Catch Up

Whew! Sometimes life just sneaks up on you. I feel like I will be coasting along pretty well for a bit and then the world tips slightly and everything slides to the side and falls down. Then I end up spending way too much time trying to pick everything back up and level up my life again. IT doesn't necessarily mean that everything is bad, just a jumble of positive and negative tumbled together that needs to be carefully winnowed out and restored to its appropriate place in my life. These times are hard but something I try to be thankful for. After all, these times help define our goals and then our lives. You never learn as much as you do when you are trying to evaluate what is important and necessary and what must be laid aside... no matter how important it still feels to you. The Buddhist principle of impermanence is a wonderful thing to learn even if it isn't a principle that is the slightest bit easy or comfortable... at least its not for me.

Overall, things are going OK. Finances are still pretty shaky and I am not fully stable as I would like to be in that regard. However, I have plenty to eat and my insurance is covering the majority of my medical bills- I can't fathom what I would do without insurance with my health problems. Just this month alone I have six appointment and 2 MRIs. My monthly doctor's visits would put me into bankruptcy if I didn't have insurance. Having Ehler's Danlos can be a bit of a trial sometimes and having insurance really is critical fro a decent quality of life. I am very grateful that I do have health insurance and wish that this country could get it together and provide single payer healthcare. No one should have to go without healthcare due to expense.

I am back to wearing a brace on my left ankle as it doesn't want to stay fully in its socket. The brace is controlling it well so I tend to have moments that I forget I am dealing with that problem. I have learned not to sit on it or to sit indian style- those are errors I will pay for fairly quickly both in inappropriate joint movement and pain. I also am trying to learn to pivot more slowly instead of quick turning 'jolts' to change direction.

MY car has been fixed and for the moment the fuzzy parts of the household are healthy. Watson passed away last weekend and that has been a sad experience- I still feel like I can see him lope along in my peripheral vision when I am moving throughout the house. However, everyone that was very ill has passed on at this point and I am hopeful for a period of time of good health for me and my fuzzy companions.

Sleep has improved a bit which is helpful. I would definitely prefer better sleep every day- the nightmares are not helpful most nights. However, they are improving or at least I'm having fewer of them... that's progress! Sometimes when I wake up from a nightmare, I hear the lyrics of a BareNaked Ladies song in my head:

I wake up scared. I wake up strange. Its the hair shirt I wear. This hair shirt is woven from your brown hair. This song is the cross that I bear... bear with me... bear with me... - "What a Good Boy"

Strange lyrics for strange dreams I guess...

I hate when I get so busy that I do not write. I really like writing. I should do it more.

Sadness, Confusion, and Ice Cream for Breakfast

I have been feeling tired and worn down lately. Health problems and other issues have distracted me from many important things and blogging has fallen to the wayside during this time. I am going to try and do better with it, but I will admit I don't feel much enthusiasm about anything these days. I really wish that I didn't feel this way because I love to write. So I will endeavor to do better.

My grandfather passed away one year ago today. I feel a lot of conflicting emotions about it and it is still a tender spot. It feels so close in time to now that even my ex couldn't really comprehend this morning that it has been a full year- he was quite sure this event had happened more recently. So today has been filled with family, work, and dessert to help make the day more cheerful.

These pictures are a few days old, but I thought they would be fun to share today for a smile. Bug loves ice cream and his favorite currently is a cotton candy flavor- its blue and looks horrible but he is addicted. I was cooking breakfast the other day and he went and got a spoon out of the drawer and the ice cream from the freezer and sat down to eat it. When I noticed, I laughed and grabbed the phone to take a picture. Bug hates pictures so he immediately got up and tried to leave, but I still caught some of him in the picture.

The funny part is the spoon he was using. This picture gives a clearer view of the spoon he was using... which is supposed to be used to stir cocoa in mugs.

Happy Friday and love to all. :)

Melancholy

Today I feel very tired. I feel a bit burned out, exhausted, and just 'blah.' I enjoyed listening to some films tonight while making crayons for my son for his sleepover tomorrow. He has been so excited for me to make them so I am pretty pleased to be able to give him some tomorrow. I have been so busy with school and work and everything else that I haven't made any in months and it was wonderful to watch the wax melt and turn into pools of thick, lush liquid. When I poured it into the molds, I watched them fill up and thought about how they would look when they were done. And then I rested and here I sit, drinking chamomile tea and listening to the sounds of birds outside and purring from the cats sitting beside me inside. I am so tired and have so much to do... but I am thankful for an early night and peaceful thoughts. Even if the rest of my body is tired, I have so much to think about and be grateful for. I know that the exhaustion and the melancholy will pass... So for tonight, I have enough.

Today...

Things are going pretty well for me right now. I am so much to be grateful for and I love having the last few days of some rest with family. Bug is so tall and I enjoy spending my weekends with him laughing, cooking and just enjoying him grow. I'm looking forward... hoping for a much better year than the last for me and for so many others. Let's see what's in store for all of us. :)

Holiday Letter 2015

For those who didn't get a copy of the Christmas newsletter this year, here it is in all its fun. Send me your address if you want one this next holiday. :)

This year has been a year of much joy. I have so much to be grateful for. During this year, I have gained a good job and found a wonderful place to rent and to stay and plant myself for the next few years. I have developed some new friendships and maintained and strengthened others. I became a nationally certified medical assistant this year and I am within a few semesters of graduating with my bachelor’s degree. My health is improving over time and except for overworking, I feel like I am doing so well. If there is one thing I have discovered this year, it is a tentative stability that I am hopeful to carry into the New Year and I will fight like mad to keep it.

Brock is doing very well. He is healthy and seems genuinely happy with life. His joy in books, love of animals and enthusiasm for food is a wonder to behold. He has fallen into responsibility and adoration of three accidentally homed ferrets and his heart is full of them and the joy of life. Spending time with him fills my mind and heart with a beauty and love I have rarely felt in my life.












I end this year feeling peace and joy and I hope for the same for all of you. Thank you – each of you – for being a part of my life… for being the wonderful people you are… for living as you do. Merry Christmas and a Wonderful New Year to you all. May we all be blessed this next year and bless those around us with our service and love.

The Day of the Bird... and the Cheating of Crows

Is it just me or am I suddenly running into all the hurt and still living creatures I can lately? Before anyone thinks that statement is a complaint, I want to stress that it's not... just an observation that disturbs me a little. Mostly because if one person is finding so many injured animals, how many are out there right now? It's like for a brief moment in time a window has opened up in my mind to a different way of seeing and like the boy Cole in “The Sixth Sense” who finds his vision and what he sees is different from the people around him... “I see hurt animals.”

So the first Sunday in July started out like a fairly normal fast Sunday. I had prepared and packed the car the day before for an easy morning. I gauged whether I could fast without throwing up or if I needed to eat to even make getting to church possible. I had even set out my clothing the night before. And so pretty early and quickly I was driving down the road towards the church listening to some inspirational music – well, inspirational to me anyway. ;) I had managed to almost get to church when I saw an obstacle in the road and as I slowed the car down I realized the obstacle in the road was a dog. Shoulders bowed and just sitting in the very middle of the road, he didn't even look up or flinch as I came to a stop. I pulled over for a good look, and the dog let me get pretty close. I gave it some of the dried shrimp in my car and called the police and I slowly doled out the food until a nice officer showed up and I completed my journey to church. I came with quite a few things to take into church and so I started unloading and making my several trips in and out of the building. It was during one of those trips to the car that I was distracted again.

I walked out of the building at one point and the noise from overhead was pretty loud. I could hear the distinct cawing of the crows- loud and raucous and the anxious twittering of a smaller bird. So my footsteps walked past my car to the side of the building and I found myself standing under the canopy of the trees watching the drama above. Three crows were actively irritating a pair of robins who were desperately trying to protect their nest and their young. I watched as one or two of the crows would lure both of the parents away from the nest and then the last crow would nip in and steal one of the robin fledglings and fly away as quickly as possible. The parents would return desperate and full of anxiety and then the crows would begin when another would show up. Slowly but surely, they were emptying the nest. I stood there, wishing I could change something and knowing that I could do nothing, when the last fledgling was captured and the crow turned in midair and flew in my direction. I must have been so quiet that the crow hadn't even noticed my presence because when it caught sight of me, the crow tried to change direction too abruptly and dropped its hard won package at my feet. I didn't even hesitate and leaned down, scooped it up in my hands and looking up at the crow, I quickly walked away. Back into the church with my hands carefully closed and cupped, my mind racing trying to determine a path forward. I remembered some boxes that were waiting to be thrown away in the library and headed there and within a few minutes the bird was sitting in a box in the dark, quiet nursery to calm down and rest.

I had hopes that I could return it to the nest but during the hour before Sacrament meeting started, I realized that was no longer an option. After several trips outside I realized the robins in their sorrow and loss had totally abandoned the nest, but two crows were waiting right next too it. For people who think birds have no brains, they are certainly at least incorrect when thinking of crows and ravens. They can plan and work together quite well (as can be seen by their brilliant and successful attack on the nest.) When I would walk over and look up into the trees, they simply watched me and waited. When Sacrament meeting started, it found the bird still resting quietly in the nursery and my bum settled into a pew. A quick glance outside during the meeting confirmed that the crows were planning on continuing to wait- whether they knew I wanted to return the bird or they just knew the fledgling was still around I do not know. It was clear however that I now had a bird. A very needy, hungry bird.

So nursery began and I introduced my youngsters to the bird and several times we carefully broke off tiny slivers of our grapes and dropped it into its open and begging mouth. The fledgling would cry and we would feed it. The kids were pleased, the fledgling didn't seem too worried and our lesson on appreciating God's creatures seemed to be more easily cemented into the young one's heads. And with the help of my helper, I made a quick call to Birds Acre and found an opening for the wee robin. This is the second time that I have used this resource over my life to help a bird and I am so grateful for its existence. After church, all the youth came and took a quick look and then my good friend Michael hopped into the car to lovingly cradle the box in his lap. We drove to Bird Acre and I was able to stand back while Michael talked with the volunteer and they both wandered towards a cage with some robins and fledglings. When they returned, Michael and the volunteer were all smiles and said that their disabled mother had happily started almost immediately to feed the little fledgling with the other foster birds. So with some handshakes and smiles, we departed and left the unintentional orphan to its new fate.

What an unusual day. I feel so much distress an anxiety over the hurt but I left feeling a bit of peace. I dd the best that I could do and I am aware that many people would have heard the loud caws and cries and not known what they meant- there was a blissful time in my life that I wouldn't have known either and would have just found the sounds annoying and would have moved in the opposite direction. As with the poem of the starfish, I couldn't help them all and at least four fledglings were taken and happily eaten by the crows... but my actions and my service mattered to this one... and that has made all the difference. I hope he makes it! :)

2014 Poetry Corner # 10 : "A Wish and Wonderment on Souls"

I've heard about her early years
in whispers, deflection and silence
The last to join her family unit
God's gift to those around her
in an environment of pain and loss and death
She brought life and love and need

I knew her when she was young
full of energy, bright, happy and yet
Social cues unexplored and anger palpable
just below the surface of her skin
her speech garbled, quick and unfathomable
except to her mothers and brothers

I've watched her grow into her frame
now tall, beautiful and voluptuous
her voice, clear and kind... a smile on her lips
a few close friends by her side
her soul and thoughts much better hidden
the pain lessening and more easily concealed

I wish that we could still be close
I wish that I could see through her eyes
Back into the recesses of her mind
Her loves and joys and pain and fears
to know her more and how to help
to feel her in my life

While she is close, she is still far
in both her mind and spirit
circumstances and misunderstanding
widen the fog and gulf around us.
Two electrons around a powerful nucleus
unable to do more than look and travel past

I can keep trying, to pray, to hope
but I must also recognize
that maybe things cannot be mended
during our short sojourn of life
I wonder if she thinks the same

Will we know each other and still smile
as I grow old and gray
As she holds children, a spouse, a job
my life closing off, slowing down

I pray that we will find a way
to see, understand and love
To find the closeness that we once had
with new love and joy entwined
If nothing else, if my hopes are dashed...
I will always remember her spirit :)

A Memory of Service

Have you ever had one of those really busy days that has kept you so busy and focused on a to-do list that the entire day is a blur except for a brief time of sacrifice and connection that was unplanned, spontaneous and wondrous. I had one a little bit ago... and while I can't remember that much of the many boring errands I did... I remember this part of the day. I went to the library to try and pick up a few books on the new subject that I am going to try and learn. I dropped off some stuff and went to the reference desk and started a discussion with the librarian on what I was looking for. A few minutes into our discussion, a young man walked over and stood behind me. Looking nervous and sad, he waited and since I had asked for some research that would take a few minutes to get, the librarian asked him what he needed. Quietly, he asked how often a comma needed to be used when using the word 'but' in a letter. In a typical librarian fashion - I'm sure that many of you know what I mean- she responded to his question by saying it matters when in the sentence the word was, the topic of the sentence and even the grammar being used by the writer. His face showed so much confusion and he looked down at his paper and asked if she could read it and tell him whether he needed commas. It was so sad and hard to watch and when the librarian said that she would try to help him after she had finished with me, I asked him if I could try to edit his letter for him. He was silent for a moment and I said quickly, “It's not my business what's in it and I won't say anything to anyone. I have very good grades in English and I'm just waiting here while she looks up my information so I'm happy to try and help." He smiled and handed over his letter.

To be blunt, it was awful. I think I am a decent writer, not great. My spelling skills are awful and I'm sure a few people have noticed that I actually do not like to proofread so I don't do it very often. But with my limited experience, I could see spelling and grammatical errors as well as run on sentences and wording that didn't make a great deal of sense. So I sat down with him and we went over every single line. Over half an hour together, we changed his letter asking for financial aid to the college into something I felt really good about. His hope to go to school so that he can help those with abuse or substance abuse problems was reworded so that it didn't state he wanted to help cause substance or abuse problems and other small little tweaks. He told me about his new child and his desire to be self sufficient and we parted as friends. We may never see each other again, but in that period of time we were both able to enjoy each others company and be grateful for the talents that each of us were willing to share. I arrived home feeling a bit more cheery and feeling that I had actually accomplished something good... and not just necessary errands. I hope I can enjoy that wonderful feeling of peace and opportunity again soon!

What Do You Think?

So I had a really quick question. I am making a list of ideas for future blog posts... fun things to research, etc..... I've actually thought of few off the top of my head over the last few days that interest me, but I thought I would hang the question out there for others to offer suggestions. Anything that you are interested in that any of you might like me to research just for you? A short, but sweet post.... please share your thoughts. :)

A Lovely Evening

I am headed to sleep- truly a beautiful evening. :)

2014 Poetry Corner # 6 - "Gratitude"

As I put pen to paper I reflect
on the blessings in my life

Food and shelter and a bed
to keep me warm at night

Cats aplenty and friends to love
and quiet time to pray

how grateful I am and how I wish
that all could say the same

2014 Poetry Corner # 3 - "Changing of the Judges"

So much to feel, so much to say
yet my lips are closed and still
a heart is full with hope and need
my soul engaged... alert

His words pour out, rigid and course
but the air accepts them thirstily
And within moments they soar
we are swallowed whole, engulfed
in love and faith and community
The spirit speaks to us and confirms the call

The faces have changed, but the seats have not
nor has the love and spirit
I sustain them all; pray for all three
A new presidency has been born

Merry Christmas to All!

I am not sure how I feel about Christmas this year. I certainly haven't gotten myself in the right frame of mind with all the schooling and everything. I haven't even gotten the cards out yet.... crap! So expect them late :) I did want to wish everyone a great Christmas though. I hope that during this season that you are able to bring the things that matter to you closer to your heart. That you will feel peace and some rest and be able to enjoy the blessings that you do have... even if you wish or need to have more. I ask that you take the time to pray (or have a minute of silence) for your family and those you know that struggle and who may not feel the love and peace of the season that many of us take for granted. And smile, for the solstice is past and the days are lengthening. Spring is coming. Remember the reason for the season. Both as a time of new hope for the warmth will return and as the chosen time to remember the birth of Jesus Christ and the teachings and hope he gives to so many of us. I plan on spending the day with Bug and in contemplation... and in the pile of schoolwork that I still have. May you have a great day as well. :)

Fear and Loathing… for “Four Friends”

So after missing a week of class, I arrived last week feeling shaky and tired but, with a drink and tissues in hand and a computer, pen and paper in front of me, I settled down ready for another provocative evening of film and thought. I cannot say that isn't what I got.... ;)

I cannot say that I liked the film “Four Friends” and I dearly wish that I could. At least I wish I could say something definitive about it.... whether I hated it or loved it or something. Instead I feel this mass of emotions that hours later I cannot seem to dispel. I feel twisted up and almost suffocated by the waves of them that flow over my thoughts and are buffeted by the winds of memory, hopes, dreams, and regret. Hours after I arrived home I found myself awake, restless and sweating... feeling the darkness close in as my eyes stared into the nothingness. Every attempt that I made to clear my mind was insufficient and only seemed to throw the distractions into sharper relief... causing even more agitation and restlessness in my heart. So, here I am, trying to empty the swirl of thought vomit in my brain onto the page in the hopes of some relief, some small amount of weariness to be allowed to enter my brain and slow it down enough for the oblivion of sleep to take over and allow the darkness to pull me into the deep. I was vaguely horrified by my reaction and to stay sitting and not to leave... to not walk out of the film and to go home... well, that was a serious amount of work. I am still not sure how I accomplished it.

Within the first few seconds of watching Georgia almost literally waltzed onto the screen, I felt feelings of deep loathing and disgust. She appeared to be a character/ person with traits that I dislike intensely. I felt she had self-confidence bordered on arrogance and an immaturity that frustrated me. I saw her as vain, overly flirtatious, manipulative and even a little benign. And as I watched I was torn between my feelings of dislike and a growing amount of dismay as I started to realize that I didn't like her not only for the 'legitimate' reasons, but I think I also didn't like her because I saw some 'parts' of her that I felt were mirror images of some of the things that I hate in myself. And so, as I sat there loathing her, I realized how much I really loath myself. How I want to be pretty and I'm not. How I want to be liked and to be wanted by the people that really matter to me... and I am not. And how I would love to be able to enjoy things more... and I can't. And I could see her confusion and her hopes and her dreams written all over every aspect of her being... and I could feel my confusion in my youth. I could feel the dreams that I had to be loved and to have a wonderful normal family and to be me... to be cared for as myself even though I am eccentric and I have too much energy and I speak without thinking and I also think a bit too much of myself. I worry about whether I am accomplishing enough and what other people think and all sorts of stuff! So watching Georgia and her behavior was a bit like watching a distorted image of myself and things I wished I was brave to do or feel comfortable doing... and feeling jealous. And feeling angry because I want so much and I can't have it whether I'm good or bad or anything. It's like nothing I do that's right and nice gives me anything positive at all... except the comfort I feel from doing it. And then I feel scared because I think that I am running from life too and I'm not sure that I feel like I want to find it but I don’t want to feel like I've wasted it either. In essence, Georgia is a spitfire... and I am conflicted about them.

Danilo was a very interesting mix of a person and I found myself drawn to him even as I was repulsed by Georgia. I thought I could feel his fear of her and any relationship with her but also his extreme hope and love towards the America that he saw and wanted to exist. He wants a better life than his father has and is frustrated that his father seems so unhappy and doesn't want to better things. As he says, “There is college...” and his father states, “Not for you. In America we work.” His father also says “I'm tired and I have to go to work – that is America.” I heard that line and I can't even express how often I have felt that way. I think I have just thought the ending slightly differently... In my mind, I think “I'm tired and I have to go to work – what else can I do. I'm an adult and I must eat or die.” This is a very different viewpoint than the romantic and fairly extreme viewpoint that Danilo carries in his heart. Danilo is also a bit too honest and speaks his mind and his heart to his detriment. His mouth is both a blessing and a curse as it brings him happiness and a lot of pain. His every word holds so much meaning – when he looked at his father and said ' Dada” … you could hear the hope and joy and 'feel' what that meant to him. That one word became a complex tapestry of images and emotion as we look at his young face.

His friend David was an interesting mix as well. He is overweight and seems to understand life a little more - “between chromosomes and tradition, what else can I do.” He is easy... easy going, easy to lead, easy to love, easy to leave.... easy to forget. And he seems to know this about himself. So he is quick to laugh and think good thoughts of others and worry... sometimes too much... most of the time not much. And Tom.... well, I didn't feel anything much about him at all. I do not feel like until the end of the film he fleshed out much as a character at all. He didn't seem like anything more than a colored shell until he came back from fighting in Vietnam. The funny thing is that I do not feel like he changed that much... but he did in the sense that he seemed more grounded and his character felt more real. I am not sure that I ever really liked him... but I didn't dislike him either. He just seemed like a decent boring guy by the end... isn't that how most of us turn out as adults. :)

And so the movie finally ended. I could still hear the scream of the saddened and distraught mother... who is no longer a mother... and the wife... who is no longer a wife... just a woman. “I don't really know what to do with that word.” Sadly, I am almost in the same situation and I do not know what to do either. I can still feel her loss and her grief and confusion and I can claim those emotions as my own. I hope that someday I will not understand her grief as well as I do now. And I hope I am not offensive if I admit that I never, ever want to watch this movie again. I want to let the images and emotions fade so that I can continue to heal from my past. I want to forget.

2013 Poetry Corner # 7 - "Believe" (a haiku)

I believe in love
the strength of community
the hope in us all

2013 Poetry Corner # 2 : Evening Prayer

The best moment of the day
To kneel in the quiet
Surrounded by darkness
My mind jumbled and crowded
… a moment to settle
… a deep breath

The words form slowly and then come
Tumbling and rushing down
My waterfall of thoughts
Pouring and crashing into silence
… my tears fall
… my heart pleading

The thoughts form patterns
My mind will clear
The heart feels lighter
My soul feels peace
… my head sinks
… sleep comes

Horizontally, the moment ends
Claimed by exhaustion...
May it come again!

Hope...

This is a summary of a talk that I gave in sacrament meeting a few weeks ago. I hope this summary might be helpful for someone out there. Preparing this talk was very helpful for me. :)



What exactly is hope? Hope is the word that we use to describe an emotional state or attitude in which we hold the belief and wish for a positive outcome in our circumstances. In many cases, we tend to treat hope as a noun... a simple object... easily described and dissected. Therefore, the idea of hope in our lives tends to become simplistic... almost wishful as in “I hope I pass my test” or “I hope it doesn’t rain.” In this way, hope can almost be described as an irresponsible or fickle friend... the friend who follows through on agreements sometimes or not at all. If we view hope through this lens, there can be very little wonder as to why the word has become trite and trivial in the majority of ways that it is used in our lives.

When I was asked to give this talk and was given my topic, I will admit that I didn’t want it. I have been having a really hard time feeling hopeful about much over the last few months. Trying to look at my uncertain and unknown future has felt more appropriately fearful than hopeful. And doing random 'scripture opening' for inspiration was no help at all – do you have any idea how many verses in the Bible contain the words 'there is no hope' or 'hope is lost?' It wasn't funny the first few times it happened, but as time has moved closer towards the date that I must present something, I have started to find it pretty funny.

So, instead of using the scriptures to start.... I tried to stand back and think about what hope means to me in my life. And I found something a little extraordinary. The first clear thought that I had is that hope is a verb... very active. When I have truly felt that I understood hope, it has been when I have been busy doing good things. When I conjure up an image of hope in my mind, it reminds me more of a cheerful, quickly moving beam of light the color of the clearest blue. Quick moving, but not frantic. Purposeful and kind. So to understand hope, we must truly understand that hope has three important aspects for true understanding.

First - hope is a voluntary and changing mindset. To feel positive and hopeful towards the experience that you are living through and to believe in good for your future, you must actively cultivate the aspects of faith and gratitude in your life. Good thoughts, optimism and true joy are things that we must work to gain and do not necessarily come from doing the right things. It has been my experience that some of the most faithful and charity-filled members that I know can also be the most depressed and find the challenge of negative thoughts to be one of the strongest wars that they have had to fight in their minds and their lives. So to be hopeful is truly an active process. Elder Wilford has stated clearly that “Hope, with its attendant blessings of peace and joy, dos not depend upon circumstance.” It is a constant awareness and recalculation of our thinking and or emotions... an unending process where we must actively through our circumstances seek to cultivate an environment where hope can feel welcome and can thrive. I will not pretend that this is an easy process and it is truly easier said than accomplished.

C.S. Lewis once said, “Hope is one of the theological virtues. This means that a continual looking forward to the eternal world is not (as some modern people think) a form of escapism or wishful thinking, but one of the things a Christian is meant to do.”

Second – is that Hope is a call to caring and to active work. Hope asks us to care... and to care intensely! Yet also asks us to understand that things may not always be the same so we should not care too much. Hope tells us and pushes us to work because there is much to work for... even though what we are working for may sometimes be unseen or elusive to our understanding. However, hope also calls us to play and to celebrate... to be active in our joys as well as our tasks. Hope is not passive.

2 Nephi 31:20 - Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

Close your eyes and think about the verbs in your mind and the images they create.

'ye must press'
'steadfast'
'feasting'
'endure'

Can any of these words been seen as passive... easy... weak? All require action on our parts.

Third – it must be stated that hope is an action that we are asked to give others. This is one of the only times that the word should be treated as a noun. It is by our actions towards others that we can give hope to people whose trials have overwhelmed their ability to actively cultivate hope. It is through the actions of love and charity that we are able to share the burdens of others and bring them the small but exquisite and beautiful pearl of hope. We cannot provide hope to those who struggle with a small pat of our hand and our 'hope that tings will get better for them'... it is provided through active work – thought, prayer, and service. In this sense, we are able to be hope for someone else and to give them the temporary ability to be buoyed up in hope so that they can again commence the personal work of creating their own foundation in hope.

Elder Neal Maxwell stated, “Genuine hope is urgently needed in order to be more loving even as the love of many waxes cold; more merciful, even when misunderstood or misrepresented; more holy, even as the world ripens in iniquity; more courteous and patient in a coarsening and curt world; and more full of heart felt hope, even when other men's hearts fail them. Whatever our particular furrow, we are to 'plow in hope' without looking back or letting yesterday hold tomorrow hostage.”

My brothers and sisters, may we be inspired to do the work necessary to cultivate hope in our minds and our lives and to give hope to others. May we allow the things that we hope for to lead us to a greater faith in Christ and our Father and that the things that we find hope will lead us firmly towards charity and love. I saw these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

2012 Poetry Corner # 7 : Duo Haiku

My heart feel so full
love, grief, confusion, need, hope
May today be well


Hope springs eternal
love wells upwards inside me
May the day be blessed

2012 Poetry Corner #5 : Wishes, Dreams, and Prayer

A wish is but a dream
Given voice and breath
A dream is but a prayer
Given thought and space

So what is a prayer
Except simply pure love
The voice and yearning
Of our very souls...

The pleading of a child
To an adored parent
The struggle to bridge the gap


How do you reach across the void
The chasm of living silence
To bring your thoughts in line with God
To make your day complete




It is a struggle, so truly hard
To put my will aside
To recognize my lack of power
In the face of the divine

And yet the struggle becomes a breeze
When my heart is truly open
And I feel the spirit and the peace
The brightness of the mind

So I find my hope in wishes
And refuge in my dreams
Joy within my being
And awe in my solitude

It will be well….

Tzedakah... Artwork by Jessica Millis :)

I really wanted to take the time to introduce an amazing piece of art work from a friend of mine. She has entered a contest which allows public voting for the next few days. I am hopeful that you will like her submission and also be willing to vote for her. I have put her image below and it is beautiful! I have also posted her thoughts on her artwork which makes it even more special to me. Please take the time to look at the picture and read her thoughts.....



Please briefly describe your design:
This design incorporates a portrayal of the six days of creation within a contemporary context, expressing the power of compassion, unity and creativity in solving modern problems. The top portion portrays interconnecting human hands cradling the earth and strenghtening each other.
This tzedakah box will be made from ceramic clay, which is symbolically important, as clay comes from the earth. Each of the periods of creation will be painted in colorful glazes. The hands and the globe will be sculpted and cast in clay, forming a handle for the hexagonal lid. It will measure 11 inches tall, and 6 inches wide at the widest point.

How does your design reimagine the future of giving? How will your design spark a national conversation about the obligation to give, where to give, to whom and why?
The days of creation in my design each reflect a different way in which we can contribute to positive change through our daily actions. I believe we must use our own creativity to effect social and environmental change. We might ask ourselves, for example, "How have my actions today impacted the atmosphere, the land, the water, the plants and animals, and other human beings?", We may consider how we can give to others and to the earth. What we perceive to be insignificant acts are in fact intricately connected, affecting others in profound ways we may never fully know. My hope is that we will be inspired to give in a manner that will promote environmental sustainability, prosperity, and self-reliance. For example, donations that give even a relatively small amount of money to a small business or agricultural venture can have enormous positive impacts on individual lives. This is one creative approach to promoting self-sufficiency and environmental consciousness on a local level and in developing nations. It is sometimes by very small and simple means that great change can occur. I believe we need to begin to see more clearly the many ways in which we as human beings are connected both to each other and to our environment. Increased opportunities for travel, and modern technology, especially social media, have contributed to greater general awareness, but there still seems to be a spiritual disconnect. The interconnected hands in my design represent our link to each other and to our planet. It isn't simply about giving money to a cause, but rather about changing our perceptions of others, learning tolerance, patience, and simple kindness. It is about recognizing the impact of our actions. I believe as we go about our daily lives without judging others so harshly, constantly looking for the good in other people, opportunities to help will materialize in ways we may not expect. Some of those opportunities may involve a gift of money, but it may also be as simple as offering encouragement and hope to someone who is suffering. As we give to others, especially to people we may not necessarily like or relate to, we gain compassion and understanding, we become unified, and we begin to heal. The people we have helped may in turn choose to turn around and give to someone else. As this occurs, we can begin to recognize that we are all in this together, and we are not as different as we thought. I guess as a concept this is not complex, yet it seems so elusive to us at times. It just takes practice. As we begin to see “the big picture”, we can be creatively inspired and empowered to contribute to a chain of meaningful change.

So will you go to this site and vote? Her design is under the name Jessmillis. Please! Also leave any comments as I will make sure she gets them! :)