Poetry Found

Found poetry is a process where you take a page or a chapter of a book and cull phrases out of it to create a new piece of writing... a piece of poetry. I wrote this one from a chapter in a critical thinking textbook. Enjoy.


Ride the wave of knowledge

Learning is messy, sometimes painful

Interdisciplinarity is universal because it is everywhere

Pressures of reality, convention and popular bias …

Weigh too heavily on her mind

For the pure joy

Adhesion, integration, application, transformation…

Bigger than just words

A Hammer with which to shape it

A weapon the size of your fist

It is the journey that matters in the end

Abuse in the Church

Abuse is never an easy subject to talk about let alone try to stop. At first it seems like a black and white issue because nobody likes abuse and everybody thinks it is unacceptable behavior. The problems come in the ways we try to recognize and deal with abuse. In a patriarchal society, most victims of abuse are women and children and many of these victims have to deal with unintentional additional trauma on top of the primary abuse such as not being believed, not getting support, difficulty healing from the trauma of the abuse, etc... Sometimes we as family, friends, and community members can make the problems worse for the victim. When we don't believe them, we tell them that their experience is not real and we do not trust them. When we don't support them, we make people feel like they need to stay in abusive relationships longer because they cannot leave them without our support. When people need to talk to heal and we do not listen and empathize, we make healing a much harder thing for victims to do. Recognizing and dealing with abuse is a very complex subject indeed.

Currently, the LDS church is trying to find a way to deal with the allegations of abuse that have recently hit the national media. So far, I admit I do not find comfort and empathy in the way that the institutional church have reacted to the situation. Even when an accuser is heard on tape admitting to the abuse, the institutional church has tried to victim shame, support laws that would make recordings like the one recently released illegal, and downplay the situation as much as possible. While this is a way that most of us collectively and individually may instinctively deal with abuse... I hold the church of my heart to a higher standard and I confess to disappointment at the responses given. One of the reasons that I am so disappointed is that I've heard stories like this from people both in person and online from friends, family, and acquaintances for years. It is so clear that abuse happens and as a church, we react poorly. Some bishops tell women to stay in abusive situations, tell them the abuse is their fault, and punish them for the sins of their partners. I know of rape victims who have been disfellowshipped because they are considered to have fault in their rape. I know women who have been cheated on by their spouse and their church leaders have made it very clear that if they leave their spouse, they (the victim) are the one in the wrong. I'm not writing this to complain about the institutional church because plenty of people are doing that already and I don't think it will be of any help. However, I am concerned about some of the ways that we as members personally are dealing with abuse. As individuals I think we can do a lot better to combat abuse and one of the things that will help that goal is discussion. There are few reasons that discussion can help and change the situation for the better.

1. Open discussion on such a contentious topic makes it clear that the topic is of import and vital. If we are unwilling to discuss abuse then we are sending an unintentional but clear message. That message is that abuse does not matter and is something that is so rare that it is not necessary to discuss. That in itself can make victims keep their silence and hide their problems because they worry about how they will be treated.... by us. By opening discussing a contentious topic and ways to recognize and disavow abuse we are making it clear that not only is the topic important, but we want to help victims and we want to create an environment where abuse is not tolerated. It is not enough to say abuse is not tolerated... we must create an environment where all members know that abuse is not acceptable and will not be tolerated no matter what.

2. With discussions open, we must as individual members make it clear that we personally do not accept abuse and are open and willing to help the victims of abuse. We need to be trustworthy and hold ourselves and those around us to those high standards. We cannot change those standards based on who the abuser or victim is... For instance, if the abuser is our best friend we cannot change our mind on what the standards are. The standards of zero tolerance for abuse must be enforced no matter how trustworthy and kind-hearted the abuser may be seen in our community. Should we do research to try and confirm abuse? Absolutely. But we need to start with belief, empathy, and love. We need to offer support and whatever we have to offer to help the victim get the support and resources they need to heal. We need to work to become true disciples of Christ.. to be there for people in these situations. We also need to recognize that it is not easy to prove abuse and we need to do our best for the victims whether abuse is clearly proven or not.

3. In our communities and our wards, we need to make it clear with lessons and through the hierarchy (bishops, stake presidents, etc) that abuse is unacceptable. Lessons discussing abuse, the trauma caused, and local resources to help victims are key to helping our church community acknowledge and learn to recognize abuse and how to help those suffering from it. Teaching empathy, understanding, and instilling a desire to help victims is so important. I feel quite safe in saying that there is at least one person in every single ward/ church community who is struggling with this problem and that person does not necessarily believe that they will get help or even be believed... and this is a serious problem. We cannot mourn with those who mourn and comfort them if we will not even give them the benefit of the doubt. When victims need recommendations for treatment, it is so important the bishops and other ecclesiastical leaders do not make recommendations that they are not able to professionally make. Recognizing where your experience and talents leave you weak is very important for our church leaders and referring victims to people with more experience, depth of understanding, and knowledge of abuse is key.

4. Lastly, we -both individually and collectively- as church members need to learn how to deal with contention and ineffective communication patterns. There's so many things that cause contention between church members: personal differences in opinion, lifestyle choices, differing understanding of doctrine and church policy... yet so many of us have never learned how to deal with contention. Many of us have learned to do anything to avoid contention which causes passive aggressive behavior, gossip, "tattling" to authority figures instead of appropriate first-hand discussion, shunning, etc... Contention is not always a negative and can be used by people to gain empathy and understanding for different people and different viewpoints. I state this knowing that I struggle with some of these same problems and I too do not always how to best deal with contention.

I saw an example of some of this failure online today. I saw one member try to have a discussion about abuse in the church and then the conversation was shut down as contentious. The conversation deteriorated further into anger, name calling, and 'tattling' in the hopes of negative consequences for one of the parties. There was only one thing that I am sure of that probably resulted from this conversation- anybody who read it who is currently being abused is not going to say a word or feel comfortable asking for help. She is going to stay silent and hidden because she can easily see the trouble she will open up for herself. This is not the way things should be in the church. And this is why open and deep discussion is so desperately needed.

If each of us could work together to make some of former changes in our lives, we can become the change that we seek. For instance, creating a strong network of support that will exist for all church members where there is no expectation that a perfect personal facade needs to be maintained, victims can comfortably turn to others for support and relief without fear of condemnation or negative judgment. That allows victims to feel strong enough to be able to speak up and get the help that they need. By committing ourselves to practice patience, empathy, understanding, and love in our relationships with others, we create a positive and nurturing environment for ourselves and others. When we help others by having empathy for them, we invite empathy towards our own frailties. We can also work to become better communicators and resist polarizing passive aggressive word choices in our conversations with others. We can become more involved in community resources for abuse victims so that we have a better knowledge base of how best to support and help abuse victims of all ages. We can be introspective and fight to eradicate the seeds of abuse within our own actions and lives.

As church members, we are asked to participate in making the world better. We must do all we can to prevent abuse and then do everything possible to assist and heal the victims of abuse that does occur. In addition we must school ourselves so that we do not commit abuse and create victims of our own. These suggestions require a great deal of energy, humility, and commitment so I recognize but my suggestions are hard. However, if we do not protect and help heal those of trauma and abuse in our own communities... How can we end the cycle of abuse for anyone?

President Gordon B Hinckley (1985) once stated - "There appears to be a plague of child abuse spreading across the world. Perhaps it is always been with us but has not received the attention it presently receives. I'm glad there is a hue and cry going up against this terrible evil, too much of which is found among our own." Even though two decades have gone by since this statement, abuse is still happening... too much of which is found among our own. For many of us, the church is a safe place and we do not believe these things happen in it. We believe that the gospel makes us different from other people outside of our faith who abuse others and that therefore we are protected from the horrors of abuse. As long as we continue to ignore abuse in our midst or make it impossible for abuse to be dealt with... the specter of abuse will always be waiting for when we turn on the light.

Thoughts on Globalization, Education, and Interdisciplinarity

I think that globalization is affecting not only my education, but almost all aspects of the world that I live in. My grandparents spoke of a time where the world was ‘small’- people didn’t move very far away, family was close by, and most everyone works jobs that were common to the area or available where they were living in. They spoke of people moving around and the exodus of the nuclear family in regards to several generations living close by. The world described by them seemed quite compact and finite. I look at the world as I live in it and also see it as ‘small’, but not for the same aspects. A person can live in Salt Lake City and telecommute to complete their work in Tokyo, or can work at home with an internet connection that brings business and money directly to them in their home. In that perspective, I see the world as potentially small because communities and border no longer hold people into a few options for financial success. That said, I see the world as a vast global community with only a small percentage of people having the opportunities I mentioned above and for the majority the opportunities of financial success are stagnant no matter where they live. Globalization has affected my college as the faculty look to provide educations that will give their graduates an advantage in global market places- the positive effects of their efforts provide more options to students for future career paths… the negative is that higher education is still only truly available to a small percentage of the people in my communities (as well as the global population as a whole.) Globalization has created more options; different degrees, different career paths, pathways to success, etc… However, globalization both in education and life come with costs. The larger the picture, the easier it is to lose the value that is found in diversity, the desire to understand global problems, and the apathy to ignore the social justice and consequences inherent in globalization.

“...one aspect of my complex identity”

I liked this quote because it reminds me of how each of us prepares for our lives and actions every day. I am white and female… but I am also a mother, a student, an ex-wife, a Mormon, a lover, a friend, a mentor, a political activist, an animal welfare provider, a pharmacy technician, a BLS educator, and I could go on as I think most of us could. We all live within the labels that we create for ourselves or are thrust upon us. In some ways, life after university doesn’t feel that different to me than my current daily life. Only one of those labels will change- from student to graduate- and while I can obtain a different job and change or modify another label or two- everything else will stay the same. What I feel like my education has provided me that will continue to make a difference in my future after schooling is how I think and respond to information and behavior both around me and concerning me. I no longer take all information at face value and tend to analyze more. I think I recognize more often when engagement isn’t a great idea, how to respond to negative people and situations, and what to reasonably expect when I advocate for positions that are unpopular both in my community and culture. The ability to analyze, question, and look for better ways of understanding and empathy will serve me well in whatever economic or personal job choices I make.

The ability to understand the needs of interdisciplinary connections and underpinnings in discovering and understanding new forms of knowledge is pretty crucial. A fact held alone by itself is a bit like a toothpick- almost any other fact can make the first look suspect and sometimes can be used to disabuse it of its ‘fact’ status. Making decisions on the basis on one fact tends to cause significant problems in explanation and implementation creating outcomes that are rarely the ones anticipated. I would also argue that can a fact be a ‘fact’ if it cannot be proven on its own merits? Can it only be considered a fact if other knowledge helps sustain its truthful countenance? I would be interested in other’s ideas on that concept. True knowledge can be supported by facts surrounding it and about it- I tend to think of knowledge as the nucleus of the cell which can not live on its own, but needs the support of its ‘interdisciplinary team’ to survive and express itself as needed in its environment. Or put another way; we know what a nucleus does because of how it interacts with the other parts of the cell… and we know how the other parts of the cell work and express themselves due to their responses to the nucleus. A study of one must necessitate a study and recognition of all parts for a true, deep understanding.

What are your thoughts? How do you use interdisciplinary thinking in your life?

Introduction to This Month’s Topic: The History of Women in Western Civilization

This was a class I wanted to take for a few reasons. One reason is that I love history and it feels like I have studied it all my life. I grew up with a thirst for it and devoured every book I could find that I could understand. I think that this passion for learning and history has served me well in my life and has been very enjoyable for me. However, I found that I felt over time that my knowledge was really very limited and as I looked at it from an education and a religious standpoint, I realized that I pretty much can give the basics on many of the individuals that have made history, but the majority are men. The exceptions in my mind can be classified as wealthy, white, powerful women such as Catherine the Great of Russia and Queen Elizabeth I of England... which were rare. Over the last year or so, I have tried to change that and have actively tried to look at the flip side of the coin so to speak. I have found the information a lot more challenging to come by and having anyone to discuss the information I do find with is difficult because the history of anyone besides men isn't taught in most standard classes so the discussion becomes a bit of a lecture or monologue.... which is no fun at all. So I saw this particular class as a lot of fun and a great resource towards gaining more knowledge, but also more guidance towards more resources for future study. I was hopeful that I can learn more not only about women and their struggles in culture, families and in creating a human history of their own, but also that I can develop a better understanding of the struggle for gender equality that is going on in my own lifetime. I also wanted to have a better understanding of how power and entitlement work between gender, class and race and how people are working towards changing the cultural biases that affect the under-privileged majority of people.

I found myself really interested in learning about how women's history is being compiled by historians and feminists today and how, as history is complied, what forces or parts of culture tend to decide which history is most important for the average student to learn about. I recognize that politics enters that equation as well so I understand that question must needs be open ended without a full solution to be had.

I think that anyone who approaches any of this information differently on a few levels. As our gender is intertwined in our mind and our thoughts without it being consciously there, each individual will have no choice but to either ignore or recognize that you will look at in the material based on your gender. However, I think that we are each much more likely to approach the material from a just as personal and unapproachable bias.... the bias of our own life experiences as well as current life circumstances. Our experiences, culture, family and our choices over time have helped each of us develop into a unique and amazing person and we cannot help but approach any topic with those biases in place and work to try and set them aside as we study and try to look at the topics addressed. I do not think that it is possible for any of us to do that completely- part of me at least has a hard time recognizing biases in myself and I assume others may have the same difficulty in self reflection and introspection. So I suspect that even when many of us appear to see the topic in the same 'light' and have the same viewpoint, we are getting there from very different paths and thoughts.

I recognize that the topics that I will address in the next several posts may be unknown to most and may also be on topics that are sensitive or cause negative emotions in yourself and others. I am not sharing them to cause any harm or anger; rather, I am sharing because I believe that the only way to change culture is to talk about it. From my writings, you will find that some of these topics were challenging for me and my emotions will hang off of some of my sentences and paragraphs. I hope that as readers, we can share our thoughts freely and discuss our feelings and concerns on the history and the topics that are discussed… many of which are still relevant to ourselves and women around the world today.

pictures from: http://www.citelighter.com/film-media/fashion/knowledgecards/womens-fashions-of-the-medieval-era, https://oregonheritage.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/oregon-womens-history-project/, https://oregonheritage.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/oregon-womens-history-project/, http://www.ora.tv/offthegrid/article/grid-history-women-history

Thoughts on Onguardline.gov….

** Please visit this federal government site to learn about internet fraud, computer security, and how to protect your personal information if needed***

I was excited to start this week looking at onguardline.gov. I found this topic really interesting, especially due to the recent news about Home Depot’s computers being hacked with a large data loss. On my computer I use a few programs to help me try to protect my data. I use LastPass for my password vault and HTTPS-Everywhere on my computer when I am searching or using the web and that has been the extent of my computer protection with the exception of virus protection.

So when I looked at the site I started with ‘Tips for Using Public Wi-FI Networks’. In one of the tips it mentioned the secure internet program I am using and with few exceptions, I have really enjoyed using it. I haven’t had any problems over the last few years. (Knock on wood!)

I do have a cell phone but I am woefully ignorant on mobile apps for I went to the ‘Understanding Mobile Apps' next. I had heard about being able to use wi-fi with my home instead of just my data plan and I had forgotten about it. The reading reminded me of it- and also reminded me that using it might be a bit risky- and so I left the sight to look up how to do that on my phone and ten minutes later I have finally figured it out. (If anyone wondered why I am taking a computer class, this is why… Even the programs that I have used to secure things were decided and downloaded by my ex. :) I only have two apps on my phone for two things and do not have any other ones, but I did find myself a little more interested in looking to see what options I might have. I am really cheap so I don’t know, but I may look at the ‘app store’ this weekend and look. I do not have a security app on my phone so I should look and see what is out there. The advice on kids and mobile apps was very timely too because my son is starting to show interest in a cell phone and we have started the conversation in the family. I feel like I got some more information to take home and talk with my ex-husband and son about while we are trying to make our decision. The ‘Protect Kids Online’ section which I went to next was a little eye opening. I went next to the video on protecting kids online and then decided I’d made enough notes and questions to take home.

I didn’t know about this site and was glad to be introduced to it. Looking forward to more sites!

Did you give it at try? Have you used it in the past? What are your thoughts....

Thoughts on eHow....

This was the first website I was introduced to in the class: http://www.ehow.com I searched for some topics that I was interested in and … so without further ado, I will move on to the discussion. :)

I have never used the website 'eHow' and so I took the opportunity to really check it out. I read some of the articles and watched a few of the videos. The first two I watched were as follows:

“Learning to Drive a Car” by Casey Atkinson – length of 1.01 minutes

“How to Change a Fuel Filter” by Richard Goms – length of 3:39 minutes

I choose these few to start with because I have been interested in learning to do a few things with my car and so I thought this might be an opportunity. I watched the videos and for the most part didn't feel like they were helpful. I felt like if I already knew most of the information, then I could learn something, but if I knew very little then I felt like I watched something, but didn't really feel like I learned anything. I realized after looking at my car that his instructions wouldn't really work for my brand of vehicle. So I wondered if the articles might be more helpful, and so I looked at a few of them. They were as follows:

“Want to Display Your Favorite Knives? Do it in Style on a DIY Rustic Wall Rack” by Tim and Mary Vidra

“How to Make Healthy Cat Food” by Sunny Griffis

“How to Give CPR” by an eHow contributor

For the most part, I felt the same way about the articles. I have been a BLS instructor for over a decade and didn't find anything factually incorrect, but I also didn't feel like I would have learned much from it. I guess that when I looked at the articles and the videos I had so many questions and I couldn't get them answered. I found that a little ironic because I like online classes for their flexibility, but I also recognize that I prefer the give and take of the real classroom and being able to look at the person I am speaking to and to ask questions when I have them. I did make the cat food and found that very easy and it was appreciated by my crew, but as someone who cooks a lot and understands that process more... I think that I pretty much just used the recipe and just 'did it'.

I am not sure whether the time I spent on the videos was worthwhile in any sense other than the curiosity I was able to use and to decide whether the site would be useful or not. I don't think I will actively use it again unless I need to for an assignment but I don't consider my time wasted trying to make that decision. I do not think I will recommend it to anyone because I think that many other people would have the same problems that I had with the information; either too little information or the inability to have things explained in a different way and questions answered. At least for me, I do not think this site would help me learn much that I didn't already have some decent knowledge in. I asked my ex-husband to watch a few and he felt like he could learn a few things so I think that maybe the ways that I learn are not compatible with many of the ways that the sites uses to teach. Just my thoughts.

For any of you guys who have used this site… what were your thoughts?

“Introduction to Computing 101” – Introduction to April’s Topic

There will not be very many posts for this class that I can actually put on my blog. I have used a computer for years but I haven’t ever really had any formal training in using many programs and have simply just worked my way along. I took the class for a few reasons; to try and cement some basic knowledge and learn more about the programs that I currently use, to learn more about programs I know very little about but would be very helpful in the workplace, and to see what other resources and programs are out there that I might want to use if I knew how. I knew that this class couldn’t entirely give me everything that I was seeking, but I did get quite a bit out of it and even know how to make some snazzy posters now. :)

What I would like to post about since I can’t post most of my work and it wouldn’t be very interesting to look at is to post about different resources that I was introduced to and my reactions to them. That way I can also introduce my readers to some of these websites that they may not know about which could be helpful to them. I wish I had been able to use some of these sites when I was a few decades younger. So the posts will be pretty short and sweet but hope they will be useful interspersed with the personal postings. Enjoy!

pictures from: http://globe-views.com/dreams/computer.html

Open letter to Dr. Glenn Cummings @UMA

I felt inspired to send a letter to the University of Maine president about changing some general education requirements for the student body. Here is a slightly edited version of the letter I sent him last November. I do not hold out a lot of hope that my humble letter will change anything, but I wanted to express myself. I think that everyone who studies some of these tough topics such as genocide walks away a changed person and can feel motivated to make changes in their own behavior and to actively work more towards peace in their families and communities. If this letter helps even one person or convinces someone to study more on these challenging topics, it will have been worthwhile. :)

Glenn Cummings, President
Office of the President
46 University Drive
Augusta, ME 04330


I am writing this letter to express my desire and a suggestion for a uniform change to the general education requirements to all academic degree programs that are facilitated by the University of Maine at Augusta. The change that I am advocating for is an addition of a modern day genocide class to the general requirements for graduation.

One of the important reasons for attending college and for the achievement of getting a degree isn’t just the ability to get a good job and achieve financial success/ security, but is for the ability to become better human beings and individuals in our families and the world around us. It is with this belief in mind that universities and the faculty who design courses and degree programs select many general education requirements for a student to successfully complete if they wish to leave the school as alumni with a degree in their hand and its knowledge in their heads. Among the topics that can be found in all degree programs are mathematics, writing and literary competency, humanities, applied sciences as well as social sciences and more. These ‘core’ classes are justified in degree programs to give studies an education that will help them in all aspects of their lives besides their core focus of study. For instance, students study humanity classes because through the exploration of the topics enclosed inside that label, a student learns to think more critically, to reason and ask questions, and to open their mind to more creative thought processes. In the study of humanities, we learn about other cultures and in doing so, we learn more about our own cultures. When a student studies a foreign language, they learn respect and an understanding of the relationship between language, culture and human nature as well as develop more flexibility in their thinking and behavior towards others. Mathematics is taught so that even students like myself who struggle to understand it and its relevance in their personal lives can recognize that it plays a vital, constant role in many aspects of their life and is a universal part of every human culture known. Science is considered vital because it demonstrates to every individual how the world, the universe, how our bodies work and how we are all connected with all other life. The study of science forces us to question, to not take blanket statements at face value, to require some validation before belief, and to recognize that failure is not an end in itself, but just parts of the journey to success.

All of these requirements are very important and necessary and I do not wish to take anything away from their importance by suggesting an addition. However, I truly believe that the addition of a required genocide class would be an important and innovative change to the general education requirements. Many modern day studies and the work of historians tell us that genocide is usually carefully planned. As long as the majority of individuals in every country believe that the act of genocide is an aberration and cannot believe that human beings for the most part really will not only commit genocide, but implicitly ignore it when it happens around them, the human race will never be able to prevent it. It is only by understanding and recognizing that genocide is truly preventable and will happen even where we live can people not only recognize it in its beginnings but also feel empowered to take action to prevent and if necessary, stop it. The University of Maine- Augusta is optimally place to set the standard and show the state and the country the example it should follow. As home to the Holocaust and Human Rights Center of Maine as well as some faculty who have intensely studied the subject, these institution has a unique and enviable place in this regard.

I recognize that a suggestion from one student may not make a permanent change in the graduation requirements, but I also know that I must try. I also know that I have completed over a dozen history classes and, with the exception of the Holocaust, those classes have skirted passed though uncomfortable parts of our past as well as the world's. While history will help us better understand the past and maybe give us better insight into the future, it cannot if we ignore or do not discuss the worst that we can be. I respectfully ask that the presiding faculty of the University of Maine- Augusta continues its policy of leadership and make the necessary changes to the general education requirements of future UMA Students. Thank you for your time and consideration to my request.

Sincerely,


:)

Review and Introspection : "A Scrap of Time and Other Stories" by Ida Fink

I had many reactions to a book I recently read that I can share today. The book is a fiction book filled with novellas on the Holocaust called "A Scrap of Time and Other Stories". I think that this book is both haunting and wonderful... a mixture of pain, horror and it's like looking in a broken mirror; you want to try and fix it, yet you can't do anything but look into the mirror and look at the cracks and how it distorts the image you see and recognize and changed the way you feel about the image and your perspective on the mirror itself.

One thing that I felt throughout the book was the idea of choice. Choice is a word and idea I do not like to chat about very much because so many of my family members see choice as black and white in all situations and do not see that how you are born and where you live and what gender/ race you are can make a big impact on your life and your choices. So it is hard to talk about choice without the anxiety of waiting for the argument to begin. I might get an argument here as well, I do not know. I feel like depending on the situations we find ourselves in or our perceptions we may not have many choices or we may feel like we have very few. Either way, we all make choices not necessarily knowing all the options within the choice we have to make. So, with this viewpoint that I hold in my heart, I picked up the book. I read about the parents who wanted to save their daughter and were just not able to figure out how to do and in a spontaneous moment try to have their daughter run away and she is almost immediately shot down. The father picked her up and carried her body on his shoulder while he walked obediently towards what he knows is his own death. I thought about the man who shot her, knowing she was a little girl, a small child, who couldn't even understand the situation or the why for her death or any of the others. How it was a blessing that it was quick for her yet more pain for her parents in their last moments. I thought about another story where the other prisoners play a mean game on the newest prisoner and how the prisoner will not play and how those prisoners, waiting for their own death try to create control and power in the tiny area they are allowed... recognizing that they have so little. The character Von Galoshinsky- young and scared- made the choice to be a bully when he could and so did his fellows. I think about what other choice he could have made and so I look at him as a big mean man until my mental camera pans back as I read and we all see him as the situation changes and get a better view of who and what he is; young, scared, crying. I thought of the girl who gives her body for papers to try and save herself and her mother and how her 'savior' sees her as an easy lay/ a whore.... this virginal girl who feels forced to give herself in the act of survival sex to try and survive... to try and save her mother.

That man could have given her the papers- he could have tried to save them without taking anything from her- but he did not. He took all that she had including her dignity and self-respect as he left with his thoughtless comments and we do not know whether she survived, but we as readers feel what he took from her... When I was reading I sometimes needed to stop and just think. Why did the soldier shoot the child? Why didn't the man give the girl the papers to save her and her mother? Why did the death of a pig from being run over seem more important than the death of many people? How can someone feel comfortable telling someone to deny their past and themselves... and think that would make everything all right? How can you live with the knowledge of your own acts and reconcile your mind to it? I thought about the man in the film “The Pianist” and how so many people made choices that put themselves at risk to save this man... this one man. I thought of the boy in “Europa Europa” who didn't know his family nor his people were dying... who tries to save himself in a few ways including having perfectly fine teeth pulled to get out of doctor's visits and to try and stitch his foreskin down to the penis and the pain, determination and desperation that he must have felt to try and do that. To try and deny who you feel you are and to fear discovery. I wondered how I would respond in some of the same situations... the girl who feels uncomfortable with murder in all forms and feels so much sorrow and anger when her cats kill a small vole. I realized that I would be willing to hide, but I would probably sob walking to my own death being unwilling to defend myself. I think this because I still feel uncomfortable questioning authority and allowed my mother's abuse to go on for decades. I wonder what I would really do if I had to...

I thought about the stories and how many people have heads and memories absolutely filled with these images, conversations and this pain... and how they keep it inside and do not speak. I wonder if they do not speak because they wish to spare their friends and family from seeing and hearing the same images, or to continue to try and bury it all in the darkest recesses of their minds, or if they worry about ridicule or confirmation that they deserved this experience... this horror... I thought about how our minds can try to save us when most of us are unwilling or unable to save ourselves and how we might create a companion such as a dog to stay will us... to help us feel safe in situations where safety isn't even an option and to feel the surprise and confusion to recognize the trick our mind has played on us to get us closer to our very survival. That our very cells may try to save themselves even when our souls are too tired to try.

While these stories are fiction, each and every one had the ring of truth in them. That unmistakable aura of “I have heard this/ been there/ felt this before.” The benign feeling of being safe in a world that really isn't safe and to see that reality through words and identity and recognize so many different emotions, thoughts, and parts of the reality of the world that you haven't understood before.... the reality that so many other people have had to deal with and face... it's not the easiest thing in the world to do.

I highly recommend this book. If you have the opportunity to read it, please do so....

pictures from :http://www.amazon.com/Scrap-Other-Stories-Jewish-Lives/dp/0810112590, http://www.holocaustpictures.org/pictures/holocaust-pictures/holocaust.jpg.html, http://ivarfjeld.com/2010/07/05/widespread-dangerous-misuse-of-the-word-holocaust/, http://int.icej.org/holocaust

Hiatus...

Well, the last few months have been a bit crazy with all my classes and everything going on right now. So the blog has pretty much been pushed aside while I dealt with everything and got my school work done. However, in answer to the email I received today, the blog is still active and actually the next few months will be very busy with reading for my consuming family and public as I begin to edit and post my assignments and writings from my classes. I have writings on human behavior, racism, genocide, history, eugenics, gender studies and more... so for those of you who have been waiting… don’t stress! More is coming…. ;)

I love you all and look forward to trying to share and continuing introspection in the new year. Anything you want me to research, share, etc… feel free to ask. I might be willing to do so. :)

2013 Poetry Corner #3 : A View into Eternity

If I could see beyond the veil
at the images past it's blinds
Would I recognize the views without
the feelings they provide
Would I feel love, joy and wonder
a smile within my heart
or would I wish to hide, to wipe
my tears inside my mind

If I could see beyond the ridge
at the mysteries I crave
Would I feel the peace of knowing
... the illuminated sight
the joy that comes from challenge met
the joy from knowledge gained
or I feel let down, bereft
the wearyness of the end

I do not know what I will feel
nor do I know that which I seek
To have that knowledge I must know myself
... to understand and seek
Can I reach out and grasp ahold
of that rod of which I need
To struggle forward, to push my soul

What do you see when you look through
...look forward in the light
Do you stand tall and confident
your back toward the night
Can we move forward side by side
support and strength in numbers?
Spend the light and joy together
to learn and grow hand in hand
together, forever, peaceful.... eternity

2012 Poetry Corner # 8 - Bug :)

Brilliant
Radiant
Optimistic
Creative
Knowledgeable

Adventurous
Delightful
Amazing
Miraculous
Smart

Gentle
Resourceful
Outstanding
Expressive
Silly
Blessed
Enthusiastic
Cuddly
Kind

I love him very much. He is a joy and one of the biggest blessings in my life!

2012 Poetry Corner #3 : Who is Your Master?

When you stand upon a path
that will soon quickly divide
How do you make the necessary choice
of which path you will abide?

Are you impulsive, quick – fast to choose
to quickly move ahead
Or do you dawdle to collect
the knowledge of where to tread?

What are your motivations?
Why do you make your choice?
Do your truly understand yourself
and the thoughts that you give voice?

I have found that I’m not sure
of what is really me
Why I do the things I do
what I want to be

But there is one thing I know
one thing that I find true
That Christ should be my master
He will show me what to do…

So who is your master?
Who is your guide?
Who do you follow?
Who do you mind?

So I try to move forward
Feeling the peace that I seek
Struggling to hear the spirit
Focusing on being meek

My soul feels less pain
My heart does feel more peace
A door begins to open
And the path is right ahead…

I’m ready...

Enviromental History - What it is and the Differing Approaches to Study

There are several different ways in which environmental historians approach the field of environmental history. These can be easily seen when an individual looks at the definition of what 'environmental' history is and its focus – the role and place of nature in human life. In this field's infancy, this term might have been easily assumed to only cover political pro or con environmental activity, however this particular field has no simple agenda or focus. This definition is certainly an 'open' one that allows many different ways of looking at the history and interactions of humans and the world around them. However, it appears that the majority of historians use five different approaches when working and studying history in this category. One way is to study the biological interactions between human beings and the natural world around them; this can include disease, unintentional disruptions to native and introductions of non native species, and the over-utilization of natural resources causing extinction. Another approach is to divide the world into a series of categories or 'levels' to categorize human interactions with nature; this can include animal husbandry, farming/agriculture, and other forms of production and how the interactions change the balance of human life and the rest of creation. There is an approach that looks at environmental history through the lens of political and economic transformations of power and the struggle of people to understand and balance their needs vs. the needs of nature (consumption vs conservation.) One approach tends to focus of the 'ideas' that human beings have about nature and how we perceive it in relation to ourselves; these can include art work, accounts of explorers, writers, etc... Lastly, the history of human beings and their environment can also be studied through narrative works- stories and the people who tell them. This approach can focus on man's positive or negative transformations or interactions with the earth and what information and facts can be gleaned from these experiences for more positive future interactions.

Donald Worster, one of the pioneers of the development of this particular historical field, believes that environmental history needs to proceed on three levels. These levels are the study of nature itself, the study of the human modes of production, and the study of patterns of human perception, ideology and values. Each of these levels of study require different skills and appropriate usage of other fields of study to develop a truly precise and accurate end product. The first level asks that the researcher understand how nature has functioned in the past and therefore how it functions without 'us'... or at least how it functions without our current participation. This information can be found through the work of geologists, archeologists, anthropologists, biologists, etc... and allows us a glimpse and insight into the natural world that we can attempt to study, reconstruct, and then try to understand and build a knowledge base. The second level focuses on the human modes of production and as such, focuses not only on how human beings have used forms of production to change their lives, labor practices and economics.... but also how each of these practices has changed the natural world and in turn changed the culture of human beings as well. The last level/idea is to study the ways that humans use and see nature based on human bias, perception, morals/ethics and the stories/myths that become part of how we deal with nature. How we as human perceive nature and ourselves as well as our needs and wants can have quite a drastic change in ourselves and the nature that surrounds us. An example that springs to mind is how the recent hurricane and its future arrival changed the way (at least temporarily) many humans saw the power and function of nature and it became more dangerous and a force to be feared in our minds. Those perceptions and biases will change the way we see nature and interact with it and other human beings even if the change is only temporary. Another example is how we perceive our needs based on what we perceive as natural resources- if we see our needs as high and a part of nature as resources, we can truly make the resource endangered or extinct without careful understanding, limitations/balance, and respect.


Jared Diamond distinguishes between 'proximate' and 'ultimate' factors when predicting the outcome of environmental history. Proximate factors tend to be 'factors' that are the most easily discovered and most recent to the situation of time frame being explored. In my own words, I would use the words cause and effect with the word proximate describing the causes of a situation. Ultimate factors tend to be the situations, etc... that bring us to the current or proximate factors. In my experience, most general history that is taught would be considered to be mostly consisting of proximate factors – ex: American colonists didn't like high British taxes or King George, fought war, won, and created new country. While the factor of taxes and government interference was a issue to be reckoned with and certainly did contribute to the eventual war, the ultimate causes of the war began much earlier and are less securely rooted in easy phrases. Both of the answers that can be sought through these divisional groups are technically correct and will give us a large clear portrait of the subject that were are studying. However, if we only use proximate facts we will lose much of the richness of the history itself. By continuing to ask even more questions and to delve deeper 'into the causes of the causes' as it were, we can truly develop a rich tapestry that can be utilized by all interested parties for full consensus and understanding.

William Cronon, a noted environmental historian, believes that his field is useful for so many reasons. Understanding the 'birth' of this field of history helps us understand how it began and in many ways helps us to understand many practicing historians and their work today. The list of books published over the last few decades that discuss environmental history do appear to lean towards not only understanding the past, but trying to change the future. (Isn't that really what the study of history is really about anyway.... the study of the past so that true understanding can potentially change our actions and our future...? That's one of the things I have always thought anyway.) Mr Cronon believes that all human history has a natural context and that no history can exist by itself- all aspects are interdependent on other groups, factors and influences. Taking the time to look at the human actions that have shaped our times gives up the opportunity to look at how nature and the very earth itself have influenced these us and human interaction. (The Spanish Armada and Queen Elizabeth of England come to mind) Another important reason for these studies is that neither nature nor the cultures that exist in it and mold it are benign or unchanging. Culture itself is really a very simple word that describes a very complex and may I say 'shape shifting' idea. Everyone in a culture in not the same, does not respond the same way to similar situations and has its own bias, beliefs, perceptions and reactions. Nature is not necessary unchanging and stable either -witness the earthquakes, tsunamis and other natural disasters over the last few years for big starters - and neither are we as the human race. (The idea of making an outline and typing it on a machine that would not only help me fix my errors but save the information for a few days was barely thinkable forty years ago.) Another really good reason for the study of environmental history is to understand that as a 'significant' contributor to the history itself, we (humans/historians) develop and write knowledge about our environment and world based on our cultural perceptions and biases about our world and environment. Throughout history we can see where generations of people had different environmental 'absolutes'.... that we no longer see as ever being correct or useful. A historian must be careful to recognize that the historian himself/ herself is biased and study, research, and interpret accordingly. We can never be fully objective about our environment – we are always in it. Lastly, Mr Cronon makes the fairly obvious point that the historian or student of history is not an individual who can predict the future with any certainty or be quite sure as to what policies and decisions would be most useful in public or governmental policy, groups and communities, etc... All the knowledgeable historian can do is to make predictions about what could or may happen and try to affect change for the future based on those predictions. Much as every human being, including myself, finds ourselves making changes in our life and cultural based on who and what we are, what we do... and how the humans and the world and nature around us respond in their own dynamic dance.

There are a few things that I think are very important in the study of history and the environment. I really think that we cannot truly understand ourselves- really understand who we are, what we need, and the way we interact with others and the world without pretty good knowledge of the world around us. Understanding that all human beings do essential see the world differently based on their experiences and environment helps us to understand the large role that nature itself has in shaping us into the beautiful being that each of us is. Understanding how both nature and humanity are really interdependent groups- not entirely separate- helps us to understand how we affect the world we are in, how the world itself changes our behavior, thoughts and culture, which in turn, changes the world.

Another aspect that can be explored is the idea that breaking this particular field of study into more subgroups can potentially give us even more information and help us to remove or at least recognize some of our biases when doing the research. And most historians of all areas of study have found it important to interpret history not just through the general lens (rich, white, male), but to also look acknowledge the differences in historical interpretation when viewed by race, gender and class. Carolyn Merchant- feminist and environmental historian- believes that the interpretation of environmental history when using factors such as race, class and gender cause the historian to ask different questions and to see how environmental factors can be used to justify exploitation, injustice, and even disease and impoverishment. How the individuals in different economics circumstances deal with and change their environment can be quite different from each other and the differing cultures that have been created through environment and circumstances to different racial groups create a different portrait of the historical facts. Gender has also a large piece of the puzzle as woman’s roles and environments have and can vary widely from those of the differing gender. An example is that farming and animal husbandry used to remain mostly in the hands of women (or the poor) until the last century when large scale agribusiness came out on top and these tasks became the work or ownership statistically of the white male. Women tend to also be responsible (and held responsible) by their cultures and society for reproduction and to be responsible for the majority of 'world production' or work, while males tend to be more dominant in history as well as today for relationships of power, structural and cultural systems of governance, and other factors. (I feel I need to stress that I am not suggesting that the majority of men do not work!) By looking at history through the eyes, experiences and environment of race, class, and gender, we are able to see the same environment differently, the differing effects it has on various groups and the perceptions and biases of the historian and the studied groups themselves. The use of extra lenses to view the past only gives us more information about ourselves as individuals, communities, nature and humanity itself.


Thoughts, impressions, comments....? :)

The Nun Files: Part 4

(I'm sorry it took me so long to post the end of the interview. I do hope that you enjoy it very much! This was one of the best and most illuminating things I have ever done and I would love to have the opportunity to do it again. This sister was just wonderful and I would like to attend one of her retreats)


SMK: -men and the women retreats separate just because of the- so, but I, I found moneys in the social action program to pay for them to go. But you can't do that all the time.

SG: Well, yeah.

SMK: So they talked about the sister, the people that did the first retreat came from Tewksbury Massachusetts. Started in Texas, went to Connecticut, Tewksbury, and then they brought it up to us. And then, once we started doing it, we're on our own now doing it.

SG: OK.

SMK: And we done like over one hundred women like I said so this is ten dollars a book but I'm I'm going to buy it for you I'm going to give it to you.

SG: That's very-

SMK: You don't have to pay-

SG: - kind of you.

SMK: -for it. And I'll autograph it for you in a minute. (laughter)

SG: Thank you!

SMK: Because I think, you know, I think it will be helpful for you if you have children-

SG: Yeah.

SMK: -I think your little boy would- In fact you might want me to write his name in it instead.

SG: Yeah, actually I would like that.

SMK: Yep, OK.

SG: And thank you so much for your time.

SMK: Have I answered all the questions? That's all I know.

SG: I think that you have -no, you know more! I just didn't ask it. (mutual laughter)

SMK: You're probably can, you can only deal with what you've got. So anyway, so this is what I have been busy with this stuff. And we've made up to $5000. I expected only to make, you know, the first books (we sell them ten dollars each) I had a hundred books -that's all I expected to sell. I've gotten five more, five hundred more.

SG: Wow! Hold on just one moment.

(side two recording was ended here)

The Reforms and Legacy of Peter the Great

Peter Alekseevich Romanov was born in June 1672 and died at the age of 53 in his beloved town of St Petersburg. Though his life was relatively short, the works of his mind, ambition and will have affected the country of Russia to its present course. Peter the Great pushed his constituents through new laws, reforms and his attempts to bring modernity to his country. This paper will discuss the reforms that were enacted during the rule of this tzar and their lasting legacies.

One of the major reforms that Peter I started with was the military. Before his time, Russia may have depended on its waterways for trade, travel and other pursuits, but the protection of those waterways could depend on a haphazard set of circumstances. In good times, these waterways and the lands of Russia itself were mostly protected by the local towns and villages themselves- the groups could have little to no knowledge of military techniques or leadership. The 'official' armies of Russia- the Streltsy or the Cossacks as examples - could be seen as professional units, but even these units were run at times by foreigners and not by native Russians. The Russian country had nothing that could be described as a navy in actual terms before Peter I. One of the major changes during this time was the creation and development of a navy. He borrowed ideas and training from other countries and created a strong Russian Navy that was officially founded on September 12, 1698. During his youth, Peter the Great had learned a lot about building ships - he had even built a few of his own- and he used this knowledge to increase security around Russian waterways, but to also conquer and claim new waterways as well. The Russian navy became a force that other monarchs would have to reckon with.

The military itself was also modernized and streamlined. The tzar recognized that he could not keep his country safe-nor conquer more lands- without a reliable and well disciplined army. One change he made was to open military academies for the teaching and training of military skills to a larger group of people. The military also became a permanent institution in the sense that it was no longer haphazard or ill-equipped. The military became a standing presence with some constituents required to serve for twenty-five years and quotas for conscripts... as well as lifelong draftees. After this was accomplished, the Czar did away or eliminated the Streltsy -with some difficulty but it was done. One change which Peter I made was to stress that the military's purpose and interests should be the interests of the state- not their own desire or even the desires of the Tsar himself. He made sure that the military was better equipped and trained in some of the styles of western military/armies and ready to face the challenges of empire building that he (Peter I) wanted. Out of all of his goals for modernizing Russia, it is thought that this one was the most important to the tsar.

The Orthodox religion didn't escape the notice of the Tsar and it underwent many changes during his reign. Previously, the Russian rulers had exerted some influence on the church but had left it mostly free of interference in its day to day operations and organization. The church was reorganized so that the powers of church leadership fell into the hands of the Czar... and not church leaders. One way this was accomplished was the creation of the Holy Synod in 1721 which replaced the power of the Patriarch of Moscow with a group of individuals mostly loyal to the tzar and not to the church. The creation of the 'Chief Procurator', a secular representative of the government who works within the church, also put the church leaders under the close supervision of the government. His government also passed a decree in 1722 that required priests of the church to disregard confidentiality in the confessional for certain matters or concerns that were governmental in nature. Tsar Peter was generally considered a 'secular' tsar and he was also known for his religious tolerance, passing laws allowing for inter-religious marriage, etc... The tsar also attempted to modernize the clergy which would result in the reduction of monks and nuns in great numbers as well as the reduction of church owned/ controlled land. Lastly, Peter issued the Spiritual Regulations that served as the bylaws for all religious activities in Russia.

There were also a few ways that Peter I attempted (and succeeded) in reforming the government. The Tsar abandoned the practice of gathering the zemsky sobor to discuss matters of special importance and he also moved the Russian 'capital' to his new city of St. Petersburg. He eliminated the Duma and replaced it with a group of individuals that acted more like a Western Senate than the former institution. And after signing a treaty in 1721 with Sweden, the Tsar was offered the title of Emperor and Russia was then known as an empire. Some reforms that were performed improved the management of government finances and control of public money. The tsar's love of education goes hand in hand with his governmental reforms as he attempted to create a meritocracy (and not an aristocracy) and to push western education onto the nobles and other constituents by importing books as well as starting institutions of learning. Tsar Peter's attempt to change the class structure by given regards for merit and service and not just for birthright did make it possible for a slight blending of some of the classes. His reforms also helped local governments to more efficiently keep order and collect taxes. Other reforms included cultural reforms that were brought about as the Czar attempted to push his people into adopting more western modes or dress, no beards (or you paid a tax), and more emphasis on conformity and obedience to the ruling power. He changed the calender in Russian to the Julian calendar in doing so changed the way most of Russia kept track of their days and holidays.

My inclination is to see Tsar Peter as a great reformer. He certainly made many large and lasting changes to many aspects to the lives of the Russian people. His changes in the military certainly made the country safer from potential foreign invaders. Collecting and developing new taxes gave the czar the money to enact not only other reforms, but to build the city of St Petersburg as well. Having any ability to blur the lines of class certainly takes work in my opinion, and making Russia into the vast and strong empire it became and survived as for so long also took quite a bit of energy, focus, ambition and endurance. However, it seems like many things didn't change all that much as there was still one man firmly in control of the country- a man who spend a great deal of time putting even more of the country and people under his control that any other ruler before him. Because he didn't share the power and in fact consolidated it even more, that must have created inefficiency, creative inhibition and problems with even making sure that the tsar's orders were being carried out correctly. I imagine that many individuals were not likely to offer suggestions or their own ideas and were likely to maybe even avoid tasks at all for their own protection... so I am quite torn by this man. I see him as doing many great and wonderful things, but I also see the side of him whose ambition and need for control caused a great deal of hardship, fear and death for many of the people he felt he was fighting so hard to elevate and improve life for. While I still see him as a great leader and I still feel that the name 'Peter the Great' can still be considered appropriate, I can also see him and his actions through the lens of knowledge that will show not only his successes, but his quirks, his difficulties and his failures. However, as this tsar was unwilling to be bogged down and focused on his failures during his lifetime, maybe we too should see and remember them, but not focus too heavily on them. His legacy was a strong country, a larger country and empire than when he was first given the crown and a country that was trading and successfully participating in European affairs and concerns. He transformed commerce and industry, the church and its activities and quite simply, changed the way that most Russians lived and how the country was viewed by the outside world. His legacy can be seen today in the culture of Russia, the buildings of his beloved St Petersburg and in almost any corner of government and culture in Russia. Whether you appreciate his reforms or not, no one can dispute that his changes and attempts to modify and modernize Russia on such a grand scale can still be felt today.... in the simple act of looking at a calendar... in worship... in the splendor of the great city that bears his name.

My Nutritional Analysis: Improvements and Needs

For three days, I tried to write down everything that I consumed... from water to cereal to the stray piece of candy that I 'borrowed' from my son's Easter Basket. :) After combining the data I came up with the figures at the bottom of the post.

I will say that I found a few things about the figures a little shocking. One of which was I hadn't really realized how many meals that I have been skipping or just not eating until I was forced to look at what I was writing down. And I guess that the stress and sorrow in my life has really started to overwhelm me because I truly believe that these totals are right. I looked over the days and realized that I had been tallying things correctly and I really had eaten less than 1000 calories a day for those days. I am disappointed to say that I do not currently think that these particular days are at all abnormal for my eating habits right now. I am glad that when I am eating, I am eating good things so I am getting a bit of the stuff that my body needs, but I am clearly not getting enough. And in times of stress I should clearly be eating more... not less. (I will admit that I thought about cheating and trying to find some cans so that I could add their totals on to the correct ones and not look so bad, but I really felt like that was cheating and if I didn't want to look pathetic, I should shake out of my funk and start eating right to begin with.)

For Day One, I should have had at least 1000 more calories. I didn't have enough carbs or protein and only reached about 50% of the daily guidelines. However, that isn't too bad considering that I only ate about 50% of the calories I should have eaten. Fats were a little high (I had some salmon pate on crackers and so that brought those numbers up to the higher levels, but that is unusual enough that I am not too worried about my fat intake. For brevity’s sake, almost all of my vitamin intakes were either too low or just non existent... in fact, I either didn't consume any of the needed vitamins or minerals or I consumed less than 50% of them with one exception: sodium. In that particular mineral I was in the high range and over the daily recommended requirements of less than 2400 mg.

For Day Two, just for variety I ate even fewer calories at 710- unfortunately I must confess that all three of these recorded days were in a row and may explain why I feel tired and fairly shaky constantly. I don't tend to feel hungry however. I consumed less than fifty percent of what was recommended in calories, carbohydrates, protein and most vitamins and minerals- the two exceptions are folate and iron which I did hit 100% percent on (a bonus?). Many nutrients I didn't consume enough of to have a percentage to write down.

For Day Three, I ate a few more calories and I did eat a lot of the necessary nutrients in the one meal I consumed- 3 cups of spinach and feta salad. I still didn't eat enough calories, carbohydrates or proteins. For calories, I consumed a whopping 763! :) I was still low on several vitamins, but at least the numbers were low... and not non-existent! I only hit the appropriate RDA for folate and vitamin B12, but three vitamins I was pretty much off the charts on in the upper ranges: vitamin K with 291 micrograms, riboflavin, and to really overdose myself... over 6000 micrograms of vitamin A. Luckily, I have been so low on vitamin A that my body hopefully stored some of this for future expenditures and needs.

On these days, I got at least ½ hour of cardiovascular exercise: once was carrying food boxes quickly up and down the stairs. The other two were walking quickly to get to work. On these days I was also quite active in physical movement- I spent the mornings volunteering and the afternoons and evenings playing with my son. Then I tried to squeeze in some homework before I collapsed into bed. Hydration was adequate at between 6-7 glasses a day of water and several ounces of juice. So a few things have changed over this semester. I have been able to increase my exercise and to become more consistent with it. I have been watching what I eat a little more than I have in the past and have tried to afford a few 'fresh' things-hence the spinach salad. I have worked at trying to have more variety in my food and I have been fairly successful with that. So, while the vast majority of food that I eat is still based on beans and rice, I have been able to supplement by adding more vegetables, fruits and condiments such as salsa, sour cream and coconut milk. I think that has been very beneficial in the sense that I think I am getting more of the minerals and vitamins that I need. I think that I have learned to be more mindful of what I eat and how I eat it, even in my limited circumstances. I feel like I have had the opportunity over the last few weeks to understand how my body works and what it needs and I think that understanding has helped me to develop a better mindset about taking care of myself. It is obvious from my analysis however, that I need to do more than change my mindset however... I need to make more physical changes to use the information and resolve that I have developed over time. Habits are not something that can easily be broken with mental effort alone. You must use your mental energy to focus on working toward physical changes... and only after the physical changes have lasted more than a month can you truly be sure that you have changed your habits. Even then, you must work to keep the change as it is so much easier to fall back into bad habits then it is sometimes to keep the good habits that you have formed.

A few other habits that I am working on changing is the 'supplement are always good for you' brain-set I had when I started this class. Understanding that careful consumption will get me what my body needs and actually taking the time to really pay attention to my food I think has already started that change. It wasn't really a surprise to me that the one day that I consumed the most nutrients/vitamins/minerals, etc... was the day that I consumed fresh food and not canned. It was also the day that I added a small amount of dairy and seeds to my food. I made an appointment to speak with my doctor about whether I 'need' to take as many supplements as I am if my body is now more 'healed' and able to absorb the nutrients that I eat more fully. It was a great conversation that took over half an hour and we decided that I should stay on two of them (I probably will be on one of them for life), but we could see about removing the others after a medical procedure to see how well I have 'healed' my digestive track. I have been working on increasing fluid intake and I have for the most part seen an improvement in that as well. I think the most important thing that I have learned this semester is that eating well and taking care of yourself is truly a journey that must be taken. Consumption is almost always easy, bu whether the consumption is worthwhile takes thought, introspection and knowledge. Thank you so much for the opportunities that I have been given his semester to become more mindful, introspective, and to use the knowledge that I have gained to work towards making myself a healthier person. :)


Day 1 -
Calories: 890
total carbs: 136.5 g
dietary fiber: 21 g
sugars: 26.5 g
saturated fat: 15.5 g
poly unsaturated fat: 3 g
monounsaturated fat: 0.5 g
cholesterol: 60 mg
protein: 27.5 g
vitamin A: 380 micrograms
Vitamin B12: 1.5 micrograms
Vitamin C: 9.6 mg
Calcium: 580 mg
Iron: 7.56 mg
Potassium: 1055 mg
Sodium: 2850 mg

Day 2 -
Calories: 710
total carbs: 100 mg
dietary fiber: 7.5 g
sugars: 23 g
saturated fat: 8 g
poly unsaturated fat: 4 g
monounsaturated fat: 2 g
cholesterol: 35 mg
protein: 13.5 g
vitamin A: 710 micrograms
Vitamin B6: 1 mg
Riboflavin: 0.83 mg
Niacin: 10 mg
Thiamin: 0.75 mg
Folate: 400 mg
Vitamin B12: 6 micrograms
Vitamin C: 96 mg
Vitamin D: 180 mg
Calcium: 710 mg
Iron: 18.72 mg
Magnesium: 16 mg
Phosphorus: 60 mg
Potassium: 680 mg
Sodium: 1490 mg
Zinc: 7.5 mg

Day 3 -
Calories: 763.7
total carbs: 23.7 grams
dietary fiber: 2.83 grams
sugars: 4.1 grams
saturated fat: 10.5 grams
poly unsaturated fat: 6.93 grams
monounsaturated fat: 8.32 grams
cholesterol: 610.25 mg
omega 3: 298.4
omega 6: 6372.85
protein: 26.82 grams
vitamin A: 6001.25 iu
Riboflavin: 0.41 mg
Niacin: 1.37 mg
Thiamin: 0.1 mg
Folate: 434.2 micrograms
Vitamin B6: 0.55 mg
Vitamin B12: 0.75 mg
Vitamin C: 16.8 mg
Vitamin E: 7.6 iu
Vitamin K: 291.5 micrograms
Calcium: 323.85 mg
Iron: 6 mg
Magnesium: 303 mg
Phosphorus: 389.9 mg
Potassium: 595.7 mg
Sodium: 1200.2 mg
Zinc: 3.6 mg
Choline: 330 mg
Betane: 330.8
Selenium: 56.9 mcg
Panthothic Acid: 3.17 mg
Manganese: 0.9 mg

Random Thoughts on Oral History, Interviews, and Technique

This week, I spent some time really focusing on the process of getting ready for an oral history interview and what is really involved. I ended up with 13 small paragraphs about different ideas and thoughts on how to interview and collect oral history... and I will share them with you below.

1. The idea of neutrality is described as a skillful way of holding yourself/ body and asking questions that keep the focus at all times on the interviewee and their thoughts and feelings. For instance, having too much rapport or empathy with the interviewee can really side-rail the interview and make it more about you and your feelings and thoughts- and not the person being interviewed... which is certainly not the goal that we are trying to complete(in performing an interview). Also, too much of anything- whether it is emotions, questioning etc... can change the interview and make it more biased, less accurate and focused on the biases, not the whole picture.

2. It is suggested that opening an interview with a question that provokes a detailed answer helps to start an interview with a prompt, purposeful beginning. It lets the interviewee know that the interview has begun and gives both you and the interviewee the cue that you are 'down to business'. Using a question that the interviewee is likely to know and need to give a detailed answer to helps get the interview off on the right track of the interviewee talking... and you listening.. It also should state the main purpose for the interview so that the subject that is to be covered is acknowledged right away.

3. A leading question is a question that sets up the interviewee to answer the question asked in the way that the interviewer seems to wish. This will not necessarily give you the answer you are really looking for. The danger of loaded questions contaminating the interview becomes higher if the 'status' of the interviewer is higher than the 'status' of the interviewee. Loaded questions can also produce answers that are truly difficult for the historian to interpret correctly because the interviewer's bias is so obvious in the original question. To avoid loaded questions, avoid questions that provoke short answers, questions filled with 'emotive' words, and use the interviewers own words to ask more questions- do not make assumptions of what the words mean... ask! Leading questions are less likely to cause problems with the interview near the end of the interview and can be useful when you have had an uncooperative interviewee. At the end you can use these questions to try and pull out more details and get more information. However, even in these situations, keeping the questions as non-'leading' as possible will help to keep the interview unbiased and 'correct.'

4. A negative leading question can be useful for getting comments and thoughts on provocative topics... especially if the historian's research has turned up conflicting information between the research and the information provided in the interview. It is important however, to not use too many of these questions because they can turn the interviewee off of the interview and it is also important to word the question so that the 'challenge' appears to come from a third party and not you- which can cause the interviewee to feel hostile and not as forthcoming towards the interviewer. There are other reasons to be cautious when using a negative leading question, but that covers the important points. They should really only be used when the questions can add to intellectual knowledge and debate or figuring out how the subject deals with adversity.

5. You should only give your opinion when the person being interviewed insists on knowing it. Otherwise, your opinion isn't really important in this instance. Your opinion can only help to bias the interview or even divide you from the person you are interviewing. Even when asked, the interviewer can sometimes use the words in the question to turn the interviewee back to the focus of the interview... and take the focus off of you!

6. Follow up questions are used by the historian to really get the details that you are attempting to have the interviewee provide. Ask for understanding when you feel that something is vague. However, the historian must be very careful to not make the interview feel like the subject is getting the 'third degree'. Questions should be open and indirect... without looking like you are challenging the other person. Some interviews can be fairly useless when they are completed in such a way that followup questions are not really asked.

7. Background research is so useful for a few reasons. Research ahead of time can help you to determine bias or untruthfulness in your potential interviewee. The information can help you during the interview to understand the information that you are being given, help to keep the interview 'on topic', and help you to provide 'useful' leading questions as well as memory nudges for the interviewee that is having a hard time remembering specific things/details. Background details are especially good for helping your interviewee with introspection and helping the individual remember what they 'felt' or 'thought' in the past during certain situations.

8. Approaching a friend or family member about an interview would be done differently than an interview with someone you did not know. First, you already have some rapport with the person that you have developed through your personal relationship. Ignoring your previous relationship while performing an interview would make the interview confused, stilted and any attempt to be 'neutral' would look a little ridiculous. :) However, the interviewer/historian must also carefully analyze the person that they are interviewing and modify their (the historian's) behavior and questions accordingly. Again the interview is about the information and the interviewee and not about you or your relationship with the 'interviewed'. Keeping the interview on track, easy going... but as neutral as possible and focused is the key. The interviewer needs to exercise self restraint in some instances and use rapport, empathy and neutrality to get the information that is sought.

9. Oral history is different from journalism in several ways. Oral history is the legal property of the person/interviewee and can only be used with that person's permission. Oral historians usually try to solve this problem by having a release signed when they complete the interview. Journalists rarely ask for consent to publish and as such they are less likely to get people to truly open up about sensitive personal information. As oral history usually contains such personal information, historians should make no assumptions about publication unless they have consent. Journalists also have the option to bias results in ways that oral historians should not. A journalist can use correct materials in such as way to create a bias in one direction or for political expediency. But while that is not OK for a journalist, many journalists will still do it for reasons of expediency, etc... A historian, in an ideal situation, will not allow societal bias, personal beliefs, etc... to influence the information that he is presenting. The historian will do their best to make sure that the information is as neutral and bias free as possible so that the most accurate picture will be presented. A journalist has the responsibility to report and may use personal information in a way that the person may not feel comfortable with. A historian has the responsibility to do more than just protect the source- if the information is not useful for the current public good and can cause undue injury to those involved, the historian should keep the information safe for a good number of years until the information is can be used in a way that doesn't cause a lot of damage to living people.

10. It is suggested that release forms should be simple and informal... and if you write one yourself... keep it from being legalistic. While some people think the forms should be signed before the interview... it is generally recognized that after the interview process is the best time to do so. While, after the interview you might have problems with a recalcitrant interviewee who has changed his mind, doing the signing before the interview can inhibit the person to be interviewed. Making promises to the one that is interviewed is difficult as well because it may be difficult for you to keep the promises. History can and should belong to everyone so promising that it will not is just one promise that is difficult to keep.

11. Background research itself can raise ethical issues that the historian has to deal with. When you are doing research on living people, you may discover information that is clearly confidential and private. It is important that you realize that specific permission must be gotten for releasing this information- even if you broke no laws to get it. It is very important that the historian does their best to not breach people's privacy or release information that can cause undue harm.

12. It has been mentioned that maintaining a neutral stance during an interview is hard and appears to be manipulative and dehumanizing if you perform tactical and careful planning ahead of time. The idea of neutrality is very important and should be carefully considered, but should not be taken the the other extreme which can inhibit the interview. The historian must remember that being neutral should not cause you to behave unethically or even anti-socially. Making sure that the interview situation is about the interviewee, and not about the interviewer. Keeping things confidential, being sensitive and empathetic, helps to keep the interview unbiased and truly humanistic. Neutrality should be used to gather information and not hinder the gathering... but it also should be slowly put aside if needed to increase communication and understanding by making interpretation. I hope that makes some sense.

13. When interpreting and analyzing your interview, it is important that you treat the conversation and information as serious, important information. Some historians believe that any interpretation of someone else's words is possible inappropriate and ethically challenging.... and a full transcript must be released. Others suggest that the historian, by reinterpreting the interview, puts themselves in a place of higher significance, and that releasing the interview as a full transcript is the only way that the interviewer and the interviewee are on 'the same plane'. Other say that there is always interpretation and if you assert that the interpretation of the historian is unethical, that is 'tantamount' to saying that the interview should have never taken place. I suspect what is being said is that care must be taken to be objective when attempting to interpret an interview... and that the historian should be aware of bias- especially their own.

14. The interview should be put into context if you are planning on using it for a term paper or for general consumption. One reason for this is that reading about someone you do not know can be confusing... and even boring. Most people understand that no life is perfect and is affected by the society and culture around it. So adding the history that affects the person's life is so important and makes the interview interesting and draws the attention of not only historians, but other people.