The Day After Surgery

I've been laying in bed resting all day. The surgery on my ankle went pretty well and now I just have to rest and try to keep as pain free as possible. I have lots of company from the cats and my ex and Bug have been taking really good care of me. They've made me wonderful meals and they have cleaned the house.they have also done the things they've needed to do was just giving me the time to rest and just enjoy their company. I'm grateful for how well everything is going and I'm even grateful for the pain I feel now because I know that it will lessen. Hopefully this surgery will stabilize things up enough that I'll feel even less pain than I did before the surgery. That's the plan anyway.

So for the next two weeks I need to rest up in my splint and then I'll get to go for a recheck and we'll see what's going on then. I'm looking forward to it.

Gratitude - 1/30/19

I've got a lot going on right now and my head is overfull. So I've been counting my blessings today.

1. I am grateful that I live in America. I am not happy about what is going on with our government and the serious cultural systemic problems, but I am relatively safe. I don't live in a country where I can easily be put into labor camps or hurt in other torturous ways - like North Korea or China. For that I am grateful.

2. I am grateful for amazing co-workers. I am grateful for my amazing job. I need more hours and I am going to have to figure that out but I have no complaints about the work environment and the fine people I work with. That makes me pretty content.

3. I have an amazing friend. My best friend is so supportive and cares so much that I want to try harder to be well in my life and to do better. Everyone needs that kind of friend in their life.

4. My ex and my son are pretty amazing. I am grateful for supporting family.

5. I am grateful for warm clothes and warmth in my home, It is really cold out there right now and I am able to be warm and out of it. Not everyone has that luxury.

6. I am grateful that I have my furry companions who take such good care of my mental health. I have no idea what I would be like without them.

7. While my ankle hurts, it is holding itself together. I can't complain about that.

What are you grateful for?

Inspiration From A Wall

There is an amazing Cuban restaurant in Bangor that the ex introduced me too a little bit ago. They make great food and are really good about allergies so that people with allergies can eat there- it does help that most Cuban food doesn't use gluten or nuts. The best thing about the restaurant besides the food is their wall. You are encouraged to write on their wall with your thoughts or artistic pictures and I love waiting for my food and reading the submissions. Today two specific items drew my attention. I'm sure no one is shocked that one of the items I liked was a cat....

However, this one really hit me in the feels...

How many of us have felt ourselves 'grow' away from family or others? I suspect all of us... and what about family who have passed on? I saw this and thought of my grandparents and how they are no longer around to spend time with. I miss them so much right now... it feels a bit like a physical wound that will not heal and continues to fester over time. I think of old friends who I have loved and over time we have grown apart. For some, I haven't seen them since I moved to Maine. For others, they have walked away from the relationship due to circumstances in their own lives. As I read the words I found my heart filled with emotion and my eyes filled with tears. I wonder about the person who wrote these words on the wall and what was in their heart as they shared this small piece of their soul. Lots of thoughts today...

Gratitude - 12/18/18

I am so grateful for a few things today.

I am really grateful for my sister in law today. She sent me a message letting me know how much she cares about me and that I have a heart of gold. That message really meant a lot to me and has helped me to smile over the week. It has also brought a thought to mind... what am I doing with that heart of gold? Am I helping others? How am I using that heart and generosity to help others? I am grateful to the joy and wonderment she brought into my life this week.

I love John Oliver. I learn so much from him and appreciate the research and work his team accomplishes to educate his viewers and it makes a difference in my life. One of my final school papers before I graduated was on sexual education - I got the idea for the paper and started my research using one of his episodes. (See link here) I have been able to rest some days this week and go over some of his older episodes and enjoy and relearn. I am glad to have the opportunity to re-watch them through Youtube and think over the information contained in them.

I got two Christmas cards today. One of them is from my brother and his family and the pictures and the joy contained in them are so obvious and wonderful. I put it on my fridge and I look at it every time I walk by. One of my nieces looks a lot like me and I look in awe of genetics and how genes can be turned on in different pieces of different families. Bug doesn't look much like me at all if I think about it. The other card is from a good friend who sent me the newest noise Christmas album that he put together with music from lots of groups. I can't wait to listen to it tomorrow when I'm trying to get a good walk in. I'm not going to do Christmas cards this year so I am very grateful for every card that I get. They give me a lot of joy.

I discovered a new author today- B.B. Haywood. I have started the author's first book ("Town in a Blueberry Jam") and I am enjoying it in my free time very much.


I had a gluten exposure recently and I have been fighting the pain and exhaustion that comes with it. It hasn't been that bad this time and I am so glad that I am spending less time just fighting my body to get it to move and do what needs to be done. I am thankful for my treadmill because I can walk slowly and intermittently in a warm place... Maine sure is cold right now. Being able to try and keep my health up in a warm safe place is not something I take for granted.

I am grateful for my very best friend. She keeps me sane, less lonely, thoughtful, and as self sufficient as I can be right now. She is supportive and I can't thank her enough.

I am grateful for my ex. He really does a lot of things for me and I appreciate it very much. I am very grateful.

What are you grateful for today?

Fiddly Weekend

Since I had a specialized MRI on Friday that required an injection, I thought I should take this weekend off from volunteering at the Turnstyle. I usually love to do it as I love the socialization, but I wasn't sure I would feel up to it. So when I woke up Saturday morning so early from the wrong number, I realized

that I had made a really good choice to stay home. I felt like I shouldn't just sit around even though I did need rest so I spent Saturday doing small things that needed to be done, took little time, but would be easy to rest in between the tasks. It's funny that you never realize how many fiddly quick jobs you can stack up in a house and in the dooryard when you are focused on the big things. It's even time to start taking down some of the garden- last night was 39 degrees according to my thermometer. My Virginia creeper and the trees in the dooryard and nearby woods are just barely starting to turn red, but as the weather changes they will start to turn pretty quickly in the next week I suspect.

The things I accomplished are a bit to numerous to list because they were all tiny

things like washing mannequins and cabbage patch dolls for future CPR classes and moving the house plants back inside for the winter after a nice summer of sun. I also moved in two pepper plants to try and overwinter them- I have no idea if it will work but I might get lucky so why not? I also got the house ready for my day with the ex and Bug. I am so glad I had a day to just focus on rest and getting the little things accomplished. Its amazing how accomplished I felt even though not much was completed that was anything to brag about.

Today was a lovely day of rest and films and good food as every Sunday tends to be. I am grateful for the extra time with family and I have a few hours every morning to do Sabbath-y stuff before the full visit commences. We have a really good routine set up where we visit for breakfast and then they leave Teddy here and head off for a hike while I do my Sabbath celebrations and contemplation and then the rest of the day is ours. They always spend the night on Sundays and, as I sit here and type, I hear the sounds of cooking and boy laughter as Bug carefully takes apart his newest toy to see how it functions. I feel full and relatively warm (I haven't turned on the heat in the house yet so it is starting to get a little chilly inside in the evenings) and generally content. You can't ask for more in a weekend than that. I am very grateful.

Wrong Number

I got a phone call around 4:30 this morning. I woke up quickly feeling an almost immediate sense of panic- after all nobody calls at that time in the morning unless something is wrong- and breathlessly answered the phone. I feel extremely blessed today. Of all the things I quickly imagined getting a call from so early- Rob or Bug being severely ill, ditto with a beloved Aunt or Uncle, or random images of other terrifying possibilities. Instead I got a nice man asking for a gentleman that I didn't know. When I said he wasn't here I got an explanation that the caller was from security down at the lab (I'm guessing Jackson lab but it is only a guess.) We quickly figured out that he had transposed two numbers while dialing and he was quite apologetic. I must have been amusing myself because I know that my voice exuded gratitude and not annoyance as he might have expected. So I started this day grateful for the safety of family and friends and I carry that feeling as a talisman today as I go about doing errands and housework. While it is frustrating that I took a medication to sleep and finally was successful at sleeping past 4am... I find myself too thankful to get all worked up about it. I do wonder what was going on at the 'lab' though. Curiosity about that tinges the gratitude a tiny bit. :)

Today

I have a lot on my mind today. I had a wonderful day with Brock and some great food. I'm so grateful for the time that I have to spend with family and I loved listening to Brock tell me about the things that interest him. My heart is full of so many things and I don't know how to articulate very many of them nor should I share all of them. What I wouldn't give for a pensieve some days... to just siphon off the extra thoughts and emotions and to be able to look for the patterns and the understanding in them and I'm more detached and unbiased manner. I bet all of us could use that every once in awhile.

I had got to spend a little bit of time today going through paperwork and old school assignments and over the next few months I'm going to post a lot of that stuff here. Some of it is very scholarly stuff such as history essays, lesson plans, etc... some of it is thoughts on assignments and things that I read for classes... and some of it is just research and other information that I think I'd like to keep for future use and perusal. So this is your warning that I'm going to start posting a bunch of mismatched sort of stuff in the next few weeks. I really have taken so many varied classes over the years....

I got as much rest as I could today and I'm looking forward to work tomorrow. Here's to a peaceful evening with a few episodes of Mrs Brown's Boys.

Gratitude - 12/11/2017

1. I am so grateful for a working car. It may not look like much, but it gets me to where I need to go and that is a blessing.

2. I am grateful for the discovery of cooked turkey for cat food. Melrose is never full and the quantity of food that skinny cat can eat is phenomenal. Being able to fill a bowl with shreds of roast turkey has been a godsend the last week or so. I'm going to cook another one this weekend.

3. I am grateful for my toes. Lately, they have started to pull apart and pop right out of their sockets which has been very uncomfortable, but I can easily move them back into place each and every time. I don't have to see doctors or deal with much more than the discomfort of their movement and I can still stand and walk well. Toes are amazing little critters and I can't imagine how well I would stand without them no matter how hypermobile they are..

4. Somewhere in this world, someone is probably being chased by a lion or another animal that doesn't have benign intentions towards them. I am grateful that I am safe and warm at home and do not have to worry about my safety.

5. I am grateful for hugs.

6. I love my feline companions and cannot imagine a world without them. They truly enrich my life so many times a day that I could never keep count.

7. I am thankful for an amazing ex who made me leftovers for the beginning of this week so that i could focus on other things.

8. I feel a bit sad that Cuddles needed to be put to sleep this week, but I am so grateful for the time and love she gave me. An unexpected blessing when she cam into my life, but he is already missed. Bug is already trying to con me into getting another one to hug. Bug really loves hugs and so do I :)

9. I love CPR students who really want to learn and take joy in the learning. It make teaching a joyful and fulfilling process.

10. I am so happy that Remus is doing so, so well. He seems happy and doesn't seem to miss his tail at all. He is just settling in to feeling happy and healthy. That is a relief and joy to write. So...

11. I am grateful to amazing veterinarians so help try and make pets and furry companions live healthy, happy lives. I don't know what I would do without them in the background ready when I need them. Having a good relationship with a veterinarian is just as important to me as the relationship that I have with my own doctor so I am thankful that I have that... even if I use him way too much sometimes.

What are you thankful for today?

Thoughts on Google Voice…

* a link to the site.... :)

This discussion question was a sigh of fresh air because I have actually heard of and used the website suggested before! Until a year or so ago, I had a Google voice number and I found that it was helpful in a few ways. It offered me a second number to put on resumes and you can have the voice mails left on it forwarded to your 'original' number. You can also- I am not sure how as my ex did all that- set it up so that it will transcribe the message and send it to your email. It you have a limited cell phone plan and no house phone, a google voice number can really save you some minutes because you get the message without using any minutes to check the voice mail and it helps you to be able to only use your minutes for the important calls you wish to make. My cell company also had a way online to put a few numbers as family and frequent call numbers that would allow anyone to call those numbers and not use minutes... or I could use it and not use minutes. Our family and close friends would always call us on the Google voice number and so we were able to use the minimum phone plan with very few minutes but not really feel any kind of a pinch or too limited. It also would keep records of the calls which ended up being really helpful sometimes. I never used it to make calls straight from the computer because that option wasn't one that I needed, but I do like the program nonetheless as it was so useful in other ways. The only reason I let the number lapse was that I have an unlimited plan now and since I didn't use it on the computer, it was a small hassle to keep. But I would cheerfully sign up again if needed. It was great! Only downside that I saw was that the transcription would sometimes have problems based on ways that words could be pronounced or with accents... so I might need to make small translations of the translation myself- very rarely was the translation so off that I needed to listen to the message to figure it out. It would transcribe things like Harry Beattie to 'Harry Baby' due to his accent. Minor things like that really weren't an issue and did make me giggle.

So I watched the videos- there were twelve that seemed to be the starter ones. And I feel like I learned a few things and I remembered a few things that I loved about it like the personalized greetings. I had a few of those in the past and I really liked those... at least I had fun with them. I also learned about blocking calls- I didn't know you could do that nor did I know about the option for conference calls. This project has sort of convinced me to possibly sign up again. :)

Have you used it before? What are your thoughts?

A Spontaneous End to a Day....

So, I didn't go to sleep last night until long after 11pm. I have no really good excuse as I was feeling pretty pooped! However, I decided after work to do some errands and spontaneously decided to pick up the food waiting at the church for a struggling member and head over for a visit. I think these spontaneous decisions sometimes turn out to be some of the most significant choices that I make at certain periods of time in my life. I end up not doing everything that I 'should' – the house is not clean, my bed in not made and I haven't read my scriptures in a few days... but I find that I can look back on the things accomplished, feel satisfied and even find that some of my thoughts and future plans can change to the better. I awoke this morning in a much better frame of mind than I have been in a week.

Two things that were unplanned yesterday is that I did head down to see a member friend and ended up sitting for a few hours and just chatting. I consider this sweet sister my friend and yet I have been so busy over the last few years I haven't really kept up with or spent much time with her. Sitting in a glider with her on her porch– one of my favorite kinds of chairs and a kind I haven't sat in since the divorce- I sat and listened and I talked too. I feel like we both understand each other and what is going on in our lives and hearts much better then we did. I had even left the phone in the car so I didn't notice anyone call or leave emails for me or CPR or anything else until I left around 8:45 pm. I drove away knowing that my commitment of service for this sister had ended and that I have no real service commitments now... and yet I feel a renewed purpose to try and pay more attention not only to her but to others and even in my exhaustion and relief I feel an energy and a motivation to spend more of my energy and resources towards that. I hope I find myself more willing to squeeze in visits like these with people. (Earlier in the week I was invited and circumstances made possible a visit to a family at church whose house I have never been to and to see them outside of church and activities and it was pretty neat too... another spontaneous get together. Maybe that is a lesson I should keep in mind- that I enjoy visiting and joining other people, but it is easier and more enjoyable when it is not planned so I do not have the opportunity to worry or fret about it.)

When I left her house and pointed the car down the road towards home, I received a call from my ex husband and we ended up talking until almost 10:30. We talked about many things and what was fascinating about our chat is that it is the longest call/ conversation we have had since the divorce and it was also the most open and honest one in a long time that didn't get a bit angry and hurtful by either of us by the end of it. We chatted about Bug and then chatted about diets and 'cheating days' and health. After a bit we moved into what I considered more troublesome territory and we talked about Kate Kelly and her recent excommunication and John Dehlin and his appointment this Sunday and the church and gender inequality and modesty rhetoric and sexual assault and power... not a surprise the conversation took a while ;) I talked about what all of this means to me and he talked about the new things that he had learned on the internet and we both found surprises in each other. He was surprised about some of my knowledge on gender and race issues in the church and I was surprised that he had truly taken the time to try and look into all of it instead of just reading an article or two. It felt like he figured I couldn't know some of the flaws in church culture and even past actions and still be a member of the church- in his defense, I can understand that opinion and have had troubles sometimes dealing with those particular problems. We were able to express our thoughts and feelings about a lot of it and learned a bit about some of our actions in regards to church and people in it while we were married. I think that was a great opportunity in an of itself. Trying to turn our relationship into a strong friendship is something that I have been working towards- the better we get along and communicate, the better for Bug after all.... and when the call was over I lay in bed surrounded by slightly annoyed but purring cats. (Didn't I know that it was past bedtime!?! :D ) I thought about the conversation between us and just how amazing and unique it really was. I certainly have a bit to think about over the next few days and weeks in between patients and other work.

So my mind is more hopeful and optimistic today. I am tired but doing OK. Feeling more settled with the world right now and able to see the longer perspective more easily. Life is full of suffering and disappointment, but it is the small choices and the ways we look can really bring out the small joys around and in us. We just have to look for them. :)

Rob and Bug - The Photo Files 2013

So I didn't send out Christmas cards because I was just swamped and a little overwhelmed at the end of last year. And today is a special and a bit of a bittersweet day. So to celebrate and for remembrance, I thought I would take the time to share some pictures of the guys. :)

The ocean is Bug's very favorite spot. He would go there pretty much everyday if he could! :)

Bug totally has my hair and I think he is just too cute... Am I allowed to call a twelve year old cute? :)

Waterfalls are great fun too!

Bug with his father. They have some good times!

This is the 'tree house' at my cabin- It is one of Brock's very favorite places to hang out. I am looking forward to this summer so we can hang out when it is warm. :)


Enjoy. :)