterial balance in the small intestine changes in two ways -first, the bacteria in the small intestine changes form and becomes more like the bacteria in the colon (which is pretty different.) Secondly, this abnormal bacteria tends to grow faster in the small intestine so that there is simply too much of it around.

5. Undiagnosed sister disease – some patients do not get better very quickly for the simple reason that celiac disease wasn't the whole answer. So many patients as they begin the gluten free diet and continue to have symptomology and difficulty after several months discover that they also have a concurring digestive disorder. The most common of these are microscopic colitis, Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis.

6. Casein ingestion – Some people find that their symptoms do not clear up until they stop consuming Casein as well. Casein is the protein found in almost all dairy products such as milk, yogurt, cheese, ice cream, etc... even breast milk. This reaction is not well studied or proven and is listed here because it is being studied and discussed among researchers, doctors, and patients. I have found for myself that, because the gluten protein is similarly built to the casein protein, I do have more problems for the first few months after a gluten exposure if I continue to eat dairy in large quantities... Bug has found the same thing. That is just my experience however. I'll discuss the theory more in another post. :)

In my case, I have been told that I do probably have refractory sprue. I have not been healing well and even a small exposure can really mess me up for months. Even without exposures, my digestion is not improving a lot. I can have what appears to be random pain that comes and goes and is fairly consistent over months. I have discolored patches of skin causes by the digestion issues in a few areas. As soon as I have insurance, my physician is planning on another upper endoscopy with biopsies to check on the healing process.... or lack there of. I won't deny I am not looking forward to it.

What are your thoughts? Experiences... please share. :)

Journey Forth #4 : Some Common Myths about Gluten and Celiac Disease

When I was first starting the process that led to my diagnosis of celiac disease, I heard many things that I found out later either were not true... or the fact that they happened to be true in my case was unusual. So I thought I would write a short post on the most common myths (at least the ones that I have heard) and mention the true facts behind them.

1. Celiac disease is a simple gastrointestinal disease – For people who have celiac, they soon learn that the disease is anything but simple and doesn't only effect the digestive system. As discussed in past posts, this disorder affects every part of the body and some doctors believe that this disease is primarily a neurological one with some symptoms being digestive... and not the other way around. Even if that viewpoint isn't entirely true, the evidence of how this auto immune disorder effects and damages all organs and body systems seems pretty conclusive.

2. Celiac disease is a children's disease – While children are more likely to be diagnosed and diagnosed early, adults have the disorder as well in pretty high numbers. Estimates on undiagnosed adult celiacs range from 1 in 20 to potentially 1 in 6 for simply gluten intolerance. The symptoms tend to be more noticeable and obvious in children and adults tend to have less obvious or more ignorable symptoms... as well as the unfortunate fact that they are also more likely to be wrongly diagnosed. It is estimated that only 5% of celiacs have been diagnosed which makes up about one percent of the American population. Also, this disorder cannot be 'outgrown' and once truly diagnosed... you will have the disease for your entire life. In essence, there is no cure.

3. Celiac disease is the same as a wheat allergy – this really isn't true. While some people with celiac disease also have a wheat allergy (I might be one of those), most do not. Celiac disease is an auto immune disorder and as such the body responds differently than it does to an allergy. While both are dangerous and not problems to take lightly, they are not the same. Those with a wheat allergy can still eat barley and rye, while those with the celiac disease cannot.

4. Eating Gluten makes you fat – This isn't a true statement at all. Many people have started eating gluten free as a diet choice- some celebrities have made it more popular and 'trendy'. When it comes to gaining weight the answer is usually very straight forward... it you take in more calories than you burn, you will gain weight. While there are exceptions, the vast majority of people who start a gluten free diet will actually gain weight for a few reasons. One is that the person's lifestyle hasn't changed at all. Their eating habits, social customs and physical activity levels are what really cause an individual to develop weight gain. Another reason is that gluten free foods are thought by some to have fewer calories in them then their regular counterparts- with few exceptions, that is an erroneous assumption. Gluten free foods tend to have more fat and sugar to balance the lack of gluten protein. In order to make texture, color, and taste more 'normal', these are the ingredients that tend to be tweaked... and are also the main things that cause weight gain. Also, the average person's diet is heavy on grains with fewer legumes, fresh fruits, vegetables, and other foods that are naturally gluten free. Processed food is another factor in weight gain and so simply changing an unhealthy way of eating for an unhealthy diet without gluten doesn't really change much. Last, exercise is important for anyone and most people will gain weight if they tend to be sedentary creatures (anyone seen a thin sloth? :D Just kidding) All in all, most people do not lose weight on the gluten free diet and most individuals will put on some pounds when beginning the diet.

5. People who suffer from Celiac disease are skinny - Hmm, mostly not true. Yes there are a small percentage of people who are too slender due to the symptoms of eating gluten and the damage that it causes to the patient. However, around 40% of people who are diagnosed with celiac are overweight at initial diagnosis. Less than five percent of patients are underweight. So, not only is a person's weight not necessarily a good indicator for diagnosis, it may actually help convince people that they do not have celiac disease simply because of their extra weight... not a credible diagnostic tool.

So... do you have any thoughts on these myths? Know of one that I missed? What are your thoughts?

Journey Forth #3 : Celiac Disease and its Ties to other Auto Immune Disorders

Not to start a post with a warning, but I will say that this post will be unpleasant... or maybe even boring depending on your life experiences. I think the topics and the information are really important though so if you are still willing, let's continue our travels. :)

In previous posts, we have discussed the basics of celiac disease, treatment and lifestyle, as well as skin problems that can go hand in hand with the disorder. For the next little bit, I wanted to talk about the numerous auto immune disorders that many patients may have to deal with as well. Because if there is one thing that seems pretty consistent, once you have one autoimmune disorder, your chances of developing another one are pretty high. Risks for several other health problems are pretty high as well and so I think it is important to acknowledge and discuss them for two reasons. One is that many people do not understand or have the knowledge of how these disorders do go together and are then unable to have themselves tested and utilize their medical providers for a full treatment of their symptoms and therefore, to be able to have the best quality of life they can attain. Someone who has celiac disease may attribute strange symptoms to that disorder and not discover and treat the other disorders that ail them. The opposite is true as well and someone with diabetes or severe arthritis may treat that disorder and not recognize that their disorder is so challenging because they also have celiac disease. This knowledge allows them to get tested or if they wish instead, to follow the gluten-free diet for a few months and see how it affects their body and the symptoms from the other diseases. Another important reason to discuss these disorders isn't just for those who need the information personally, but also for their friends, relatives, caregivers, etc... Knowledge is power and creates an awareness of challenges which in turn creates empathy, understanding and advocacy. As the Father has asked us to 'mourn with those that mourn', this insight helps all of us whether affected or not to not only help people as we meet and befriend individuals, but to also not hinder them accidentally in our ignorance. That is my hope any way!

I have not put these disorders in any specific order and so their listing is random. Signs, symptoms and their links to celiac disease could actually take a page or two for each one so I will out of necessity be fairly brief on each one and stick with the very basics. The debate on why people are more likely to develop some of these other disorders is still continuing. One of the most common theories is that undiagnosed celiac disease can potentially 'switch' on a immunological mechanism that can then cause some of these other disorders. However it does happen, what does seem pretty clear is that it is pretty easy for a person with celiac disease to develop another problem... and for someone with one of these other problems to 'catch' celiac disease. :)

Other Auto-immune Disorders

1. Type I Diabetes - This is a chronic lifelong condition in which the pancreas doesn't produce the needed hormone insulin or the body cell's failure to respond properly to insulin caused by insulin resistance. This hormone is needed for digestion to convert our food – the sugars, starches, etc... A complicated and chronic disease, this disorder is characterized by high blood sugar levels in the bloodstream over significant periods of time. Symptoms can include excessive thirst and hunger, frequent urination, fatigue and weight loss, as well as symptoms of neuropathy, inability to quickly heal from injuries, etc... Some studies show that as many as 30% of females with type 1 diabetes also have thyroid disfunction (most commonly Graves disease.) This disease if not well managed can significantly limit the individual's quality of life and usually lowers life expectancy as well.

2. Addison’s disease - a rare autoimmune disorder in the general population, this disease is characterized by insufficiency of the adrenal glands. The body depends on hormones developed by these glands and when enough hormone isn’t produced, the cells in different parts of the body respond; symptoms many include skin darkening, low blood pressure, muscle weakness or pain, hypoglycemia, joint pain, and neurological symptoms including depression and irritability. Other common complaints are nausea and vomiting, abdominal pain, salt cravings, body hair loss as well as weakness and fatigue. In bad cases, this disorder can become life threatening and cause death.

3. Crohn’s disease – most commonly characterized by chronic inflammation of the gastrointestinal tract- most commonly affects the ileum and the beginning of the colon. Symptoms may include diarrhea, rectal bleeding, abdominal cramps and sensations of incomplete evacuation as well as constipation or bowel obstruction. Other common complaints may be fever, weight loss, amenorrhea, fatigue and night sweats. One characteristic of this disorder is that it affects the entire thickness of the bowel wall although it has been known to skip areas… so that there can be a small area of perfectly healthy bowel surrounded by diseased and damaged tissue. (The symptoms of ulcerative colitis are similar, but these disorders are not the same and the areas affected by each are different.)

4. Hashimoto's disease – (also known as autoimmune thyroiditis) An autoimmune disorder of the thyroid that causes inflammation of the gland, but less hormone production- it is actually one of the most common thyroid disorders. Symptoms include fatigue, amenorrhea, intolerance to cold, enlarged goiter, weight gain, skin and hair that is dry and course, a hoarse voice, and neurological problems including forgetfulness, depression and anxiety. This disorder shares a common genetic disposition with celiac disease and some studies show that as many as 4.3% of individuals with this disorder also have documented celiac disease.

5. Graves disease - The most common cause of hyperthyroidism, this autoimmune disorder results in over production of thyroid hormones. Those individuals who have this disorder can suffer from a multitude of symptoms with include both physical (fine tremor, weight loss, enlarged thyroid, infertility, eye discomfort and vision changes, irregular and rapid heartbeat as well as skin abnormalities , etc...) and mental health challenges (anxiety, psychosis, mania, irritability, depression and personality changes.) Some studies show that around 4.5% of individuals with Graves disease also have celiac disease and the thyroid dysfunction most commonly caused by this disorder can cause a worsening of glycemic control and an increased needs for insulin helping to cause an individual to become diabetic or to make their diabetes significantly harder to control.

6. multi focal leucoencephalopathy – A rare disorder that causes damage to the myelin sheath on the nerves in the brain- a tissue that protects and covers all the nerves in the body. The damage causes the axions of the nerve cells to have difficulty communicating with each other and even the inability to do so. The symptoms are diverse due to the fact that this disorder can affect any nerve in the brain... which helps control the nerves in the rest of the body. Some common symptoms that are described by patients are clumsiness, headaches, memory loss, progressive weakness, visual changes, as well as speech and personality changes. This disorder can lead to disability and death.

7. Multiple sclerosis – It seemed fitting to follow up the last disorder with this one. MS is a disease in which the myelin sheath around the nerves is damaged, but the damage is not really restricted to the brain. Affecting the nerves throughout the body, communication and normal response between the nerves and their organs is interrupted and over time the nerves themselves are damaged. While the patient may have periods of time where the symptoms lessen, this damage is permanent. Symptoms include fatigue, tingling and pain in extremities as well as numbness and weakness. Patients may complain of double or blurred vision, problems with speech as well as tremors and a lack of body coordination.

8. Scleroderma – This is an auto immune disorder that is usually classified into two separate forms- localized and systemic. Affecting the connective tissue in the body, the major symptom in the localized form is hardened and sometimes waxy looking skin. In the systemic version, tissues in many organs may start to become hardened and less able to perform their needed functions. This causes many patients to suffer from high blood pressure and other cardiac problems, heartburn and other digestive complaints, as well as dysfunctions in the pulmonary, genitourinary, nervous, and other body systems.

9. Sjogren's syndrome - This immune disorder is caused by a person's white blood cells confusing and attacking the moisture-producing glands in the body. It causes dry eyes and mouth, difficulty with swallowing or chewing, vision problems, teeth cavities,fever, fatigue, vaginal dryness, dry skin and mucosal tissue, swelling, stiffness and joint pain, and enlarged paratoid glands. In sever cases, permanent damage to the liver, kidneys and lungs can result.

Separate Related Disorders

1. Rheumatoid Arthritis - a disorder caused by inflammation that is developed from an auto-immune response created by the body. Symptoms most commonly occur in the fingers and hands, feet and ankles, as well as the knees and the usual complaints are stiffness, localized heat or warmth, and aching or pain in the joints of the body. Over time, deformity in the joints can become prevalent as well.

2. Hepatitis - a medical term that describes the inflammation of the liver as well as inflammatory cells in the tissues that comprise the organ. This disease can be caused by many things including alcohol and viruses- When thinking of gluten sensitivity, the liver finds itself receiving blood that, instead of having finely digested nutrients, is filled with large amounts of undigested food and other waste products that can be toxic to the liver and cause the inflammation that is characteristic of all types of hepatitis. As the liver tries to deal with the unwanted substances, the white blood cells increase as well as the number of liver enzymes which cause irritation to the organ itself… which leads to the inflammation and permanent damage/ scar tissue.

3. Osteoporosis - A disease caused by weakening of the structure of the bones. As the bones are the body's structural foundation, this leaves the individual at risk for injury. It can be caused by either excessive or minimal bone growth and it usually happens without symptoms for a long period of time. Symptoms include breaking bones (easily), loosing height (becoming shorter) and curvatures in the spine.

4. Infertility, miscarriage and menstrual cycle irregularity – Anytime the body is struggling with a limited amount of nutrients for thousands of needy cells, some are going to get short shrift. And if you think about it, reproduction is really something that is a luxury- something that the body should be doing only when it's healthy and ready. While that doesn't always happen, it is fairly common for a nutrient-starved body to decide that it is in its own interest to not reproduce and so in many women, normal menstruation will stop. This can cause infertility on its own, but a lack of nutrients can also cause the eggs themselves to not be viable. I even found a study that suggested that gluten antibodies and damage can be found in the sperm and semen. Miscarriage can happen due to the inability of the body to provide the necessary energy and nutrition for fetus growth.

5. Epilepsy – A seizure disorder causes by inflammation is the brain (and sometimes the body) that manifests itself in a variety of ways including unusual sensations, muscle convulsions or stiffening, periods of staring and sometimes loss of consciousness – symptoms depend on the severity of the disease and where in the brain is affected by the electrical activity that causes the physical signs and symptoms. It is linked to both celiac disease and gluten sensitivity. Some ideas in the current debate as to why these disorders are linked are centered around calcium deposits in the brain and if the nutritional deficiencies themselves may cause the epilepsy.

6. Gluten ataxia – this term describes a neurological response by the body towards gluten which can cause irreversible damage to the cerebellum- the part of the brain hat is primarily responsible for motor control, balance and muscle tone. Due to the damage, individuals with this problem suffer with a loss of coordination in movement and other gross motor skills. Other symptoms may include dizziness, disorientation, problems with focusing by both the eyes and in thought processes, problems with balance as well as difficulty in swallowing or speaking. These symptoms tend to become progressively worse over time as more and more damage is done. It is linked to both celiac disease and gluten sensitivity. (This diagnosis is also still in the early stages of study with some physicians suggesting it isn’t a separate disorder from celiac disease… or even suggesting that it doesn’t exist at all.)

7. lactose intolerance – One of the few non chronic problems associated with celiac disease, it is caused by the systemic damage to the micro-villi in the intestines that destroys and limits the body's ability to break down lactose. The enzymes that help break down lactose are found in very small qualities in the micro-villi and are destroyed along with the intestinal wall upon gluten consumption. This problem usually resolves itself after a gluten free diet is instituted for a significant amount of time and the villi are able to begin to heal themselves and repopulate their enzymes in the 'brush borders' – also know as the micro-villi. The problem usually returns after renewed gluten consumption and intestinal damage.

8. vitamin / mineral deficiencies – This is a major difficulty for the newly diagnosed celiac and one that can take a significant amount of time and attention by the individual to attempt to repair. As the consumption of gluten causes the damage to the intestines, adequate absorption is limited and less able to be successfully managed. Some common deficiencies in this population are calcium, iron, zinc, many of the B vitamins as well as vitamins D and E. The 'cure' is to take great care to consume only items that have no gluten and, in some cases, to use supplements as well until the intestines are healing well enough to resume more normal digestion and absorption. As deficiencies in many of these vitamins and minerals are needed for normal function of many organs and body symptoms, it isn't really surprising when parts of the body start to fail or find themselves unable to heal and function normally.

A short list of other honorable mentions :)

Anemia, migraines, myopathy dementia, gall bladder malfunction, Raynaud's phenomenon, peripheral neuropathy, pancreatic insufficiency, many forms of gastro intestinal cancers, primary sclerosing cholangitis, juvenile idiopathic arthritis, idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy, ulcerative colitis, microscopic colitis.... and probably many more that I missed. Whew!

That was a pretty long list... sort of depressing too! But a lot to think and talk about. As far as I know, celiac disease is the only auto immune disorder that I have... although my doctor is getting ready to test for two others. I have certainly struggled with infertility and serious nutritional deficiencies. I have started to show the signs of arthritis and Dry Eye Syndrome which is cause by immuno-inflammation. Otherwise, well I'm pretty good :)

Any thoughts on this? What experiences with yourself and others can you share? Did you read this post and wonder about your own health and the possibility of having more than one disorder when you become introspective and look at your current medical diagnoses? What are your thoughts?

Journey Forth #2 : The Dietary Needs of Celiac Disease Along with Skin Challenges

In principle, a gluten free diet is quite a simple thing. An individual who avoids four specific foods that carry the gluten protein / amino acids are safe and can refrain from more damage, but also begin healing as well. Those foods are wheat, barley, rye and triticale. That seems pretty easy on the surface especially if you look at the list of flours and foods you can eat- sorghum, soy, seeds, tapioca, teff, wild rice, yucca, amaranth, arrowroot, buckwheat, cassava, corn, flax, Indian rice grass, legumes, millet, nuts, potatoes, quinoa, rice, soy, beans, vegetables, fruit, most dairy and meat, eggs, etc... However, that is where the simplicity ends.

For anyone who doesn't cook... or cannot afford fresh and unprocessed food, the challenge has just begun because an individual who tries to navigate the waters of grocery shopping can become seriously depressed. Fresh food is great and healthy, but pretty expensive. Processed gluten free foods are becoming easy to get, but there is not a lot of choice (most of it is desserts, bread or mixes) and they are also expensive- sometimes several times more money than the 'regular' product. (An example would be bread... the average price of wheat bread is around $2 or less... a gluten free loaf is usually at least $5.) And gluten is in everything else... it's in soups, spices, drinks, dairy products, snack foods, and almost anything you can buy to eat. It's also in almost all personal care products, medicines, and cleaners too. To add a little more difficulty, gluten-free food is usually not fortified with extra vitamins and minerals so it is more crucial that balanced and appropriate foods are consumed. So, for the most mildly affected, they need only navigate the complicated food maze of shopping and cooking and only worry about personal care products that can accidentally be ingested such as lip balm, medicines, mouthwash... some basics that some people do not use anyway. But for the more challenged, the more sensitive... for those whose immune systems are completely 'wacked out', they are in serious trouble. (I will admit that I made up that scientific term :)

For most celiacs, the skin is a great barrier not only for protection from many disease, dehydration and from gluten. Holding a pile of flour in their hand is nothing if they wash carefully and wandering into a bakery with the air full of the smells of fresh bread and wheat is only a tease to a person who cannot taste. To those, the majority of celiacs, I am a bit jealous. I have found that sometimes I do not even have the luxury of recognizing the 'smell' of the baking and the gluten that has been atomized in the air before I am struggling to breathe and heaving... bent over and sometimes vomiting with a strength and a lack of control I didn't know I possessed. There are many places I will not go due to this extreme reaction that my body and my mind can not seem to control. If I go into a place and start to not feel well or suspect that there is very little chance of being able to avoid exposure or illness, I leave. I may be angry, sad, frustrated... but I leave anyway. It's just too terrible to contemplate the pain and distress of an exposure... the pain and vomiting that lasts for weeks, the shaking, twitching, itching, headaches... no church activity, no community activity is worth it to me. I've tried too many times and suffered for sometimes months afterward to really risk that much again. One challenge that I have is that my skin is not a good barrier; while it does protect me from many diseases and most dehydration, it is an unloaded shield against gluten.

Skin conditions that can go hand in hand with celiac disease range from the 'simple' to the more complex. Only two conditions – that of hives and of Dermatitis Herpetiformis- can be clearly labeled a cause/effect of the disease. These others are still under study by researchers and medical professionals to determine which came first... the celiac or the skin disorder. It is unknown why some of these disorders occur together so frequently; wether they share common genetic roots or that gluten may be a common trigger. where aren't too many so I'll give some basic information on them with the formerly mentioned first. :)

1. Hives – This word describes a rash or outbreak of red bumps on the surface of the skin that are warm, itchy and usually appear quite suddenly upon either contact or ingestion of a product/object that someone is allergic to – some common allergies that cause this form of swelling and rash are peanuts, cats, bug bites, etc... This is not a very common side affect in celiac disorder and is highly debated in the medical community with some for and some against. I have sometimes gotten hives from external contact with gluten and I do very much avoid it as I have felt sick or had some symptoms afterwords – this has happened EVEN when I didn't know the gluten was there and actually thought the food or product was safe. Other people have reported hives after gluten exposures on the cheeks and arms/wrists.

2. Dermatitis Herpetiformis – this is a painful and itchy skin manifestation of the disease. For many people affected, they will feel minimal digestive complaints so this is usually diagnosed with a biopsy of the sores and bumps on the skin which are caused by the immune system in the intestine itself producing an antibody that enters the bloodstream and can collect in the small blood vessels in the skin, causing the sores and rashes. This quirk in the celiac disorder affects more men than women and the skin problems usually resolve with the gluten free diet and usually are not exacerbated by touching gluten- very much an inside the body sort of thing. And I must stress that this skin manifestation is in no way related to the herpes virus – this is a problem with gluten and celiac disease, pure and simple. These blisters are painful and can be very challenging to hide which adds to the stress of the situation for the affected individual. It is also very often confused for other problems including bug bites and allergies, eczema, dermatitis herpetiformis, hives and contact dermatitis and psoriasis.

3. Psoriasis – This disease causes the skin to become thick, scaly looking and red. It is caused when the immune system sends out faulty signals that tend to speed up the growth cycle of the epidermis layer of skin cells and is thought to be one of the most common autoimmune disorders in the United States. So skin cells that would take weeks to reach and replace the outer layers of skin would now arrive at the surface of the skin within days and it is this action that causes the common symptoms. Many patients often have high levels of gluten antibodies in their blood even if they haven't been previously diagnosed. In some individuals, psoriasis will not only affect the the skin but the joints and will develop arthritis as part of the disorder.

4. Acne – The bacteria filled, painful bumps and 'whiteheads' that can form on the face and the rest of the body are fairly well known to many people- especially teenagers. They can be caused by general hormone fluctuations, but in celiac disease, they are thought to form from hormonal imbalances caused by the malabsorption of nutrients... robbing the body's systems of the correct tools it needs for homeostasis.

5. Dry Skin (chronic) – This is very common in those individuals affected by celiac disease and in its mild to moderate forms are pretty easy to control by lotions and even supplements. It is thought to be caused from the lack of nutrients that are able to get to the skin due to the inability to absorb nutrients and it has been found that thought who follow the gluten free diet may still be deficient in some of the skins specific nourishing needs (such as vitamin E) due to removing most or all grains from their diet... even the 'safe' ones. For individuals whose bodies are really unable to recover from the gastrointestinal damage that has been caused, this can be a life long problem.

6. Alopecia Areata- This auto immune condition attacks the hair follicles causing the hair to fall out and in some cases, fail to regrow even with treatment. While the majority of sufferers develop bald spots on the scalp, other areas of the body can be affected as well including areas of beard growth. Some individuals also report symptoms of skin tingling or pain in the areas of hair loss. There is some evidence that living a gluten free lifestyle can change the health of the hair follicles and allow for healing and some hair regrowth... but it is certainly not a given! Also, an individual with celiac disease who continues to eat gluten can get alopecia from nutritional deficiencies from the malabsorption of nutrients- these deficiencies include iron, vitamin C and the B's, biotin, selenium, calcium and protein.

7. Eczema – This is a skin condition that is more likely to affect people who already have some problems with allergies. The skin develops inflammation and raised bumps or areas of severe irritability. Depending on the affected individuals skin color, the affected areas make look reddish to brownish color or may look lighter or darker than the skin around it. All the stricken areas tend to also appear dry with thickened or even scaly skin. No matter what the rash or discoloration looks like, it is always itchy! This disorder is found more often in children and there is growing evidence linking the development of eczema in those with celiac disease.

8. Keratin Pilaris – This skin condition usually manifests itself through tiny goosebumps- like marks on the skin that feel a little bit like rubbing a shark skin the wrong way or even mild sandpaper. They are most common on the back of the upper arms or on the back itself, but can also be found on other parts of the body on the skin. When they appear on the face, they can sometimes be mistaken for acne. They are more likely to be more prevalent in winter or in an environment that is cooler with a lower air moisture content. The good news is that while this spots are not pretty and may be distressing to the person who suffers from them, they rarely hurt, itch, or do anything that caused discomfort to the patient. This disorder is also common amongst individuals who also have eczema.

I am extremely lucky. While I have challenges with dry skin often and hives occasionally, my health has not been affected by any of these skin disorders. As research continues on into the causes and needs of all of these disorders, I am hopeful that many of them will become more rare and less challenging for those who have to live with them. Are you or anyone you know affected by any of these skin disorders? If so, do you have any experience with any of the potential links above? Have you been tested for antibodies or attempted the gluten free diet for symptom relief? If you have followed a gluten free diet for a while, will you share your thoughts on it and how it has helped (or not helped) you and your health? Any tips for those navigating the beginnings of gluten elimination in the diet. Please share!

Journey Forth #1 : What is Celiac Disease and its Common Symptoms

So, what is celiac disease... also known as celiac sprue, non-tropical sprue and gluten sensitive enteropathy? The easiest definition is that it is an genetic autoimmune disorder which is caused by the body's hyper response to gluten in its system. When gluten is ingested and the patient is exposed, the proteins cause the immune system to produce antibodies (transglutaminase or tTG) that cause damage to the intestinal system- mostly to the small intestinal villi. At a minimum, the small intestines are damaged and they can no longer fully aid in digestion and nutrient absorption. So no matter how much the individual eats, they will be unable to get the nutrients needed from their food... or even supplements, causing many of the symptoms that characterize the disorder. And in severe cases, the intestines develop small holes which can cause leakage into the other areas of the body. It affects on average 1 in 100 people around the world and it is estimated that in America alone, over two million people are currently undiagnosed leaving themselves open to serious long term health consequences. Some doctors suggest that celiac disease is primarily a nearological disease and that the intestinal damage itself is a symptom... and not just a 'cause'.

The list of common symptoms is actually quite long... this post would probably be a page longer if I described all the symptoms that have been attributed to celiac sprue. No patient will have all of these symptoms (at least I hope not!) and many will only have a few of them. However, no matter how you look at it, these symptoms cover more than just the digestive system which explains why this disorder affects the individual in almost all aspects of their life.

Abdominal pain and cramps
ADHD - like behavior
Anxiety, depression and 'foggy mind'
Bloating and gas
Bone and joint pain
Canker sores
Chronic fatigue, sometimes 'knock out' sleep
Constipation or diarrhea
Emotional challenges including anger and irritability
Headaches and migraines
Missed menstrual periods, infertility and miscarriages
Nausea / vomiting
Restless leg syndrome
Rheumatoid arthritis
Tingling in the extremities

In some ways, I am very typical. I have struggled with canker sores since my childhood and have thrown up at least once a day since the age of sixteen until a few months after diagnosis and the subsequent dietary changes. One thing about the vomiting is that the abdominal pain would lessen or disappear after throwing up... a blessing in the yuck. :) I can sometimes struggle with depression, but most of the time my major emotional changes focus around anxiety and irritability. I have been told several times I am infertile (Bug is the best miracle I have ever received!) and I have never had a regular cycle until about a year after dietary changes. I have struggled with headaches, random abdominal pain and sometimes I wake up because my legs are shifting and 'twitching' while I'm resting. I also tend to feel tired all the time and sleep is something that I am not very successful with as often as I would like.

There is only one treatment for celiac disorder that is effective and allows the individual to lead a relatively healthy, normal life. The patient must adhere to a strict diet that is free from gluten and its proteins. Even the smallest amount of gluten, such as crumbs from wheat toast or a smidgeon of regular soy sauce can cause the unwanted immune response. Also, those individuals who are most sensitive can get an exposure not just from eating gluten, but from breathing it in or getting gluten into sores and other openings in the skin. And while it takes only a short amount of time for the damage to start, it takes weeks and even months for the healing to be effective enough for digestion to get back to a decent absorption rate. And for some, they may never recover fully due to the extensive damage done to the intestinal walls and villi. Depending on how long it took the patient to be diagnosed and to change their diet and lifestyle, there could be only small amounts of damage... or years worth of serious impairment and harm. In my case, when I was diagnosed with the disorder with the usual endoscopy and the unusual over forty biopsies, I was over thirty years old and the damage was pretty bad. My physician said that my stomach and the first several feet of small intestine looked like shattered and splintered glass. The pictures I've seen are quite horrifying and when I look at them and try to imagine what I see 'inside' me it's challenging. It's not difficult to understand why I tend to feel so much pain though. :)

There is a big difference between celiac disease and gluten sensitivity although it is not as easily seen. The big difference is that people with gluten sensitivity have the majority of the symptoms, but they do not have the intestinal damage as part of the package- the autoimmune part isn't their burden. Don't get me wrong- their bodies sensitivity to gluten is still uncomfortable and probably many other descriptive words. But the immune system doesn’t try to tear apart the body and that my friends, it a wonderful thing! How a person is diagnosed is quite simple. If you have the problems with gluten, but have no antibodies in your blood and a clean endoscopy.... then you are simply gluten sensitive. (Living it isn’t quite that simple, but I digress.)

So here is the first part of the journey! Next up I'll write about the a few of the less common problems – such as skin trouble as well as appropriate food and items to avoid. Thoughts...?

Start of a Journey: Discussions on Celiac Disease

If there is one thing I have learned over the last several years after my diagnosis with celiac disease, it is that this disorder is so complex and causes so many different challenges to the body that even those who have been diagnosed and struggled with the disorder for years still find that their knowledge may not explain all the questions and concerns that they uncover going forward in their lives. I still have so many questions that my physician cannot easily answer or that science hasn't discovered an answer for yet that I find trying to explain the condition to some one who has never had it and make sure they truly understand feels near impossible for a few reasons. One reason is that every person with celiac sprue is different and exposure, heredity, years before diagnosis, and past eating habits can make a really big difference in how the disease is perceived and managed. The confusion that some people feel from knowing both individuals with celiac disease and also from knowing individuals with gluten sensitivity and not knowing the differences between the two disorders as well as the other differences mentioned above is truly understandable. After some recent conversations with a few friends and a wonderful Relief Society President, I have decided to try and take the opportunity to explain the basics about the disorder but also to explain how it affects me... understanding that my experience is not nor can it be the same as anyone elses. My symptoms, my challenges all may be different from the majority of other patients. What I can do is try my best to explain what I do know to the best of my ability- allowing people to correct me in the comments or mention their own experiences and try to start a conversation that will bring more understanding and acceptance for those of us who struggle with it, but also to those around us... who want to help and are not sure how and don't really understand what all the fuss is about anyway. :)

So I am going to break down the information into different posts based on topic and space as its actually a lot of a convoluted information. I will try and cover the most common symptoms as well as sister disorders. I think it's also worthwhile covering long term problems, foods both allowed and unacceptable, and other topics that may become a part of the life of someone with celiac disease. If anyone reading this has questions, wants to add things, etc... please do not hesitate to comment. Let's start a conversation and help and educate each other! That will make the effort that I am putting forth now worthwhile and a joy indeed.

Cupcakes and Thought

Yesterday, I snuck out of work at lunch to buy a cupcake. Not just any cupcake, but a fancy, big, full of gluten cupcake! I forgot that today was the last day for one of my co-workers who is headed off to a new job and I wanted to give her something. And the fact that I am broke and not willing to buy or make desserts for myself but I’m running around on my lunch time to buy a cupcake for someone else was something that I thought was a really interesting choice. So I gave it to her when I got back and a big hug and settled in for an afternoon of patients and testing and business and let my mind wander. And while I was being introspective, I discovered a few things.

The first was that I really work at a pretty cool place. I think I have known that for a bit, but even with its problems – as all places have problems- it’s pretty amazing. It feels a lot like Miller Drug did when Bill Miller still owned it and it was a business that cared about both its customers and employees. After he sold it and retired, everything changed quickly and I am so grateful that I no longer work there- those I know who do really struggle to feel anything positive and turnover is pretty astonishing. With the exception of two co-workers I love them all… and I get the feeling that they like me too. I work with several people of my faith so I feel a kindred spirit that I haven’t had the opportunity to have before… heck, most of them moved from Las Vegas as well. Isn’t that an amazing coincidence. :) I have only been at this job for about five months and while I do see some of the challenges and not every day goes smoothly, I can feel myself relax into a routine that feels quite nice. I spend the day helping patients, working as a team player and being valued for it, and as I learn a new occupation, I am finding myself learning new strengths and helping myself to grow in new ways. This place doesn’t have a great deal of turnover and has a few employees who have left for other jobs and then come back to work here again. (I think that says something pretty good on its own.) I haven’t really worked closely with patients since my emergency medicine days and as I gradually return to similar work, I realize how much I missed working with people and trying to help them improve their health and help through crisis, etc… But I have also found that I just love working with people who seem to love working with me. I’ve always found a handful of people in every place that I have worked that seemed to like and respects me, but not a majority and certainly not in such a way that many people would stick up for me- and feel they were in a safe enough, stable environment to do so. And it was in that thought that I realized that even though I do not know the co worker really well, she has been consistently kind and nice and I didn’t feel comfortable not acknowledging that… even if I could only do it in a small way. That in itself is pretty cool. :)

I think that I also wanted to do it because I think that even in small ways people appreciate knowing that they as people are valued. I don’t tend to feel that very often and while some of that is self esteem and therefore, my fault… a lot of it is the world we live in. All of us do not tend to take the time to show or gratitude to the people around us very consistently. We also tend to not comment on the small things that we quickly notice, appreciate, and then they leave our mind as we continue with our tasks or thoughts. Corrie has smiled every time she has seen me with only one exception- she didn’t smile when I came in with my broken foot for the first time. Granted I wasn’t smiling either ;) Knowing that my interactions with her in the future will probably be quite limited, I knew I only had a short window of time to do something to show her what her attitude and kindness have meant to me. A cupcake was so little, but she seemed to appreciate it and I am glad. I remember all the jobs I have had in the past and even when I was cared for, people pretty much said goodbye and that was it- the one exception was one workplace threw a pizza lunch for me, but forgot about my celiac disease so I couldn’t attend my own going away lunch- that was sad and funny all at the same time. I guess I knew how much it would mean to me and wanted to offer that experience to someone else. And so we parted, hugs all around and I have a phone number and email address in my pocket- more than I expected and was a gift in and of itself.
The last thing that entered my mind was that the fact that I am willing to splurge on other people but not on myself is something that I need to really analyze and look at. That tendency has been pointed out to me in the past by counselors and friends alike, and I have been able to acknowledge the truthfulness of their observation, but haven't felt like I could really change it. I feel a renewed urge to change that and so today, early.... six in the morning... I was at the store to get Brock some pasta and me some brownies Gotta start somewhere! :D

Happy Saturday my friends!

Balanced Living in the New Year

So its a new year! As is traditional with many people at this time of year, I have made a few resolutions. One of them is to do my very best to improve my health and try to get my immune system to be less explosive and destructive towards my physique – I don't mind it attacking and slaughtering cold germs. :) I will admit that this goal will be a little challenging because there is much I can't really change. Celiac disease has really demolished a great deal of my body organizations. So much of my digestive processes are unable to work well anymore and as my immune system has caused so much periphery injury to other organs as well. Those are things that I can't change, but I can hope to try and make it possible for my body to attempt to heal faster... to try and help my immune system to be less reactive and over responsive... to take more time and give more focus towards the physical frame that keeps me able to live in this complicated world and my confusing and necessary probation toward eternity. Add to all of that the stumbling of my heart and the struggles it faces to hold its rhythm steady and constant... to not race and fall into the trap of super ventricular tachycardia and the palpitations it causes.

However, there are a few things that I can try and my doctor is agreeable. One thing that I can do is to focus more on pure food and to really spend more time paying attention to what I do eat. I tend to look at all food with a skeptical eye... I watch for gluten in not only food, but everything else in my life- laundry detergent, hair care products, cat litter, hand lotion... I could go on forever, because it seems like gluten is in everything. I have spent so much time with a fierce focus on whether something has gluten in it and whether I can eat it that I have tended in the last few years to not really ask the next important question; “Should I eat it?” And as my finances have become a little shakier, cheaper food that might not be as healthy has been much more attractive. But over the last few months, I have found some ways to get fresh vegetables that are cheaper than most and as I have been sick and busy, I haven't felt like eating which has also helped keep less healthy food out. But I am going back to a process I was required to do by my physician earlier last year and I have been documenting everything I eat from the portion of fish to the tiniest measurement of vinegar. I can then break it down into calories, daily requirements and vitamins and make sure that I am getting most of the necessary elements that I need and can hopefully over time need fewer supplements and maybe my body can start to heal a little faster. It would be nice to only take two of three medications daily by the end of the year instead of almost ten tablets daily. :) (If you would like to have a basic checklist for your daily physical intakes in both elements and major needs such as fat and protein, you can go here and see the one that I am using. Its been quite useful to me!)

Along with more awareness and a renewed concentration on my diet and food, I also want to try to create more balance in my life... maybe become more mindful on my thoughts, activities and take more time to visualize he future and what I would like to accomplish. I think I have allowed myself to fall into a little bit of a rut in both attitude and behavior... letting life buffet me along in its wake and not struggling constantly to stay focused on the most important things: service, friends, family, the gospel. Meeting basic needs and trying to come to terms with my ex's choices as well as school, work and all else has kept me more centered on temporal things and not necessarily things that are the most important over time. I would like to work over the next few months to bring my mind back to a more settled state and to bring my energy back to my priorities... what is really important and what really matters to me. Funnily enough, I think this part of the goal will be the most challenging. Balance and mindfulness has never been a strong suit in my case. But I want to try!

What kind of resolutions have you decided to attempt this year... and what safeguards have you set up to keep you focused on continuing your goal? Please share!

Sideswipes of Ideals and the Clash of Life, Experience and Hope: Malcolm X

With the exception of knowing the name- having heard the title many times in my life, I knew almost nothing about Malcolm X. So as I sat in class and the lights were dimmed I was prepared (I thought) for learning and to discover more about the man that I knew so little about- a shame as a historian, but I will admit I am woefully inadequate on almost any topic on American history; that is semi intentional and a long story. I have seen a documentary by Spike Lee before and found it phenomenal. And each film that I have seen in class has provoked so much thought that I wondered what I would gain from this one besides a better understanding of the man's life. Here are my thoughts...

The start of the film with the burning flag was a really potent image. The flag- whether it is a stamp, a name, a picture, iron on art, etc... makes a very specific statement. It is a loaded image that creates a picture no matter who looks at it and in many cases makes a political statement as well. For some, the flag is a symbol of pure nationalism- some love America to the point of blindness and the flag symbolizes this feeling... the feeling of power and strength, the assumption of God's blessing on this, the best country. Even that God fits a profile- white, Christian, silent and unchanging through the years. For others the flag is a symbol of a country that they love and feel loyalty for, but they are also able to recognize that America and its flag can also be seen in very negative ways not only by some of those who are protected by its laws, but by many around the world. The image of the flag is seen for what many see as its true colors... the symbol of oppression towards many in the world... it's citizens, other states...anyone that isn't useful or in line with what 'America' wants. It's hard to attack these ideals and governmental policies, so people attack it's image... and that is the flag. There are many ways to insult or desecrate the flag, but burning appears to be one of the most popular. By total destruction as flames quickly like over the sewn threads and they vanish into smoke that is pulled up towards the sun. So, as I watched this image, I felt the pull of both sides of the argument.... those that I know who cannot see anything but their idealized vision of the world and those who have felt the pain and oppression that is the flip side of nationalism. And there is no middle ground- because individuals will force you be be part of one side or the other. I do not allow myself to use the flag or its images on anything. I do not use it on stamps, hang it on the wall, or even use decorations that use the colors or patterns that suggest or remind. I have been told by people that my dedication to that 'idea' is treasonous and that I am ashamed of my country, but I see a very fine distinction between love of my country and it's ideals... and the reality of what it truly is. What is truly does... and what it has done in the past. So I felt that pain and that anger as I watched the flag... and as it slowly began to burn, I didn't need to hear the world to feel the suffering, the pain and the anger. I could see it grow and build as the flag burned... a flame of heat that might never be extinguished...even though its object has vanished into smoke and ash.

So many times I heard the word 'boy'... and finally I got it. When I was in high school I used to call male classmates 'boys' if I thought they were immature or acting that way. One of them was black and the few times I called him a boy, my kind teacher would pull me aside and tell me I couldn't do that because it was racist. And I would walk away really confused and frustrated. I have never considered myself a racist and I couldn't see how the word boy could be racist... The N word, yes... but boy no. I see it now. More than twenty years later I understand and I am really horrified by my lack of understanding. As a silly white girl, I didn't get it and as an older but still silly white women I know see a glimmer of understanding and I am filled with the shame and remorse. Tyler, I never meant to really hurt you. I never saw myself as being racist or making any comment about your skin at all. I saw myself standing up for myself and calling out immaturity when I saw it. I am truly sorry. I wish I could take those words back and I will admit I do not use them anymore. Since I couldn't understand why they were racially offensive, I just didn't use them anymore. I learned new words that were probably more effective and I still use those. I know of no way to make amends for my ignorance and foolishness; in fact, I suspect that my new understanding shows how immature I was and what a small child mentally. I ask for your forgiveness and hope that whatever pain I caused was small and hopefully gone.

Elijah Mohammed : The question is -who are you?

All of us ask this question to ourselves at some point in our lives... and how we answer it determines our whole lives. His choices changed his life and the lives of many. Just as our choices change our lives. I know a few people who seem lost and I am unclear if they can answer the question that Elijah Mohammed asked. Sometimes I am not sure that I can honesty answer that question. There are times when I feel very confident of the answer, but the jargon that spews forth from my mind is a list of labels and if you think about it.... no person can be summed up in labels nor should they. Aren't labels really a way of wording or acknowledging a trait; a piece of the whole, but how can a label or lots of labels encompass the whole? I am a woman, used to be a wife, a religious observer, a writer, a mother, a celiac... and yet, none of those labels tell you much or give you a clear image of who I am, what is important to me.... anything. What a powerful individual Malcolm X was... to question and question and to work to really understand himself and develop his ideas. The self awareness and control that requires is something that many people never develop- it is certainly not one of my strong suits.

"Whites can help us, but they can't join us. There can be no black/white unity until there's first some black unity. We can not think of uniting with others until we have first learned to unite with ourselves. We can think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves..."

This is a really strong statement and a hard reality. Back at the beginnings of the women's movement, many of the leaders that we are able to look back to realized that women would never be able to get any rights as long as any men were also denied rights. That is one reason that many feminists worked and fought for civil rights for African Americans. Malcolm X understood something very essential. Until we can look and work together in our smaller groups, we can easily be divided. Look at any group of people – your church congregations, family, school mates, etc... How easily they are challenged and develop divisions, cliques, and outcasts. Look how easily the American government talked the country into going to war with Iraq – You're with us or against us, patriot or traitor, etc... no middle ground. When those that are in power want something, it is easier to distract and the less powerful majority with other things and such definitive statements. It crushes dissent, freedom of expression and gets many of us to focus on things that are not really important. It's how many of us use our votes to help people enter government who will actually make choices that hurt us and our families... we are distracted by other things and issues that keep us chasing our own tails. We can see this disunity now between not only the races and genders, but between those with economic disparity, health issues, religion, etc...

"I told you to look behind the words and dig out the truth...locked us in chains, 100 million of us, broke up our families, cut us off from our language, our religion, our history.... "

My last thought is not a comfortable one. As I sat and watched the life of Malcolm Little unfold to the adult Malcolm X to the close of his mortality, I found the same question running through my mind. Martin Luther King Jr. was a wonderful man and did some great things. I mean no disrespect to him by my next question. I wonder why we as a nation celebrate Martin Luther King and his achievement... and gloss over Malcolm X. My thoughts as to why we as a nation do that are not very polite or politically correct. I wonder if we celebrate King because we feel more 'comfortable' with him. He is easy to like and his message while hard came through a man who in many ways was nice and easy.... Malcolm X can not be seen in rose colored glasses very well. If you put both the men side by side, Martin Luther King is much more palatable for a white audience- he was Christian to boot. And so we celebrate him and what he stood for and forget some of the things that he did that we wouldn't find acceptable such as his womanizing. (Malcolm X was clearly a more responsible and focused family man.) I guess I wonder if we accept him more because we are trying to turn MLK into a 'good black person' or make him more 'white'. That is not possible to do with Malcolm X... and so as a culture we push him aside. I wish I knew more people of color so that I could ask them: What are their feelings on both men and which one do they feel more comfortable with? Which one matters more when they look at history? And which man do they think was right? A long time ago, I heard the story of the first black mayor of some city whose surname if I recall was Ford. He said that in his job, he had to be 'fairer than fair' and couldn't just try to balance things. He had to always make sure that the balance card leaned more towards his 'white' voters so that they didn't feel he wasn't caring for them and choosing the 'black' population only. How many of our politicians (mostly white) worry about that? Malcolm X was accused of being a black supremacist and a racist and I cannot agree with those labels- He didn't want to destroy or damage the white race... he only wants the black race to have the same choices as the white race.... and the same consequences. It seems that even in our modern, tolerant world.... we haven't changed as much as we would like to think. I feel a bit like a small child again and the world looks different and stark and harsh. I wonder if we will ever be able to get past race in America.... I wonder...

Our Debt to the Enlightenment...

So, I was sitting in class this week and we were asked what we were thankful for in our lives that is directly a result of the Enlightenment. I was very surprised when I really thought about it and realized that I am so blessed as so much of my life and the things I take for granted can be traced back to the philosophes and the time historians have titled the Enlightenment. I know that I am able to do many things and even go places safely because of the humanist ideas, etc… that came about during this time. I figured I would take a moment to mention a few examples that came to my mind.

One example is medicine. I was premature at birth and only weighed around five pounds. I had breathing problems and was ‘slow to thrive’. I am now a happy healthy adult that is too hyper for many and for the most part I don’t have reminders of my feeble beginning. If I had been born in the 1600’s there was some understanding of the human body, but the understanding of how the body itself was really formed and interacted with itself was only discovered and really started to develop during this time. My lung challenges alone would probably have been my death warrant because so little was really known. As a celiac, I would have had a very limited life because this disorder is really a disorder where the body attacks itself in the presence of unacceptable proteins and these sorts of complicated chemical reactions and transactions in the body are still being discovered today- during the Enlightenment they were just beginning to understand the existence of these reactions. Also, chances are that food itself would have been an issue for me. If all I could eat was bread, then I could eat it and feel sick… or starve. Not too many options there. If I was sickly I would be less likely to survive to adulthood, much less likely to survive childbirth and, as evidenced by my beautiful son, my children would be prone to medical challenges as well if they were able to survive. I take for granted that I can have a quite variable diet and can find food that I can eat almost anywhere that I can afford and enjoy. I also am able to have medical treatments that were only a dream forty years ago, but wouldn’t have been possible without the desire and work of some many people –mostly men, but women shouldn’t be ignored- during this time.

As a woman I can attend school, I can own property, I can become divorced or married as I please… all ideas that came about or started during this time frame. During this time, voting rights for more than just the elite began to be discussed and I can –and do- exercise my right to vote whenever I am able (much to the consternation of my extremely conservative parents… They still can’t figure out where they went wrong) As the writers and elite of this time became more humanist and allowed boys of all families to be able to look at education, it allowed for the doors to be opened wider for me. I can walk down the street wearing anything I want (almost) and I do not worry about being jailed, beaten, or even killed for my ‘audacity’ or ‘promiscuousness’. I can chose a religion (or not) based on my conscious or the voice of my own mind and heart, and not on the particular law/government/church in power at the time. Heck, I can study science in a room of my peers of both genders. I can have a nontraditional job for my gender- and while we definitely still have challenges with that it our society, it certainly is much more possible!

I think the thing I am most thankful for impact wise is the ability to question anything. To be able to ask questions about my environment, people, topics of all sorts… and not only be physically safe but have conversations and be able to form my opinions through study, observation and my own moral guidelines. Before the Enlightenment, as a woman, I didn’t have a lot of options for what I could do with my life. I might get more options if I was wealthy and had an understanding husband (because I would probably have had to have one to have continued to have more options), but those options would have necessarily been limited by the facts of percentages. After all, very few men were wealthy and as women could not own money or property with very few exceptions, only women married to wealthy and ‘tolerant men’ could have had more options for their lives. (And even then, their options were still limited in comparison to the options I now have for choices in my life.) At least once a week, I can have a conversation with a friend of family marriage on something difficult; gay marriage, human rights, universal health insurance, discrimination of women in the workplace, what is modesty, etc.... I enjoy them and I can have them and agree or disagree appropriately as I see fit and learn, think, and study out what was said. I would really feel like my life was incomplete with out that aspect of conversation in my life.

When you look at your life and look back at all the changes that came with that time frame, what are you most grateful for? What things changed that you don't see as benefits in your lives? What do you remember about the Enlightenment from your past classes? :)