How Well Do You Know Yourself?

In one of my classes, we were given this quiz from the book "True North". It was a really interesting quiz and the rules are that you take the quiz yourself... and then give a few copies to trusted friends or family and ask them to rate you. (Remember, you can't get angry at them if they don't answer the way you want to! This is to help you grow :) I have put the quiz here so that you may try it!


Rate yourself from 1 to 10 – with 10 being very, 5 being moderately and 1 being barely

How self confident are you?

How aware are you of your moods and emotions?

How effective are you in regulating your moods to minimize their impact on other people?

When confronted with situations that are displeasing to you, how well do you take the time to think clearly about them before responding or reacting?

When you receive critical feedback from others, how well are you able to take in the feedback and respond in a constructive manner without acting defensively?

How well do you understand the emotional makeup of others and their needs?

How sensitive are you in relating to other's needs and helping them?

How skillful are you in building lasting relationships?

How well do you network with others and create networks of people with common interests?

How effective are you in leading teams?

Do others follow your lead voluntarily?

How persuasive are you in convincing others of your mutual interests?

How do your answers compare to the answers from your family/friends? Is there something that you would change about yourself? What are your thoughts?

The Tale of the Donkey and the Blackberry

I am so busy lately with my numerous responsibilities and preparations that I have been right straight out and have had very little time to do anything extra... and my blog has clearly suffered from it. :) But I thought that I would share a funny experience that my craziness created this morning.

It actually started last night. I came home from my last day of work (for now) with my boss and introduced her to Casey and we had a few minutes of fun with him. A few minutes later I realized that I couldn't find my phone and I thought that I had left it at the post office. I smiled to myself and decided to have a night off without email and calls and just to work and enjoy my family and get some rest. It seemed like a good idea at the time.... In hindsight, I probably should have looked around more carefully for my phone!

At six am this morning my alarm on the phone went off. I was sleeping very deeply and so I didn't hear anything but a huge and unusual howl from Casey. While the noise and braying was quite unusual, I was so tired... and my husband was closer (yes, a sign of how lazy I can be sometimes)... so I stayed snuggled in bed and woke up slowly. My husband, however, got out of bed and discovered the problem. My phone would vibrate and the donkey would step closer. Then my phone would trill and Casey would jump back in fear and anxiety... and the pattern would repeat itself.... every few seconds.

So I have my phone back and it is drying from the heavy dew and dirt that settled on it overnight. Casey is calming down and I got to spend time chatting with my husband before the Bug woke up and we started our day. And I have an insane urge to laugh every time I imagine the scene of the Casey and my phone. I am sorry that he was scared, but I will admit that it must have looks absolutely hilarious! I think I will enjoy that image for the rest of the day... and I hope you do to! :)

Have a great day. :D

Yesterday....

... was a great day. What I tried to do was slip a little bit of fun into my day in between the internships, the job applications, the cleaning and the work and here is some of the fun I found.

I took Casey out of his yard and brought him to a huge patch of clover... I was unable to get a good picture of him as he is too busy eating! :) I spent a few hours talking with him and doing some yard work and giving him the time to get his fill of fresh stuff. I felt like I could almost see him smile. It was wonderful!

While I was cleaning up outside I lifted some boxes off the ground and I recognized the slender tail or a newt (or a salamander- I'm not sure which and I am happy for suggestions. :) So being the nosy and curious and just plain adoring of 'almost any animal or amphibian I can get my hands on' person, I had to say hello and hold him and feel him warm up in my hand. Every year when I see these lizards I am struck by their color and beauty. And they look so fragile and graceful at the same time. They are really a treat to see.

And then for the first time I went to look at the goslings that just hatched. The parents and their young ones were safely in their house and did not appreciate my bothering them... and pictures were VERY hard to get. Luckily, my geese are more bark than bite and while I was a little deaf for a few minutes after I left the house.... it was worth it! :) We let them out of the house today to eat grass and Teddy (the pooch) has been so cute as he wants to play with them very much and whines when the adults (Sir John and Mistress Ford) chase him away. It is quite funny.

Lastly, before I re-entered the world of work away from home... I took Casey into his yard and gave him a good brushing. I think that I could produce a whole new donkey out of the amount of winter hair i puled off. He still needs a few more times with the brush but I think he had a great time and I sure did as well. It was lovely to see the hair blowing in the breeze and to just feel useful and so in touch with the farm again. I will have to see how much my life changes over the next few years...

It was just a nice, joyous, calm interlude in my busy crazy life and I really wish and hope that I can do it again some time. It was a blessing and a boon to my mental state and mood that I needed and just felt wonderful and worthy and honest. :)

2011 Poetry Corner #1: The Storm

The water glides rippling past my toes
As the wind rages, the ripples become chops
Almost violent and angry

And while the world sways and rages around me
I sit- a silent spectator …
Waiting for the wave that will come
And rejoicing in the storm that is outside me
… and not inside.

Advice for Preparing and Collecting Interviews for Genealogy/ Family History

I read an article recently on history that I wanted to review for a larger audience. I thought that it was really important information to have available for someone searching for it. So here is a good summary.

The article that I am reviewing was written by Linda Shopes. One of the first things she discusses is the fact that the terms 'family history' and 'genealogy' are not always interchangeable even though they are used interchangeably in most societies. The term genealogy is defined as the 'reconstruction of a person's lineage through use of written records'. Family history, however, has a much more inclusive definition and can include genealogy- but also oral history, pictures, historical significance, etc... And there are many benefits to the use of oral history in the work of the 'family historian'. These can include, but are not limited to:

1. The discoveries in this work can enhance the historian's sense of identity and can help them gain perspective on their own life and give the historian's life more context and meaning.

2. The family members who participate in the interview process may find preparing for the interview and the interview themselves rewarding. Recalling life experiences and sharing them with others who show true interest can be not only rewarding, but give a sense of accomplishment and giving to the interviewee.

3. Gathering these records can be an impetus for developing and deepening family relationships for the historian as well as other family members... and the records themselves can help open relationships and appreciation for other family members that other members may know little about.

Another benefit that can be found by the general historical community is that if the family historian prepares these records and does the research to place the individuals in their historical contexts, not only are they more interesting, but they can provide information for the general historian about times and situations of which there may be very little or only misleading information available to study.

So it is important to carefully prepare for doing oral interviews. It is important to have the basic data for the family members that you are going to discuss and talk to. Then you should take that basic info and do some research on the historical and social times in the life of that person. Some places to begin for looking for family information are: the family bible, misc family papers such as tax forms, material objects, and also public documents such as -birth, marriage, census, wills, etc... One reason for doing the research ahead of time is to save time in the interview and spend the time on getting answers and recollections that you do not know or to get more information that you can only get in the interview process. By having some information you might be able to help stimulate recollections and its the next step to understanding individual lives in their relationships and social circumstances. It will also help make the historical setting and involvement more clear.

It is also very important to make sure you have a precise focus... and the focus that you choose can cover three specific areas. The first is the impact of major historical events and trends during the person's life. The second is technical developments and how they have changed the world around the person and that individual's life. The last is the various relationships of various aspects of social life- work, religion, community, family, class status, structure and dynamics of their life. This can also include family stories, traditions, customs, and beliefs.

You should also start with the family members that you feel most comfortable with and are willing to be interviewed... and as these interviews are successful, you are very likely to get more positive responses from more reticent family members- although older family members should be put at the top of the interview list for obvious reasons.

So when preparing for your interview, think about how to encourage extensive and thoughtful recall. Explore possible topics for the interviewee before the interview. You should encourage a mood of expansiveness and ask open ended questions. If necessary, you can ask follow up questions to bring the interviewee back to the discussed topic and always guide and encourage, but do not intrude and do not comment positively or negatively- try to be impartial. Each topic should be explored as completely as possible before moving on to another topic. You as the interviewer should be in a relaxed body posture, develop a good rapport with your subject, use nods and smiles and use clarifications and examples can be used after the question has been answered. Make sure that pauses are not interrupted by more questions; make sure the question is fully answered. Interviews should be in comfortable, informal settings with no background noise and the interviews should be slowly ended- not abruptly closes. A few closing questions with small talk for a few minutes and thanks is the recommended ending. And no interview should last more than a maximum of two hours- the interview will become more tiring and not productive.

You can also use a group to record oral history. A family group can be very enjoyable and valuable to the participants involved as well as the historian. It can provide more information as individual group members provoke responses and trigger memories in other members. A group interview can also highlight patterns of interaction among members and highlight the similarities and differences between the members.

In conclusion, Ms. Shopes had some words of caution. It is important to understand that some family members will be uncomfortable talking about personal things and will have little enthusiasm for your interview. Some will be unwilling to talk about personal things and will refuse outright. Others may have difficulty getting past the feelings of past embarrassment, pain such as deaths, etc... that they will have difficulty expressing or feel that they cannot do so. And some others will use this interview to try and sway the interviewer to 'their' side of a family quarrel or may only present the 'good' side of the information. The author reminds us - “Oral testimony, like any other historical source, needs to be evaluated both for its factual accuracy and for what it reveals about the attitudes and values of the interviewee.”

After the interview, it is important that the historian uses a good form of organization that allows for easy access of the information to others. Careful filing of pertinent information under the individual's name as well as good transcriptions are key. It is also an idea to make the transcripts available to other family members... and if possible to your local historical society or library for other researcher to use in their research efforts. The author does however advise that any family history that leaves the 'hands' of the family should be kept in a way that permission must be granted to use or view the information.

I enjoyed writing this summary and I hope it is helpful to someone searching for information about preparing family history. :)

The Small Blessings of Love and Service

I was blessed today to get to do some volunteering at the local food pantry. The love and amazing spirit that these people have is just phenomenal and is always so inspiring. I can go in feeling sick and tired and just unable to really 'think'- almost hunched up physically by my burdens... and then walk out three hours later, laughter still ringing in my ears, shoulders straight and the motivation and attitude to tackle the next problem that comes by. The feeling that I get from helping others at the food bank is one of the best feelings that I have ever known and sometimes find only in the temple. I hope that service will always be a big part of my life.

A quote I read in one of my textbooks later in the day keeps coming back to me - "Giving love is receiving love- In order to experience love, you must be vulnerable to it. When love is given away, it remains with you as well. In fact, love is unique in that the more you give, the more you will have to give and the more that you will receive."

With a smile on my face, I end my day … and wish that I could volunteer everyday!

To Live For Today.....

“Even you are not rich enough to buy back your past... No man is." - An Ideal Husband

Today I feel caught in the past. The memories of my past. The thoughts and fears and dreams of my past. I am finding it hard to live in my life today because my mind is running through the scripts of my past days in such quantity and with such speed. There is so much that I regret, so much that I need to acknowledge and atone for and so much that I have been castigated and thrown over the coals for that I never did. A part of me thinks that it should be a wash and I should have a blank slate like a newborn child.... but I would never want to go back to my childhood and I would not relish losing much of the knowledge that I have gained. Even the knowledge that I have gained from having my feet pressed firmly on the hot firebricks is valuable and useful knowledge and the pain of gaining that knowledge doesn't outweigh the benefits of its possession.

So... I can continue to waste this day and allow my mind and my heart to fall into the dark depressive ruminative state that accompanies sorrow and self pity... or I can sit up and shout “I'm here! I'm good! I'm trying!” I can hold my head up high with my shoulder straight and remember that I am a daughter of God, that he cares and loves me, and that he paid the price so that I can screw up and not have to beat myself whether physically or mentally. I do not have to become a self flagellant. I can remember that this day is the only day like it I will have.... and I can live for today. I can hug my child, kiss my husband and tell all my friends and family that I love them and make today a special day to look back upon instead of having mostly uncomfortable memories. I can break my life down into short pieces so that I can find more success and feel more hopeful and maybe even... joy. And my world will be better for this... and so will my life!

Music and the Soul

Music has always been a balm to my soul. I have used songs to help propel myself into the deepest pockets of despair and to pull myself, filthy and struggling back to earth. I have felt myself soar to heights of ecstasy that I have never felt from anything else, not even sex. Music can literally change my mood, my thoughts and my actions. In some ways, I think that music has a control over my emotions that I cannot control as well as I would like. As you read this, your eyebrows might be slowly rising at my strong language, but I cannot stress how much music affects me- for good or bad, music will affect me in some way emotionally. I have never found a piece of music that doesn't move me in some direction.

The history of how music began is far from certain or documented. The only part of music history that seems clear is that every group of people (including the most isolated people/tribes who have lived on this earth) have had forms of music so music is a fundamental and important part of our human experience. Many scientists believe that music may date back even early than the human diaspora (when human beings began to move from Africa around the world) which was 50,000 years ago.

Music will also vary based on culture, society, instruments, emotions, attitudes, and even the period when the music was created. Thinking of this idea reminds me of working in the ambulance garage where my boss would only play 'oldies' music. I thought is was OK and would sing along but it wasn't my preferred listening. I was an alternative/ 80's junkie along with some heavy metal. And my spare time was filled with musicals and a music game I would play with my friends (all speech had to be sung and you got extra points if you were able to use a direct quote out of a song to get your point across; you lost points if you talked). The music that was my favorite and was the 'new music' is now old – and I am only 35! And much of classical music is considered positively ancient! :)

So the idea that music affects me in such a powerful way I see as a blessing in most instances. I receive answered to prayers and questions of faith through music. I have felt anger and despair through music and used lyrics and song to channel and try to 'funnel' off painful emotions so that they no longer hurt me as deeply. I have felt a joy so strong that I have cried silently while laughing as I have listened and I have felt a stronger peace than I have ever known in silence. What a blessing music is not only to me, but to human beings as thinking, breathing, loving, human beings!

Think back at how music in its many forms has changed since you were a child... If you were Mormon, you can now get hymns set to rock music- a pretty unthinkable thing just twenty years ago. The internet allows us to get music from all over the world and from all genres. We have more choice in what we listen to than human beings have ever had IMO. What is music to you? What does music do for you?