I love my son so much. It is sometimes such a struggle to watch him struggle... to watch his brain and body spin out of control when his parents are emotionally troubled. He is so beautiful and such a kind and empathetic soul. He has so many talents and so many people tend to only see his difficulties... and never see his soul underneath... just begging to be loved. He wants so much and his body just can't keep up all the time and he gets so confused by some things. As I pray sometimes, tears pouring down my face, asking the Father to help my son I feel so much that I can't describe. It can be so confusing to me to as I look at him and I feel this overwhelming love for him, this pain for his struggles, the physical pain from sometimes getting in the way at the wrong time, and sometimes even anger that the struggle is so hard for all of us. As Alma says – 'Behold I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part of what I feel.'
I am so blessed to be his mother and I am so grateful for all the lessons that he teaches me and I am grateful for the opportunity to be a mom. But sometimes I am tired and I feel so weary of the struggle that I feel almost too sorry to do anything other than sit and cry. The last few months have been such a trial and pressing on has been sometimes more of a habit than a joy. But then I try to remember:
'Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in his land for which we will praise his name forever.'
My family is truly blessed.