Peace

When I was waiting to get my taxes completed today, I picked up book and glanced through it. This line brought me up short and I am still mentally picking it apart this evening.

If it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive.

This statement could be used as a yardstick for almost everything in life. When you read it, what was the first thing that popped into your mind? Does it bring you peace... or does it cost to much? A powerful thought to chew on today.





(I apologize that I can't attribute the quote to anyone. I wasn't able to find an original source)

A Bug Day...

I spent most of the day with Bug today. We had a lovely time eating sausages (Bug's new favorite food) and winter slaw and Bug was very insistent on introducing me to the Shrek films. I sat through the first 'Shrek' and then 'Shrek Forever' and I did manage to survive the experience... which is good because he says he has two more to watch with me next time. I will confess I am a bit lost trying to figure out all the characters and how they matter in the story. I do like the cat though... oh course I love Puss In Boots.. I am so silly about cats.

I am a bit tired, but I am ready for my very busy week. I had running water today and I have a clean house with no dishes that need to be washed. I feel mostly recovered from my SVT last night and I am hopeful that I will sleep well tonight and have lots of energy to start the week. Here's to hoping ;)

Gratitude - 1/20/18

1. I volunteer every Saturday for about six hours at the local thrift shop. There is a large bin that is filled with bags of clothing to go through and every week, I struggle to get the bags as low as I can... to come back and do it again the next Saturday. Every time I make a dent- sometime quite a large one- but I rarely create enough of a dent to have it remain throughout the week. Today, alone with another volunteer, we emptied it. It was completely empty with no work to be done. That is an amazing feeling. It feels a bit odd to look at the work and realize that there is no more to be done. While there will be plenty more next week, it felt lovely to see that empty bin and recognize it for what it was- a job well done.

2. I hadn't been able to take the time around the holidays to watch all the Christmas movies that I had been hopeful to watch. I had a few new ones to watch and the one I was most hopeful to enjoy I had missed. Therefore, I thought it prudent to enjoy my spare time this evening to enjoy "A Christmas Carol" with Sir Patrick Stewart. It held all the promise I had hoped for and more. I haven't sat and 'just' watched a film in ages. It was wonderful. A few parts of it gave me cause to ponder, but one particular piece of a line caught my ear and has held it after I have turned off the film.

.... the torture of remorse... - Jacob Marley

Definitely something to think upon...

3. When I fed all my companions last night, I manged to get a picture of all of them together except Footie. It is a bit awe inspiring to see them all together and realize how many there are and how much 'mass' they seem to take up together. I am so blessed and so grateful for each and everyone of them. Like an attached parent, I can not imagine my world without each one of them and I am aware that the loss of even one would feel horrible. To watch them together is to smile and , when I tuck into bed at night, I never go alone. I awake in the morning hearing a quiet rumble of purrs and I feel content.

4. I was able to get an amazing deal on a 100% wool queen size blanket. The warmth I felt the few minutes I used it was wonderful and I am looking forward to using it all winter!

5. I found a really interesting pair of pants in my travels today. I recognized the seal before I read the words and as I looked at it, I thought of my Uncle Rick and I missed my family in Utah. I have some amazing relatives out west- in Utah, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Las Vegas_ and I do not see them as much as I would like. This symbol reminded me of my desire for good things for them, my love for them, and the hopes of a peaceful week for each of them.

A good evening to all. :)

A Conversation With a Friend

I spoke with an old friend a little bit ago. That conversation has been turning around in my head for days. A small piece of it was the casual sorrow that no one had been availed to dress her partner in his temple garments before he was cremated. I have heard so many stories of people who haven't been allowed to help because other family didn't wish it or even the possibility that so many people were available that some would simply be usable to help due to the quantity of volunteers. I have never heard of a church member passing who was unable to be dressed in his temple garments because there was no one who was willing or able to serve. To say that I am appalled suggests a simple emotional response whereas what I feel is much more complex and difficult. As I ponder on that thought and recall experiences of asking for blessings and being unable to get them because priesthood holders were too busy and watching others ask for help and not able to get it either. It's a bit disheartening to see it still happening. I'm a woman and can not given blessings so I can only watch others not get what they need. I am a woman and am limited in what roles I can have in my church. So here I sit and think about all this and wonder when will change happen. When will the church culture stop pulling people in so many different directions so that important service is unable to be performed or even seen as unimportant while decorating for church activities takes more precedence? When will a ward community itself look into each of their hearts and determine that what they want is not to focus on the minutia of culture details and calling desires, but the pure surrender to service. To set aside perfect sacrament programs and instead make sure that shut ins and those in nursing homes get the Sacrament. To have fewer exclusive events that focus on teaching about service and charity... and instead have events that ARE service and ARE Charity. How amazing would it be it the local organizations that support the most impoverished found themselves with no need of volunteers? That families in need were 'adopted' by other families who helped them to get basic needs met, but also mentored and worked with them to find the resources to become more stable on their own. there are some programs that do this- the program in Canada for Syrian refugees comes to mind- what can we as a community of Christ do to create the same amount of successful service? Instead of 'love bombing' people who start to fall away or shunning and ignoring others, what if our focus was pointed so strongly into understanding their needs and to love them that we lost ourselves in the joy of service and love?

I can't change the direction of a culture myself, but I can determine how I respond in it. My response at this point is to move my service and my focus into local groups that are focused on the impoverished.... something I understand a bit to well for my taste. Working with groups that are focused on trying to understand and meet immediate needs for those in my community has been wonderful and I have been amazed at how valued and needed I have felt and how much I have learned. The more I learn, the more I realize how little I have understood about specific topics and I hunger to learn more. This is the service that I feel called to perform. I can't make others see things the same way that I do, but I must confess that I am weary of hearing the stories of people who are not being served in the religious communities that they worship in and I am weary to think that I was one of them.

Dare I ask for all of us to do better... to be better... to reach out to someone everyday and to be the person they need that day? It is the resolution I have for this year and one I feel compelled and called to do. I have hope for a future where I don't hear so many stories of people who are unable to get the help they need. I intend to work as hard as I can to serve better and to seek out those who need me this year. Here's to a focused New Year for all of us!

Zombie Debt

There are many different ways to discuss and label debt- student, credit, medical, etc... One form of debt that isn't talked about much is Zombie debt. I ended up spending a few hours on the phone today between hospitals and insurances and have found myself the new and proud owner of medical debt... from 2015. So two months ago it didn't exist... and now it does. It certainly messes with your budget to have to reconfigure how you spend money based on information that you couldn't have had when you made it. Learning that more of these unknown expenses are probably headed my way as my health insurance *still* hasn't paid on these bills for the last two years doesn't really feel great. And while I thought about it and what choices I need to make, I thought about the term 'zombie debt' and how I originally had heard it. So here is a clip to the show "Last Week Tonight" discussing medical debt and debt buying organizations.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxUAntt1z2c

Paying off my 'new' medical debt won't be fun, but it could certainly be worse. I could have the experience of many of the people mentioned in this episode. I guess it might be a valuable thing for everyone to remember- even if you have insurance and they should pay the bill.... if they don't, you are still on the hook. There are no exceptions. Medical debt also is treated as bad debt by credit reporting companies even though people can not help becoming sick in the vast majority of cases. I wish I had fewer health problems and I confess... even though I have insurance now (and had at the time of my 'new' debt) my gut reaction is to stop going to the doctor because I have no idea if in two years I will have to pay for the visit, procedure, etc... I dearly hope for single payer/ universal healthcare for the next generation. It is needed for so many reasons.

Sigh... maybe someday.