Forced Rest

I'm a bit tired and wrung out today... a bone deep exhaustion that I am struggling to deal with. I need to rest this weekend so that I have the strength to work all next week and even the thought of moving my body right now seems so painful that I have been sitting and reading or watching films for the majority of the afternoon... except when I have napped. I worry that I am letting my friends and my co-workers down with my inability to continue to push myself in ways that I could in the past, but am unable to do now for long periods of time. I feel like I'm letting myself down too. This problem is something that I think I am going to learn to accept

it and stop being so hard on myself for it. I am trying to look at the positive side of the health problem; I have been able to take the time to read and watch some movies which I rarely have taken time to do in years. Some of the films that I have watched recently I have held onto for years to watch when I had the time. I am slowly winnowing through those piles of films including the massive collection that my Uncle Rick gave me years ago in a large stack. Because of that gift, I am enjoying films that I would never have gone out of my way to see if he hadn't given them to me. (Don't get me wrong- there are some serious duds in the collection, but I have found a few gems. And this package used to be full to the top... it was an amazing gift.)

So today and tomorrow I will rest and see what energy I can pull up out of the recesses of my muscles for the week and what will be will be. I am grateful for the day of rest that I have and a day to spend with family.

Gratitude - 1/20/18

1. I volunteer every Saturday for about six hours at the local thrift shop. There is a large bin that is filled with bags of clothing to go through and every week, I struggle to get the bags as low as I can... to come back and do it again the next Saturday. Every time I make a dent- sometime quite a large one- but I rarely create enough of a dent to have it remain throughout the week. Today, alone with another volunteer, we emptied it. It was completely empty with no work to be done. That is an amazing feeling. It feels a bit odd to look at the work and realize that there is no more to be done. While there will be plenty more next week, it felt lovely to see that empty bin and recognize it for what it was- a job well done.

2. I hadn't been able to take the time around the holidays to watch all the Christmas movies that I had been hopeful to watch. I had a few new ones to watch and the one I was most hopeful to enjoy I had missed. Therefore, I thought it prudent to enjoy my spare time this evening to enjoy "A Christmas Carol" with Sir Patrick Stewart. It held all the promise I had hoped for and more. I haven't sat and 'just' watched a film in ages. It was wonderful. A few parts of it gave me cause to ponder, but one particular piece of a line caught my ear and has held it after I have turned off the film.

.... the torture of remorse... - Jacob Marley

Definitely something to think upon...

3. When I fed all my companions last night, I manged to get a picture of all of them together except Footie. It is a bit awe inspiring to see them all together and realize how many there are and how much 'mass' they seem to take up together. I am so blessed and so grateful for each and everyone of them. Like an attached parent, I can not imagine my world without each one of them and I am aware that the loss of even one would feel horrible. To watch them together is to smile and , when I tuck into bed at night, I never go alone. I awake in the morning hearing a quiet rumble of purrs and I feel content.

4. I was able to get an amazing deal on a 100% wool queen size blanket. The warmth I felt the few minutes I used it was wonderful and I am looking forward to using it all winter!

5. I found a really interesting pair of pants in my travels today. I recognized the seal before I read the words and as I looked at it, I thought of my Uncle Rick and I missed my family in Utah. I have some amazing relatives out west- in Utah, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Las Vegas_ and I do not see them as much as I would like. This symbol reminded me of my desire for good things for them, my love for them, and the hopes of a peaceful week for each of them.

A good evening to all. :)

Gratitude - 1/8/2018

1. I had another PT appointment today. I go to several appointments to try and fix one particular joint and then they move onto another one. Today's appointment was for my left ankle. Out of all my bothersome joints, the left ankle is the biggest problem. So today I got to sit down with Jacques and look at pictures of my ankle when I damaged it three years ago. Then we scanned through x-rays and notes and then we got to work. I am so grateful that I have health insurance that will cover the therapies I need to try and get my ligaments and tendons strong enough to hold the joints in. I am not sure what I would do without it.

2. I love Brock's hamster. She is named 'Duck' and she is just the sweetest, most kindly soul I have ever seen in a hamster. She reminds me of a hamster I had when Bug was born names Adonis. She takes good care of herself and won't over eat even though Bug WAY overfeeds her. She will sit in your hand and look into your eyes and I lose myself in their depths. Watching her is restful and peaceful. She is a very old lady at almost two years old, but I am grateful to have her in my life.

3. I am so grateful I got caught up on CPR paperwork. I have been avoiding that like the plague, but it's done and ready for the mail tomorrow! I will have more to do in a few days, but at least I am caught up now.

4. Several years ago, my Uncle Rick gave me a huge stack of DVD's. Once in a while I will open the package up and pop one in the player and either enjoy something I've seen before or discover something new that I probably would not have seen if he hadn't given me a copy. Tonight I enjoyed an oldie but goodie (My Cousin Vinny) and a new one (Lake Placid). I was able to do my paperwork, eat a decent dinner, and enjoy some really silly films at the same time.

5. As part of #4, I am grateful I do not live anywhere where I could go to a large and be eaten by a 28 foot long crocodile. Even if the film was set in Maine. :)

6. I have extra days at work this week and while my legs will whine, my bank account will smile.

7. My plants are still alive even though the winter is cold and they are by the windows... and even though my cats sit on them and squash them flat. The root systems should help keep them going until the summer comes so I can watch them bloom again. I love indoor plants for so many reasons, but one reason is that I love their resiliency.

8. I was able to take several bags of donations that I sorted out from volunteering on Saturday and take it to a cool place called the Community Closet. They were thrilled to get the clothing and I was glad someone wanted it.

9. I feel warm and have lots of warm clothing to hang out in at home. I have a roof over my head and good food to eat. My car keeps limping along and gets me to were I need to go. That's always a good start to every day.

What are you thankful for today?