Moving in the World with Death...
I had a difficult day yesterday so I went for a walk on the beach when I had an opportunity. Edgar Allen Crow died a few hours after his most recent appointment with Birds Acre and I found out that Terry, Bug's first in home helper just died of cirrhosis of the liver. The last 8-10 months have really had a lot of death filling them. Even though the fox has been unable to steal a chicken, they are old and slowly dying. My friend Sarah Drew passed away on Easter and my grandmother Jocelyn Carlile passed away last Halloween. We have had a goose die, a few pet rodents, and now a raven that we felt so confident of his recovery.
So I went for a walk on the beach to try and allow my mind to focus on the good and allow myself to grieve for the difficulties and emotions that I had filling my brain. One thing seemed very clear while I was slowly walking along the water line – death was there too. Everywhere I looked, I seemed to see a deceased baby crab.
It was so painful to see such a small creature- so tiny and beautiful – lying still with the sun bleaching its shell.
The shells were empty- even the ones that were not broken- which most of them were not broken. It looked as if a hand had just put the crab down and they peacefully died.
Some were in different levels of bleaching- from the very soft fragile and white newly deceased crabs to the hard, crackly and even more fragile orange shells.
While I found myself crying thinking about everything. I found myself feeling so joyful. Death is so temporary. It seems so fearful because we as human beings do not understand it. But looking at these small creatures, I mourned them and my other griefs while feeling the security and certainty knowing that Heavenly Father knows all. Not one of these crabs died without his knowledge. Every one of my griefs and sorrows is known.
Sometimes, life is more certain and beautiful than we realize. Even in death, there is beauty and peace.