“Wings” and What Not.... :D

So this week, I was able to watch most of a remastered film called “Wings”. It was a 1927 American action silent film (all words were written in borders) that starred Clara Bow, one of the great early actresses of film. The film was an original black and white, silent film w/ dramatic narration and some remastered affects that had been added (such as the orange, red plums form the back of disabled planes crashing to earth.) While this film was mostly based on war – WWII in particular, it had several aspects of the script and directing that I found interesting and worthy of analyzing and extra thought.

Clara Bow mentioned once that she felt she was put in the film because she was the studio's most popular actress and that the film didn't need her... but I will say that I loved her in the film and I'm not sure the film would have had the same 'open' flavor that I felt it had with her in it. To be blunt, I don't think it would have been at all enjoyable for me without her in it. It was her expressions and her feelings toward the character Jack Powell that actually drew me into the film and caused me to have interest in the film at all. Clara played a character called Mary Preston who found it very challenging to hide her feelings and love for Jack Powell. Jack was very attracted to another girl named Sylvia Lewis, but Sylvia is in love with a boy named David Armstrong. The boy's rivalry follows them when they both enlist in the Army to be fighter pilots and only after some tension do both David and Jack find a way to get along and become friends. The movie plot follows these two young men through the war as well as Mary Preston and how the war changed them. I highly recommend taking the time to watch it if you have the inclination.

One of the acting techniques that silent films needed to use in the past to help the viewers understand the plot of the film was to use written narration. When parts of the plot needed to move along faster, a little music and some written words could not only change the scene but also lets us as an audience know exactly how everything had changed- environment, situation, etc... In our current media, much of what we use to help move plot and emotion along is words. Films also use body language and facial expression, but words and sound really matters. Many films use sound and facial expression to help us to realize the thoughts of the characters we are watching. This film being soundless had only two options to let the audience know what was going on- the narration and the music... or the body language and facial movements. Pantomime is a wonderful skill and I felt like the written language in the film wasn't very useful to me... I felt pulled into the story through every movement on the character's faces. These actors used everything they had to express what was in their head and I felt like I could understand the words that that were said – even though I couldn't hear them- I could understand just from their faces and their eyes. Most of the emotions / thoughts that I could feel coming from the actors that helped me to understand what was going on seemed to come from directly from their eyes. At one point I found myself staring at Clara Bow and felt pulled in... sucked into her frustration and sorrow over Jack, fear for his safety and excitement over her new opportunity to drive which opens up her world a bit more. That skill- it is definitely a skill- is something that most actors these days can't (or at least don't) do. I wouldn't be at all unhappy if I found some time to finish the film outside of class. :)

So what silent films have you seen? Do you have a favorite? If you have watched this film, what did you think about it. This was my first introduction to Clara Bow and I would love to watch more things that she starred in. I felt like she was that good! Please share your thoughts... :)

PTSD / Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome - The Basics and the Personal

This week I took an in-depth look at post-traumatic stress syndrome... otherwise known as PTSD. My experience with PTSD is both personal and community orientated. Some of my family knows that I have this diagnosis, but for those that do not... I am coming out of the closet ;) I was diagnosed with PTSD three years ago stemming from experiences that occurred before I was eighteen in my parent's household. (I am not trying to be mean about my parents … I frankly think at this point that they did the best they knew how and complaining or blaming doesn't change anything.) I have some friends who also suffer from this disorder and some acquaintances who struggle with it so badly that they really find it difficult to get through the day... every day. One challenge that people with this disorder face every day is that this problem isn't normally visible to the world around them. Unlike someone who is in a wheelchair or has a different physical problem, the world around you doesn't know for the most part that you need certain care, what that care is, etc... So when a situation changes and puts the individual into instinctual action, everyone surrounding you for the most part is unprepared to deal with it and the individual themselves just struggles to hold themselves together and pull their mind and feelings back to the present.

So for those individuals that do not know much about post traumatic stress disorder, let me share some of the basics. PTSD is usually caused by events that happen to a person (or persons) that are out of the ordinary and which someone's 'life or integrity' is at risk, affected, etc... The action can happen to the person or someone can develop this disorder from witnessing something severely challenging. When described in those words it seems (at least to me) like something simple and most simple things are easy to fix. From my own personal experience as well as the experiences that have been shared with me by friends or family, it is not simple at all. Another thing that I have noticed in my experiences is that PTSD is different and is responded to differently by anyone who has it and when I asked about that idea at a conference last year I was told that happens because people's personalities and how they handle and react to things initially are different and also their experiences and how they feel about them are different. Some healthcare professionals also believe that PTSD is more likely to affect 'vulnerable people' such as those with fewer defense mechanisms, fewer safe resources in family and friends, people with low self esteem, etc.... and others believe that getting the disorder could cause the self esteem, defense problems, etc... (Reminds me a little bit of the age old question of which came first... the chicken or the egg.) While most people have heard of PTSD being a consequence for soldiers who have experienced military combat, it is also common for victims of abuse, rape, torture and more. If there is one part of the definition that seems a bit challenging to define, it's 'out of the ordinary world experience'...? Wouldn't that also depend on the individual involved and what was normal for them? A good reason that even defining what causes the disorder can be difficult!

Even though the exact description of the problem isn't precise, the symptoms of PTSD are very easily defined. There are three categories that symptoms can easily be placed in; re-experience, avoidance, and arousal. Here is a basic breakdown of what those categories cover.

1. Re-experience - These symptoms include flashbacks and /or reliving the traumatic event for minutes or much longer. Some people get difficult dreams about the traumatic event(s)

2. Avoidance - Some symptoms include the attempt to try to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event, avoiding activities or people that you used to enjoy, feeling hopeless and anxiety about the future, difficulty with memory as well as emotional challenges (such as feeling numb or unable to feel much), and difficulty concentrating as well as maintain close, personal relationships.

3. Arousal - Some symptoms people may feel are increased anxiety, irritability / anger, trouble sleeping, being easily startled, frightened (jumpy), large quantities of guilt or shame, self destructive behavior in an attempt at self medicating or suppressing the problem, and even other mental disorders that can be caused by the heightened emotional and mental challenges

One thing that I spent a lot of time thinking about was the difference between remembering the experience and reliving it. At first, I didn't see much of a difference, but the more I thought about it ... I realized there is a very big difference! One thing that came to mind, I thought about a few people I know and how this disorder affects the way they do things. I thought of a friend who tends to make chaos in every situation she is in and it gives her something to feel good about and also sets her up as a victim if people get angry at her. She also misinterprets facial expressions and if some one gives her a quizzical look, she is enraged and will shun or try to hurt that person for weeks in her anger... yet also separates herself from anyone but family as well at that time. She never sleeps well and has migraines approximately twelve days of the month. One reason I was interested in this subject was that I want to understand how to help people dealing with trauma better than I do so that maybe I can be of help to others as they struggle. Maybe I can learn how to understand myself better and not have so much fear behind the 'smile'. My friend also fears the future and her children are their mother's PTSD? Not sure and that is just speculation on my part. I really wish there was something I could do for her, but I really can't figure anything out.

There are many treatments out there for this condition, but as people are different they are not always as successful as they could be. Doctors used medications as well as counseling and other therapies to try and help patients. I use medication and prayer as well as an anti-depressant and try to avoid situations which can cause me more challenges and panic. For the most part, that really helps me to do the things I need to and want to do comfortably and not have problems... which is a wonderful thing! I know that some brain problems an be helped by therapy to 'change' the wiring of the brain such as in sensory integration disorder (SID), sensory processing disorder (SPD), etc... I wonder if PTSD is more challenging than some disorders such as the ones I just mentioned because PTSD is something that was forced 'onto' the body and not an original part of it......

I would love to hear some of your thoughts... Do any of you have experience in helping people (or yourself) with this problem? What has been successful and helpful for you? If any of my readers feel comfortable sharing, please feel free to continue the conversation and we can learn together. :)

"Primary Colors" and the Blurring of Vision

When the book first came out in 1996 by Anonymous, I was really not interested in reading it and I pretty much felt the same way when the movie came out. I had a gut feeling about both the movie and book that is a little convoluted, but came down to three thoughts; I don't really like films that seem solely political or are heavily about politics, I didn't want to watch a 'slam' movie about the Clintons even if I wasn't one of their biggest fans, and I felt like it would just be a waste of time. So I didn't think about it and the world moved on....

So... second week in class and I'm sitting watching another movie I had no interest in except that I had been intrigued by the movie clips shown in my first week of class so I was hopeful that I would learn something and have fun this time... and I did. I was really affected by the film - both emotionally and intellectually. I didn't sleep for several hours afterwards because I really needed to digest the feelings and thoughts it provoked. After much contemplation, I decided to write about the largest emotional paradox that I found when watching and analyzing this film.

This film gave a reporter's viewpoint....or a 'loose' biography about President Bill Clinton's first primary election and some of the challenges he faced: political, personal, and moral. These ideas were portrayed through characters named Jack and Susan Stanton.

Susan - "It's four in the morning- let's just tell the truth"

The underlying emotional theme that I felt throughout the film was how much all of us, and especially me, live in a paradox when we are politically active. To be informed and to try and make informed decisions, a person usually does some research, talks with friends and family, reads or listens to the candidates and their views... and then we hopefully make our choices on the ballot based on what we think is right for us, our neighbors and community, and what our moral and intelligent self believes to be the right choices for all. However, while we do all this, most of us understand that what we are told, read, hear in ads, etc... is not only biased, but sometimes not the least bit true. We know this, instinctively and intellectually... and yet we make our choices based on these 'truths' that we know to be wrong, biased or at least not totally truthful; or factual.

Henry - "I want to believe it."
"I'll take the liar"

So why do we make the choices that we do? Why do we believe any of it... why do we know about the paradox and yet yield and participate in it?

Libby - “...Without them, I'm dark and black and cold and dead and empty and airless for eternity....”

And that pretty much says it all. Inside all of us - we want to believe and we all want to feel a connection to greatness... or what we think is greatness. We want to believe in the person, in what they say, in their promises for better things. As proof of that we rarely elect the moral, truthful person. We understand and expect the phoniness of politics and our politicians. We see the bad, the ugly and we compartmentalize it in our minds and view the thoughts separately if we are still willing to give the person a chance. I'm loath to admit it, but charisma, acting, and good looks with a lot of money still go pretty far in this country...especially in both the professions of acting/theater and politics. In many ways they are bred of the same cloth and that is easily evidenced by some of our politicians - Reagan or Schwarzenegger to name two.

I have believed for many years that real politicians are true 'shape shifters' or maybe benign 'boggarts' (from Harry Potter.) They can make us feel good and right and cared for even as they do things that horrify and sicken us. We accept the worst in them that we wouldn't accept in ourselves or most others. This film brought that home very strongly for me as I found myself disappointed in and disgusted by Jack Stanton... yet rooting for him to win in the end. And I found myself almost crying at the death of Libby realizing that my idealism in politics is just as dead even if I am still breathing. An amazing film on some extraordinary lives.

2013 Poetry Corner #6 - "To Be"

To dream is to stretch your soul
... to reach out of your reality to a new place
... to hope for future peace

To plan is to stretch your mind
... to focus on the changes that must be
... to hold onto a goal with purpose

To try is to acknowledge possibility
... of both failure and success
... to move onward anyway

To grow is to reach forth
... to know that to gain may cause pain
... that through adversity, we gain strength

To love is to believe
... to know that the Father loves us
... to have faith in ourselves
... to be

A Gift Recognized...

Holding onto anger is like grasping hot coal, you are the one getting burned - Buddha

The growth in both spirit and emotional strength that I have accomplished in the last few years has been pretty astonishing to me. I sometimes look back at the hurt and angry person that I was and I feel so much sorrow for her and I long to tell my past self that all will improve and truly will be for her good. I have not exited the furnace of my crucible, but I am closer to the cooler air and to peace and for that I am very grateful.

One thing that I felt intensely that I need to share and must be willing to express is my gratitude that I have been able to let so much of the anger go. I will not pretend it is all gone nor will I feign that I don't still feel a decent sized mass of it writhing around the halls of my soul. However, I can look at some of the hurtful things that people do now and I can see their pain even in the hand that harms me. It is a gift that I had never wanted nor hoped to gain, but it is a gift that I am so grateful for. I still cry sometimes and I feel the frustration and pain that come from misunderstandings and judgments of others, but I now can feel some of what is lurking under the surface of their skin and I can find compassion within my to give. I think in the past I have found it so easy to forgive people of so many things to a certain point and then the hurts would just compound until I couldn't see them without the anger and the hurt almost overwhelming my mind. I think that my new instinct to not trust right away but to also take things less personally and to reach out in love and a genuine desire for understanding is helping me to trust more appropriately... to feel protected and yet open and ready to serve. I am so grateful for this new viewpoint and understanding that I am beginning to gain and thankful that I can see the blessings even in what I believe may be one of the largest trials of my life – my divorce and family loss.

What happened to reflect this to me recently was a very painful experience that I had last Monday. I am not yet ready or comfortable enough to share it with others as my soul just feels almost as much shock and disappointment in myself as pain, but it feels sufficient to say that as I tucked into my covers that night and felt pain and resignation in myself, I felt a great deal more sorrow and compassion for my ex and a few friends than I ever have before. I am in a place that I can comprehend and almost see what they struggle with and it makes my struggles seem so minor and of lesser consequence. I haven't felt such a strong motivation to help these individuals in a very long time. While I feel my own burdens pressing, it is a wonderful feeling to look for ways to help... my troubles seem to lessen even in just the thinking of it. A wonderful blessing indeed.