Here is two views of my finished product:
So here is a copy of my final art project. My silhouette is completed with more emphasis the disparate parts within the body- even though I think that most of the separation is really in my mind and attitude. My body has very little color because while I am not goth, I tend to where only dark colors no matter how often good friends have tried to get me to do otherwise. My hair is stringy and full of curls and craziness because that is the way my hair tends to be which is why it is always tied back and away from my face and skin- because my hair is so crazy I pretty much used gesture to create it while it is pretty obvious in other areas I was more careful with my line drawing. However, I feel more beautiful when it is down, hence, why I tried to leave it down in this work. My hands are folded to not only hold people and things back from me but to hold a book which is my favorite thing to do..... after cats. I am an animal fanatic and I have eight cats, five ferrets, and a hamster- all rescues with the exception of Desdemona the hamster. My son, cats, and reading are the highlights of my world... with an occasional eggnog for a treat. :)
Showing posts with label attitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label attitude. Show all posts
2017/09/21
Self Reflection Collage
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2016/07/04
Starting Again...
It's been awhile since I've been on here. I've been doing a bit of writing on the side, but I will admit that I feel slightly uncomfortable with the idea of putting a lot of personal information on this blog since it has been found by family... so I simply delay and then never put anything up. I want to try and reclaim the blog for myself, but I will admit that I am unclear as to how to do that. So I'll probably be a bit sporadic over the next few months. Starting again was the hardest part... so here I am giving it a try.
To any loyal readers, thank you for being patient. Comments are still more than welcome and will just be slow to post due to moderation. Any specific topics that you wish me to cover can still be requested through comments as well. Thank you for continuing the journey with me. :)
2016/04/15
"The Poverty of Philosophy" by Immortal Technique : Lyrics and Critique
Today's song is titled "The Poverty of Philosophy" and was produced and released by Felipe Andres Coronel better known by his stage name Immortal Technique. This song is off the album titled "Revolutionary #1". These activist lyrics are challenging for some as they deal with poverty and race in America. I have a link to the song/video here and the lyrics are below.
The Poverty of Philosophy
Most of my Latino and black people who are struggling to get food, clothes and shelter in the hood are so concerned with that, that philosophising about freedom and socialist democracy is usually unfortunately beyond their rationale. They don't realize that America can't exist without separating them from their identity, because if we had some sense of who we really are, there's no way in hell we'd allow this country to push it's genocidal consensus on our homelands. This ignorance exists, but it can be destroyed.
Nigga talk about change and working within the system to achieve that. The problem with always being a conformist is that when you try to change the system from within, it's not you who changes the system; it's the system that will eventually change you. There is usually nothing wrong with compromise in a situation, but compromising yourself in a situation is another story completely, and I have seen this happen long enough in the few years that I've been alive to know that it's a serious problem. Latino America is a huge colony of countries whose presidents are cowards in the face of economic imperialism. You see, third world countries are rich places, abundant in resources, and many of these countries have the capacity to feed their starving people and the children we always see digging for food in trash on commercials. But plutocracies, in other words a government run by the rich such as this one and traditionally oppressive European states, force the third world into buying overpriced, unnecessary goods while exporting huge portions of their natural resources.
I'm quite sure that people will look upon my attitude and sentiments and look for hypocrisy and hatred in my words. My revolution is born out of love for my people, not hatred for others.
You see, most of Latinos are here because of the great inflation that was caused by American companies in Latin America. Aside from that, many are seeking a life away from the puppet democracies that were funded by the United States; places like El Salvador, Guatemala, Peru, Columbia, Nicaragua, Ecuador and Republica Dominicana, and not just Spanish-speaking countries either, but Haiti and Jamaica as well.
As different as we have been taught to look at each other by colonial society, we are in the same struggle and until we realize that, we'll be fighting for scraps from the table of a system that has kept us subservient instead of being self-determined. And that's why we have no control over when the embargo will stop in Cuba, or when the bombs will stop dropping in Vieques.
But you see, here in America the attitude that is fed to us is that outside of America there live lesser people. "Fuck them, let them fend for themselves." No, Fuck you, they are you. No matter how much you want to dye your hair blonde and put fake eyes in, or follow an anorexic standard of beauty, or no matter how many diamonds you buy from people who exploit your own brutally to get them, no matter what kind of car you drive or what kind of fancy clothes you put on, you will never be them. They're always gonna look at you as nothing but a little monkey. I'd rather be proud of what I am, rather than desperately trying to be something I'm really not, just to fit in. And whether we want to accept it or not, that's what this culture or lack of culture is feeding us.
I want a better life for my family and for my children, but it doesn't have to be at the expense of millions of lives in my homeland. We're given the idea that if we didn't have these people to exploit then America wouldn't be rich enough to let us have these little petty material things in our lives and basic standards of living. No, that's wrong. It's the business giants and the government officials who make all the real money. We have whatever they kick down to us. My enemy is not the average white man, it's not the kid down the block or the kids I see on the street; my enemy is the white man I don't see: the people in the white house, the corporate monopoly owners, fake liberal politicians those are my enemies. The generals of the armies that are mostly conservatives those are the real Mother-Fuckers that I need to bring it to, not the poor, broke country-ass soldier that's too stupid to know shit about the way things are set up.
In fact, I have more in common with most working and middle-class white people than I do with most rich black and Latino people. As much as racism bleeds America, we need to understand that classism is the real issue. Many of us are in the same boat and it's sinking, while these bougie Mother-Fuckers ride on a luxury liner, and as long as we keep fighting over kicking people out of the little boat we're all in, we're gonna miss an opportunity to gain a better standard of living as a whole.
In other words, I don't want to escape the plantation I want to come back, free all my people, hang the Mother-Fucker that kept me there and burn the house to the god damn ground. I want to take over the encomienda and give it back to the people who work the land.
You cannot change the past but you can make the future, and anyone who tells you different is a Fucking lethargic devil. I don't look at a few token Latinos and black people in the public eye as some type of achievement for my people as a whole. Most of those successful individuals are sell-outs and house Negros.
But, I don't consider brothers a sell-out if they move out of the ghetto. Poverty has nothing to do with our people. It's not in our culture to be poor. That's only been the last 500 years of our history; look at the last 2000 years of our existence and what we brought to the world in terms of science, mathematics, agriculture and forms of government. You know the idea of a confederation of provinces where one federal government controls the states? The Europeans who came to this country stole that idea from the Iroquois lead. The idea of impeaching a ruler comes from an Aztec tradition. That's why Montezuma was stoned to death by his own people 'cause he represented the agenda of white Spaniards once he was captured, not the Aztec people who would become Mexicans.
So in conclusion, I'm not gonna vote for anybody just 'cause they black or Latino they have to truly represent the community and represent what's good for all of us proletariat.
Porque sino entonces te mando por el carajo cabron gusano hijo de puta, seramos libre pronto, viva la revolucion, VIVA LA REVOLUCION!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This song really tells a story... a visual song that covers many years of history and culture. The words of this song focus mainely on economic imperialism. I will admit that I do not really understand the term very well and will need to do some research to break it down. But what stands out to me from this song was the lines - "outside of America there live lesser people, "f*** them let them fend for themselves, f*** you they are you!" We human beings are entirely dependent on each other and what happens to each other whether we want to see it that way or not. All the resources we use in America that are the majority of the world's resources effect the individuals in other countries that may never see us or walk on our soil. They will fend for themselves as we also struggle to fend for ourselves and we are all dependent on this planet and each other... no matter how many ways and parts of culture that we use to blind ourselves to those facts. If you find yourself saying that it doesn't matter because it doesn't affect you.... I think that should be a wake up call to remind each of us that we need to change our thinking....
Thoughts?
The Poverty of Philosophy
Most of my Latino and black people who are struggling to get food, clothes and shelter in the hood are so concerned with that, that philosophising about freedom and socialist democracy is usually unfortunately beyond their rationale. They don't realize that America can't exist without separating them from their identity, because if we had some sense of who we really are, there's no way in hell we'd allow this country to push it's genocidal consensus on our homelands. This ignorance exists, but it can be destroyed.
Nigga talk about change and working within the system to achieve that. The problem with always being a conformist is that when you try to change the system from within, it's not you who changes the system; it's the system that will eventually change you. There is usually nothing wrong with compromise in a situation, but compromising yourself in a situation is another story completely, and I have seen this happen long enough in the few years that I've been alive to know that it's a serious problem. Latino America is a huge colony of countries whose presidents are cowards in the face of economic imperialism. You see, third world countries are rich places, abundant in resources, and many of these countries have the capacity to feed their starving people and the children we always see digging for food in trash on commercials. But plutocracies, in other words a government run by the rich such as this one and traditionally oppressive European states, force the third world into buying overpriced, unnecessary goods while exporting huge portions of their natural resources.
I'm quite sure that people will look upon my attitude and sentiments and look for hypocrisy and hatred in my words. My revolution is born out of love for my people, not hatred for others.
You see, most of Latinos are here because of the great inflation that was caused by American companies in Latin America. Aside from that, many are seeking a life away from the puppet democracies that were funded by the United States; places like El Salvador, Guatemala, Peru, Columbia, Nicaragua, Ecuador and Republica Dominicana, and not just Spanish-speaking countries either, but Haiti and Jamaica as well.
As different as we have been taught to look at each other by colonial society, we are in the same struggle and until we realize that, we'll be fighting for scraps from the table of a system that has kept us subservient instead of being self-determined. And that's why we have no control over when the embargo will stop in Cuba, or when the bombs will stop dropping in Vieques.
But you see, here in America the attitude that is fed to us is that outside of America there live lesser people. "Fuck them, let them fend for themselves." No, Fuck you, they are you. No matter how much you want to dye your hair blonde and put fake eyes in, or follow an anorexic standard of beauty, or no matter how many diamonds you buy from people who exploit your own brutally to get them, no matter what kind of car you drive or what kind of fancy clothes you put on, you will never be them. They're always gonna look at you as nothing but a little monkey. I'd rather be proud of what I am, rather than desperately trying to be something I'm really not, just to fit in. And whether we want to accept it or not, that's what this culture or lack of culture is feeding us.
I want a better life for my family and for my children, but it doesn't have to be at the expense of millions of lives in my homeland. We're given the idea that if we didn't have these people to exploit then America wouldn't be rich enough to let us have these little petty material things in our lives and basic standards of living. No, that's wrong. It's the business giants and the government officials who make all the real money. We have whatever they kick down to us. My enemy is not the average white man, it's not the kid down the block or the kids I see on the street; my enemy is the white man I don't see: the people in the white house, the corporate monopoly owners, fake liberal politicians those are my enemies. The generals of the armies that are mostly conservatives those are the real Mother-Fuckers that I need to bring it to, not the poor, broke country-ass soldier that's too stupid to know shit about the way things are set up.
In fact, I have more in common with most working and middle-class white people than I do with most rich black and Latino people. As much as racism bleeds America, we need to understand that classism is the real issue. Many of us are in the same boat and it's sinking, while these bougie Mother-Fuckers ride on a luxury liner, and as long as we keep fighting over kicking people out of the little boat we're all in, we're gonna miss an opportunity to gain a better standard of living as a whole.
In other words, I don't want to escape the plantation I want to come back, free all my people, hang the Mother-Fucker that kept me there and burn the house to the god damn ground. I want to take over the encomienda and give it back to the people who work the land.
You cannot change the past but you can make the future, and anyone who tells you different is a Fucking lethargic devil. I don't look at a few token Latinos and black people in the public eye as some type of achievement for my people as a whole. Most of those successful individuals are sell-outs and house Negros.
But, I don't consider brothers a sell-out if they move out of the ghetto. Poverty has nothing to do with our people. It's not in our culture to be poor. That's only been the last 500 years of our history; look at the last 2000 years of our existence and what we brought to the world in terms of science, mathematics, agriculture and forms of government. You know the idea of a confederation of provinces where one federal government controls the states? The Europeans who came to this country stole that idea from the Iroquois lead. The idea of impeaching a ruler comes from an Aztec tradition. That's why Montezuma was stoned to death by his own people 'cause he represented the agenda of white Spaniards once he was captured, not the Aztec people who would become Mexicans.
So in conclusion, I'm not gonna vote for anybody just 'cause they black or Latino they have to truly represent the community and represent what's good for all of us proletariat.
Porque sino entonces te mando por el carajo cabron gusano hijo de puta, seramos libre pronto, viva la revolucion, VIVA LA REVOLUCION!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This song really tells a story... a visual song that covers many years of history and culture. The words of this song focus mainely on economic imperialism. I will admit that I do not really understand the term very well and will need to do some research to break it down. But what stands out to me from this song was the lines - "outside of America there live lesser people, "f*** them let them fend for themselves, f*** you they are you!" We human beings are entirely dependent on each other and what happens to each other whether we want to see it that way or not. All the resources we use in America that are the majority of the world's resources effect the individuals in other countries that may never see us or walk on our soil. They will fend for themselves as we also struggle to fend for ourselves and we are all dependent on this planet and each other... no matter how many ways and parts of culture that we use to blind ourselves to those facts. If you find yourself saying that it doesn't matter because it doesn't affect you.... I think that should be a wake up call to remind each of us that we need to change our thinking....
Thoughts?
Labels:
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2014/05/30
The Balance Gap
There is no way to really put this except for just being blunt. I have managed to over the last few weeks to lose the balance that I had managed to attain in my life and schedule. (I guess that’s not too bad for a New Year’s resolution is it… ;) So I found myself last night so exhausted and looking over my rapidly growing list of ‘need to do’ as well as adding work and CPR classes around my full time job … well, even that sentence seems to point out the lack of unplanned time. No wonder I am falling behind on so many things! I was reminded that I had lost my balance a few weeks ago, but I have found it challenging to try and change the pattern quickly. Trying to work on rebuilding my nest egg as well as continuing to pay down bills and of course pay the daily expenses has been a bit draining. I am also getting ready to buy a plane ticket to Utah to see my grandfather and they do not tend to be cheap either- although seeing Grandpa Carlile is priceless and well worth the money! So I have managed to lose my balance again as I have let everything creep up on me.
The good thing is that I am starting to actually recognize the problem and so my body is less likely to break down and collapse for long periods of time. As I have come to start and recognize the symptoms and how my body tends to react I have found myself developing coping mechanism and I have managed over the last few years to be willing to give myself permission to just rest… no matter how big the list is of things that need to be completed. I feel a little lazy when I do it, but I have found that I am able to use the rest of the time more productively and I appear to be able to feel healthier for longer periods of time. As finding an even path in my life is challenging and has always been so, the fact that I have clearly worked hard enough to make some serious inroads into my impulsiveness and ‘overdoing’ is wonderful. I’m clearly not perfect, but…… I’m still trying!
What are some of the things that you do to keep your life on a fairly predictable even keel? To help keep your focus and needs in the forefront of your actions? Did they come naturally to you or are they skills you have developed over your lifetime?
The good thing is that I am starting to actually recognize the problem and so my body is less likely to break down and collapse for long periods of time. As I have come to start and recognize the symptoms and how my body tends to react I have found myself developing coping mechanism and I have managed over the last few years to be willing to give myself permission to just rest… no matter how big the list is of things that need to be completed. I feel a little lazy when I do it, but I have found that I am able to use the rest of the time more productively and I appear to be able to feel healthier for longer periods of time. As finding an even path in my life is challenging and has always been so, the fact that I have clearly worked hard enough to make some serious inroads into my impulsiveness and ‘overdoing’ is wonderful. I’m clearly not perfect, but…… I’m still trying!
What are some of the things that you do to keep your life on a fairly predictable even keel? To help keep your focus and needs in the forefront of your actions? Did they come naturally to you or are they skills you have developed over your lifetime?
Labels:
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2014/04/11
2014 Poetry Corner # 8 - "Be Like a Duck" (a haiku)
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2014/04/04
2014 Poetry Corner # 7 - "The Spirit of Peace"
Eyes closed, breathe deep
legs crossed, head bowed
Feel the world around you
the breeze that lovingly envelopes you
the warmth that seeps through your skin
the spirit that whispers to your heart
Whisper your needs, hear him answer
Give him your heart, feel his love
Breathe in, clear your mind
the thoughts that bring you down
the worries that fret your soul
the fears that trap your agency
Listen with all your being
Be open, be loving, be joyful
Be you!
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2014/01/07
Balanced Living in the New Year
So its a new year! As is traditional with many people at this time of year, I have made a few resolutions. One of them is to do my very best to improve my health and try to get my immune system to be less explosive and destructive towards my physique – I don't mind it attacking and slaughtering cold germs. :) I will admit that this goal will be a little challenging because there is much I can't really change. Celiac disease has really demolished a great deal of my body organizations. So much of my digestive processes are unable to work well anymore and as my immune system has caused so much periphery injury to other organs as well. Those are things that I can't change, but I can hope to try and make it possible for my body to attempt to heal faster... to try and help my immune system to be less reactive and over responsive... to take more time and give more focus towards the physical frame that keeps me able to live in this complicated world and my confusing and necessary probation toward eternity. Add to all of that the stumbling of my heart and the struggles it faces to hold its rhythm steady and constant... to not race and fall into the trap of super ventricular tachycardia and the palpitations it causes.
However, there are a few things that I can try and my doctor is agreeable. One thing that I can do is to focus more on pure food and to really spend more time paying attention to what I do eat. I tend to look at all food with a skeptical eye... I watch for gluten in not only food, but everything else in my life- laundry detergent, hair care products, cat litter, hand lotion... I could go on forever, because it seems like gluten is in everything. I have spent so much time with a fierce focus on whether something has gluten in it and whether I can eat it that I have tended in the last few years to not really ask the next important question; “Should I eat it?” And as my finances have become a little shakier, cheaper food that might not be as healthy has been much more attractive. But over the last few months, I have found some ways to get fresh vegetables that are cheaper than most and as I have been sick and busy, I haven't felt like eating which has also helped keep less healthy food out. But I am going back to a process I was required to do by my physician earlier last year and I have been documenting everything I eat from the portion of fish to the tiniest measurement of vinegar. I can then break it down into calories, daily requirements and vitamins and make sure that I am getting most of the necessary elements that I need and can hopefully over time need fewer supplements and maybe my body can start to heal a little faster. It would be nice to only take two of three medications daily by the end of the year instead of almost ten tablets daily. :) (If you would like to have a basic checklist for your daily physical intakes in both elements and major needs such as fat and protein, you can go here and see the one that I am using. Its been quite useful to me!)
Along with more awareness and a renewed concentration on my diet and food, I also want to try to create more balance in my life... maybe become more mindful on my thoughts, activities and take more time to visualize he future and what I would like to accomplish. I think I have allowed myself to fall into a little bit of a rut in both attitude and behavior... letting life buffet me along in its wake and not struggling constantly to stay focused on the most important things: service, friends, family, the gospel. Meeting basic needs and trying to come to terms with my ex's choices as well as school, work and all else has kept me more centered on temporal things and not necessarily things that are the most important over time. I would like to work over the next few months to bring my mind back to a more settled state and to bring my energy back to my priorities... what is really important and what really matters to me. Funnily enough, I think this part of the goal will be the most challenging. Balance and mindfulness has never been a strong suit in my case. But I want to try!
What kind of resolutions have you decided to attempt this year... and what safeguards have you set up to keep you focused on continuing your goal? Please share!
Labels:
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2013/12/04
A Little Bit on the New Place
So, I have finished moving into my new place! I am really excited about it for so many reasons and even though I still have some unpacking and arranging to do, I feel more comfortable than I have in a long time. It doesn't look like much- it's just a small cabin, yet its so much some comfortable and I feel more free than I did in my two bedroom apartment. It's funny how having less makes some things harder, but many important things easier.
I love having land to hang out on again. I have already started imagining and planning for a small garden in the spring and I am wondering if maybe having ducks would be a possibility again- not wondering too much because I will be working so much so I wouldn't be able to enjoy them or keep them safe. I have already tried to enjoy some time sitting outside looking at the stars – feels too cold to do for long right now- but I am looking forward to it in the spring evenings. I love having wood heat again... its a more comfortable heat and while I am still getting used to the rhythm of starting and keeping the stove lit and fired up again, its wonderful. It is so much more comforting and feels more right than a thermostat does. I have to pay attention to the weather, to how I feel, to the air around me... and as such I think I get a better appreciation of it.
I love the huge amount of windows- boy the cats do as well. When I am working outside, I will see them sitting on the sills enjoying the rays of sun that come through the pains. I love that it is within the living boundaries of the church I need to attend and so I no longer have to worry about difficulties there. I love the rustic look of the place itself and even some of the problems- I find myself thinking of ways to fix or modify them. I love the size of it and how it is pretty darn cozy. How many people live in places that they really feel are great places to live for all parts of them. I suspect that not many people do as otherwise, home décor wouldn't be such a popular thing as we try to turn our homes into things that we like to look at and let others look at instead of enjoying the place for the environment it provides. (I recognize that I have over simplified that idea.) It feels like a place to be happy and to grow in.
So here is a picture. Like I said, not fancy... but perfect all the same. :)
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2013/11/24
Happy Thanksgiving! :)
This post is most of my notes from a talk that I gave in Sacrament meeting last Thanksgiving. I thought that I would share it here. Happy Thanksgiving, my friends :)
I am very honored to have the opportunity to speak on this Sabbath day. I have been given the topic of gratitude and what it means to me. I found this topic a little difficult because of my current and recent challenges but also because I believe that gratitude is seen by many as a noun... something you have... whereas I guess I see gratitude as a verb and something that must constant be active to be useful. The ability to see shortcomings or to find things to complain about is easy. In some ways, self pity and other self absorbing emotions or behaviors as easy as well. But the cultivation of true gratitude in our lives is more difficult. True gratitude often includes a sense of gratitude that is combined with a sincere desire to repay others for what we have been given. This is not to say an external or imposed obligation is what is suggested. This sense of obligation that comes with our thankfulness arises naturally within us as a recognition of our blessings and how we have been supported and cared for by others. To be blunt, gratitude is not the same as indebtedness.
Gratitude is such a simple word and yet, this word describes an act, attitude and lifestyle that is complex, intricate, requires sincere introspection, and is one of the most important aspects of the gospel. We cannot truly live the gospel or understand the Atonement itself without some strong understanding of the idea and necessity of this emotion. A few scriptures help illustrate this:
DC 46:7 - But ye are commanded in all things to ask God, who giveth liberally; and that which the Spirit testifies unto you even so I would that ye should do in all holiness of heart, walking uprightly before me, considering the end of your salvation, doing all things with prayer and thanksgiving, that ye may not be seduced by evil spirits, or doctrines of devils, or the commandments of men; for some are of men, and others of devils.
DC 78:19 - And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.
An ancient Roman Philosopher (Cicero) once stated “Gratitude is not only the greatest of the virtues but the parent of all others.” A strong foundation of gratitude in our lives is necessary for all of us and more especially when we are faced with challenges. Sometimes our trials will make us feel weak – whether it is a weakness in our physical body, our spirit, or other difficulties.... gratitude gives us a foundation with which to begin to become stronger. Sometimes, in our weaknesses, this is the only step that we are able to take to help ourselves. In our moments of devastation and despair how many of us have been able to pray to our father and thank him for the things and blessings that we have? If you have been able to do this at times in your life, do you remember the comfort and peace you felt from what would seem a simple act?
A well known LDS speaker (Meg Johnson) once said “gratitude from your mouth is “thank you” and gratitude from your heart is “I love you” This week, most of us here had the opportunity to celebrate the holiday of thanksgiving. Some of us met with family members, traveled distances to join with relatives... and many of us celebrated by eating too much food. :) Thanksgiving as a national holiday is only one day a year, but we as members of this church know that we need to give thanks and show gratitude on a daily basis- in our prayers, in our thoughts, in our attitudes. My brothers and sisters, do we remember to give thanks....?
In my life that I have when I sit down quietly and begin to thank Heavenly Father for them. During times of great struggle (and there have been a few) I have found that one of the ways I am able to find a way to smile and continue my responsibilities and trying to move forward in my goals is to sit down with pen and paper and just quietly think and write all the blessings that would come to mind. After a few minutes of this intentional introspection I would find it almost impossible to continue feeling sad or picked on or the pain of the struggle I cannot say hat those feelings truly went away but I have found that gratitude helped make those feelings seem less enormous and less dragon-like and overwhelming. No matter what the circumstances in your life all of us have so much that we can be grateful for... we just need to pause and look for them. Gordon B Hinckley said “ When you walk with gratitude, you do not walk with arrogance and conceit and egotism, you walk with the spirit of thanksgiving that is becoming to you and will bless your lives.”
What can we do to help promote the feelings and attitude of gratitude in our lives? One thing that we can do is to actively work on being positive and to actively fight our human tendencies to complain, to look out for ourselves and not others and to see the negative more easily than the generous amounts of 'positive' things in our lives. Taking the time and mental focus to 'catch' ourselves when we are freeing negatively, when we are expressing and focusing on the negatives in our lives... and to work to change these thoughts and behaviors can make big differences in our lives. Even small steps and attempts can make huge changes.
Brothers and Sisters, Jesus himself has given us so many examples of gratitude. Two that come immediately to mind is the miracle of the loaves and fishes (Matthew 15:4) and the miraculous healing of the ten lepers. All were so thankful for food and healing and felt peace and joy for the gift, but how many showed gratitude to the Savior for the gift itself? Of the lepers, we know that only one took the time to express his gratitude to the Savior. The lepers were clearly pleased and thankful for the wonderful opportunities that were now available to them... so happy that they were unable to do anything but immediately jump into the activities and opportunities that they now could enjoy and not giving a thought to the giver.
How many of us become so excited and pleased at the gifts that we are given that we too forget to show gratitude for the blessings and gifts that we are thankful for? And how often are we unable to see past the negative thoughts and emotions we struggle with over the blessings that we feel we lack and deserve? C.S. Lewis once said “not only heaven but all this earthly past will have been heaven to those who are saved.” Can you imagine? As we work towards a greater sense of gratitude in our lives, our trials can become easier to bear. When we focus on what we have and not what we lack, we can find true joy in our lives now... and not have to wait for the perfect time or place! What a wonderful blessing all on its own!
I hope and pray that we as individuals can put forth more of our energy towards a true sense of gratitude in our lives and the lives of those around us. I say these thoughts in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
I am very honored to have the opportunity to speak on this Sabbath day. I have been given the topic of gratitude and what it means to me. I found this topic a little difficult because of my current and recent challenges but also because I believe that gratitude is seen by many as a noun... something you have... whereas I guess I see gratitude as a verb and something that must constant be active to be useful. The ability to see shortcomings or to find things to complain about is easy. In some ways, self pity and other self absorbing emotions or behaviors as easy as well. But the cultivation of true gratitude in our lives is more difficult. True gratitude often includes a sense of gratitude that is combined with a sincere desire to repay others for what we have been given. This is not to say an external or imposed obligation is what is suggested. This sense of obligation that comes with our thankfulness arises naturally within us as a recognition of our blessings and how we have been supported and cared for by others. To be blunt, gratitude is not the same as indebtedness.
Gratitude is such a simple word and yet, this word describes an act, attitude and lifestyle that is complex, intricate, requires sincere introspection, and is one of the most important aspects of the gospel. We cannot truly live the gospel or understand the Atonement itself without some strong understanding of the idea and necessity of this emotion. A few scriptures help illustrate this:
DC 46:7 - But ye are commanded in all things to ask God, who giveth liberally; and that which the Spirit testifies unto you even so I would that ye should do in all holiness of heart, walking uprightly before me, considering the end of your salvation, doing all things with prayer and thanksgiving, that ye may not be seduced by evil spirits, or doctrines of devils, or the commandments of men; for some are of men, and others of devils.
DC 78:19 - And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.
An ancient Roman Philosopher (Cicero) once stated “Gratitude is not only the greatest of the virtues but the parent of all others.” A strong foundation of gratitude in our lives is necessary for all of us and more especially when we are faced with challenges. Sometimes our trials will make us feel weak – whether it is a weakness in our physical body, our spirit, or other difficulties.... gratitude gives us a foundation with which to begin to become stronger. Sometimes, in our weaknesses, this is the only step that we are able to take to help ourselves. In our moments of devastation and despair how many of us have been able to pray to our father and thank him for the things and blessings that we have? If you have been able to do this at times in your life, do you remember the comfort and peace you felt from what would seem a simple act?
A well known LDS speaker (Meg Johnson) once said “gratitude from your mouth is “thank you” and gratitude from your heart is “I love you” This week, most of us here had the opportunity to celebrate the holiday of thanksgiving. Some of us met with family members, traveled distances to join with relatives... and many of us celebrated by eating too much food. :) Thanksgiving as a national holiday is only one day a year, but we as members of this church know that we need to give thanks and show gratitude on a daily basis- in our prayers, in our thoughts, in our attitudes. My brothers and sisters, do we remember to give thanks....?
In my life that I have when I sit down quietly and begin to thank Heavenly Father for them. During times of great struggle (and there have been a few) I have found that one of the ways I am able to find a way to smile and continue my responsibilities and trying to move forward in my goals is to sit down with pen and paper and just quietly think and write all the blessings that would come to mind. After a few minutes of this intentional introspection I would find it almost impossible to continue feeling sad or picked on or the pain of the struggle I cannot say hat those feelings truly went away but I have found that gratitude helped make those feelings seem less enormous and less dragon-like and overwhelming. No matter what the circumstances in your life all of us have so much that we can be grateful for... we just need to pause and look for them. Gordon B Hinckley said “ When you walk with gratitude, you do not walk with arrogance and conceit and egotism, you walk with the spirit of thanksgiving that is becoming to you and will bless your lives.”
What can we do to help promote the feelings and attitude of gratitude in our lives? One thing that we can do is to actively work on being positive and to actively fight our human tendencies to complain, to look out for ourselves and not others and to see the negative more easily than the generous amounts of 'positive' things in our lives. Taking the time and mental focus to 'catch' ourselves when we are freeing negatively, when we are expressing and focusing on the negatives in our lives... and to work to change these thoughts and behaviors can make big differences in our lives. Even small steps and attempts can make huge changes.
Brothers and Sisters, Jesus himself has given us so many examples of gratitude. Two that come immediately to mind is the miracle of the loaves and fishes (Matthew 15:4) and the miraculous healing of the ten lepers. All were so thankful for food and healing and felt peace and joy for the gift, but how many showed gratitude to the Savior for the gift itself? Of the lepers, we know that only one took the time to express his gratitude to the Savior. The lepers were clearly pleased and thankful for the wonderful opportunities that were now available to them... so happy that they were unable to do anything but immediately jump into the activities and opportunities that they now could enjoy and not giving a thought to the giver.
How many of us become so excited and pleased at the gifts that we are given that we too forget to show gratitude for the blessings and gifts that we are thankful for? And how often are we unable to see past the negative thoughts and emotions we struggle with over the blessings that we feel we lack and deserve? C.S. Lewis once said “not only heaven but all this earthly past will have been heaven to those who are saved.” Can you imagine? As we work towards a greater sense of gratitude in our lives, our trials can become easier to bear. When we focus on what we have and not what we lack, we can find true joy in our lives now... and not have to wait for the perfect time or place! What a wonderful blessing all on its own!
I hope and pray that we as individuals can put forth more of our energy towards a true sense of gratitude in our lives and the lives of those around us. I say these thoughts in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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2013/10/01
2013 Poetry Corner #6 - "To Be"
To dream is to stretch your soul
... to reach out of your reality to a new place
... to hope for future peace
To plan is to stretch your mind
... to focus on the changes that must be
... to hold onto a goal with purpose
To try is to acknowledge possibility
... of both failure and success
... to move onward anyway
To grow is to reach forth
... to know that to gain may cause pain
... that through adversity, we gain strength
To love is to believe
... to know that the Father loves us
... to have faith in ourselves
... to be
2012/06/12
Hope...
This is a summary of a talk that I gave in sacrament meeting a few weeks ago. I hope this summary might be helpful for someone out there. Preparing this talk was very helpful for me. :)

What exactly is hope? Hope is the word that we use to describe an emotional state or attitude in which we hold the belief and wish for a positive outcome in our circumstances. In many cases, we tend to treat hope as a noun... a simple object... easily described and dissected. Therefore, the idea of hope in our lives tends to become simplistic... almost wishful as in “I hope I pass my test” or “I hope it doesn’t rain.” In this way, hope can almost be described as an irresponsible or fickle friend... the friend who follows through on agreements sometimes or not at all. If we view hope through this lens, there can be very little wonder as to why the word has become trite and trivial in the majority of ways that it is used in our lives.
When I was asked to give this talk and was given my topic, I will admit that I didn’t want it. I have been having a really hard time feeling hopeful about much over the last few months. Trying to look at my uncertain and unknown future has felt more appropriately fearful than hopeful. And doing random 'scripture opening' for inspiration was no help at all – do you have any idea how many verses in the Bible contain the words 'there is no hope' or 'hope is lost?' It wasn't funny the first few times it happened, but as time has moved closer towards the date that I must present something, I have started to find it pretty funny.
So, instead of using the scriptures to start.... I tried to stand back and think about what hope means to me in my life. And I found something a little extraordinary. The first clear thought that I had is that hope is a verb... very active. When I have truly felt that I understood hope, it has been when I have been busy doing good things. When I conjure up an image of hope in my mind, it reminds me more of a cheerful, quickly moving beam of light the color of the clearest blue. Quick moving, but not frantic. Purposeful and kind. So to understand hope, we must truly understand that hope has three important aspects for true understanding.
First - hope is a voluntary and changing mindset. To feel positive and hopeful towards the experience that you are living through and to believe in good for your future, you must actively cultivate the aspects of faith and gratitude in your life. Good thoughts, optimism and true joy are things that we must work to gain and do not necessarily come from doing the right things. It has been my experience that some of the most faithful and charity-filled members that I know can also be the most depressed and find the challenge of negative thoughts to be one of the strongest wars that they have had to fight in their minds and their lives. So to be hopeful is truly an active process. Elder Wilford has stated clearly that “Hope, with its attendant blessings of peace and joy, dos not depend upon circumstance.” It is a constant awareness and recalculation of our thinking and or emotions... an unending process where we must actively through our circumstances seek to cultivate an environment where hope can feel welcome and can thrive. I will not pretend that this is an easy process and it is truly easier said than accomplished.
C.S. Lewis once said, “Hope is one of the theological virtues. This means that a continual looking forward to the eternal world is not (as some modern people think) a form of escapism or wishful thinking, but one of the things a Christian is meant to do.”
Second – is that Hope is a call to caring and to active work. Hope asks us to care... and to care intensely! Yet also asks us to understand that things may not always be the same so we should not care too much. Hope tells us and pushes us to work because there is much to work for... even though what we are working for may sometimes be unseen or elusive to our understanding. However, hope also calls us to play and to celebrate... to be active in our joys as well as our tasks. Hope is not passive.
2 Nephi 31:20 - Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.
Close your eyes and think about the verbs in your mind and the images they create.
'ye must press'
'steadfast'
'feasting'
'endure'
Can any of these words been seen as passive... easy... weak? All require action on our parts.
Third – it must be stated that hope is an action that we are asked to give others. This is one of the only times that the word should be treated as a noun. It is by our actions towards others that we can give hope to people whose trials have overwhelmed their ability to actively cultivate hope. It is through the actions of love and charity that we are able to share the burdens of others and bring them the small but exquisite and beautiful pearl of hope. We cannot provide hope to those who struggle with a small pat of our hand and our 'hope that tings will get better for them'... it is provided through active work – thought, prayer, and service. In this sense, we are able to be hope for someone else and to give them the temporary ability to be buoyed up in hope so that they can again commence the personal work of creating their own foundation in hope.
Elder Neal Maxwell stated, “Genuine hope is urgently needed in order to be more loving even as the love of many waxes cold; more merciful, even when misunderstood or misrepresented; more holy, even as the world ripens in iniquity; more courteous and patient in a coarsening and curt world; and more full of heart felt hope, even when other men's hearts fail them. Whatever our particular furrow, we are to 'plow in hope' without looking back or letting yesterday hold tomorrow hostage.”
My brothers and sisters, may we be inspired to do the work necessary to cultivate hope in our minds and our lives and to give hope to others. May we allow the things that we hope for to lead us to a greater faith in Christ and our Father and that the things that we find hope will lead us firmly towards charity and love. I saw these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.


What exactly is hope? Hope is the word that we use to describe an emotional state or attitude in which we hold the belief and wish for a positive outcome in our circumstances. In many cases, we tend to treat hope as a noun... a simple object... easily described and dissected. Therefore, the idea of hope in our lives tends to become simplistic... almost wishful as in “I hope I pass my test” or “I hope it doesn’t rain.” In this way, hope can almost be described as an irresponsible or fickle friend... the friend who follows through on agreements sometimes or not at all. If we view hope through this lens, there can be very little wonder as to why the word has become trite and trivial in the majority of ways that it is used in our lives.
When I was asked to give this talk and was given my topic, I will admit that I didn’t want it. I have been having a really hard time feeling hopeful about much over the last few months. Trying to look at my uncertain and unknown future has felt more appropriately fearful than hopeful. And doing random 'scripture opening' for inspiration was no help at all – do you have any idea how many verses in the Bible contain the words 'there is no hope' or 'hope is lost?' It wasn't funny the first few times it happened, but as time has moved closer towards the date that I must present something, I have started to find it pretty funny.

First - hope is a voluntary and changing mindset. To feel positive and hopeful towards the experience that you are living through and to believe in good for your future, you must actively cultivate the aspects of faith and gratitude in your life. Good thoughts, optimism and true joy are things that we must work to gain and do not necessarily come from doing the right things. It has been my experience that some of the most faithful and charity-filled members that I know can also be the most depressed and find the challenge of negative thoughts to be one of the strongest wars that they have had to fight in their minds and their lives. So to be hopeful is truly an active process. Elder Wilford has stated clearly that “Hope, with its attendant blessings of peace and joy, dos not depend upon circumstance.” It is a constant awareness and recalculation of our thinking and or emotions... an unending process where we must actively through our circumstances seek to cultivate an environment where hope can feel welcome and can thrive. I will not pretend that this is an easy process and it is truly easier said than accomplished.

Second – is that Hope is a call to caring and to active work. Hope asks us to care... and to care intensely! Yet also asks us to understand that things may not always be the same so we should not care too much. Hope tells us and pushes us to work because there is much to work for... even though what we are working for may sometimes be unseen or elusive to our understanding. However, hope also calls us to play and to celebrate... to be active in our joys as well as our tasks. Hope is not passive.
2 Nephi 31:20 - Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.
Close your eyes and think about the verbs in your mind and the images they create.
'ye must press'
'steadfast'
'feasting'
'endure'
Can any of these words been seen as passive... easy... weak? All require action on our parts.
Third – it must be stated that hope is an action that we are asked to give others. This is one of the only times that the word should be treated as a noun. It is by our actions towards others that we can give hope to people whose trials have overwhelmed their ability to actively cultivate hope. It is through the actions of love and charity that we are able to share the burdens of others and bring them the small but exquisite and beautiful pearl of hope. We cannot provide hope to those who struggle with a small pat of our hand and our 'hope that tings will get better for them'... it is provided through active work – thought, prayer, and service. In this sense, we are able to be hope for someone else and to give them the temporary ability to be buoyed up in hope so that they can again commence the personal work of creating their own foundation in hope.

My brothers and sisters, may we be inspired to do the work necessary to cultivate hope in our minds and our lives and to give hope to others. May we allow the things that we hope for to lead us to a greater faith in Christ and our Father and that the things that we find hope will lead us firmly towards charity and love. I saw these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

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2012/06/05
2012 Poetry Corner # 7 : Duo Haiku
My heart feel so full
love, grief, confusion, need, hope
May today be well
Hope springs eternal
love wells upwards inside me
May the day be blessed
love, grief, confusion, need, hope
May today be well
Hope springs eternal
love wells upwards inside me
May the day be blessed
2012/05/17
2012 Poetry Corner # 6 : 'Smile'
Smile...
... for a new day is here.
Smile...
... for a life renewed.
Smile...
... for the goodness within you.
Smile...
... for I love you!
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2011/02/11
Advice for Preparing and Collecting Interviews for Genealogy/ Family History

I read an article recently on history that I wanted to review for a larger audience. I thought that it was really important information to have available for someone searching for it. So here is a good summary.
The article that I am reviewing was written by Linda Shopes. One of the first things she discusses is the fact that the terms 'family history' and 'genealogy' are not always interchangeable even though they are used interchangeably in most societies. The term genealogy is defined as the 'reconstruction of a person's lineage through use of written records'. Family history, however, has a much more inclusive definition and can include genealogy- but also oral history, pictures, historical significance, etc... And there are many benefits to the use of oral history in the work of the 'family historian'. These can include, but are not limited to:
1. The discoveries in this work can enhance the historian's sense of identity and can help them gain perspective on their own life and give the historian's life more context and meaning.
2. The family members who participate in the interview process may find preparing for the interview and the interview themselves rewarding. Recalling life experiences and sharing them with others who show true interest can be not only rewarding, but give a sense of accomplishment and giving to the interviewee.
3. Gathering these records can be an impetus for developing and deepening family relationships for the historian as well as other family members... and the records themselves can help open relationships and appreciation for other family members that other members may know little about.
Another benefit that can be found by the general historical community is that if the family historian prepares these records and does the research to place the individuals in their historical contexts, not only are they more interesting, but they can provide information for the general historian about times and situations of which there may be very little or only misleading information available to study.
So it is important to carefully prepare for doing oral interviews. It is important to have the basic data for the family members that you are going to discuss and talk to. Then you should take that basic info and do some research on the historical and social times in the life of that person. Some places to begin for looking for family information are: the family bible, misc family papers such as tax forms, material objects, and also public documents such as -birth, marriage, census, wills, etc... One reason for doing the research ahead of time is to save time in the interview and spend the time on getting answers and recollections that you do not know or to get more information that you can only get in the interview process. By having some information you might be able to help stimulate recollections and its the next step to understanding individual lives in their relationships and social circumstances. It will also help make the historical setting and involvement more clear.
It is also very important to make sure you have a precise focus... and the focus that you choose can cover three specific areas. The first is the impact of major historical events and trends during the person's life. The second is technical developments and how they have changed the world around the person and that individual's life. The last is the various relationships of various aspects of social life- work, religion, community, family, class status, structure and dynamics of their life. This can also include family stories, traditions, customs, and beliefs.
You should also start with the family members that you feel most comfortable with and are willing to be interviewed... and as these interviews are successful, you are very likely to get more positive responses from more reticent family members- although older family members should be put at the top of the interview list for obvious reasons.
So when preparing for your interview, think about how to encourage extensive and thoughtful recall. Explore possible topics for the interviewee before the interview. You should encourage a mood of expansiveness and ask open ended questions. If necessary, you can ask follow up questions to bring the interviewee back to the discussed topic and always guide and encourage, but do not intrude and do not comment positively or negatively- try to be impartial. Each topic should be explored as completely as possible before moving on to another topic. You as the interviewer should be in a relaxed body posture, develop a good rapport with your subject, use nods and smiles and use clarifications and examples can be used after the question has been answered. Make sure that pauses are not interrupted by more questions; make sure the question is fully answered. Interviews should be in comfortable, informal settings with no background noise and the interviews should be slowly ended- not abruptly closes. A few closing questions with small talk for a few minutes and thanks is the recommended ending. And no interview should last more than a maximum of two hours- the interview will become more tiring and not productive.
You can also use a group to record oral history. A family group can be very enjoyable and valuable to the participants involved as well as the historian. It can provide more information as individual group members provoke responses and trigger memories in other members. A group interview can also highlight patterns of interaction among members and highlight the similarities and differences between the members.
In conclusion, Ms. Shopes had some words of caution. It is important to understand that some family members will be uncomfortable talking about personal things and will have little enthusiasm for your interview. Some will be unwilling to talk about personal things and will refuse outright. Others may have difficulty getting past the feelings of past embarrassment, pain such as deaths, etc... that they will have difficulty expressing or feel that they cannot do so. And some others will use this interview to try and sway the interviewer to 'their' side of a family quarrel or may only present the 'good' side of the information. The author reminds us - “Oral testimony, like any other historical source, needs to be evaluated both for its factual accuracy and for what it reveals about the attitudes and values of the interviewee.”
After the interview, it is important that the historian uses a good form of organization that allows for easy access of the information to others. Careful filing of pertinent information under the individual's name as well as good transcriptions are key. It is also an idea to make the transcripts available to other family members... and if possible to your local historical society or library for other researcher to use in their research efforts. The author does however advise that any family history that leaves the 'hands' of the family should be kept in a way that permission must be granted to use or view the information.
I enjoyed writing this summary and I hope it is helpful to someone searching for information about preparing family history. :)
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2010/12/23
Christmas Inspiration from the Prophets
Over the last month, I have been looking for inspiration. This last year has been really tough and I will admit that I think that this is the most painful Christmas I have ever looked forward to. Christmas has always seemed so beautiful and easy and a time for family to be together. This year my family will be together... but we will be separate in so many ways. So I have continued to do the things that I do for trying to heal my spirit- I read my scriptures, pray, try to think positive thoughts and attempt to accomplish 'good' …. whatever that might mean to my mind at the time. Over the last month as I have been searching, I found a letter that my grandmother saved with these three quotes. And so I have read them and pondered over them. It appears that she saved these quotes for at least a few decades.
Christmas is a fitting time to renew our desires and to strengthen our determination to do all that lies within our power to make real among men the message heralded by the angels when the Savior was born. Let us glorify God by seeking the good, the true, the beautiful. Let us strive to establish peace on earth by exercising that same good toward one another which God has shown toward us!...
Love for God and for one another should be the Christmas theme. Such was the divine announcement by the heavenly host that first heralded the “glad tidings of great joy!”
- David O. McKay
Christmas has had the effect of turning men's thoughts to Christ and to his doctrine and works. We are apt to forget the character of the structure which he built; and some are even prone to consider that his ideals are impracticable. Men have said that the theories which he taught are beautiful, but that under modern arrangements, these cannot be put into practice.
Yet now he is of all value, and exercises all influence, for only through him are we saved... During this holiday season there are... souls who enter into the enjoyment of the rich blessings and who do their full share to glorify the life of their fellows.... All... may well find profit in the spirit of Christmas, and by good deeds or blessed sacrifice seek for that gift of inward wealth to be found by a close study of the life, character, and gospel of Jesus Christ, and by adherence to his doctrines.
- Joseph F. Smith
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace and good will toward men.” Thus the hosts of heaven rejoiced when the savior was born and good tidings of great joy were proclaimed to all people. A new star appeared and a new dispensation was ushered in...
We are grateful for what he has done, and gladly honor his natal day. Remembering the offering he made, the anguish that he suffered; glorying in the resurrection and promise of eternal life, we hallow and revere his holy name. Let us so live that when our day on earth is done, we shall be worthy to be one with him, as he and the Father are one.
To my fellowmen I commend the life of Jesus of Nazareth as the profoundest ideal of the ages.
- George Albert Smith
I share these quotes with you in the hopes that I can share a tiny bit of my heart... and I hope that everyone has a good Christmas. May we all be safe and able to enjoy the time with our families, the time to reflect on our goals and our life, and the thankfulness for our blessings. Merry Christmas! :)
Christmas is a fitting time to renew our desires and to strengthen our determination to do all that lies within our power to make real among men the message heralded by the angels when the Savior was born. Let us glorify God by seeking the good, the true, the beautiful. Let us strive to establish peace on earth by exercising that same good toward one another which God has shown toward us!...
Love for God and for one another should be the Christmas theme. Such was the divine announcement by the heavenly host that first heralded the “glad tidings of great joy!”
- David O. McKay
Christmas has had the effect of turning men's thoughts to Christ and to his doctrine and works. We are apt to forget the character of the structure which he built; and some are even prone to consider that his ideals are impracticable. Men have said that the theories which he taught are beautiful, but that under modern arrangements, these cannot be put into practice.
Yet now he is of all value, and exercises all influence, for only through him are we saved... During this holiday season there are... souls who enter into the enjoyment of the rich blessings and who do their full share to glorify the life of their fellows.... All... may well find profit in the spirit of Christmas, and by good deeds or blessed sacrifice seek for that gift of inward wealth to be found by a close study of the life, character, and gospel of Jesus Christ, and by adherence to his doctrines.
- Joseph F. Smith
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace and good will toward men.” Thus the hosts of heaven rejoiced when the savior was born and good tidings of great joy were proclaimed to all people. A new star appeared and a new dispensation was ushered in...
We are grateful for what he has done, and gladly honor his natal day. Remembering the offering he made, the anguish that he suffered; glorying in the resurrection and promise of eternal life, we hallow and revere his holy name. Let us so live that when our day on earth is done, we shall be worthy to be one with him, as he and the Father are one.
To my fellowmen I commend the life of Jesus of Nazareth as the profoundest ideal of the ages.
- George Albert Smith
I share these quotes with you in the hopes that I can share a tiny bit of my heart... and I hope that everyone has a good Christmas. May we all be safe and able to enjoy the time with our families, the time to reflect on our goals and our life, and the thankfulness for our blessings. Merry Christmas! :)
2010/12/19
Going Home...

Well, my 'vacation' is almost over. I feel so many emotions about going home- both positive and negative.
I have made sure that I have had a great time. Allowing myself to mope and moan endlessly seemed foolish and wasteful of an opportunity that could be looked at as an opportunity... and not just as an unwelcome interruption. So I have thrown myself into many activities as well as trying to focus on the positive. I have found that a combination of distraction, work, and a slight unburdening of my soul have really helped. While I still feel that my burden is unfair, awkward, and fairly heavy... not to mention the pain, I feel like I am stronger. I feel like I can stand taller and I do not feel as alone. I know that a relationship with Heavenly Father should be enough- and in many ways it is- but I really seem to need to be close to people. The more isolated from people I feel, the more weighed down and negative I seem to feel. And while I still am finding it difficult some days to stay positive, I have found a peaceful feeling that comes to stay a little longer each time. This trip has had so many highlights... where to begin?
I will start with family. I was lucky to see so many people on this trip including two people who have been like family to me for decades... but more about them in a moment. :) I was lucky enough to hang out with my favorite Grandpa in Heber and almost all of my uncle's and aunts. (I didn't make it to Provo to see my aunt there, which is one of my disappointments on this trip- I hope she knows I love her!) I have spent very little time with some of my cousins in my lifetime- one I hadn't seen since I was ten years old. And I was blessed to spend some good quality time with them, was able to spend time meeting and learning about their spouses and children... and I feel like they are more than names and pictures to me now. I was also blessed to see other family out of state and I left each family member genuinely sorry and torn to go. I truly made some great memories this trip and felt like I truly have some extended family that love me and support me- no matter how crazy I act or how many strange twists my life takes as I forge ahead. I haven't always felt that and I am so grateful... grateful for caring and supportive people and just grateful for supportive family.
I was also able to see two great friends on this trip... and a few awesome new friends who are supportive and fun to be with. I haven't seen my friend Tru in years. We have shared so many things together like theater and friendships and over time, he has become as close as a brother. If we are unable to talk for years, five minutes or less are all that is needed. I was so lucky through a few twists of life to be able to see Tru and his new wife Sarah on this trip as well as his daughter- both of whom are so beautiful and kind. They took me out for a night on the town and then several hours of conversation- I didn't go to sleep until 5:30 in the morning. It was definitely memorable. They even introduced this 'ludite' to Wii - by the way, I stink at it. Still clumsy after all these years... :D
And I have been able to spend lots of time in Washington with my best friend. Another name I call her is 'sister'. She may not share my blood, but she has all the other attributes of a person whom Heavenly Father has attached to me. She is caring, kind, honest, loyal... so many things. When I am broken, she helps me stand, listens even when I am sure she must be tired of hearing some of the same things over and over and over again. I have gained almost ten needed pounds on this trip and my head feels 'steadier'. I think it is easier for me to really make decisions and I have found it so much easier to pray and really feel like my brain is clear enough to possibly hear answers.
I have been able to do lots of shopping as well. Christmas presents and church textbooks and discs with talks are tucked into my bag for the flight home. Some packages are winging themselves to Maine as I write this. I was able to buy the materials for a quilt- and make it as well... plus learned how to play two new games (I think I liked Ascension best) and just had a blast. Even had my first trip to a mall in eight years- I don't think I was missing much though :)
So I have managed to have a lot of positive things and interactions happen on this trip. But I am aware that the situation that compelled me to take this trip has not changed and in some ways is worse. I have some fear of returning home and I know that I have my work cut out for me... as well as patience and loyalty. I am not always sure that I am up to the task, but I do need to try. I can already feel some of the stress and fear and hurt creeping under my skin... and except for prayer and patience, I do not think that there is anything I can do to change it that I am not already doing. Change is hard, but inevitable.
Wish me luck- I'm going home! :)
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2010/12/10
How do you know that you are ready for marriage?

A few weeks ago my teacher asked this question:
"How do you know if you are ready for marriage? Discuss this issue, and formulate some guidelines to help people decide whether they are ready to marry. How do "The roles of forgiveness and sacrifice play in the readiness for marriage"? Please include some of the material from Olson in your answer."
This question really made me think. The next four paragraphs are my crafted response:
I guess my first thoughts to this question is does anyone ever really know if they are ready for marriage? At least in my case, you can do everything you think you need to to be ready for marriage and then realize after-wards.... that you were totally not ready. It seems a lot easier to see things and problems in other people than in yourself and so deciding if you are mature enough for marriage is really easy for someone who is immature and doesn't really know that they are immature. To know whether you are ready or not, you first need to know what you need to be ready... which requires that you actually know what you need to know. I think that can be a hard topic. I did put the question out to a few friends and one friend had an awesome answer that I will post here:
"Egad. My first line of thoughts was about choosing a suitable partner, but that isn't what you're asking. The first time I married, I was crazy in love. I don't recall giving much thought to long-term ramifications, but I was a lot younger then, too. We'd been living together for two years already, so the day-to-day stuff had already been resolved. We were married three weeks after he proposed.
When I agreed to marry my current cohabitation partner, I thought it over a lot more. In fact, he had to wait almost two years from when he first broached the subject to when I agreed. This time, I gave a lot of thought to what partnership with him would be like, and what I would need to compromise, and whether I was capable of those compromises. I think I'm a lot more realistic this time around. I also go into it knowing that, if the marriage fails, I'll be able to take care of myself emotionally. I think it's important to not get married because you want somebody to take care of you for the rest of your life, in any aspect. It's nice if they do, but if that's why you're getting married, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Nobody is responsible for me but me. So I guess I feel more ready this time, if also more cynical."
I think that forgiveness is such an important thing to do and be able to do. If you hold a 'tally' of the person's wrongs up all the time (even if it is only in your own mind), it will eventually overload your marriage- my thoughts here. It's hard to stay in love with someone if you are always focused on the negative aspects of your partner and his/her potential 'mistakes' and 'mistreatment'. Grudges also harm you internally- how can you love others if you have anger in your 'self' and how can you love yourself if you are crowding out that love with anger and frustration and even hatred. Also sacrifice is important because each of us will want others to sometimes let us have what we need. Sometimes to give us what we need, we are asking others to give up wants or even put off their own needs because we feel 'ours' need to take precedence. That can be walking a fine line... but sacrifice can help a couple to stay sturdy and show support for each other and their needs so that both individuals feel truly cared for and supported... not walked on.
After a few weeks, I still feel fairly strongly about my response. What has your experience been? If you had been asked the original question that I entered above, how would you answer it? Please share! :)
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2010/12/09
A Boost!
I got a heck of a compliment today from a college professor- she was already my very favorite, but this really, really made my day! So I thought I would share. Some parts of my life are having some serious challenges, but I am doing OK at school. :)
December 9, 2010
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing on behalf of Badgerdown who has been a student in my 400 level online Discovering and Interpreting Local History course this fall. Badgerdown is an excellent student. Her work is always of the highest quality and she contributes greatly to class discussion. Many times, she has started the discussion on the discussion board and her classmates respond very well to her comments. She is also very helpful and supportive of her classmates in adding her own insights to what they have said. She responded to her classmate’s posts immediately with student introductions which helped me to create a virtual classroom experience. I think that Badgerdown and her classmates have become well acquainted with one another even though they have never met one another. Badgerdown’s work ethic, attitude and passion for history helped to make this happen.
Badgerdown’s work has been thoughtful, analytical and well written. She is a motivated student who completes her work and is willing to interact with the professor on a regular basis. Even though Badgerdown and I have never met, we correspond several times a week. I believe that Badgerdown has added so much to this class based on her own family history research experience and I believe that she has taught me as much as I have taught her. When I ask her a question or a classmate asks her a question about her experiences, she is very willing to answer the question and there have been times when she has gone online and found information that she has then shared with the class; this was never a requirement of the class, but I appreciated her wanting to help and to answer questions.
I consider Badgerdown to be an excellent candidate for your honors program. If she were an UMPI student, I would encourage her to be in the UMPI honors program and I would encourage her to become a history major so that I could have her as a student in more of my classes. When my colleagues ask me if I miss classroom interaction by teaching online, I tell them no and I then give Sonia as an example of the caliber of student I have found through my online courses. I look forward to reading Badgerdown’s comments on discussion board and her papers because she is such a good student and she contributes so much to both her classmates and to me. I highly recommend Badgerdown to your program.
Sincerely,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
University of Maine at Presque Isle
This is one of the most positive letters I have ever received in the sense that I am painted in such a good light. That isn't something I have grown used to... but I think I would like to hear good thoughts like this more often. I am going to celebrate with a sushi dinner tonight and enjoy the confidence and sense of worth that I have built up this semester. :)
December 9, 2010
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing on behalf of Badgerdown who has been a student in my 400 level online Discovering and Interpreting Local History course this fall. Badgerdown is an excellent student. Her work is always of the highest quality and she contributes greatly to class discussion. Many times, she has started the discussion on the discussion board and her classmates respond very well to her comments. She is also very helpful and supportive of her classmates in adding her own insights to what they have said. She responded to her classmate’s posts immediately with student introductions which helped me to create a virtual classroom experience. I think that Badgerdown and her classmates have become well acquainted with one another even though they have never met one another. Badgerdown’s work ethic, attitude and passion for history helped to make this happen.
Badgerdown’s work has been thoughtful, analytical and well written. She is a motivated student who completes her work and is willing to interact with the professor on a regular basis. Even though Badgerdown and I have never met, we correspond several times a week. I believe that Badgerdown has added so much to this class based on her own family history research experience and I believe that she has taught me as much as I have taught her. When I ask her a question or a classmate asks her a question about her experiences, she is very willing to answer the question and there have been times when she has gone online and found information that she has then shared with the class; this was never a requirement of the class, but I appreciated her wanting to help and to answer questions.
I consider Badgerdown to be an excellent candidate for your honors program. If she were an UMPI student, I would encourage her to be in the UMPI honors program and I would encourage her to become a history major so that I could have her as a student in more of my classes. When my colleagues ask me if I miss classroom interaction by teaching online, I tell them no and I then give Sonia as an example of the caliber of student I have found through my online courses. I look forward to reading Badgerdown’s comments on discussion board and her papers because she is such a good student and she contributes so much to both her classmates and to me. I highly recommend Badgerdown to your program.
Sincerely,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
University of Maine at Presque Isle
This is one of the most positive letters I have ever received in the sense that I am painted in such a good light. That isn't something I have grown used to... but I think I would like to hear good thoughts like this more often. I am going to celebrate with a sushi dinner tonight and enjoy the confidence and sense of worth that I have built up this semester. :)
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2010/11/10
The Small Blessings of Love and Service

I was blessed today to get to do some volunteering at the local food pantry. The love and amazing spirit that these people have is just phenomenal and is always so inspiring. I can go in feeling sick and tired and just unable to really 'think'- almost hunched up physically by my burdens... and then walk out three hours later, laughter still ringing in my ears, shoulders straight and the motivation and attitude to tackle the next problem that comes by. The feeling that I get from helping others at the food bank is one of the best feelings that I have ever known and sometimes find only in the temple. I hope that service will always be a big part of my life.
A quote I read in one of my textbooks later in the day keeps coming back to me - "Giving love is receiving love- In order to experience love, you must be vulnerable to it. When love is given away, it remains with you as well. In fact, love is unique in that the more you give, the more you will have to give and the more that you will receive."
With a smile on my face, I end my day … and wish that I could volunteer everyday!
2010/07/21
What a Difference Photo-Shop Can Make....
So, I ran across a really freaky picture the other day online. It is a picture of two teenage scuba divers waving to someone while swimming in the depths of the ocean and right behind them is a huge shark- in comparison to them it is simply monstrous. First I felt a ripple of fear and then annoyance- first because I realized that I recognized the picture which is a beautiful picture:

Second, because while I could see the humor, it is definitely set to (at least subconsciously) help others continue to fear sharks in an irrational manner. Your first thought is that immediately after this picture was taken the shark sneaked up quietly and viciously attacked the teens, killed them, maybe ate them and then casually swam away. (maybe even smiling and using a toothpick to clean his teeth while leaving) The only other explanation I could think of was that the 'artist' was trying to make fun of the boys in the picture, or he was …. any ideas out there?
So I took a few minutes to look up the original photo above and to see what different people had done to 'change' it. Here are four examples I saw of the same picture with some humorous wording or drawing on it.




Even the 'light humor' ones sort of felt uncomfortable because even they seem to suggest that sharks in general or the great white shark specifically 'think' like us. So that when they kill us it is because they thought about it and decided to kill us- not that they became confused or even that we put ourselves at higher risk than we needed to. I realize that some people really believe this to be true- one website that was discussing saving sharks had a comment on a post that said “Why should we save sharks – isn't it like saving a convicted murderer so they can go out and do it again?” (I swear that is the verbatim quote) The illustrations added to the picture seemed to me to be a person either trying to make fun of his fear or trying to make the object of his fear look ridiculous and not worthy of respect. (I will admit that was my reaction and might not be the most consistent or correct reaction.)
But these next ones are just bad. They seem to have been developed as a form of humor- but not a benign sort of humor. The first picture is the one that sent me on this rant/discovery.

This humor whether intentionally or not puts all sharks at risk from us as they heighten our fear and help confirm our ignorance of them. Fear comes out of ignorance as well as biology. The more ignorant we are, the more we will fear and the more likely we are to try and dispel our fears -not through knowledge- but with violence and bloodshed.

And in some ways it is a lie. A beautiful picture of a swimming shark becomes something more. And the something rarely tends to be focused on the positive side.

Besides the first picture, I only found one that could be construed as still beautiful after modification were added- makes me want to see the movie :)

So maybe I do not understand all the good uses of photo-shop. I haven't seen very many pictures from photo-shop that have taught me anything although I have gotten a decent laugh from a few... It sometimes seems like photo-shop was developed so that individuals can unleash their prejudges, fear and anger on others. I know that photo-shop is only a tool- and tools do different things in the hands of different people. And I would love to see more good examples of photo-shoped pictures. It just seems when it comes to things we fear or find repulsive such as sharks, photo-shop is only used to perpetuate negative stereotypes and poor humor.
The original photograph is beautiful in my mind. It shows an animal that is its own being- it is not an animal that we control. It is an animal that follows the laws that Heavenly Father and evolution have set for it. It commands respect and is not tame- nor should it be. So many people love the 'tame cute' animals and fear those those don't fit that mold – by the way, for full disclosure I LOVE the 'tame cute' animals so much so that I am constantly having to remind myself that there is only so many I can own and still have room for my family... (unfortunately, I am only half kidding :) There seems to be a human trait to either 'tame' our fears or destroy them. C.S. Lewis even mentioned in his books that we Christians try to see Jesus Christ and the Father as 'tame' beings.... Any one have any ideas on how we as a race can change that? If we could answer that question, maybe we could find world peace....
So just to be a little hypocritical, I will end my post with a piece of photo-shop. But it is the first piece that on reflection... I think I have understood and feel like it said something sort of useful. :-D

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