What Does Your Scripture Case Say About You?

For those of you who are highly religious, the idea of a scripture case may not be a new thing for you. Especially for members of the Mormon church who tend to carry and utilize often a set of four books; The Holy Bible- King James version, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants and the smallest... the Pearl of Great Price. When you have a few books to carry around, it doesn't take too long before you look for or buy something to carry them in and many people – myself included- carry them in a case specifically made for this purpose. These cases come in a variety of sizes, colors, and sometimes come with pockets, other accessories, etc... As every individual is unique, cases come with a variety of looks as they are decorated, sewn, or even embroidered as designed by the specific individual. And as I was sitting in church last Sunday, I was looking at the contents of my scripture case and marveling at the amount of stuff in it besides my scriptures. After taking some time to carefully go through the case, I thought and tried to discover what someone might think about me if they didn't know me... and only had my scripture case to look at for clues to my life and history.

The largest item in my scripture case is – not surprisingly my scriptures! :) I have all four books combined into one book which many members called a 'quad'. It is black and has my name embossed on the front. It is however, my maiden name, and so it gives no clue of my marriage at first blush. My scriptures have been marked in places with pencil as well as many different colors of waxed crayon and so that will probably confuse some poor soul in the future who tries to figure out what the different colors mean. Funny thing, but with very few exceptions... I used the color I picked up first when I was thinking about the scripture or the color that the verse caused me to think of at that moment. Certainly a lot of time can be wasted on attempting to classify and figure out what method there was to my color choices when there was very little structured method at all. My scriptures have a few different book marks in them and I took them out for this exercise as each means a great deal to me. This particular set of scriptures itself means a great deal to me because I purchased it only a few weeks before my husband proposed and he came into the distribution center with me while I picked them out. I found out later that he knew he was going to propose but wasn't sure how to tell me not to put my name on them as I might change it. :)

The next item is my hymn book. The same day I purchased my scriptures there was a small blue hymn book in the clearance section and I purchased it and had my name embossed on it as well. So it also has my maiden name, but pretty much no markings at all. In some ways it almost looks like I haven't used it at all, but it is my preferred hymn book for use at home and church if possible. Even though it is small and the lettering is small enough that it can be difficult to read, I feel more open to hearing the words when I hold it and sing from it. Nothing that I can really explain- just the way that I feel which may not be apparent without seeing me and watching me with the book

itself. Inside the hymnal, I have a small bookmark and two pictures. I use the book mark to hold the place of the next hymn during church or to mark the one that I am studying in my spare time and it was made for me as a present by my friend Toni. I haven't seen her in years, but I think of her every time I hold the bookmark and feel the caring and love that she has for me. The two pictures are very meaningful to me and I use them as a reminder of situations or people. The first picture is of a friend of mine when she graduated

from college. Katey looks beautiful, elegant and self assured. Her life has been a little different from mine and I aspire to look so calm, confident and beautiful when I finally graduate... well, if I finally graduate! ; ) The second picture is of Bug when he was about eighteen months old. The picture caught caught him in a rare moment of quizzical amusement and giggles.... and it was wonderful!

I have a few typical things- the package of scripture markers, two copies of the “New Testament” Chronology card (not sure why I have two...?), a large postcard with a picture of the scene of Lehi's dream, the Relief Society proclamation bookmark, and a pressed daisy that I have had for several years. The daisy is my favorite flower and it came from a bouquet that Rob bought me a long time ago. I also have two 4” x 7” pictures tucked into the pages. The first picture is of a portrait painted by David Lynn called “The Ascent.” The first time I say the artwork was in a museum in Utah. It took my breath away and off and on for weeks, I dreamed about the image. I saw the people in the portrait struggling forward, reaching out, pulling people up.... I felt their hands help me forward and I felt the hope in the struggle. We are not alone in our trials, we can always find help and support. Later on I found a copy of the picture on line and downloaded it to my computer. Then, after a trip with a thumb drive to the local drug store, I had my own small copy. I look at it at least once a week and I see different things, but I always feel a sense of peace and comfort while gazing. The last picture ironically enough gives me the same feelings, but its an entirely different subject matter. It a postcard photo that I made from a picture on the internet.

I am a serious Harry Potter fan and I was a very silly fan of Hermione and her group “S.P.E.W.” I loved to read about it and I spent a lot of free time in my life thinking about the questions that her group posed as well as the opposition she accidentally created in her zeal and struggle against the social norm. The lessons that I learned and ruminated on from some of the elf characters themselves; Winky, Dobby, and Creature. So I carry a picture of all three of them and the emblem of the group. I look at the picture and laugh at some of the images the characters create in my mind... Dobby wearing too many hats, Creature cooking or huddled over his picture of Bellatrix Lastrange, Winky crying and looking through her fingers.... so many images that create laughter or concern or other thoughts. For some reason that only my subconscious seems to understand, my scriptures and scripture study feels enriches with my picture of the elves. I actually don't feel terribly comfortable with the idea of taking it out of the case... that's something I might need to think about.

So what do you keep with your scriptures...? And what do the things you keep say about you? I'm curious... :)

Sometimes I wonder... 1 Nephi chapter 2

I have been thinking a bit about Nephi lately... or I guess a specific chapter actually. I have been stuck on it so much that I am getting behind in my reading for Sunday School. For some reason, 1 Nephi chapter 2 has been something that my brain seems to focus on these days and I find myself being pulled back from the next chapters to stare at pages 4-5. A few verses have really been on my mind and I thought I would share them and my thoughts about them.

1 Nephi 2:11-12

11 Now this he spake because of the stiffneckedness of Laman and Lemuel; for behold they did murmur in many things against their father, because he was a visionary man, and had led them out of the land of Jerusalem, to leave the land of their inheritance, and their gold, and their silver, and their precious things, to perish in the wilderness. And this they said he had done because of the foolish imaginations of his heart.
 12 And thus Laman and Lemuel, being the eldest, did murmur against their father. And they did murmur because they knew not the dealings of that God who had created them.

To me, these verses make quite a few statements that are really worth pondering. I don't know if it has anything to do with my current place in life. But I feel like many people have more of a clue about what is happening in my life than I do. And some of these people are protecting and caring for me... and some of them are not. And I am finding myself falling into murmuring- I do not feel like I am murmuring against my father... rather that I am plagued with self pity, loathing and ingratitude towards my situation. But the verse ends, “because they knew not the dealings of that God who had created them.” I will admit that the more I think about it, I don't know my future and I feel like things would be easier if I knew how they ended. I wonder if I feel sad/angry and I feel like complaining because I 'know not' the dealings of my God. But I also look at this verse and think... “well, why didn't they ask?” And I keep thinking about it... Why didn't they ask? I can't imagine that Heavenly Father wouldn't have answered a sincere prayer. And Lehi and Sarah and even some of their siblings were praying for Laman and Lemuel. It seems clear that something was holding them back. Was it their perceptions of their situation? Was it their lack of trust and conviction in their father? Was it there trust in friends and other people? A biological problem/mental illness that made it more difficult for these two to feel trust and security in their world... many anxiety disorders, narcissism, etc... Where they really closer to the stereotype that we see at church- angry, mean, selfish, and grasping...? A combination of many things? I will never know the answer – I can only answer these questions for myself and my life. Which brings me to this verse...

16 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless being large in stature, and also having great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers.

This opened a few interesting thoughts to me. One thought is that Nephi originally felt like his brothers- that his father was a little 'strange', etc... so to speak. Another thought is that he did have a sincere desire so he took the time and effort to ask and was given an answer which helped him to understand God better... as well as his earthly father. So I wonder... is Nephi different from Laman and Lemuel only due to his “great desire” for knowledge? Did he ask because he trusted his father in all things and so he felt he needed to ask God to understand a situation that he didn't comprehend? Did he trust God enough that he was willing to ask? I guess I wonder the true circumstances whereas Nephi made a different choice from two of his brothers and why they made the choice that they did. I wonder how many times he had to pray... as I do not always feel like I got an answer I could understand without lots of pondering and a few prayers. Enos certainly had a great desire and his prayer was long and pleading and sincere- longer than I imagine most prayers ever are. The verse suggests that Nephi got his answer, but doesn't tell us how long it took until he got it.

Maybe I find these verses so interesting because I feel like I see an view of Nephi and his brothers that I have never really seen before. I have read the Book of Mormon so many times and I have certainly listened to the stereotyping of scriptural people that many members practice in church. (Which I will admit I try to ignore the comments because I just can't see everything in black and white. Like many people I know and myself, I do not find my testimony threatened if my heroes are not perfect and I find many prophets more interesting and worthy of study when I do feel they are human and not just 'good' two dimensional characters.) I will admit that until I read these verses over and over during the last few weeks, I found that I had never considered Nephi at all like his brothers Laman and Lemuel. But this reading seems to suggest to me that the only real differences between them are really the choices that they made. All three men appear to have questioned their father.... but for whatever reason, only Nephi searched the depths of his mind and heart to ask God about his father and what his father was seeing/saying.... An interesting lesson to say the least!

What are your thoughts?

History of a Song: May - “I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go”

This song was really interesting to research. I really like the song which gave me the motivation to get started, but the idea that this song has disputed authors was fascinating. I haven't run into that phenomenon yet until this particular hymn. So anyway, here it goes... : )

The words to this song were possibly written by Mary Brown. (And most sources that I found listed her as the sole author or the author of just the first stanza). She was born in 1856 in Canada and died in 1918 due to the influenza epidemic. It is believed that she wrote this song in 1899. The second and third stanzas are attributed to Charles Edwin Prior (1856-1927). The other possible author is Charles Hutchinson Gabriel. He was born in August 1856 in Iowa on a farm. He showed a talent for music early on and while he didn't have any formal training in music, he began to travel and lead his own singing schools in various areas. He eventually served as a music director at an episcopal church in California. Mr Gabriel was married twice in his lifetime and had two children. He died in September 1932 in Hollywood, California.
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Car­rie E. Roun­se­fell wrote the music for this particular hymn. She was born in 1861 in Merrimack, New Hampshire. She grew up in Manchester, NH and it was here that she met and married her husband William Rounsefell. She was known by many to be a singing evangelist and she would travel throughout New England and parts of New York with her small auto-harp to sing and preach. She died on Sep­tem­ber 18, 1930, in Dur­ham, Maine.

This particular hymn was originally titled “Go Stand and Speak” and listed under its current name and is #270 in the current LDS hymnbook. It has been performed by many different groups which include the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and the Arizona Drones. It has also been performed and published in several different arrangements- one LDS favorite is an album called “Let Us Go Forth” produced by Greg Hansen.

This hymn really focuses on a really important theme in the LDS and most Christian religions. The idea that sometimes (and probably more often than we actually do) we should put aside our wants and desires and use our energy and strength to do as Heavenly Father wishes us to do instead. Many scriptures discuss this idea – a few are John 20:21, 1 Nephi 3:7, and Isaiah 6:8. To go and do what the Father asks us to do has been the motivation for so many prophets; it is the reason that Noah built the ark, the reason that Lehi took his family and left Jerusalem, the motivation for Ruth to follow her mother in law to a foreign place. It should be our motivation and true desire to do the same. May we take the time to pay attention to what we are spending our time on and try and listen so that we know what the Lord would have us do. It might help us to reach the desires that we had in the first place, but if not... it might open doors we never dreamed were even available.

Prayer, Service and a U-Turn

Today, until just recently I was having a great day. I felt so peaceful and just... happy. I really couldn't find anything that seemed to break in and distress the 'groove' so to speak.... until this afternoon. I am disappointed that I can be so easily acted upon and I am really disappointed that I 'allow' myself to have negative reactions to things. Even when something isn't good and is negative, it doesn't mean that I need to dwell on it and it doesn't mean that I have to forget all the good that I am surrounded with. So why do I have such a hard time focusing on the positives?

Anyway, I decided to pick up my scriptures and do a 'random' reading. Yesterday at church, there was a great discussion by two members of the stake presidency on the importance of scripture reading. I have sat through MANY lessons on this topic throughout my life with small variations based on teaching skills and class interest and focus, but essentially they have been all the same. You must read your scriptures because:

1. It is a commandment and you will be held accountable.- Some teachers have suggested that you will be cursed for not reading, others have suggested that you will 'lose blessings' without appropriate scripture study, and others have gone to even more interesting lengths; one I remember in particular is John Bytheway who thought we 'might' have to confess to the actual prophets who wrote these books after we die that we didn't read them because … *** insert lame excuse here***.

2. If the scriptures are a gift given to us by a loving Heavenly Father to help guide us, give answers and advice, and offer comfort and hope... then how ungrateful are we if we allow this positive and loving gift to sit on the shelf collecting dust? I know of one member who was born in the church and while she has had periods of inactivity she has for the most part been a faithful attendee (she confessed to me several months ago that she has never read the Book of Mormon.) How many others of my faith fit in into this mold?

The phrase 'reading the scriptures' is one of the best generic answers for church. Any question asked with very few exceptions can be answered with it and it will be an unassailable answer. But while it is an 'easy answer', it tends to not be an easy thing to do. And the lesson on Sunday mentioned that when we pray, our answers from God are more likely to come from the scriptures than anything else. I have always thought that answers would come in many other ways as well as scriptures- instead I learned that if you do not read your scriptures, you are less likely to receive answers at all. The stake presidency also talked about how scripture study is uniting- that those who read the scriptures become bound closer to others, even if they are not reading them together. He said that scripture study helps you to interpret true miracles as well.

So today.... today, when I felt confused and sad, I picked up my scriptures and opened them randomly and landed on Alma chapter 34. These verses really pulled me and I read them over and over for almost a quarter of an hour.

17 Therefore may God grant unto you, my brethren, that ye may begin to exercise your faith unto repentance, that ye begin to call upon his holy name, that he would have mercy upon you;

18 Yea, cry unto him for mercy; for he is mighty to save.

19 Yea, humble yourselves, and continue in prayer unto him.

20 Cry unto him when ye are in your fields, yea, over all your flocks.

21 Cry unto him in your houses, yea, over all your household, both morning, mid–day, and evening.

22 Yea, cry unto him against the power of your enemies.

23 Yea, cry unto him against the devil, who is an enemy to all righteousness.

24 Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them.

25 Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase.

26 But this is not all; ye must pour out your souls in your closets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness.

27 Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.

28 And now behold, my beloved brethren, I say unto you, do not suppose that this is all; for after ye have done all these things, if ye turn away the needy, and the naked, and visit not the sick and afflicted, and impart of your substance, if ye have, to those who stand in need—I say unto you, if ye do not any of these things, behold, your prayer is vain, and availeth you nothing, and ye are as hypocrites who do deny the faith.

(Book of Mormon | Alma 34:17 - 28)

I realized that I have not prayed enough lately. I have cried (probably more than necessary I should think :) but I have closed myself off from many but I have also started in my pain to close myself off from my Father. Until that moment I hadn't really realized it. Lately, I have given a short prayer and immediately fallen into sleep. If I wake a few hours later, my brain simply continues a circular pattern of the same fairly horrible feelings and thoughts that have been running through my subconscious for a few months now... and the thoughts will continue for hours until exhausted I fall asleep again. In verses 27-28, Amulek (the speaker) reminds his audience that it is not enough to pray constantly about your welfare, but you must also pray for the welfare of others. I was struck suddenly by the idea that if I am not constantly working for my good but also the good of others, my prayers will be next to useless. I will be crying and begging just to hear the sound of my own voice. Sounds embarrassing and foolish.

So I think I have been doing things a little backwards lately. I have been volunteering and spending my free time working to help my family and others and exhausting myself so that I do not have time to think... no time to read scriptures... and no energy to pray. So I think I need to make a 180 degree change... and start praying more, reading more... and then volunteer and continue to do my work for my family and for others. This may help me find the path I have been looking for over the last few years.