Stressful Day

Today has been a super stressful day. When I got home last night, I realized that Salem was sick. I was so worried that I didn't sleep much at all. I spent the wee hours of the morning making phone calls to the emergency veterinarian and waiting to call one of my two local vets. I was lucky and managed to get Salem into a local vet to help his urination problem. Three hundred dollars later and he is home.

I also discovered early this morning that Bella managed to get out last night when I came home from work in the dark. It wasn't obvious last night to me- she is super sneaky and I had no hint she got out at all. I figures it out this morning because she wasn't trying to sneak out on me this morning. She is also a pretty vocal cat and the household was silent. It took her all day - until 5 pm to come back and the stress of wondering whether she was going to come back was pretty intense. I also felt so guilty that I hadn't noticed she had gotten out and been out all night- a really cold night to boot. I'm so glad that she is back but I will confess I am a bit frustrated that she keeps my emotions and my heart on a bouncy string that jiggles everywhere. I could use a few days where she doesn't stress me out I guess.

Last, but not least... I went to the ankle doctor today and it's official. His office is getting all the paperwork together to present to my insurance and I am getting surgery. I have no idea how I can afford not working and I'm not sure how I will keep up with everything when I will be unable to stand for a minimum of six weeks. I'm going to try and put it off until the spring so that I will not have to worry about getting around in the ice and snow, but I am not sure how long I can put it off- the doc was pretty convinced I shouldn't put it off for too long because things are just going to get worse. So we will see I guess.

Synopsis: lost a cat and then got her back, had a sick cat and spent lots of money to get it back, and agreed to get my ankle carved up and tightened up. Not the best day I have ever had.

I'm sitting trying to rest and deal with the stress of it all today and as I start to deal the anxiety of the day start to pass... I am really glad to have the evening to rest. I have volunteering tomorrow and a vague timeline to start creating lists and figuring out what I need to do for the surgery. I'm done for today though. I think I've had enough.

Catch Up

Whew! Sometimes life just sneaks up on you. I feel like I will be coasting along pretty well for a bit and then the world tips slightly and everything slides to the side and falls down. Then I end up spending way too much time trying to pick everything back up and level up my life again. IT doesn't necessarily mean that everything is bad, just a jumble of positive and negative tumbled together that needs to be carefully winnowed out and restored to its appropriate place in my life. These times are hard but something I try to be thankful for. After all, these times help define our goals and then our lives. You never learn as much as you do when you are trying to evaluate what is important and necessary and what must be laid aside... no matter how important it still feels to you. The Buddhist principle of impermanence is a wonderful thing to learn even if it isn't a principle that is the slightest bit easy or comfortable... at least its not for me.

Overall, things are going OK. Finances are still pretty shaky and I am not fully stable as I would like to be in that regard. However, I have plenty to eat and my insurance is covering the majority of my medical bills- I can't fathom what I would do without insurance with my health problems. Just this month alone I have six appointment and 2 MRIs. My monthly doctor's visits would put me into bankruptcy if I didn't have insurance. Having Ehler's Danlos can be a bit of a trial sometimes and having insurance really is critical fro a decent quality of life. I am very grateful that I do have health insurance and wish that this country could get it together and provide single payer healthcare. No one should have to go without healthcare due to expense.

I am back to wearing a brace on my left ankle as it doesn't want to stay fully in its socket. The brace is controlling it well so I tend to have moments that I forget I am dealing with that problem. I have learned not to sit on it or to sit indian style- those are errors I will pay for fairly quickly both in inappropriate joint movement and pain. I also am trying to learn to pivot more slowly instead of quick turning 'jolts' to change direction.

MY car has been fixed and for the moment the fuzzy parts of the household are healthy. Watson passed away last weekend and that has been a sad experience- I still feel like I can see him lope along in my peripheral vision when I am moving throughout the house. However, everyone that was very ill has passed on at this point and I am hopeful for a period of time of good health for me and my fuzzy companions.

Sleep has improved a bit which is helpful. I would definitely prefer better sleep every day- the nightmares are not helpful most nights. However, they are improving or at least I'm having fewer of them... that's progress! Sometimes when I wake up from a nightmare, I hear the lyrics of a BareNaked Ladies song in my head:

I wake up scared. I wake up strange. Its the hair shirt I wear. This hair shirt is woven from your brown hair. This song is the cross that I bear... bear with me... bear with me... - "What a Good Boy"

Strange lyrics for strange dreams I guess...

I hate when I get so busy that I do not write. I really like writing. I should do it more.