A Bug Day...

I spent most of the day with Bug today. We had a lovely time eating sausages (Bug's new favorite food) and winter slaw and Bug was very insistent on introducing me to the Shrek films. I sat through the first 'Shrek' and then 'Shrek Forever' and I did manage to survive the experience... which is good because he says he has two more to watch with me next time. I will confess I am a bit lost trying to figure out all the characters and how they matter in the story. I do like the cat though... oh course I love Puss In Boots.. I am so silly about cats.

I am a bit tired, but I am ready for my very busy week. I had running water today and I have a clean house with no dishes that need to be washed. I feel mostly recovered from my SVT last night and I am hopeful that I will sleep well tonight and have lots of energy to start the week. Here's to hoping ;)

Gratitude - 1/20/18

1. I volunteer every Saturday for about six hours at the local thrift shop. There is a large bin that is filled with bags of clothing to go through and every week, I struggle to get the bags as low as I can... to come back and do it again the next Saturday. Every time I make a dent- sometime quite a large one- but I rarely create enough of a dent to have it remain throughout the week. Today, alone with another volunteer, we emptied it. It was completely empty with no work to be done. That is an amazing feeling. It feels a bit odd to look at the work and realize that there is no more to be done. While there will be plenty more next week, it felt lovely to see that empty bin and recognize it for what it was- a job well done.

2. I hadn't been able to take the time around the holidays to watch all the Christmas movies that I had been hopeful to watch. I had a few new ones to watch and the one I was most hopeful to enjoy I had missed. Therefore, I thought it prudent to enjoy my spare time this evening to enjoy "A Christmas Carol" with Sir Patrick Stewart. It held all the promise I had hoped for and more. I haven't sat and 'just' watched a film in ages. It was wonderful. A few parts of it gave me cause to ponder, but one particular piece of a line caught my ear and has held it after I have turned off the film.

.... the torture of remorse... - Jacob Marley

Definitely something to think upon...

3. When I fed all my companions last night, I manged to get a picture of all of them together except Footie. It is a bit awe inspiring to see them all together and realize how many there are and how much 'mass' they seem to take up together. I am so blessed and so grateful for each and everyone of them. Like an attached parent, I can not imagine my world without each one of them and I am aware that the loss of even one would feel horrible. To watch them together is to smile and , when I tuck into bed at night, I never go alone. I awake in the morning hearing a quiet rumble of purrs and I feel content.

4. I was able to get an amazing deal on a 100% wool queen size blanket. The warmth I felt the few minutes I used it was wonderful and I am looking forward to using it all winter!

5. I found a really interesting pair of pants in my travels today. I recognized the seal before I read the words and as I looked at it, I thought of my Uncle Rick and I missed my family in Utah. I have some amazing relatives out west- in Utah, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Las Vegas_ and I do not see them as much as I would like. This symbol reminded me of my desire for good things for them, my love for them, and the hopes of a peaceful week for each of them.

A good evening to all. :)

A Conversation With a Friend

I spoke with an old friend a little bit ago. That conversation has been turning around in my head for days. A small piece of it was the casual sorrow that no one had been availed to dress her partner in his temple garments before he was cremated. I have heard so many stories of people who haven't been allowed to help because other family didn't wish it or even the possibility that so many people were available that some would simply be usable to help due to the quantity of volunteers. I have never heard of a church member passing who was unable to be dressed in his temple garments because there was no one who was willing or able to serve. To say that I am appalled suggests a simple emotional response whereas what I feel is much more complex and difficult. As I ponder on that thought and recall experiences of asking for blessings and being unable to get them because priesthood holders were too busy and watching others ask for help and not able to get it either. It's a bit disheartening to see it still happening. I'm a woman and can not given blessings so I can only watch others not get what they need. I am a woman and am limited in what roles I can have in my church. So here I sit and think about all this and wonder when will change happen. When will the church culture stop pulling people in so many different directions so that important service is unable to be performed or even seen as unimportant while decorating for church activities takes more precedence? When will a ward community itself look into each of their hearts and determine that what they want is not to focus on the minutia of culture details and calling desires, but the pure surrender to service. To set aside perfect sacrament programs and instead make sure that shut ins and those in nursing homes get the Sacrament. To have fewer exclusive events that focus on teaching about service and charity... and instead have events that ARE service and ARE Charity. How amazing would it be it the local organizations that support the most impoverished found themselves with no need of volunteers? That families in need were 'adopted' by other families who helped them to get basic needs met, but also mentored and worked with them to find the resources to become more stable on their own. there are some programs that do this- the program in Canada for Syrian refugees comes to mind- what can we as a community of Christ do to create the same amount of successful service? Instead of 'love bombing' people who start to fall away or shunning and ignoring others, what if our focus was pointed so strongly into understanding their needs and to love them that we lost ourselves in the joy of service and love?

I can't change the direction of a culture myself, but I can determine how I respond in it. My response at this point is to move my service and my focus into local groups that are focused on the impoverished.... something I understand a bit to well for my taste. Working with groups that are focused on trying to understand and meet immediate needs for those in my community has been wonderful and I have been amazed at how valued and needed I have felt and how much I have learned. The more I learn, the more I realize how little I have understood about specific topics and I hunger to learn more. This is the service that I feel called to perform. I can't make others see things the same way that I do, but I must confess that I am weary of hearing the stories of people who are not being served in the religious communities that they worship in and I am weary to think that I was one of them.

Dare I ask for all of us to do better... to be better... to reach out to someone everyday and to be the person they need that day? It is the resolution I have for this year and one I feel compelled and called to do. I have hope for a future where I don't hear so many stories of people who are unable to get the help they need. I intend to work as hard as I can to serve better and to seek out those who need me this year. Here's to a focused New Year for all of us!

Zombie Debt

There are many different ways to discuss and label debt- student, credit, medical, etc... One form of debt that isn't talked about much is Zombie debt. I ended up spending a few hours on the phone today between hospitals and insurances and have found myself the new and proud owner of medical debt... from 2015. So two months ago it didn't exist... and now it does. It certainly messes with your budget to have to reconfigure how you spend money based on information that you couldn't have had when you made it. Learning that more of these unknown expenses are probably headed my way as my health insurance *still* hasn't paid on these bills for the last two years doesn't really feel great. And while I thought about it and what choices I need to make, I thought about the term 'zombie debt' and how I originally had heard it. So here is a clip to the show "Last Week Tonight" discussing medical debt and debt buying organizations.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxUAntt1z2c

Paying off my 'new' medical debt won't be fun, but it could certainly be worse. I could have the experience of many of the people mentioned in this episode. I guess it might be a valuable thing for everyone to remember- even if you have insurance and they should pay the bill.... if they don't, you are still on the hook. There are no exceptions. Medical debt also is treated as bad debt by credit reporting companies even though people can not help becoming sick in the vast majority of cases. I wish I had fewer health problems and I confess... even though I have insurance now (and had at the time of my 'new' debt) my gut reaction is to stop going to the doctor because I have no idea if in two years I will have to pay for the visit, procedure, etc... I dearly hope for single payer/ universal healthcare for the next generation. It is needed for so many reasons.

Sigh... maybe someday.

Quotes From the Silver Fox

Today, the leaders of the Church held a press conference to officially announce the new President of the Church and his counselors. While today's announcement held no surprises for me, I can't pretend that I am satisfied and feel good about the direction that the leaders of the church appear to be heading toward. I saw and spoke with many who are hurting (and I am now one of them) who do not understand why certain choices were made and were dismayed by some of the language used at the conference as well as the non-answers to questions asked. I can't make any changes to the leadership nor is my opinion of any import for many reasons- one reason including the fact that my gender has almost no voice in church hierarchy and decision-making. So this evening I sit quietly and reflect on the changes and apparent direction of church policy and I found myself focusing on President Uchtdorf - now Elder Uchtdorf- and the wonderful things that he has said over the last several years that give me hope, focus, and a renewed desire to keep working towards better charity, understanding and joy within my life. Here are many of the talks and quotes from those talks that sprang to mind this evening. Where I can I have provided links to the full talk for those who wish to enjoy more than the small blurb that I have focused on. Over the next few weeks, rest assured I will find myself focusing on the wisdom in this talks as I look at a future that, for at least awhile, will have fewer talks like these.


Compared to God man is nothing; yet we are everything to God - "You Matter to Him", October 2011

When it comes to living the gospel, we should not be like the boy who dipped his toe in the water and then claimed he went swimming. As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we are capable of so much more. For that, good intentions are not enough. We must do. Even more important, we must become what Heavenly Father wants us to be. - "Of Regrets and Resolutions", October 2012

But I also recognize that there are some who have a less-than-fulfilling experience—who feel that their membership in the Church sometimes isn’t quite what they had hoped for... We do not need to be 'more' of anything to start to become the person God intended us to become. - "It Works Wonderfully", October 2015

...love...it ought to be at the center of all and everything we do in our own family, in our church callings, and our livelihood. Love is the healing balm that repairs rifts in personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities and nations. Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility, and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate. Love is the fire that warms our lives with unparalleled joy and divine hope. Love should be our walk and our talk. - "The Love of God", October 2009

I know of no sign on the doors of our meetinghouses that says "your testimony must be this tall" to enter. - "Receiving a Testimony of Light and Truth", October 2014

Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God's love encompasses us completely. ... He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. - "The Love of God", October 2009

When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following: Stop it! - "The Merciful Obtain Mercy", April 2012

We must realize that all of God's children wear the same jersey. Our team is the brotherhood of man. This mortal life is our playing field. Our goal is to learn to love God and to extend that same love towards our fellowman. - "Pride and the Priesthood", October 2010

Don't judge me because I sin differently from you. - "The Merciful Obtain Mercy", April 2012

He is not waiting to love you until you have overcome your weaknesses and bad habits. He loves you today with a full understanding of your struggles. He is aware that you reach up to Him in heartfelt and hopeful prayer. He knows of the times you have held onto the fading light and believed—even in the midst of growing darkness. He knows of your sufferings. He knows of your remorse for the times you have fallen short or failed. And still He loves you. - "Living the Gospel Joyful", October 2014

And, to be perfectly frank, there have been times when members or leaders in the Church have simply made mistakes. There may have been things said or done that were not in harmony with our values, principles, or doctrine. - "Come Join With Us", October 2013

We sometimes confuse sin with sinner, and we condemn too quickly and with too little compassion. We know from modern revelation that ‘the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.’ We cannot gauge the worth of another soul any more than we can measure the span of the universe. - "You Are My Hands", April 2010

Without this transformational work of caring for our fellowmen, the Church is but a facade of the organization God intends for His people. Without charity and compassion we are a mere shadow of who we are meant to be—both as individuals and as a church. Without charity and compassion, we are neglecting our heritage and endangering our promise as children of God. - "Charity is Core of the Gospel", December 2015

...I wonder if sometimes we misinterpret the phrase “after all we can do. We must understand that 'after' does not equal 'because.' We are not saved 'because' of all that we can do. - "The Gift of Grace", April 2015

Brothers and Sisters, as good as our previous experience may be, if we stop asking questions, stop thinking, stop pondering, we can thwart the revelations of the Spirit. Remember, it was the questions young Joseph asked that opened the door to the restoration of all things. We can block the growth and knowledge our Heavenly Father intends for us. How often has the Holy Spirit tried to tell us something that we needed to know but couldn't get past the massive iron gate of what we thought we already knew? - World Leadership Training Video 2012

Tonight I would like to use this little flower as a metaphor. The five petals of the little forget-me-not flower prompt me to consider five things we would be wise never to forget. First, forget not to be patient with yourself. Second, forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice. Third, forget not to be happy now. Fourth, forget not the “why” of the gospel. Fifth, forget not that the Lord loves you. - "Forget Me Not", October 2011



picture and links from LDS.org

Things to Smile About

I'm trying to recover from a gluten exposure this week. I hate the way that my body feels as it tries to heal up because everything feels fragile and weak or doesn't work well. I lose most of my desire for food and have no desire to do anything but remain stationary. For the most part, the option of doing nothing really isn't a viable choice so I try to accomplish the minimum needed so that I am able to give my body the rest it needs to heal up. So today I did some needful errands and chores as well as paperwork and have tried to intersperse restful behavior throughout. Settling down to rest sometimes allows me to really look at some of my 'favorite' things and enjoy them for what they are... instead of just a quick glance as I head off or out to do something. Here are a few of them.

I got this really cool dragon from a Value Village in Seattle. I had been shopping with Shaneen and Katey and I can't remember who suggested that 'who doesn't need a cool dragon in the house'... but I decided I did. Bug loves it and considers it his and as it gets moved and carried around enough it is starting to break around the wings and ears. But I can't help but smile every time I look at it. Its a pretty cool piece of work and I wonder who made it and how they managed to let it go.

I love this vase. I'm not sure why specifically, but I love the way it looks and I always smile when I look at it. Daisies are my favorite flowers and they look great in it and each emphasizes the beauty of the other. I have no idea who made this vase, but it's pretty awesome.

I love houseplants. I got this one when someone left it in the free room at the transfer station and I happily scooped it up and brought it home. I got it last fall and it had a pink flower or two but almost no leaves. I tried to water it and coax it into growth and got absolutely nothing... just a few leaves that limped along on the stems throughout the winter. This summer I made sure the plant spent a lot of time outside and it developed lots of leaves and several flowers, but as fall came it still didn't have the 'hearty' look I had hoped for. So I have fussed and worried about it concerned that it might struggle to survive this winter as well. However, while the flowers are gone, all of the remaining leaves have stayed on. not only that, but soft slim tendrils are stretching up my wall to wrap around the curtain rod. Just seeing that brings a large smile to my face.It is still a bit 'awkward' in how is it growing and in appearance, but I see that as a metaphor for life and enjoy it anyway.

When Remus had his tail removed, the stump looked naked, tight, and weird. It looked a bit indecent and watching him 'wag' it was hilarious and appalling all at once. I remember telling Katey that I hoped he managed to get some of the hair to grow back onto it so that it was 'less' difficult to look at. Today, Remus sat by me hoping for as much attention as he could get and I got a really good close look at his stump... and it is beautiful. The hair has grown over it and the stitches are starting to fall out as everything heals. (Purple stitches on dark black skin looked a bit odd as well.) I am so glad that his tail matches the rest of him now and when he wags it the tail looks like a part of him instead of something stuck on with glue.

I found myself thinking of the film 'Picnic' today. I love the story and the images so I pulled it out today to watch. Its only about five minutes long and it is for children, but I love it and find it restful and fun to watch all the same. I just want to hug the little mouse when he finds and hugs his doll. It's a sweet peaceful film to enjoy.






These are the main things that brought some joy into my life today. I intend to spend what little of the day is left with a book by one of my favorite authors.(She must be a favorite- I've named a few cats after characters from her novels. Cyril is the most recent animal to share the name of the cat who annoys Racer in the police station although my Cyril is much more calm and docile than his namesake in the novels :) What did you enjoy today?

The Accidental Adventures of Duck

In my household, we have certain chores set up on the days we spend together as family. Out of all the chores that we perform every weekend, Bug's favorite is cleaning out Duck's cage. Hands down, she has been the hamster that he has loved the most and wants to spoil. In fact, he sometimes brings fruit or veggies for her from the farm he works on and makes sure I have extra pieces of cloth for 'blankies.' He is very insistent on fancy food so that he can give her a huge amount of food and extra peanuts on the side- peanuts are her very favorite food. Within minutes of his arrival on Sundays, Bug is begging to clean her cage. So we settle on the living room floor with her cage between us and I clean the cage while he holds Duck. She is almost two years old so this ritual has played itself out well over 100 times as twice weekly we kneel on the floor with her cage between us and we clean but also play and hug her. Yes, she actually doesn't mind gentle hugs. She is just a good lady.

For the last few years I have reminded Bug that Duck's safety outside the cage when he is playing with her and I am cleaning her cage is his responsibility. It's a very important responsibility as Duck lives in a household of cats. Sometimes I have to remind Bug to be more careful, but usually he is very astute about the dangers and keeps her close and safe. Today, we finally had the problem we have been avoiding. It was partially Brock's fault as he allows Minion to get to close fairly often. Minion always seems so calm and laid back and shows no interest in what is happening during this process. So while I cleaned today, neither Bug nor I thought much of Minion coming over and plopping himself down on the ground near us. I was almost done cleaning when Bug decided to let Duck lean close to Minion so they could check each other out. Before I could reach out, Minion had moved so quickly that in less than a second and laid off, peacefully snoozing cat was on all fours with Duck hanging out of his mouth. Bug screeched and I had grabbed Minion by the scruff. Duck was squeaking and failing about and as I held tight to Minions scruff he dropped her the last few inches onto the floor. And before I could reach out with my other hand to pick her up, Rob was there and Minion was whisked away in a whirl of fur and growls. I quickly enfolded Duck in my hands and moved her back to her cage.

After a few hours of 'rest', I brought her back out of her cage for a thorough examination She appears to have no physical affects from her adventure and didn't seem really bothered by being removed from the cage again today... that seems either very kind of her or too trusting as we have broken that trust today. After a strong talking to and a new set of rules for continued play with Duck in the future, I think we are back on track for our ritual to continue. And yet, something has changed today that can't be ignored. While her cage has never been very interesting before to my feline companions, it clearly has become a new focal point.

All of us survived our adventures today and I am truly grateful. However, the feeling I felt when she was hanging from Minion's teeth is one that felt horrible. I felt fear and pain and as I look at her now in my hand I feel failure and regret. I slipped up and she could have been seriously hurt today. I don't think I'll lose the feelings of fear and the need for hyper-vigilance soon. (My brain keeps hearing the words of 'Mad Eye' Moody - you need to practice constant, unceasing vigilance.) As I said before, I have so much to be grateful for today.

Too Much Dreaming

Some days are just really really tough. Even when things go right if you sleep really really poorly then nothing really works out very well. Last night I had horrible dreams. Sometimes I'm able to forget that I have PTSD and then I'll go to sleep and I wake up a few hours shaking and sweating and unable to actually recognize that I'm in my own bed and everything is safe. It's a really, really weird thing. I have dreams of policemen coming into my bedroom when I'm sleeping and dreams of my mother sitting on me and folding me into the living room floor in front of friends. I have so many dreams of different things that have happened that really seem to stick and even when I think I forgotten them they seem to come to back to life at night. I keep trying different medications to forget that they are there and yet they still just seem to come. Sometimes I'll go a whole week without one and I can actually forget for a moment that I have them and then I go to sleep and they're back.

All you can do is force yourself to wake up and take the several seconds needed to realize where I am and then try to calm down and remember that everything is okay now even if it wasn't okay then. I've had family members say that I shouldn't talk about this becasue what happened in the past is a personal family matter and you don't share these things with other people even if it is on an anonymous blog where most readers do not know who you are. However, I've never found that anything is successfully solved without talking about it and acknowledging the problem. That's one of the things that I watch people do at church in the past where it's just easier to tell people that have problems to ignore them or pray them away instead of listening to what their actual problems are and trying to help them solve them. Sometimes whatever is easier is not what's right and sometimes the only way to deal with something... no matter how messy and awful and painful it is... is to really talk about it, chew on it, take the time to really remember it for what it is and then try to put it behind you. The more you push something down and try to pretend its not there the more it grows and festers and poisons your soul.

I would truly love to forget so much of what is in my head and I am sort of bothered that I seem to forget so many things that are useful and I can't seem to forget the past. My doctor told me once that PTSD is not a person who is unable to forget the past... It is really that the past along with the experience and emotions of that past will not let go of the person in the present. I will admit that no matter how hard I try to forget things some of them just will not go away ... and they may not show up in my everyday mornings, but they will show up in the night when it's dark and quiet and I feel peaceful and relaxed... and then I'm blindsided by them. I sometimes wish they would go away and sometimes I'm scared of what will happen when they do because I wonder what else worse will come out of my mind.

I wonder sometimes if it is easier to have the same few dreams over and over because at least when I wake up I'm now in the habit of trying to shake them off and trying to calm down. It's sometimes throws me for a loop when I see and hear something old but feels 'new' and I wake up and I can't forget and it seems to take an eternity for me to realize that I am in bed and I am okay. I guess that's one reason that I love cats. If you wake up and you're scared and you're shaking, there's always somebody who's going to come over and ask to be petted and will rub against you to let you know that they are there. I feel quite comfortable embracing my 'old cat lady' persona because they do give me so much joy.

I was reading a book yesterday and one of the characters told Hamish Macbeth that he clearly didn't want to find love. Elspeth felt that what he really wanted was only companionship and if he only wanted to be alone and stuck with a dog and cat for his whole life then that was his choice. At that point, Hamish was really offended and stomped off in a huff... As I read that paragraph, I will admit that I am okay with that for the rest of my life. I think I am more than happy to take companionship over any kind of expressive love with someone else just to have my own place... to be able to feel peace and to have a place of my own that is quiet and safe. I know some would see that relationships of companionship are lesser, but on nights when I wake up and I'm shaking and I'm cold and I'm scared and I'm sweaty and I have no idea what to do I realized I'm also grateful for being alone because I don't have to share this with anybody else anymore. My ex and my son sleep and they hear nothing because they are no longer here. For that I am sometimes intensely grateful.

Gratitude - 1/8/2018

1. I had another PT appointment today. I go to several appointments to try and fix one particular joint and then they move onto another one. Today's appointment was for my left ankle. Out of all my bothersome joints, the left ankle is the biggest problem. So today I got to sit down with Jacques and look at pictures of my ankle when I damaged it three years ago. Then we scanned through x-rays and notes and then we got to work. I am so grateful that I have health insurance that will cover the therapies I need to try and get my ligaments and tendons strong enough to hold the joints in. I am not sure what I would do without it.

2. I love Brock's hamster. She is named 'Duck' and she is just the sweetest, most kindly soul I have ever seen in a hamster. She reminds me of a hamster I had when Bug was born names Adonis. She takes good care of herself and won't over eat even though Bug WAY overfeeds her. She will sit in your hand and look into your eyes and I lose myself in their depths. Watching her is restful and peaceful. She is a very old lady at almost two years old, but I am grateful to have her in my life.

3. I am so grateful I got caught up on CPR paperwork. I have been avoiding that like the plague, but it's done and ready for the mail tomorrow! I will have more to do in a few days, but at least I am caught up now.

4. Several years ago, my Uncle Rick gave me a huge stack of DVD's. Once in a while I will open the package up and pop one in the player and either enjoy something I've seen before or discover something new that I probably would not have seen if he hadn't given me a copy. Tonight I enjoyed an oldie but goodie (My Cousin Vinny) and a new one (Lake Placid). I was able to do my paperwork, eat a decent dinner, and enjoy some really silly films at the same time.

5. As part of #4, I am grateful I do not live anywhere where I could go to a large and be eaten by a 28 foot long crocodile. Even if the film was set in Maine. :)

6. I have extra days at work this week and while my legs will whine, my bank account will smile.

7. My plants are still alive even though the winter is cold and they are by the windows... and even though my cats sit on them and squash them flat. The root systems should help keep them going until the summer comes so I can watch them bloom again. I love indoor plants for so many reasons, but one reason is that I love their resiliency.

8. I was able to take several bags of donations that I sorted out from volunteering on Saturday and take it to a cool place called the Community Closet. They were thrilled to get the clothing and I was glad someone wanted it.

9. I feel warm and have lots of warm clothing to hang out in at home. I have a roof over my head and good food to eat. My car keeps limping along and gets me to were I need to go. That's always a good start to every day.

What are you thankful for today?

Horror Movie Quote Quiz :)

I am not a big fan of the Horror film genre, but for fun I participated in a quiz where I was given well known quotes from horror films and then had to figure out which films they can from. It was fun - even if it took ages for me to figure out the answers. I think a few of them might have been wrong so please let me know if you attribute any of these quotes to a different film. I listed the film and release date for each quote.

Welcome to the dark side – Tales from the Darkside (1983-1988)

Wanna play a game? Here’s Johnny – The Shining (1980)

Shhh, I see dead people.- The Sixth Sense (1999)

I’m sick of people who don’t appreciate their blessings – Saw (2004)

Clear your mind... I know what scares you – Poltergeist (1982)

Attention Kmart shoppers – Beetle juice (1988)

Gonna need a bigger boat – Jaws (1975)

What ever you do, don’t fall asleep – Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Puts lotion in the basket – Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Never drink wine – Dracula (1992)

They’re here – Bettlejuice (1988)

The power of Christ compels you – the Exorcist (1973)

They’re coming to get you – Night of the Living Dead (1968)

We take off and nuke the entire site from orbit – Aliens (1986)

I'm not going to be ignored – Fatal Attraction (1987)

Don't let them get away with this – Friday the Thirteenth (1980)

A boy’s best friend is his mother – Psycho (1960)

Never trust the living – Beetlejuice (1988)

There’s just some things you got to do – Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Must be on the dark side – Tales from the Dark Side (1983-1988)

You can check in, but you can’t check out – Nightmare on Elm Street 4 (1988)

We’re friends until the end – Child’s Play (1988)

Ghost with the most – Beetlejuice (1988)

No screaming – Scream (1996)

While the snake is in motion – Snakes on a plane (2006)

Never Say his name – Candyman (1992)

Three times – Beetlejuice (1998)

I promise that it is not a fun ride – It (1990)

Walk through the place where nightmares are made – Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

A place I like to call the further – Insidious (2010)

It’s show time – Beetlejuice (1988)

Go ahead and make my millennium – Beetlejuice (1988)

Why are you screaming? - Kicking and Screaming (2005)

I absolutely love games – Coraline (2009)

Baseball bats and boogie men – Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

I love to laugh – Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

The Dark side has a twisted sense of humor – Tales from the Darkside (1983-1988)

Who ya gonna call – Ghostbusters (1984)

What ever you do don’t fall asleep – Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

I’ll get you my pretties and your little souls too – Freddy’s dead: the final nightmare (1991)

So, would you have a particular quote you would be interested in adding to the list? If you love horror films, which film is your favorite? Why?

Service Day

I love Saturdays. Every Saturday I head to my local non-profit clothing store and work in the back to sort clothing. I grab the bags from the special bin and then dump the contents onto the table and then sort. I have a few different choices as to where I put clothing depending on how I judge its condition. Great or better clothing is hung up to go out onto the sales floor or set up to be steamed or pressed before going out. Then clothing can be placed in the free boxes for locals, bagged up for the Emmaus Shelter (a local homeless shelter),or into bags to be hauled off to Goodwill. Reusable bags that are not in good enough condition to sell can be donated to the free bag bin at the local supermarket and household items are sorted and donated to the local non profit thrift store to earn money to help the local animal shelter. The plastic bags that the clothing come in are gathered together and then recycled. There really isn't a lot of waste if we can help it. So I spent the day in the routine and organized assembly line of sorting and packing. There are not many volunteers on Saturdays and some weeks, I listen to audiobooks on my phone while I work the table. It's a lot of work and sometimes I feel almost too tired to go in, but I still do because I know that I am really needed there. Today I got some time to chat and joke with a few other volunteers and that was a nice addition to the day today. It actually felt a little bit sad to head off and teach my CPR class.

I enjoyed time with a friend tonight as we chatted while her husband did a little home repair for me and I am so thankful to end the day with a great book. When I went to Bangor the other day and swapped some books with Bull Moose I got some great books to goof of with. They have these large miscellaneous book bins and I made a great finds the other day. Now I just need to decide which of these ones I'm going to tackle. :)

Snow Day

Today was a day of fun and work. The work started at 7 am when I got dressed and headed outside to shovel the walk and get the car out of the drifts. I'm terrible at shoveling- my shoulders are torn up and my knees are a pain, but I turned on some music and got it done. I have developed a list of music that is my 'work/ exercise music and it made the shoveling feel less burdensome. Most of the songs on my list I have discovered either in classes or discussing totalitarian regimes so this is an odd list, but here was my working music this morning. If you do not understand the German language, you may struggle to understand the lyrics to about half of the following list.

Die Toten Hosen - Tage Wie Diese
- Traurig einen Sommer Lang
- Altes Fieber
- Zwei Drittel Liebe
- Reiß Dich los
- Alles hat seinen Grund

Bon Jovi - We Weren't Born to Follow

Green Day - Warning
- Boulevard of Broken Dreams
- American Idiot
- 21 Guns

The rest of the day was spent with Rob and Bug in Bangor doing a little bit of shopping and then back home to spent almost two hours on the phone with my ex health insurer. I head to sleep tired, but the day started with a loud scream of music and got my body moving fast enough to push past the joint pain that clings to my every movement like a sweater. So if you are interested, I linked a video to every song listed above. I highly recommend the full album by Die Toten Hosen titled Ballast der Republik- it's a lovely listen almost any time if you enjoy punk rock. I sometimes fall asleep listening to "Tage Wie Diese" and feel my lips miming the now familiar syllables as my consciousness fades away.

What music puts you in the mood or at least gives you the energy for significant physical labor? What do you listen to when shoveling snow?

Lazy Day at Home

I've been fighting a migraine most of the day. They are always the same. Smells and light feel to strong and to bright... I feel painfully aware of them. The smell of something I would usually find pleasant now hurts and makes me wince and makes my breathing hitch because the more I smell the worse it gets. The pressure builds around my left septum and up through the left side of my head and as it feels like everything is swelling, I feel the vision fade. As the pressure builds up, I watch my vision in my left eye fade and more towards my nasal cavity ... so that looking straight ahead can make seeing anything on the left side impossible with only a little visual help from my right eye. I haven't used Relpax in awhile, but I eagerly sought it out today. In two hours I decided I needed another tablet and my vision was so screwy and the tablet so well protected in its tight sheath that I was unable to open it. I was able to have the second dose only after using scissors to try and break it out and when that failed, the small child I was watching opened it for me. (It is a bizarre testament to the strength of the packaging that nothing I could do opened it, but a six year old child with nails opened it with ease.... and yes, I showered her with gifts afterwards.)

I am so grateful that I was able to stay home today. If I had gone and had to drive back in the storm I am not sure I would have made it home safely. The opportunity to end this day sitting in the dark watching the blizzard outside from the warmth of the couch. The words 'bomb cyclone' sounded really scary... and I think it would have been if I had been out it in... but I feel safe and warm inside my home. I have so much in my thoughts right now, but I have much to be grateful for too. I hope for all to be warm and safe tonight.