Black Throated Blue Warbler

I have really been enjoying the bird feeder this year and here is a bird I've never seen before! She was loud and proud!

In winter, sometimes summer friends stay to feast...

I love having chicadees and nuthatches on my feeder all year. It's really just a beautiful thing to witness. It reminds me that I am not alone in my attempts to survive the winter and we will all do our best to get through it together. That's all we can do. <3

Some of these wee birds have become aclimated to me and will let me get a little closer than they probably should. I admit that I discourage it so that they will flee/fly away from my cats if they ever get out.

Soon Christmas will be here and possibly more snow, but I am lucky enough for clear weather often enough to feed the birds.

Be safe and warm if you can friends. Hopefully spring will soon be here. :)

Yesterday....

... was a great day. What I tried to do was slip a little bit of fun into my day in between the internships, the job applications, the cleaning and the work and here is some of the fun I found.

I took Casey out of his yard and brought him to a huge patch of clover... I was unable to get a good picture of him as he is too busy eating! :) I spent a few hours talking with him and doing some yard work and giving him the time to get his fill of fresh stuff. I felt like I could almost see him smile. It was wonderful!

While I was cleaning up outside I lifted some boxes off the ground and I recognized the slender tail or a newt (or a salamander- I'm not sure which and I am happy for suggestions. :) So being the nosy and curious and just plain adoring of 'almost any animal or amphibian I can get my hands on' person, I had to say hello and hold him and feel him warm up in my hand. Every year when I see these lizards I am struck by their color and beauty. And they look so fragile and graceful at the same time. They are really a treat to see.

And then for the first time I went to look at the goslings that just hatched. The parents and their young ones were safely in their house and did not appreciate my bothering them... and pictures were VERY hard to get. Luckily, my geese are more bark than bite and while I was a little deaf for a few minutes after I left the house.... it was worth it! :) We let them out of the house today to eat grass and Teddy (the pooch) has been so cute as he wants to play with them very much and whines when the adults (Sir John and Mistress Ford) chase him away. It is quite funny.

Lastly, before I re-entered the world of work away from home... I took Casey into his yard and gave him a good brushing. I think that I could produce a whole new donkey out of the amount of winter hair i puled off. He still needs a few more times with the brush but I think he had a great time and I sure did as well. It was lovely to see the hair blowing in the breeze and to just feel useful and so in touch with the farm again. I will have to see how much my life changes over the next few years...

It was just a nice, joyous, calm interlude in my busy crazy life and I really wish and hope that I can do it again some time. It was a blessing and a boon to my mental state and mood that I needed and just felt wonderful and worthy and honest. :)

Systolic Fluctuation...

Well, the good news is that when I went to the doctor today my blood pressure had improved from last week's low of 82/52. We are not ready to cheer though because 90/58 isn't that much better... but at least my orthostatic hypertension is improving. And being a silly person, I must have gotten a gluten exposure sometime in the last twenty four hours because I am really feeling the effects. I can't for the life of my figure out what I ate so I am guessing that I was 'infected' working at the food pantry yesterday. So I am feeling really good about the systolic improvement, but I probably didn't help my heart much with the pain meds that I took to control the celiac pain this evening. It still sometimes surprises me how much it hurts and how easily I can be exposed to the gluten protein. It is so clear that the only way I was exposed was by working in an area with people eating gluten and microwaving it and touching me- that is such a frightening concept. I am not sure I will ever get used to it. It feels almost like I am a leper... in the sense that anyone who gets near me can hurt me without even meaning to. Celiac disease definitely doesn't improve my social life in the slightest and I find myself saying no to so much. So far this week I have declined an invitation for a baptism as well as a graduation party. It's just not work the risk.

I have managed to actually eat breakfast for six days in a row now and I am going to give it my best shot to do it tomorrow even though I am not sure I will feel up to it. I know that these occasional exposures are one of the things that keeps me from having consistent healthy eating habits... or at least consistently not eating. In some ways I wonder if I am anorexic without the psychological aspect. I am aware I am too thin, I don't like it, but I almost feel powerless some days to change it when I am facing nausea, difficulty finding food, lack of time, etc... The pain is so bad when I do get an exposure that it is so much easier to refuse food than risk the chance of exposure and since food is not easy, it just makes it harder when my life is in upheaval.

But hey, I am grateful that my blood pressure is improving! I am getting ready to have a weekend where I spend time taking care of a friend's farm which I am excited about... and try to get a ton of schoolwork done... which I am also excited about! The opportunity to play with goats, a large flock of chickens and lots of dogs sounds like quite a treat.. or at least I will do my best. I promise I will also eat a lot. So here is to a good... and hopefully... productive weekend! :)

The Joy of Ducks.....

Yesterday, I found a beautiful duck feather in my yard. Even though I have ducks, I rarely see beautiful feathers. When they molt the feathers are tired and worn and the beautiful feathers tend to easily be blown away. But yesterday, I found a beautiful one just as it dropped off my Khaki Campbell named Opal.

There is just an innate beauty in feathers to me. They are soft, smell nice and feel 'warm'. There is something earthy and wonderful about them – I sometimes feel like I can feel the sun radiating out from the light fibers. I do not know if I feel that way because I just love ducks in general or if feathers themselves bring these thoughts to mind. I will admit that I am totally partial to birds, but ducks are really amazing to me. I can feel my heart lift as I watch them waddle across the yard and ducks have the most amazing personalities. Don't get me wrong, other birds have personalities and we have had some chickens whose personality sparkles.... but almost all ducks I have ever had the privilege of sharing space with just seem to bubble and shine and I guess remind me of my own personality.

The find of loose feathers reminds me that spring is here. That the earth is ready to grow and this is a time of growth for me too. What I do now and the choices I make will effect my 'harvest' in the fall. Have I been successful or on the way to successful with the goals I made in January? Am I preparing myself appropriately for the choices that I have? In the end, as I watch my ducks rejoice in my yard for the earth's renewal, they are teaching me. They remind me that trouble should fall off of me like water falls off a duck's back.... that humor is necessary for so many situations in life and makes things easier... and that the interactions with the creatures of the earth may be some of the most fulfilling interactions outside of family. Their enthusiasm for life and joy in the present moment are examples that I think many human beings- including myself- need reminding of on a constant basis.

This is a very snotty thought, but I feel very sorry for people who do not have the opportunity to be 'enslaved' by ducks. It is a wonderful blessing in my life! :)

The Day of the Owl :)

A few days ago, while the sun was still dim and snow was still sitting on the tips and light branches of the pine trees, my son had a fun moment. Bug loves owls and we have heard them many times over the evenings and years in the yurt. I have come to recognize the different hoots and calls that different breeds of owls make and a few times we have been lucky enough to see an owl at night- such as sitting on the duck-house lusting after ducks- and sometimes at dusk... usually sitting high up in a far away tree so they are blurry and barely visible. But on this day, Bug had his own 'Harry Potter' experience and found an owl sitting in a close tree in the middle of the day.
And gosh, wasn’t he beautiful? He stuck around for a few minutes and then flew to a far away tree. What a pleasure and a blessing for Bug!

Something that matters....

So, today I got so much done. Frankly, I never thought that I could get tired of history.... but after looking at census forms for two straight days, I think I found my limit! :) I came home tired, with a headache, but just pleased at getting that assignment done and recognizing that with all the problems that I have I am still doing OK with this extra work. I pretty much was able to eat and just felt no energy for anything.

When I went out to do the chores tonight, I was walking towards the birdhouse to help the ducks in when I felt a slight breeze on my left shoulder and I turned my head- in time to see my beautiful cat disappearing under the car. I still have no idea what made me do it- what intuition or vision I saw in my peripheral vision that I still cannot 'see' in my mind. However, I turned and walked right over to the car and then I grabbed Jeeves by the tail and scooped him out by his tummy. And there hanging from his mouth was a bird. My first thought was a mixture of pure frustration and sorrow -after all he doesn't eat them....he just kills them and the sorrow of watching such a beautiful creature die just hurts. They are so beautiful, delicate creatures... I held his scruff and saw the bird fall to the ground- wings splayed, beak open in a perpetual hyperventilation and eyes of a deepest black. But tonight... it was different. A happy ending loomed!

As I slowly picked up the bird and cradled it in my palm, it stood, shook for a second, made a small vocalization and flew away. His flight was erratic and he stood on top of the yurt for a few seconds- almost as if he just needed to catch his bearings and then he was gone. And as I felt my wonderful cat, that friend of my heart Jeeves cry his anger and strike at my ankle- I laughed... a deep joyful, ecstatic laugh for the one who got away. For the one who is able to live for another day. For the joy, relief and blessing that tonight something I did mattered- really, truly mattered. Instant gratification!

I do things everyday that matter- but rarely am I placed in a way to save a life and tonight... I think I will sleep well! :)

Why Is a Raven Like a Writing Desk?.......

So many things in life are unexpected. As much as we plan ahead for what we want in our lives, we can never truly plan for everything unexpected that can happen. This last month brought a blessing and an irritant that I think had really important life lessons for me attached. It brought Edgar.

I am not really sure when Edgar truly 'arrived'. And I think it was a while before we as a family realized that it was the same bird that was hanging out in the yard... and that it was truly hanging out and not just a casual visitor. He was beautiful and sleek and just handsome bird- raven I think. Cocky and self assured, he would visit the chicken's bowl, drink from the duck 'pond' and hang out with the donkey. Two weeks later, Bug managed to trick him and was actually able to pick him up. Edgar promptly bit Bug's ear with his two inch long bill. To give Bug credit, he didn't let go of the bird- he just yelled until I made the raven let go. Watching the raven for a few days, I really felt that there was nothing really 'wrong' with him, but his acceptance of human proximity as well as two other problems did finally convince me that he does have a problem. So the last 'problem'- when he ended up in a fight with a few chickens and was clearly losing and not really able to fight- to me was the last straw. I entered the fight and scooped him up and with my family's help locked him up with food in our goose house. I then stripped off all my clothing and took the coldest shower that I have had in a long time in my front yard as he was covered with mites and so I, in turn, was also.

That evening I started research – the fact that he was covered in vermin absolutely terrified me. I have come to see that as a sign of a pretty, pretty sick being. All I could find was information on rabies and West Nile Virus- both of which he clearly didn't fit the signs or symptoms of. I had called a few days before to a bird sanctuary called 'Birds Acre' and had not received a call back so today I was a little more insistent and spoke with one of their volunteers (Ralph). He was awesome and seemed very knowledgeable. After speaking with him, he thought that it might be better for me to call a place called 'Avian Haven' so I did. The experience was so different. I spoke with the manager Diane who neatly ignored my questions and very quickly made arrangements to have Edgar leave and go to their facility. What I found interesting was that I truly sensed that she really wanted what she felt was right for the bird, but her communication and immediate dismissal of my concerns really left me feeling very uncomfortable sending him there. I spent more time talking with Ralph at Birds Acre and we agreed to work together with a veterinarian and their staff to help Edgar. When I told Diane about my decision to place Edgar at Birds Acre, her response was pretty bad. Our whole conversation was filled with guilt ridden controlling sentences- “You've chosen to send him where? Why ever would you make such a bad decision?”, or “Well, if you are OK with him slowly starving to death you can do that”. By the time I got off the phone with her I was pretty firmly convinced that I had made the right choice. Avian Haven sounds like a phenomenal place, but if the individuals that work there can't develop people skills, I think very few people who are genuinely concerned about a bird will send for them. I know that I can't imagine trying to work with them again and certainly can't in good conscience recommend them. (I later found out that many people have had the same exact complaint about Avian Haven which I find really, really sad.... how do they get donations to help the birds if they put so many people off?)

So “Edgar Allen Crow”- as my husband has named him from a past literary reference -(will be changed to Lenore is Edgar is a girl) has a big day ahead of him tomorrow between a vet visit and a trip to Birds Acre. The blessings we have received are several fold. We have had the amazing opportunity to look at a raven and study it closely over the last few weeks. We were able to use him for homeschooling lessons for Brock and ourselves (what does he eat, does he need this?, etc...) I have felt some gratification that I am pleasing Heavenly Father because I am taking the time to care for his creature who needs help. And I have never really been in the position of having to make a decision that means (quite literally life or death) to another person or animal. Yes, I am a parent and make very important decisions everyday that will affect my son's living. But the responsibility to research and make the right choice for this beautiful animal that needed my help was something I haven't had often. I have rarely had to have an animal put down – they have died in their sleep or something else has happened. The choice as to whether they lived or died in most instances was taken out of my hands. The weight of this responsibility gave me the courage to advocate on Edgar's behalf to a very intimidating person- that is, sticking to my decision in the face of ridicule, guilt induction, and threats is not my strong suit or something that I am good at. I managed to do it though which is a big deal for me. I also managed to not get angry- which is really amazing for me right now.

So I am going to sleep tonight feeling the satisfaction that I have done the right thing for my new friend Edgar. I am hoping that between the vet and the bird rehabilitation place, he will be able to be released into the wild again soon- his family' tends to hang out daily in the trees... they haven't abandoned him even though he is hurt or sick. (Keep your fingers crossed that the vet will not cost too, too much.) We are helping him in the least invasive way we could find in the hopes that he could keep his life, his dignity, and his home and family. I think we have done the impossible in the sense that while the title of this post is unsolvable and has been since Lewis Carroll wrote it, I have taken the improbable task of helping Edgar and I have managed to get it started myself. I did it thoughtfully and did not allow myself to be bullied or pushed into a decision that felt wrong. Stay tuned- I am hoping that he will be able to fly away in the next few weeks.... so lets see what happens...