The Space Between Life and Death

To sit at the bedside of the death of a friend is to look into the gaping mouth of hell. Grief chops at you little by little as their life is slowly drawn away. Sometimes, watching every breathe is painful and you want to see the continued rise of the chest ... and you desperately want it to stop to end the suffering therein. You find yourself stroking the frail frame and speaking of the banal because you can't say all that is in your heart for there are no words... or the words and emotions behind them will not help and will only cause more hurt. So you sit quietly and listen to every breath until you find your own mind and body become the mirror image of the life ebbing away. Your breathing slows and all you can see is the simple image of life and desire intertwined. You start to feel their pain in your own body and your mind whispers the same prayer over and over and over. You don't even feel the tears running down your cheeks and barely notice that you can no longer see as your glasses are coated with the tears that have been falling over your lids for what seems like eternities. You struggle to notice the discomfort in your limbs because your own comfort has fallen behind your one need- to be present in those few moments that will soon be over and will never be repeated. In these moments, I feel my own weakness... my own inability to stop suffering or help to end it. I feel some of my beliefs crumble to ash and I am forced to face the deficits in my faith and my heart. The bone deep weariness that surrounds you feels like the new normal as everything you do brings you back to this single point... sitting in a chair next to a friend... watching the failing physical frame and murmuring to the strong soul within which will soon be released. You watch the seizures and you shake, the breathing and you mirror it, the silence that envelopes you both. For this brief periods of time, I hate death and I pray for it... I push it away as I grasp it... I welcome any positive change even if it means death has won for now. Soon, the mouth of hell will close and only love and grief will live on... but in these brief moments I feel like I learn more about what hell really is and what heaven may be than any Sunday school lesson ever taught. And I do have so much more to learn... so much more...

"Love At Home"- A Song in Pictures :)

Today is sunny and, while not warm, it is so beautiful. The cats are looking longingly out the windows and sleeping in the beams of sun that are streaming through the windows. So for fun, and because so many of my posts have been so serious lately- analysis and school work and I thought some of my readers might like something a bit more restful on this Sabbath day, here are the lyrics to 'Love at Home'... as symbolized by my pets. :)

There is beauty all around,
When there’s love at home;
There is joy in every sound,
When there’s love at home.
Peace and plenty here abide,
Smiling fair on every side;
Time doth softly, sweetly glide,
When there’s love at home.

Refrain
Love at home, love at home;
Time doth softly, sweetly glide,
When there’s love at home.

Kindly heaven smiles above,
When there’s love at home;
All the earth is fill’d with love,
When there’s love at home.
Sweeter sings the brooklet by,
Brighter beams the azure sky;
O, there’s One who smiles on high
When there’s love at home.

Jesus, make me wholly Thine,
Then there’s love at home;
May Thy sacrifice be mine,
Then there’s love at home.
Safely from all harm I’ll rest,
With no sinful care distress’d,
Thro’ Thy tender mercy blessed,
When there’s love at home.

A Snuggly Friend...

Someone is too cute.....

A Peaceful Evening

Bear is so snuggly tonight... I love lap kitties!

Bedtime for Mina and Bear

Time for bed... Goodnight from Mina and Bear! :)