I'm a bit worn out and frantic tonight with a head full of thoughts traveling a hundred miles a minute. I will confess I should be doing homework and I can't seem to. I am finding myself just thinking and wishing and trying to think good thoughts about angry people. As I realized today that I am spiraling into a bad place, I thought that I would take a moment to really count out some blessings that I have. I am sure that I will not remember enough- I take many blessings for granted, but I will admit that I am a pretty lucky lady.
I have five amazing cats! They are so happy on the days that I only work half days because we can spend time together. We eat and laugh and run on the treadmill together as they jump on and slide off. It is hard to get lost in your thoughts when you have to watch for cats underfoot on a fast moving belt. My treadmill is starting to wear out which is pretty sad but i have had it a few years and i will admit I do beat them up. :)
I have a great place to live. It's cute and small and just feels comfortable. Brock loves it as well and we spent some of today wandering in the woods looking at the birds and picking up trash from the previous tenants that had blown into woods behind the house. We filled up the trunk of my car with trash- not that much but it's bulky stuff and I'll drop it off on my way to work tomorrow.
My Boo is my joy. It is awesome that he still wants to spend so much time with me. I always imagined a teenager who was aloof and somewhat distant, but that isn't what I have. I have a young man who still loves my hugs, wants kisses on his nose and is willing to talk my ear off on walks about what's in his mind. I know that will probably change someday, but I am enjoying it while it lasts.
I have a well running car, Old but useful, and an ex who loves to fix it when it has problems. I use the car for so much between CPR and pharmacy work and school that I am constantly racking up the miles. But it rarely lets me down. That's awesome considering its 20 years old.
I have fallen in love with the ferrets myself. I never really imagined having such silly pets- they are weasels you know.... but they are awesome. Sometimes they will climb into bed with me and curl up under the covers like cats. They are soft and Strawberry will lie there and lick my chin as I fall asleep. It's neat. yes, they can be a pain but they are teaching me so much and Brock loves them so much I sometimes wonder if his heart would burst with feeling of it. He gives them horsey rides on his back, extra treats and just snuggles and chats with them, giggling when they kiss him. I look at them and smile... I can't help it.
I have a few really amazing friends. They watch over me and put up with my silliness, my PTSD, my fears and anxieties and more foibles that I would like to admit. They keep me smiling when things get tough and love me no matter how weird I get. Those are some of the most amazing blessings of my life. :)
I have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I have my scriptures- both large print and small- that I can use when ever I want. I have opportunities to pray, to ask questions, to love, and to talk with my Heavenly Parents. While everyone should have that opportunity, I am grateful that I do see it as an opportunity and not a must do or requirement. I am grateful for books and chat groups that help bring me closer to him, to other members, to gospel principles, to change, and to revelation.
I am grateful for opportunities to provide service for others, whether its a couple of bucks so that someone can get gas, or a hug, or laughter. I love to give others laughter. I just love to be able to serve other people and dive deep into their humanity and therefore, my own. And I am grateful for those who serve me. Thanks for my awesome home teacher and friend who gave me a blessing last month even though I live so far away. And my awesome visiting teacher who tries to keep up with me even when I am so busy I am running around in circles. She is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. I am very blessed to know some very good people from church and from my community. We may not agree on everything, but for the most part.... we all agree on love and I can't ask for more than that!
I am grateful for my son's service dog. He always sees me and just seems so amazingly happy. He grunts with pleasure and rubs up against me until he is exhausted. If I get behind on walks, he comes back to find me and to motivate me to join the group again even if I have to push myself harder. He wags every time he sees me and will happily climb up and join me on my lap- a tough feat for a huge labrador retriever.... he does it though.
I am extremely grateful for the relationship that I have with my ex. So many people see us chatting and working together with Brock and just seems astonished. I get at least one comment from somebody a month about how they simply couldn't do it- they just couldn't be nice to someone who has hurt them so badly. It's funny but I do not see my relationship with him as that remarkable. We were always such strong friends.... I can't imagine living with just anger directed at someone I need to work with on a daily basis. I think that would kill us all. So instead, we are building a different cell... where Bug is still the nucleus and we work together to create peace and beauty in both of our lives. That both of us could come to this place is a blessing that I do not take for granted.
I am grateful for music. I have so much music that I can surround myself with to bring myself joy or to help sort difficult emotions that I am trying to deal with. I love being able to walk on the tread mill and sing to the music that I am listening to ... to be able to dance to music even though I am a terrible dancer. I enjoy making breakthroughs in both thought and writing through poetry and music. I do not want to imagine life without it. Currently Rob Thomas/ Matchbox 20 and Barenaked Ladies seem to be what keeps pulling me in. I can really accomplish things when I'm listening to them.
I am grateful for food and clean water. So many people are not blessed to have that and to have them pretty accessible to me is a great blessing indeed.
I love my Fitbit. Even when I am struggling, it helps to motivate me to keep moving and to move more. To keep moving, even when I am tired or depressed. Even when I feel lazy. heck, just the idea of it keeps me moving even when I forget to wear it or it dies because I didn't charge it. A good placebo. :)
I love my bed. It was given to me a few months ago and I have been stunned about how well i love it. I have always been a futon girl and couldn't imagine anything better. But the bed I have now with memory foam and other stuff is simply amazing. I tend to sleep quite well as long as my head lets me. And since its a king size there is plenty of room for the cats to share with me. Heck, I can sit and watch a movie with two other people on my bed and three cats and we all have room. It's pretty awesome.
I have warmth, fun and snuggly blankets and decent clothing. I tend to wear out my clothing faster than I should so I am always on the hunt for more- threw out six socks,some garments, 1 pair of PJ pants this week alone due to tears, huge holes, etc... I am really hard on socks... but I think they are my favorite form of clothing.... so I have on a new pair tonight and my feet are definitely ready for bed.
I love books and I have no shortage of them. I have spiritual and religious books, history, self help, children's, literature, mystery, novels, comic books... some of everything. I love reading and can't imagine life without books either. I have a book with me everywhere I go... even if I know that the chances of having time to read are slim. I just feel like my bag is empty until I have a book in it. What a blessing to live in a country where I can get books everywhere. I probably spent too much on books, but I figure there are worse hobbies. ;)
There is so much more, but I am headed to bed. I am grateful to be home early so that I can go to sleep and prepare for the morning... for work and friends and food and love. What are you grateful for? What means the most to you tonight as it gets cold and the sky turns dark...?