In one of my classes, we were given this quiz from the book "True North". It was a really interesting quiz and the rules are that you take the quiz yourself... and then give a few copies to trusted friends or family and ask them to rate you. (Remember, you can't get angry at them if they don't answer the way you want to! This is to help you grow :) I have put the quiz here so that you may try it!
Rate yourself from 1 to 10 – with 10 being very, 5 being moderately and 1 being barely
How self confident are you?
How aware are you of your moods and emotions?
How effective are you in regulating your moods to minimize their impact on other people?
When confronted with situations that are displeasing to you, how well do you take the time to think clearly about them before responding or reacting?
When you receive critical feedback from others, how well are you able to take in the feedback and respond in a constructive manner without acting defensively?
How well do you understand the emotional makeup of others and their needs?
How sensitive are you in relating to other's needs and helping them?
How skillful are you in building lasting relationships?
How well do you network with others and create networks of people with common interests?
How effective are you in leading teams?
Do others follow your lead voluntarily?
How persuasive are you in convincing others of your mutual interests?
How do your answers compare to the answers from your family/friends? Is there something that you would change about yourself? What are your thoughts?
2011/10/04
2011/10/01
French Revolutionaries and Analysis on Minority Rights
After reading and studying the 'Declaration of Man' last week, I really wanted to try and figure out what the people who wrote the document meant by it. For instance, it seems obvious through language that the word man means all men, but it did not. So here are some thoughts on the research that I did and what I think the thoughts of the revolutionaries might have been.
To start, I will admit that I am not really sure about what the revolutionaries thoughts about rights for free Negroes in the Caribbean colonies and non-Christian groups within France. What does seem clear is that if you lived in the French Caribbean colonies, you tended to lean more towards an appreciation of slavery an if you lived in the country of France, then you tended to feel that slavery was not totally positive- I make this statement based on the idea that after an uprising in Saint-Domingue in 1791, the Assembly in May of that year passed a decree that gave full citizenship rights to all free nonwhite males born to free parents in a French Colony. This concession is clearly limited and didn't apply to any nonwhite male slaves not to non white who were free but had parents who were considered slaves, but this concession was considered unacceptable to the French (white) citizens of the colonies and they lobbied hard to have the decree annulled.
(It appears that they would have been successful if not for the great slave rebellion in September 1791 that occurred again in Saint-Domingue and lead to the eventual abolition of slavery in 1794 and the colony's independence from France several years later.) The writer Montesquieu wrote in “The Spirit of Laws” many things suggesting that slavery is an affront to natural law, he also wrote that in some situations it can be justified- one quote states '… It is hard to believe that God, who is such a wise Being, should place a soul, especially a good soul in such a black ugly body.....The Negroes prefer a glass necklace to that gold which polite nations so highly value. 
Can there be a greater proof of their want of common sense? It is impossible for us to suppose these creatures are men because, allowing them to be men, a suspicion would follow that we ourselves are not Christian.' I will admit that I read the document three times and I think that I still do not understand what the writer meant, but it does appear to me that these statements give a justification of exploitation and slavery based on skin color, looks, and assumptions. Any thoughts from classmates who actually understood what Montesquieu meant are certainly welcome as I won't pretend that I did. :)
What does seem clear is that as enlightened as many of these revolutionaries were, they still had to deal with their own traditions and prejudices, the biases of others, and it is unreasonable to expect that they could literally change the world in a matter of weeks in regards to all the prejudices and class biases that existed at that time. What they did accomplish was pretty extraordinary in itself. Until the revolution, it appears that religious belief was an important characteristic that helped determine your citizenship; i.e., if you were Catholic you were a citizen and if you were anything else you were not. The revolution started the change in this by granting limited citizenship rights to all French Protestants in 1787- two years before the writing of 'The Declaration of the Rights of Man and Citizen'. It is a little telling that it took an additional four years to grant the majority of French Jews citizenship rights in September of 1791... especially as I realized that the some of the nonwhite males of the French colonies were given citizenship rights four months previously. Another requirement for citizenship was that you had to be male, so this certainly left women out. :) I believe that another requirement was that you had to be born in France- so immigrants would never have any way of becoming a citizen. Any way you look at the process of trying to open up opportunity and rights to a majority that had not had then, it was not an easy process.
I suspect one reason that these particular groups were not naturally included and were considered separately is simply because in almost all aspects of life they were already looked at separately. Other groups such as the poor while separate,... in many ways looked like their group. Many white men were poor, etc... Non whites and Jews looked different, had different cultures, even different religions, making these groups seem more suspect and not immediately brought to the forefront. So these groups had to be considered separately when their plight or need for rights was brought to the attention of the Assembly. Otherwise, they hadn't been considered due to the tradition biases and prejudices of the revolutionaries in power. The one exception appears to be white protestants- their break with the traditional religion was not a hindrance and in fact seemed to be an asset in light of the anti-Catholic Enlightenment atmosphere of the time.
What are your thoughts? How do you think that our country which had the same difficulties as France has overcome them? Do you think that we have overcome them....?
To start, I will admit that I am not really sure about what the revolutionaries thoughts about rights for free Negroes in the Caribbean colonies and non-Christian groups within France. What does seem clear is that if you lived in the French Caribbean colonies, you tended to lean more towards an appreciation of slavery an if you lived in the country of France, then you tended to feel that slavery was not totally positive- I make this statement based on the idea that after an uprising in Saint-Domingue in 1791, the Assembly in May of that year passed a decree that gave full citizenship rights to all free nonwhite males born to free parents in a French Colony. This concession is clearly limited and didn't apply to any nonwhite male slaves not to non white who were free but had parents who were considered slaves, but this concession was considered unacceptable to the French (white) citizens of the colonies and they lobbied hard to have the decree annulled.
(It appears that they would have been successful if not for the great slave rebellion in September 1791 that occurred again in Saint-Domingue and lead to the eventual abolition of slavery in 1794 and the colony's independence from France several years later.) The writer Montesquieu wrote in “The Spirit of Laws” many things suggesting that slavery is an affront to natural law, he also wrote that in some situations it can be justified- one quote states '… It is hard to believe that God, who is such a wise Being, should place a soul, especially a good soul in such a black ugly body.....The Negroes prefer a glass necklace to that gold which polite nations so highly value. 
Can there be a greater proof of their want of common sense? It is impossible for us to suppose these creatures are men because, allowing them to be men, a suspicion would follow that we ourselves are not Christian.' I will admit that I read the document three times and I think that I still do not understand what the writer meant, but it does appear to me that these statements give a justification of exploitation and slavery based on skin color, looks, and assumptions. Any thoughts from classmates who actually understood what Montesquieu meant are certainly welcome as I won't pretend that I did. :)What does seem clear is that as enlightened as many of these revolutionaries were, they still had to deal with their own traditions and prejudices, the biases of others, and it is unreasonable to expect that they could literally change the world in a matter of weeks in regards to all the prejudices and class biases that existed at that time. What they did accomplish was pretty extraordinary in itself. Until the revolution, it appears that religious belief was an important characteristic that helped determine your citizenship; i.e., if you were Catholic you were a citizen and if you were anything else you were not. The revolution started the change in this by granting limited citizenship rights to all French Protestants in 1787- two years before the writing of 'The Declaration of the Rights of Man and Citizen'. It is a little telling that it took an additional four years to grant the majority of French Jews citizenship rights in September of 1791... especially as I realized that the some of the nonwhite males of the French colonies were given citizenship rights four months previously. Another requirement for citizenship was that you had to be male, so this certainly left women out. :) I believe that another requirement was that you had to be born in France- so immigrants would never have any way of becoming a citizen. Any way you look at the process of trying to open up opportunity and rights to a majority that had not had then, it was not an easy process.
I suspect one reason that these particular groups were not naturally included and were considered separately is simply because in almost all aspects of life they were already looked at separately. Other groups such as the poor while separate,... in many ways looked like their group. Many white men were poor, etc... Non whites and Jews looked different, had different cultures, even different religions, making these groups seem more suspect and not immediately brought to the forefront. So these groups had to be considered separately when their plight or need for rights was brought to the attention of the Assembly. Otherwise, they hadn't been considered due to the tradition biases and prejudices of the revolutionaries in power. The one exception appears to be white protestants- their break with the traditional religion was not a hindrance and in fact seemed to be an asset in light of the anti-Catholic Enlightenment atmosphere of the time.
What are your thoughts? How do you think that our country which had the same difficulties as France has overcome them? Do you think that we have overcome them....?
2011/09/30
Ending my Day...
I have been studying C.S. Lewis in my free time lately... I will admit that there hasn't been much free time :) I have loved to study him for decades and loved to read him when I was younger. But recently, I have been using him to study myself, my situation and my faith. Over the last few weeks I have found that many of the the large stack of books are starting to gather dust and only one rises quickly to my hand and I find myself thumbing through it and staring at the same paragraph. I think it is one of the most thought provoking set of sentences I have ever read.“And grief still feels like fear. Perhaps, more strictly, like suspense. Or like waiting; just hanging about waiting for something to happen. It gives life a permanently provisional feeling. It doesn't seem worth starting anything. I can't settle down. I yawn, I fidget, I smoke too much. Up till this I always had too much time. Now there is nothing but time. Almost pure time, empty successiveness...”
I really feel this way. I am starting to realize that some of what I saw as fear was actually grief and most of what I saw as anger was actually despair and sorrow. Figuring out how to describe what I feel has been quite difficult and when I read this statement from Lewis, I actually took a quick breath and a voice in my head said 'That's it- That's really it.' I have found the words to describe how I feel which also helps me to understand and deal with it.
I have lost my joy, my heart, and potentially all that I possess. But I still have my life and my feelings and I will continue to move forward in faith and thru a divorce process that I never expected, never wanted and have to live with the choices that have been picked for me. I feel the constant movement of time and I am horribly busy with five classes and starting a new job and yet I feel that I have nothing but emptiness and time mixed together. And I should not feel this, but I feel alone and I feel the urge to withdraw from all around me. Funny enough, I feel embarrassed over my failure because I do not consider a marriage to fail through the faults of only one person and I have not been perfect. So in all my grief and tiredness and sorrow, I am sitting here wondering if I feel like withdrawing because I feel so much pain... or if I feel like withdrawing because I am embarrassed. I can be quite silly sometimes. :)
Well, here goes nothing...!
2011/09/29
Some Thoughts Today...
On some days, the clear fact that I make mistakes feels horrible. It seems like I can't improve, that I cannot change. Sometimes I think I am getting better at something and then I realize that maybe I am not. How can you see change if it is small? Can change exist if you see it, but those closest to you do not?
I will be the first to admit that I do not like blame- even when I am at fault. I guess I do not feel that blame solves much and trying to work past the problem or mistake is best. I also think that blame hurts and not in a positive way; it doesn't make people feel sorry or repentant... but rather angry and defensive. I feel like I get a lot of blame in my life. Some of this blame comes from myself as I berate myself for my foolishness, etc... Wasn't it President Uchtdorf who joked that 'some people cannot get along with themselves?' :) But a lot of blame comes from others and it is starting to wear me down. I will make mistakes no matter how I try not to- and today I did make a pretty good one. I acknowledge it and want to try and put it right. But how can I if I am not given the information to do so... and all I hear is anger and blame and sarcastic thank you's? Do we all not fall short of perfection... and depend on the Atonement? My response in the past would probably have been to cry, do my best to make it right and move on. If I am not able to attempt to make it right, I feel stymied and I am moving into a new pattern of cry, withdraw, hide, and don't talk to anyone. The idea of trust and risk are even more painful and the vigor with which I would launch myself into he world is gone and I have no idea how to get it back... and even if I should.
Can I end this post with an apology? I know I am not perfect and I cannot be in this life. I know that there are so many things that are weaknesses for me and are very difficult. I apologize for anything that I have done in the past that has harmed you or caused you (the reader) to feel pain. If there is any way that I can make it right or attempt to do so, please let me know. Please do not let something I have done to you cause you to feel negatively towards myself or other aspects of your life. I will really try to do the same for you.
Sonia
I will be the first to admit that I do not like blame- even when I am at fault. I guess I do not feel that blame solves much and trying to work past the problem or mistake is best. I also think that blame hurts and not in a positive way; it doesn't make people feel sorry or repentant... but rather angry and defensive. I feel like I get a lot of blame in my life. Some of this blame comes from myself as I berate myself for my foolishness, etc... Wasn't it President Uchtdorf who joked that 'some people cannot get along with themselves?' :) But a lot of blame comes from others and it is starting to wear me down. I will make mistakes no matter how I try not to- and today I did make a pretty good one. I acknowledge it and want to try and put it right. But how can I if I am not given the information to do so... and all I hear is anger and blame and sarcastic thank you's? Do we all not fall short of perfection... and depend on the Atonement? My response in the past would probably have been to cry, do my best to make it right and move on. If I am not able to attempt to make it right, I feel stymied and I am moving into a new pattern of cry, withdraw, hide, and don't talk to anyone. The idea of trust and risk are even more painful and the vigor with which I would launch myself into he world is gone and I have no idea how to get it back... and even if I should.
Can I end this post with an apology? I know I am not perfect and I cannot be in this life. I know that there are so many things that are weaknesses for me and are very difficult. I apologize for anything that I have done in the past that has harmed you or caused you (the reader) to feel pain. If there is any way that I can make it right or attempt to do so, please let me know. Please do not let something I have done to you cause you to feel negatively towards myself or other aspects of your life. I will really try to do the same for you.
Sonia
2011/09/25
My Greatest Crucible
Everyone of us has trials in our lives and some of these times can be called 'crucibles'. In many ways, our lives are a 'series of crucibles'. I think I am going through my greatest crucible right now. I am going to go ahead and post this but I will slightly edit it for a tiny bit of privacy. I thought that analyzing my greatest crucible (at least my greatest to this date) would be productive and I think it has been although very painful. So here is goes...Trying to write freely about this event is one of the hardest things I think I have ever done - I really think I am in the crucible now. I have been relatively homeless for over a year, (edited out) I feel awful. I feel like a failure, a horrible person and an ogre. I feel alone, scared and desperate. I haven't called on very many resources and haven't felt like I have had many. I have tested the friendship of the one person I have had left. In some ways I have made myself a martyr. When some leaders from my church discovered the situation, they have worked to get me to accept resources and have offered comfort, resources and open doors that were closed many years ago by others in the church. The issues are not resolved. I will be safer this winter and less likely to freeze to death. I have food and I am working towards getting a job I need very much. I work everyday to think about my blessings, what I am hopeful for, and to remind myself that I can be a force of positive energy in my life and if I work hard enough maybe for others as well. I am not sure how my world views are currently being shaped. I know that I have spent the last year trying to really look internally on my own (I have no insurance) and try to see who I am and what I want and what I can be. I know that being in the service of others is one of the few things that really helps me to feel joy and awe in my life. I know that my family and a few others are the only people that I feel joy around with few exceptions. I think that I really need to see what I am thinking a few months and years from now to really understand how my greatest crucible has caused change in my and my outlook and views on the world and the people around me.
Looking at mentors in my life, I am not sure that I have had any true mentors if I look at it in the physical sense... that is, I do not think I have had people who have been in my life and attempted to guide me and I trusted them. If the definition of a mentor can be vague enough to open the field a bit and look at a mentor as a trusted guide or counselor and I am able to include people who have shaped my thoughts from indirect means-meaning their actual physical presence wasn't necessary and our interactions together were few to non existent... then I can think of a few :) If I stick with physical people that I have actually had interactions with then I think the first person I can think of would be Joy Demain. As a teacher, we rarely had experiences that were personal in the sense that other people were always around... and the people tended to be peers so I was less likely to be my 'real' self. In fact in those days, I think I either wanted to please so much that I had a quite desperate quality about me and I also had an energy level that was unable to be matched by most of the people around me and so I was basically in some ways out of control in my enthusiasm, exuberance and 'joy'- if I was out of my household and around any one that I liked then I felt a sense of joy that I see now as not joy but an attempt to get as much of me and other positive emotions filled before returning home. I looked up to Ms. Demain and I feel uncomfortable even writing her first name down here – she was always the teacher and I would never have dared to call or think of her by her first name. She lived in a way and an openness that I admired and wanted.... and still do not understand how to be. I few things that she said to a group of us stuck with me and did influence in in some ways. I didn't try to go on and become an actress because she didn't feel I was good enough. 
She thought that people who get married before the age of 25 years old were more likely to get divorce so I didn't consider it a possibility to get married before then and I married at 27 instead. The other person I can think of I married and I am attempting to stay married too. 
The mentors that have shaped my thoughts from their writings have really made the most change in me have actually been mentors I have collected over the last two years- they are Thich Nhat Hahn, James Faust, and C.S. Lewis. I have really studied over the works of Thich Nhat Hahn to work on my problems with anger, James Faust to understand other people and to develop confidence and tolerance, 
and over the last few months I have discovered the mature C.S. Lewis and I am using his works to shape my thoughts on religion and grief... although I think that he isn't able to shape my thoughts on religion too much as I tend to agree with him and not actually 'change' anything. :)Looking at my past and opportunities for leadership, I am not sure that I have ever developed significant 'leadership' skills. I think that I have spent as much energy as possible avoiding leadership activities. I think part of that is my misunderstanding of the difference between a 'leader' and a 'supervisor/boss'. I am changing my viewpoints on those definitions currently. :) The only think that I am pretty sure that I have learned is the small lessons that together have brought me to this point. I think that past experiences haven't really been crucibles because I haven't struggled through them or tried to learn anything positive... I have simply tried to survive to get to a new point (and hoped that point was good.) Most of the small lessons seem to have worked in a negative way- to close me off not for growth. Learning to re-frame these experiences is something that I am trying to figure out how to do. Trying to figure out how to change my perception of my past is something that I have been having difficulty with. Many experiences from my past are holding me back- or more correctly I am allowing them to hold me back.
In conclusion, I am on the path to moving from 'I' to 'We', but I haven't made it yet. I think that the huge experiences of the last few years hitting me one right after another and all of them being big, painful and life changing events have brought me to this point. I would like to learn how to finish this transformation and how to truly re-frame my experiences so that they are not baggage and are positive and uplifting instead. Hopefully, I will learn some more techniques in this class to help with this journey. I do not feel like the hero in my journey... but I do feel like I am a lone traveler on my journey. I would like to feel like a pilgrim in a group on a great pilgrimage. That vision sounds nicer to me. :)
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